Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Notes: Hot damn have I been gone that long? Wow. Well first of all a bit has happened. I went to a few convention dressed as a pokemon, Diglett, and even went to a Gay Rights protest dressed as Diglett. It was rather amusing see this large brown worm thing jumping around for equal rights, even more amusing when I was shown on the news!
Because I Try I fail to Succeed
When I was in the military they gave me a medal for
killing two men and a discharge for loving one.
~Epitaph of Leonard P. Matlovich, 1988
Katsu stood outside, the chilly wind seeped into her strong bones.
Just one year ago this house was warm and lively. Her older brother would sweep down and pull her into a hug all the while laughing and smiling, his strong arms would remind her of her Father's.
They both held her gently.
Now another pair of arms kept her warm, made her feel safe, made her feel as if she was nothing more than the most loved person in the village, nay, the world. But she couldn't speak about it to anyone. She wouldn't. Katsu couldn't even begin to worry about how her Father would demand see stop seeing him, focus on her studies. Her mother would be worried about what they are doing but she would accept them without any trouble.
So who was she really holding back for?
He sat in the dirt, his legs opened wide while he traced with a sharp ended stick. Katsu could see what he was tracing and it made her sad. The stick made another T followed by the A and the subsequent letters that followed, K E S H I.
In a way Katsu wondered if her Father had forgotten about him the way he had threatened. Her small, but tough skinned, fist curled and clenched.
"Taro," She called, her gentle voice barking out suddenly across the cool crisp setting.
His eyes sought her instantly with an odd coldness that caught her off guard momentarily. His glaze held Katsu's for only a moment but suddenly it wasn't the chilly air that made her shiver but her younger brother's eyes.
It scared her.
Looking back at the silent house, her parents were still at the hospital, she knew that the house wouldn't miss them for a short time.
"Taro," she called softly and this time he did not look up. "Come with me." She watched his shoulders stiffen. "I'm taking you out for lunch." He did not relax. He was guarded, angry, spurned and pained.
She wouldn't tell him about her partner, not yet.
He stood up and patted the dirt off his black baggy shorts and flapped out his blood red shirt, small particles fell slowly off and landed on the dirt ground.
He was more hurt than anyone else. He was closer to Takeshi.
He was not born to feel alone, none of them were.
Suddenly he spoke as she fell into step beside him as they walked slowly out of the compound. "Do you think he's alive?" Katsu had to strain to hear his whisper, "Of course. He wouldn't die on us."
"Do you think he remembers us?" "How could he forget?" She smiled at her little brother but inside she had worried about that as well. Torture does a lot of things to a person's brain, she hoped that he hadn't forgotten.
If only for their brother's sake.
Hinata looked down at the small infant suckling away on her breast. Even now after her first three she was still amazed.
Amazed that her body could nurture something so beautiful, amazed that her body could provide the food and comfort for such a little bring.
Even more she was amazed that her baby had held on for so long.
They had rushed the baby into the next room, Hinata knew they did this when they didn't expect the baby to survive.
After five terrifying minutes of her crying and being unable to breathe, think, or speak there was the most soul wrenching sound. A small speak, a gurgling, and then a full high pitched blood curling sound that was complete heaven to her ears.
Sasuke had held her hand during the whole time; he was just as, if not more, scared than what Hinata was. Those few moments played over and over in her mind and reminded her how lucky she was to have this small baby in her arms two weeks later.
But still Hinata can hear her words forever embedded in the white walls of her room;
"Where's my daughter? WHERE IS SHE?"
A new baby girl with a tiny amount of black hair and clear blue eyes that appeared almost as cold as ice.
His baby girl, a new baby, a new child. Sasuke had though he was ready for it. He had hoped for it, hoped for a new heir, someone to continue their name and their blood. To bring about new Uchiha's and strike fear into any of who oppose them.
He had gotten a girl.
Sasuke was by no means upset that instead of the male heir the God's had seen fit to give him another female.
She was beautiful. His baby girl. He had four children now. A part of him wondered if Takeshi was even still alive.
My son….
"Are you getting out of bed?" He asked kindly, his voice as soft as a feather floating in the wind.
She sat up and looked at him with her bright red eyes blistering with hate and disgust. "I gave you a child, did I not?" she hissed, her voice letting him know that her eyes were painfully unforgiving.
"Must I lay on my back once more and allow you to fumble with my garments. Must I degrade myself already? Allow a heaving bull such as yourself the pleasure of spilling your fairy dust inside me?" Her teeth were clenched and Takeshi wondered how they had not broken.
"I believe our contract says I have another 6 months do I not?" Takeshi nodded.
"I simply wanted to know if you were coming down to eat." He told her, his voice unshaken. She acted like this almost every morning, always jumping on and counting how many months she had left.
"Get out." She barked at him as she tied back her long wavy bleach blonde hair, her fringe fell in her eyes. She as beautiful as blue rose among red and she knew he didn't care.
He had cooked breakfast, eggs on toast with turkey on top, and at the table she sat every now and then glaring at the happy innocent baby next to her.
"I don't want to be here." She whispered as she shuffled her eggs around her toast.
Takeshi noted that although she often said that this time it was different. He remembered telling his father about the way she was acting, his words were simply, 'You married for a good reason Takeshi. To continue out line' But Takeshi wasn't sure that it was a good reason at all.
He pulled up the chair next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He watched as she winced as if he had burned her.
He moved his hand and swept her fringe away from her eyes giving him a clear shot at them.
"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. You gave me a beautiful little girl and hopefully you will allow me to 'fumble' and spill my 'fairy dust' once more. I know this isn't what you wanted. However I noticed in the contract that we must only stay married for five years." Her red eyes swam inside his darker ones, he would never know how much she wanted him to love her.
She was stuck with him for the rest of her life, stuck with a man who will love her but never truly want to be with her, never be in love with her and it killed her. Every day she was forced to look at the small child that didn't look a thing like her.
The brown hair and hazel eyes weren't hers at all. She felt like a guest in her home, unwelcomed. But that child, if she had not given birth to the baby herself there would be a lot of denying, more so than she already did.
She was jealous of the baby as well. The baby…. It angered her that this child was a product of her body and yet… yet it belonged to him. Takeshi, her husband, the father of that child and owner of the house, the heir to the most feared clans.
That baby… that…His little Koto…. Little Koto Uchiha. She was forced everyday to watch how he looked at his daughter, without regret or sadness or distain. But when he looked at her she could see everything.
She saw the way he really felt, the fakeness in his eyes, the intense lies that hid under all of it. When they went out she watched him eye off other men in a most disgusting way, and she felt as if she was not good enough.
Koto through her little spoon on the floor and started crying, "Ah, Suki, could you get her for a moment? I'll be right in, just need to fix my tie." Her arms went out towards the alien child. She held her close to her body, almost willing herself to bring to child back into her.
Koto continued crying, even worse, she started screaming. Suki felt her heart being ripped out. Her own flesh and blood hated her. This baby she had given life to, given food, and blood and love, given the space inside her own body to nurture her.
Suki resisted the angry that rose inside her and called for her to throw the child to the floor. The anger was powerful and she had felt it for many months, it sat there inside her simmering every time she looked at Koto, every time Takeshi looked at her.
She hated her own child.
"Hi," his voice was gruff and bubbly at the same time. His eyes told her he wanted to be far away rather than standing in front of her. His body was withdrawn but he tried. She understood. They were sitting here while their fathers' discussed marriage arrangements without their approval, without their want.
Suki had to admit that the second her eyes rested upon the tall dark haired stranger her heart begun to beat with a wild fever. She thought of everything they would do together as husband and wife. She thought of their future children, the names, the schools, she had thought of waking up next to him everyday for the rest of her life, she had even thought of the fights and how she would resolve them.
Suki had thought of everything within the first hour of meeting the Uchiha boy and she could stop a smile twitching at her lips.
They were both 19, their 20th birthdays were a month apart and their fathers' thought that was a good sign.
Her bright red eyes watched every movement the boy across from her did. A shifting of his arm, a twitch of his nose, a tap of his foot. His white shirt covered his chest snuggly, his body under unnoticeable but she could tell he was slender. His muscles were rather small but that meant nothing in the ninja world.
His baggy black pants scratched together when he crossed his legs over.
And there she sat, in her below-the-knee white dress with lace trimmings and a thick yellow sash going around her small waist look smaller. Her Grandmother had once told her as a child, 'No one will marry you if they think you're fat' Suki had blown it off but everytime she looked in a mirror the words came back.
Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a windsor bun, the same style used for tie. Her hands folded neatly in her lap, her long nails painted a light and alluring pink. Her shoes a light yellow opened toed sandal.
Suddenly a door to their left opened and her father came out followed by the other Uchiha… she couldn't recall his name.
Her father was a tall proud, loud, red haired man. When he spoke the walls would shake, "Well my sweet daughter, it has been decided! You shall marry this man!" His freckled face beamed as their similar red eyes connected, she let out a gasp of happiness, and stopped herself from hugging her father.
She felt as if she had just won that large stuffed puppy in a side show.
The Uchiha cleared his throat and her eyes burned into him, hoping for some more good news. His dark eyes were almost the same as her future husbands, will their child have the same ones?
"The wedding will be in one month." Her mind twirled, this was better than a stuffed dog; it was like two stuffed dogs.
In Suki's excitement she failed to notice a burning look from the Uchiha elder towards his son, and how her future husband looked as if his world had fallen apart.
She didn't know he was a lamb, a sacrificial lamb.
But she didn't care, she had gotten handsome husband who would love her and love their children. She had gotten everything she had wanted.
There were rumors floating around the village, whispers filling every nook and cranny, no one was immune to the whispers, they plagued the village worse than small pox.
"Didn't you hear? He cursed his daughter and kicked her out?
"I heard he told her that she disgusted him."
"She left? Are you sure? Wow. Do you think they did it because she wasn't as strong as them?"
"No, what I heard was that they couldn't forgive her. You know she couldn't stop her brother from getting killed?"
"She was so young. I can't believe they still blame her."
They could hear the voice even in their sleep now. Sakura had lost some of her patients, after hearing the news, Jiro was forced to sit through them at school listen to the taunts and teasing of his classmates. Naruto saw the glances thrown his way at work.
Sakura continued on as if nothing at happened but Naruto could tell. Her once bright green eyes were dull and under she had dark circles. She begun to fidget and didn't like sitting still for too long.
Naruto left his office early. The looks from his employees were starting to suffocate him and he needed to get out.
As he walked as calmly as possible out of the building he went to the hospital. Hinata had been discharged for almost two weeks now but the baby had to stay in hospital.
Before he knew it he was standing outside of Uchiha baby's room and saw Sakura holding the newborn on her lap with a bottle of baby formula, and Naruto was reminded of the day she gave birth to their son, Yukio. His beautiful head covered with massive amount of hair, his screaming voice, and tearful blue eyes at birth.
His heart at that moment understood what it meant to love beyond loving. He had loved his wife, he would fight, die, Naruto would live for her very existence. But for this screaming gray, almost alien, child, his child, he would run and hide. He would throw his pride to the ground and take this child to another world if it meant protecting him.
He had never felt such a rush of love then at that moment, and that love had never gone away.
It hurt, he wouldn't deny, when he saw Sakura cradling the baby. He remember how tired but happy she was, how she would hum songs to hush Yukio, how she would tuck him into the cradle next to their bed.
She did that with all of their children, Sushi, Yukio, Jiro, but he was their first son. He was going to go onto great things. He would be as strong and powerful as Naruto was. He would dream to take over as Hokage and would succeed. Yukio would be as smart as his mother and would marry someone just as beautiful, they would have a family and live close by so that they would visit all the time. He would have a son and name him after Naruto.
He would die an old man, in his sleep, a long time after Naruto had gone.
These were things he had hoped, things Naruto knew were possible and yet one moment had changed the whole world;
And took one.
Suddenly Naruto felt he needed to get out and he took off running down the white hallways, down the white stairways and out onto the dirt ground. His heart felt broken something had occurred to him, something horrible, something true.
He shuffled along the streets until the sun went down, until the children ran home to their parents who had most likely finished cooking dinner. He walked with nowhere in mind until his feet had carried him to a place he had not wanted to see. Not right now.
There he stood in the chilly wind as it circled around him in an almost comforting way he felt something say to him 'Go on.' As he walked among the graves, he noticed how many had weeds growing and wondered who were these people that had died? Had he met them in their lifetime, had he met their families, did they had children, grandchildren? Did they have a good life? He wondered for a moment if they had feared death, known it was coming, had they gone to Heaven or find themselves in Hell?
Suddenly Naruto wondered, 'Had my son feared his death?' It was one of the many things he had tried to forget. But when he found himself standing in front of the small grave with his sons name on the headstone he knew he couldn't run anymore.
Naruto fell to his knees, his blue eyes watered, his hands limp by his side and his face aging more than a thousand years.
"I love you," Naruto whispered, he shook his head slightly, "I will always love you. I can't pretend anymore," His hand reached out and traced the name, "My son, always be my son. But you're dead." Saying out loud for the first time in a long time hurt him, "And I have questions I want to know. I want to know what really happened, how it happened. Why you were taken." Naruto's clear blue eyes became clouded with tears, "I need to know, were you scared, do you hate me for not being able to save you?
I need to know what to do. When I look at her I see her standing there, I see her smiling and it hurts. It hurts that you're not here anymore. I…. I ruined everything." The tears fell in silence, his eyes blinking causing the tears to clump his eyelashes together. "It's my fault you know. I should have been standing next to you. I should have entrusted your care to your sister. She was so young, you know she couldn't… couldn't even throw a right punch."
"I've blamed her all these years. I wanted it to be her, anyone but you." He felt his heart become lighter, the words he had been holding in since the day of his son's death had been torturing him and now he could let it go. It was time.
"It wasn't her fault. She didn't mean to let go of you. But I need to don't I? You're gone and I can't keep wishing you weren't. I will never stop loving you, Yukio, but I can't lose Sushi as well. I can't lose two."
Naruto never noticed her standing at the edge of the yard, straining her ears to hear his confessions, his words of loss, his brokenness. She stood there with her jacket wrapped tightly around her and her eyes overflowing. Alone at the edge of that graveyard she said her own goodbye and felt her world grow that little bit lighter.