Guys, I just had plot ideas.
This is why I love spontaneously improvising the plot as I go along. As recently as yesterday, I thought the end of the story was in maybe eight or nine chapters. But that seems ridiculous now, with all of the ideas I have! I have unresolved plotlines! I have things to do with more of the cast!
So I'm going to throw in a couple more sub-plotlines for extra longevity and extra ideas! Seems like a good idea, right? Whatever, nobody still reads this anyway-I mean, yes!
Rebuilding
Chapter 53: Square Pegs, Round Holes
The purple atmosphere of Subspace shone wildly as the glass shards strewn across the ground were trampled to pieces. Isaac gingerly avoided stepping on more glass, and muttered to himself: "Where are we?"
Isaac tried to think. The last thing he could clearly remember was being inside the glass prison, waiting to be summoned and used as the others had. The only problem was that the outside of the glass had never looked so...purple. Flares of purple were occasionally drifting overhead, but other than that, nothing was happening. Eerie, thought Isaac.
"Is this a new world we're in?" asked Isaac to nobody in particular. "Change of scenery...finally out of the Assist Trophy...it's like a new beginning, or something."
"Why are you so calm?" demanded Jeff Andonuts, kicking glass aside and confronting Isaac.
"Oh, didn't see you there," said Isaac. "Do you know why everything's purple? Oh, and why are we the only ones here?"
"What?" asked Jeff, confused. "There were loads of Assist Trophies! Never met any others, but there was like, twenty!"
"Do you regret signing up for this Assist thing?" sighed Isaac wistfully.
"I didn't sign up," replied Jeff, disgruntled. "You don't sign up. They just pick you."
"Maybe they think we're the best helpers!" smiled Isaac. "We're setting a high bar for helpers everywhere!"
"There's no bar," scoffed Jeff. "We've just been given proof that we're not good enough to be real Super Smash Brothers."
"It's Jeff, isn't it? Lighten up!" grinned Isaac. "This job is easy! We need to make the most of our experience."
"What? We're in an unidentified purple wasteland," pointed out Jeff.
"You identified it, buddy!" said Isaac. "This is an unidentified purple wasteland!"
"I'm a genius who hangs out with psychics, and I'm confused," noted Jeff.
"Stop being so down," frowned Isaac.
"You stop talking," replied Jeff. "We need to find more people who might have been Assist Trophies. Maybe they'll know why we're in this purple place, or maybe where it is. We don't need you wasting time."
"Waste time?" asked Isaac incredulously. "I'm making time! The only Assist Trophy I talked to was this Samurai Goroh guy, and now I've met you! Two allies are better than one, right?"
"Samurai Goroh? The loud guy?" asked Jeff. "It's a good thing he's not here. Otherwise-"
Subspace gave a quick rumble, and the sound of glass shattering filled the air. The shattering glass was quickly followed by aggravated cursing.
"Oh," groaned Jeff.
"Wow, he is here!" beamed Isaac. "Too bad he probably won't decide to talk to us..."
"Isaac? Other kid?" shouted Samurai Goroh. "Get over here right now!"
"Yay!" cheered Isaac.
"Oh, this is turning out great," sulked Jeff. "I'm sure that guy will know exactly what's going on..."
"Over here, dammit!" spat Goroh.
The Super Smash Brothers were bitterly tired with strategising by this point of their adventure. Every last one of them had suggested an idea of what to do now that they were (mostly) regrouped again. However, none of them had settled on what their final decision was. More than thirty heads were aching under the pressure, and the sudden burst of sunlight was not helping matters.
Even the most headstrong among the Smashers longed for their journey to be over. The dining room table of Luigi's Mansion had not been designed for so many people to crowd around, and as a result nobody could manage to sit comfortably. As the minutes dragged on, creeping up to hours, the Smashers' spirits fell.
Up until now the Smashers had only been thinking about how they would find Wolf or Ganondorf. Now they were all wondering what they would do when they found them, and how they would fight off an entire army of Subspace warriors. At last, inspiration struck the ever-optimistic Pokemon Trainer.
"I've got it!" beamed Pokemon Trainer, punching the air enthusiastically. "Mewtwo!"
Charizard turned in disbelief, ignoring Squirtle and Ivysaur's pleas to resume fanning them. "Mewtwo? What about him?"
"Oh right, you guys were in your Pokeballs!" remembered Pokemon Trainer. "We've travelled back in time a couple of times, and Mewtwo was always there to tell us what to do!"
"How are we going to travel back in time this time?" asked Pikachu.
"Legend has it that there are Pokemon who can control time and space!" continued Pokemon Trainer eagerly. "They're supposed to live in Mt. Coronet in Sinnoh! If we can get there...oh man, this will be exciting!"
"Leaving this stronghold is too dangerous," advised Captain Falcon.
"Come on, don't tell me you're scared," chuckled Snake, punching Falcon's shoulder. "Besides, Galleom attacked us while we were all still here. I think it's safe to assume we'll be attacked either way."
"You were attacked by a key soldier in the Subspace Army?" asked Falcon, amazed.
"Yeah, we killed him," smirked Bowser.
"You killed him," pouted DK.
"Well, now we're sure to have an onslaught of Primids waiting outside to avenge him!" groaned Falcon.
"Sir, I really believe my idea will work," said Pokemon Trainer earnestly.
"Mario's in charge," said Falcon, defensively throwing his hands up in the air.
"Well-a...guys, do you think we can fight our-a way through?" asked Mario, looking at everyone around him.
Everyone agreed vehemently, but Meta Knight raised his hand.
"We may not have to fight," said Meta Knight. "We arrived here in the Falcon Flyer, yes? In that case, we just have to board successfully and we can travel anywhere we want. It'll be just like when the Halberd was still operational."
"There are Primids literally right outside my M-mansion," noticed Luigi. "What about them?"
"We need two people to distract them-a while the rest of us board the Falcon Flyer-a," decided Mario. "Quick, two of you who-a haven't yet used your special moves-a in the story, go!"
The Smashers all abruptly left the table and charged through the Primids in the front garden, leaving only Samus and Pikachu behind. True to the plan, the group of Primids who had not ran away in fear focused all of their attention on Samus and Pikachu while everybody else made a dash for the Falcon Flyer.
There was a moment of silence. Pikachu's cheeks crackled. Samus restocked her ammo.
"They look pretty slow," noticed Pikachu, kneeling down.
"Hurry!" squeaked Lucas, alarmed at the bulkiness of some of the Primids.
"Just get to the Flyer for Wright's sake!" shouted Pikachu.
A split-second after he said that, Pikachu launched himself to the top of a nearby tree at breakneck speeds. First inside the Falcon Flyer by a few minutes, Sonic looked out of the cockpit and whistled appreciatively at such a display of speed.
"Up here!" taunted Pikachu, waving at the Primids.
Before the Scope Primids in the group could raise their weapons, Pikachu was perched on the edge of the mansion's gate.
"I can Quick Attack all daaaaay...." sang Pikachu merrily.
Enraged, the Primids sprinted towards the gate. A flash of blue and yellow later, and Pikachu was back where he started next to Samus.
"Are you all this stupid?" asked Pikachu, while Samus smirked next to him. "I don't think I even need to use my natural Wright-given abilities to outfox you people!"
The Primids were not giving up so easily. While Pikachu was taunting them, they all sprinted back to make a dive at him. Pikachu tried to use Quick Attack to go through them, but he was grabbed in mid-air.
"Oh great," sighed Meta Knight, looking out of the Flyer's cockpit. "He got too cocky."
"I bet once the Primids get a hold of his oil, he won't be so arrogant," said Wario, shaking his head.
A bright yellow bolt of thunder, as if from the heavens themselves, tore through the air and blew apart the cluster of Primids surrounding Pikachu. Those Primids directly hit by the electricity began convulsing wildly on the ground. Pikachu waved eagerly at everyone else, though the shock had left even him twitching slightly.
"I remember that!" grinned Yoshi. "That's his Thunder move he used in the last couple of tournaments! Man, if I could remember every time I walked into that move..."
"Divine spirit, generate more!" beseeched Pikachu, as bolt after bolt of thunder rained down from the sky. Some of the Primids were left blinded, flailing wildly after the yellow mouse Pokemon.
"I bet he could wipe out some power grids..." mused Wario, making some notes on his secret blueprints.
"Hey, what's that box with all the stars and stripes?" asked Yoshi, noticing a drawing on Wario's plans.
"Um, Disneyland?" chuckled Wario, sweating.
"Bitchin'," smiled Yoshi.
"I can use Thunder all day too!" Pikachu shouted at the Primids. "Even if it's a bit of a strain!"
Pikachu began panting heavily, but that didn't stop him from using Thunder one last time to scare off some of the more cowardly Primids.
"I can't believe a wild Pokemon can have such ingenuity!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "Isn't it amazing, guys?"
"I was doing calculus when you caught me," complained Charizard.
"Charmanders can't count, silly!" smiled Pokemon Trainer.
Charizard sighed and went back to polishing Pokemon Trainer's badges.
"Pikachu, please come back inside!" called Lucas. "What if you get hurt?"
"Aw, fine," sighed Pikachu, limping back towards the Falcon Flyer.
"I can take it from here," nodded Samus. "Great job out there."
Building a golf caddy is not as easy as it seems. There may be step-by-step instructions, but those require basic reading ability. This skill was something Waluigi lacked. When he is deployed as an Assist Trophy, his job is to rough somebody up with a tennis racket. But now he had been summoned and all that waited for him were spare caddy pieces.
It didn't make sense.
Even Waluigi was smart enough to make an honest attempt to build himself a means of transportation.
He had been sent to this purple hell, surely somebody else had, too?
Waluigi shrugged and bashed one of the tyres with a wrench.
When Samus flew into action, the cowardly Primids began to retreat even more rapidly. Samus did not like it when an enemy retreated. Nobody inside the Falcon Flyer had any doubt that the area would soon be clear of Primids.
With an agile leap, Samus launched herself forwards and aimed her Arm Cannon at the Primids. Blast after blast bursted out of the cannon, pelting the Primids with charged energy. A boost from the Space Jump Boots allowed her to remain in the air and continue her assault
"One, two, three, four," muttered Samus to herself, disappointed to have a rate of four successful shots a second. "This is too inefficient..."
Samus lowered the smoking Arm Cannon, instead preferring to slam her leg on top of the nearest Primid. The Primid was winded, and as Samus smirked at her own clean hit, the Primid spluttered and wheezed to catch up with his fleeing comrades.
"Hang on a minute!" shouted Samus, swinging her Arm Cannon across the Primid's face. "Give your little buddies an order from me."
The Primid shook his head defiantly, and struggled his way out of Samus' grasp. Samus laughed and gave him a head start.
Fox turned away from the Falcon Flyer's window, shocked.
"Um, now that Samus is giving that Subway guy an order, does that make her evil?" asked Fox.
"No, stupid, she's going to threaten him," replied Falco.
"Shut up, Falco," snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "I think this little guy's on to something! That Samus girlie's a cold, ruthless bounty hunter. That has evil written all over it! Don't you watch the movies?"
Falco rolled his eyes.
Samus swung her arm around, but this time a crackling blue beam was fired. The beam latched on to the retreating Primid and jerked him back towards Samus.
"Let's try again," sneered Samus. "I'm going to give you an order. You're going to repeat that order. Here it is: disable the Chozo Suit's listening device."
"Release me, Smash Brother scum!" ordered the Primid.
"After such a complete defeat, you're in no position to boss me," laughed Samus. "Who's the one with the Grapple Beam here? Now, are you going to do what I say?"
"Defeat?" asked Fox. "Did she make him shorter?"
"Son, that's not what defeat means," chuckled Mr. Game and Watch.
"Yeah, idiot," replied Falco.
"Shut up, Falco!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch, "Your buddy here's just a little misguided!"
Falco rolled his eyes.
"We don't have mechanical training in the Subspace Army!" snarled the Primid.
To the Primid's surprise, Samus released him. The surprise was short-lived, as Samus pointed her Arm Cannon at his forehead.
"You're lying," said Samus.
Samus fired a Missile straight through the Primid's face.
"Can't stand liars," finished Samus. She looked up and saw the other Primids, trying to avoid being noticed in the trees as they tried to make their escape.
Samus fired a Super Missile at one of the trees. The small explosion was enough to scare off the other Primids.
"I'm done now!" shouted Samus to everybody else. The Falcon Flyer swooped down to pick her up.
"Ready to go?" asked Captain Falcon with a grin, extending his hand.
Samus grabbed his hand and climbed aboard the Flyer.
"It really could get dangerous if the Ancient Minister hears everything I say from this point on," noticed Samus. "Is there anywhere I could leave my suit for the rest of this ordeal?"
"Hey, Mewtwo might know that too!" beamed Pokemon Trainer. "You should ask him when we meet up with him! Or when we met up with him?"
"How good are you out of your suit anyway?" asked Snake, eyeing the Arm Cannon.
"I'm guessing anywhere from cocktail waitress to Catholic schoolgi-" began Ike, shortly before a metal cannon was used to punch him in the face.
"Well, I won't be able to do that any more," replied Samus, wiping Ike's blood off of her Arm Cannon, "But I should still be fine."
When Jeff and Isaac finally joined Samurai Goroh, the gruff racer looked over their shoulders to check for anyone else. Nobody was there, so Goroh spoke, lowering his voice cautiously.
"You're Assist Trophies too, yes?" asked Goroh. "Listen, it looks like we've got a situation on our hands over here."
"Excuse me, but why did you call us over to you?" asked Isaac inquisitively.
"My fax machine was broken," snarled Goroh. "Just shut up and listen to me."
"Oh, I just meant....well, there's two of us and only one of you," replied Isaac. "I just think two's a more dominant number than one, you know?"
"Shut up, kid," barked Goroh.
"See, this 'two walking over to one' thing is wasting time already!" pointed out Isaac. "That's ten seconds – poof – gone!"
"What is wrong with you?" demanded Goroh.
"That's five more!" worried Isaac.
"Shut up, Isaac!" shouted Jeff.
"....Two," finished Isaac.
"...Right. Anyway, listen up. We've got a big problem. I'm trying to find more of the Assist Trophies," said Goroh. "Unfortunately, we all end up acting completely differently each time we're summoned, which in itself can take us almost anywhere!"
"It can?" asked Jeff.
"Yes," replied Goroh. "For example, the Super Smash Brothers summoned a caustic, rude bastard instead of the real Samurai Goroh! So I thought that the forms the Smashers see must be fakes. We've got to find the Super Smash Brothers and warn them!"
"You mean the Super Smash Brothers that are being hunted like dogs by that extremist terrorist group that's been destroying half the universe?" asked Jeff. "Those Super Smash Brothers?"
"Yes," nodded Goroh.
"You want to track them down, make their forces a bigger target, and more than likely attract the attention of the Subspace Army along the way?" asked Jeff.
Goroh nodded again.
"But first, you want to round up every Assist Trophy?" asked Jeff.
"Bingo," nodded Goroh.
"And you've completely convinced yourself that this is a good idea?" asked Jeff.
"Can you see any problems with it?" replied Goroh.
"Don't listen to Jeff here, mister!" beamed Isaac. "I think your idea is brilliant! The bad guys won't see it coming!"
"That's because it won't be coming!" fumed Jeff. "We'll spend months, maybe years rebuilding the forces of the Assist Trophies, most of whom we don't even know!"
"Brilliant!" repeated Isaac.
"Our only problem is that I don't know what this purple void is," said Goroh.
"Neither do we," said Jeff, exasperated.
"So I'm forced to be extremely cautious like this!" said Goroh. "I can't get anything done! I need the help of the only other Assist Trophy I know and trust!"
"So you want one of us to help suggest where this place might be?" asked Jeff.
"No!" fumed Goroh, disgusted. "I want to try and seek out Ray! You didn't think I meant you idiots, did you?"
"Nice," nodded Isaac. "Wait, that was an insult!"
"Good catch, dumbass," scoffed Jeff. "Can't imagine what you're supposed to Assist with, anyway."
"First of all, we can't be the only three Assist Trophies here," suggested Goroh.
A loud metal clang resounded through the stagnant purple air.
Meanwhile, at long last, the Super Smash Brothers were on the move. Every time somebody thought for a second that Subspace forces might intercept them, they bit their tongue and hoped that the journey to Mt. Coronet would be a safe one. But then they would look at the other thirty fighters and be reassured.
Yeah, right.
Captain Falcon only had Pokemon Trainer's vague instructions guiding him as the gap between Luigi's Mansion and Sinnoh grew smaller and smaller. Eventually, Pokemon Trainer got excited and chirpy as he pointed at the ground below.
"Champion Cynthia lives there! Champion Cynthia lives there!" blurted out Pokemon Trainer.
"Macs, calm down," said Diddy Kong. "Who's Champions Cynthia?"
"She's one of the best trainers there is!" replied Pokemon Trainer. "And she knows all about Pokemon history, too! She's bound to know all sorts of cool facts!"
"Good for her," replied Captain Falcon. "But you said Spear Pillar, so I'm aiming for the top of that mountain."
"Oh, please?" asked Pokemon Trainer. "I promise, her town is quiet and peaceful! We won't be found and disturbed, honest!"
Falcon sighed and set a landing course for Celestic Town. Everyone looked apprehensively at Pokemon Trainer.
"....Honest?" chuckled the trainer nervously.
Meanwhile, Goroh, Jeff and Isaac looked up at the expansive purple sky around them. Each of them was trying to listen as intently as possible to the air.
"Someone needs to look around and see who made that noise," said Goroh at last. "Jeff, that'll be you."
"Why me?" asked Jeff, taken aback.
"I don't think this idiot" – Goroh jerked a thumb at Isaac – "could possibly figure out what that sound was. Not sure he even knows what we're looking for."
"I thought we still needed to know where we were?" asked Isaac, confused.
"Whatever," sighed Jeff.
"Seriously, you called it Subspace? I don't know where that is!" wailed Isaac.
"Shut up," groaned Jeff.
Jeff started to walk away, leaving Isaac alone with Goroh. Each of them looked slightly disheartened at this arrangement.
"If you do find someone, find out what they're up to!" called Goroh.
"Fine!" called Jeff, from a distance.
"Hey, Samurai Goroh?" asked Isaac. "Now that Jeff's gone, is there anything I can do? Get you a drink, maybe?"
"Sure, go find that Ray guy I told you and Jeff about," said Goroh quickly. "Do it far away and by yourself."
Isaac gulped.
"You mean, alone in this scary world I know nothing about?" asked Isaac nervously.
"Hey, you know something," consoled Goroh. "You know that it's called Subspace!"
Isaac took a deep breath and squinted his eyes to see as far as he could see. Nothing but more and more of the cold, dark purple void. The occasional fork of light-purple lightning silently pierced the air, but that was about it.
"Um, can I have a map?" asked Isaac sheepishly.
"Oh sure, a map of a giant purple wasteland?" scoffed Goroh. "Of course not, idiot! Now get to searching!"
Pokemon Trainer led the charge through Celestic Town. He turned to the right, and then he turned to the left, down some steps and to the left again. Then at last, he stopped wandering around and led everyone to Cynthia's grandmother's house.
The Smashers heard voices from inside. They were arguing over whether or not it was "them". A confident sounding voice was talking at a growing volume, until she swung open the door.
"Nana, it's not them!" Cynthia called over her shoulder. "It's the Kanto champion and some other....people..."
"Cynthia?" asked Pokemon Trainer excitedly. "These are the Super Smash Brothers!"
A large land shark Pokemon burst out of an Ultra Ball and bared its fangs.
"Calm down, Garchomp," said Cynthia calmly, stroking Garchomp's face. "What are you all doing here? It's all over the news! Some Subspace Army group's tearing the world to shreds trying to find you!"
"We want to get to the top of Spear Pillar!" grinned Pokemon Trainer proudly.
"Red, there's a giant ship right behind you," groaned Cynthia wearily, pointing to the Falcon Flyer.
"Oh, right," said Pokemon Trainer. "Okay, well, those Subspace gents are trying to rebuild this thing called the Aura, right? So I remembered something from the Pokedex! Lucario's the Aura Pokemon, isn't he?"
"Yes," said Cynthia. "Will that be all?"
"Where's Lucario, bitch?" demanded Zelda, holding a gun to Cynthia's forehead.
"Oh sure, take the most powerful person in this country hostage, that'll go over well," said Sheik.
"Shut up!" screamed Zelda, shooting herself in the head.
"My Lucario was taken by some robot guy months ago," said Cynthia quickly. "I read in the news that some wolfman and a Jigglypuff and god knows what else freed him before losing him again or something, I don't know."
"We already know that part of the story, ma'am," said Samus. "In fact, I'm not even sure why we came here...Pokemon Trainer guy! We already know that Lucario's the good half of the Aura!"
"Yeah, but we didn't know it was Cynthia's Lucario!" defended Link.
Cynthia shut the door, letting the Smashers fight amongst themselves.
"Cynthia's Lucario's the strongest of all of the Lucario ever," said Pokemon Trainer. "It has perfect IVs! I was hoping we could get it to join the Super Smash Brothers, but we'd need her permission. Otherwise that'd be rude!"
"An exemplary way of thinking," smiled Link. "Never mind though, let's go to Spear Pillar."
"Hey, hold on," said Ike. "I think I can convince that babe in there to give us her Lucario. Just give me a few minutes to warm up."
Ike spat into his hands and rubbed them together.
"Not that again!" groaned Link.
"Can I get in on that action?" asked Pit.
"Only if you don't look at me," snapped Ike.
"Aww..." pouted Pit.
"I'm sorry I wasted our time, everyone..." sighed Pokemon Trainer. "I just hope going to Spear Pillar works out well..."
After a few minutes of looking for a place to go, Jeff began making his way up a spiralling purple pathway. At the top, he looked back and saw the distant figures of Isaac and Goroh arguing with each other. A motionless figure was lying at Jeff's feet. The young scientist consciously decided to ignore it. He cleared his throat to alert Isaac and Goroh of his discovery.
"Isaac! Samurai Goroh!" shouted Jeff. The two tiny figures began looking up at him; an indicator that they could hear Jeff. "I can see for miles up here, but there's nobody else anywhere! There's a dead guy up here, but that's about it! He doesn't look like he has anything that could have made that nois-"
"Hello!" greeted Waluigi, springing to his feet.
"Holy sh-what is wrong with you?" demanded Jeff, reeling back in fear.
"Hey, little boy," grinned Waluigi. "Have you come to attack me and steal my plans for yourself? Are you one of my guys?"
"I don't know," said Jeff warily. "I just came over here to look for more of my guys."
"Good," replied Waluigi. "Wait...are we talking about the same guys?"
"That depends," continued Jeff, on edge. "Have you heard that loud clanging noise?"
"It was already doing that when I woke up here," said Waluigi defensively.
"Woke up?" asked Jeff. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm not doing anything!" panicked Waluigi. "Why would I be? I have nothing to hide because I'm really not doing anything!"
"Then why are you worried about me stealing your plans?" asked Jeff suspiciously.
"W-what?" stammered Waluigi.
"You asked if I was here to steal your plans for myself," replied Jeff.
"Please go away!" panicked Waluigi.
"I think you're up to something," revealed Jeff.
"I have no time for nosy children!" shouted Waluigi.
Waluigi yelped and dashed down the spiralling pathway, where at once erratic clangs began sounding throughout the Subspace wasteland. Confused, Jeff began making his way back to the others...
The Blue Falcon touched down on the top of Mt. Coronet. At once, the Smashers piled out of the ship to see a glittering plateau of gems and pillars that looked too elegant to be natural.
"Cool!" whistled Ness in admiration. "This is like some kind of holy ground or something!"
"I'm glad you enjoy it," smiled Pokemon Trainer. "But legendary Pokemon appear here. We have to be really, really quiet."
"What is this?" demanded a booming voice. "Who's here? Wait, is this 8pm already? Of course! It's the Super Smash Brothers!"
"Great job Ness!" shouted Kirby. "They've found us!"
"Who said that?" asked Yoshi nervously.
"Your question will be answered in a matter of seconds, green one," assured the voice.
"It's the legendary Pokemon of time, Dialga," explained Pokemon Trainer.
"See?" said Dialga.
Ness' eyes lit up. "Wow, that's even-"
"-Even cooler, yes, it is," said Dialga. "I am in every period of time at once. However, I am entirely immobile. If spatial disruptions are what you desire, you must speak to Palkia. I can pencil you in for an appointment if you'd like."
"What times are suitable?" asked Link.
"Every time is suitable! I am the god of time!" boomed Dialga.
"Where should we meet up with Palkia?" asked Link, trembling.
"Anywhere's fine," said Palkia, appearing out of thin air. "I am the god of space."
"So what?" scoffed Zelda. "We're here for the time guy. If you weren't occupying the space around my crossbow I'd kill you."
"I'm also occupying the cracks in the rock beneath your feet," raged Palkia. "I wouldn't piss me off if I were you."
"O great Dialga!" beseeched Pokemon Trainer. "Won't you take us back to 2001, when the legendary Mewtwo was still alive?"
"Why don't I take you forward to when you-" suggested Dialga, but Palkia cut him off.
"Don't, that's just a cop-out," said Palkia. "Just take them to Mewtwo."
"Why doesn't he take us back to a few hours before Mewtwo dies so that we can stop his death?" asked Pikachu.
"Why don't-a we go back to when the Ancient Minister-a was built and reprogram him-a?" asked Mario.
"Oh! We could go back to the time of Dr. Wright's reign so I could meet him in person!" suggested Pikachu.
"Let's-a go back to before Ness-a bought that goddamn video game-a in the first place," said Mario.
"Palkia, Dialga, please listen to me," pleaded Pokemon Trainer. "I know that if we see Mewtwo, we can continue on our quest to destroy the Subspace Army!"
"Very well," agreed Dialga. "Prepare for my Roar of Time."
Dialga reared back his head and let out a cry of "Great Scott!"
"Not funny," grimaced Samus.
At once, the entire world seemed to flip upside down. Every Smasher screamed in confusion, but remained firmly rooted to the ground.
"Yes. It. Is," threatened Palkia.
"It is, it is," said Samus nervously. "Calm down, we're all adults here. Well, except for the children."
"We're still in the present!" fumed Kirby. "What's going on here!"
"No, you are hurtling wildly through nine years of negative time," said Dialga. "I occupy every period of time at once, remember?"
"Why aren't we moving then?" asked Pit.
"You're still upside down," said Palkia. "I'm just stabilising you. Spatial Rend. I can manipulate you however I feel like until we arrive. Watch."
Palkia used his omnipotent mastery of space itself to give Pit a wedgie.
"Haha!" laughed Palkia.
"Haha!" laughed Dialga.
"Haha!" laughed the Smashers.
"Oh yes, Fernando, don't stop!" panted Pit, arching his back in pleasure.
"If the joke in a few minutes is any indication, that was the overtly homosexual one," realised Dialga.
"What are those pixie things?" asked Link.
"Ooh, was that the joke?" asked Palkia.
"No, he is referring to Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf," replied Dialga.
"Link, those three are the legendary creatures of Willpow-" began Pokemon Trainer.
"Kid, nobody fucking cares," said Palkia.
"Yes, I mean, we're the gods of time and space and you're explaining the goddamn emotion pixies?" scoffed Dialga.
"Yo, dat's col'," said King Dedede. "Hey, what's that purple Pokedawg?"
Cresselia looked up and cleared her throat. "I am the legendary Pokemon Cresseli-"
"Shut it you," barked Dialga. "Okay, we're here. 2001. Enjoy finding Mewtwo."
"Thanks for everything, you two!" beamed Pokemon Trainer.
The legendary Pokemon nodded, as the Smashers dashed back to the Blue Falcon and sped off into the distance.
"So...do you think it worked?" asked Dialga. "Are they at the Smash Mansion?"
"Nope," laughed Palkia. "Are they in 2001?"
"No," replied Dialga.
The two Pokemon laughed ominously.
And that's it! Okay, please try to review! (seriously, I get like, two or three per chapter now....) I hope you enjoy the Assist Trophies' story! I intend to make it last for a while in here (i.e. it'll be another miniplot that gets a few chapters in the limelight) before branching it off into it's very own rhymes-with-ginoff!