Most of this chapter I wrote while suffering from a stomachache, and the result seems to be a lack of good flow, so if it's kind of jerky, I'm sorry, I was not sure how to fix that without rewriting the whole thing.

Also, I think I screwed up the timeline, so please forgive the inconsistency there, I really suck at that sort of thing. Someday I might figure out how to straighten it out, but I doubt it will take away from your reading experience, so just accept my imperfection.

AND A BIG HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed. I would respond to each individually, but confuses me to no end and I just figured I would thank you guys here. I actually meant to last chapter but forgot. Derp. Seriously, your words of praise fill me with warm fuzziness and that is the best fuel to keep me writing at a decent rate. 3 heart 3 less-than-three.

This chapter contains more rape, but also finally some much-needed Black/N lovin'. ENJOY.

His words stayed with me, haunting me.

"You can't always."

They left a dark feeling in my heart, and many a night I could not get to sleep because it kept repeating, nagging at me. But I could not bring myself to ask him what he meant. Perhaps a deep part of my intuition knew that the answers would be too painful to bear, but to this day wonder if I ought to have approached the subject sooner, if that would have changed anything.

After his birthday, Lord N was unusually quiet and withdrawn for several days, and I was worried that perhaps it was somehow my fault, but slowly things returned to normal. However, I was now seeing a strange pattern in "normality" that I had noticed in the beginning, but for a while it was absent, so it left my mind until it recently picked back up.

Every Saturday Lord N would retire early, and then sleep in late the next day. It was a strange consistency in his otherwise rather erratic schedule, but I thought nothing of it, deciding that it was really none of my business. What a stupid, irresponsible assumption. Yet another thing I regret.

A month passed, and I still could not find the courage to bring up what I thought at the time was a more pressing problem which was steadily growing just out of sight.

Cheren and I exchanged many letters as he kept me updated on the state of the kingdom. Public executions were being held for even petty thieves, and whole families were sent to poorhouses and prisons when they could not afford the outrageous taxes. Soldiers appointed by Ghetsis were wreaking havoc in the towns, doing whatever they pleased without fear of retribution. People were angry and afraid, and things were only getting worse fast.

But just as the outside world was falling into chaos, Lord N was gradually returning to somber quietness, and before my eyes our days of playing games and talking amicably became silent hours of doing nothing but wander the gardens. No matter how many times I asked him what was wrong, he would only insist that he was not feeling well. I had my doubts, but whatever the reason, his mood made it nearly impossible for me to find the motivation to bring up the kingdom's problems.

Eventually, however, it had to be done. "Your Highness.." I began one day as we lay in the garden. "Forgive my rudeness, but there is a matter I feel I must discuss with you."

He looked over at me. "What is it?"

I sat up and fought back the urge to fidget. "Well, you see.. I have been exchanging letters with an old friend who lives in the city for some time now, and what he tells me is... The kingdom is in a bad state, Majesty."

As I suspected, he was confused. "What do you mean?"

"The people have been overtaxed, and now the soldiers that should protect them are instead making things more difficult, accosting villagers as though they were bandits. The laws are becoming so strict that everyone fears being arrested or worse, and for no reason. It's become a terrible mess outside these walls."

Now he sat up as well. "That's terrible! Why is it like that? Everything should be fine!"

I turned my head away, completely at a loss as to how I should explain it to him, even though I had practiced this moment over and over in my head for a whole month. "The country is being run behind your back, Sire. Ghetsis is using the power of your name to do as he pleases, and that happens to be all-but enslaving your people."

"That..." He trailed off, so I glanced back at him to see his downcast eyes. "Ghetsis knows what he's doing.. He cares about this country, and I'm sure that things aren't as bad as you've heard.."

But he did not sound like he meant those words at all. "My Lord, don't you think you should.. really take your place as king, now? I know that you can be the greatest ruler this kingdom has ever had, but you have barely done anything."

He remained silent, and feeling as though he was shutting me out, I leaned forward and took hold of his shoulders. "Please listen to me! I believe in you more than anyone else! Why do you let that man walk all over you? You are the king! He has no power over you, and yet he thinks he can control you like a puppet! I won't stand for it, my Lord!"

Now he looked up at me in alarm, but as he struggled to make an argument, I continued heatedly.

"If you will not do something about this, then I must! Our people, –your people!– are suffering at the hands of that tyrant, and I can no longer wait around watching like a helpless child. I will confront him myself if I have to, because you have a right to be the king I know you want to be!"

I was about to stand, to follow the momentum I had suddenly built up, but before I could even get to my knees, Lord N suddenly cried out and tackled me to the ground.

"No! No, you can't do that!" I stared up at the sky in shock, my brain taking a long moment to process the fact that he was on top of me, clinging as if for dear life.

"..My Lord..?"

"Please promise me you won't say a word to him!" His voice was filled with genuine panic, slightly muffled though it was against my chest. "He'll kill you! He won't even hesitate! Promise me, Black!" Lifting his head slightly, he looked at me with pleading eyes overflowing with tears. "Promise!"

"But I..."

Lord N shook his head frantically. "No! You must promise! I can't lose you, Black! If he killed you, I... I couldn't..." He pressed his face back against my shirt and let out a sob I felt he might have been holding in for a very long time.

I placed my hand on his head, a wild mix of emotions stirring in me. "Alright." I said at last, not because it was an order, but because I could deny him nothing anyway. "I promise. Please don't cry, my Lord."

After a while he calmed down, apparently lulled by the way I unconsciously had begun petting his hair. I myself was quite distracted by the feel of his laying on me, such a light weight even though he was taller. The closeness of his body heat and the slowing thump of his heart made me think I could remain happily like this forever, and he did not seem any more willing to move than I was.

"What are you thinking about?" I heard myself ask, the words slipping out of my mouth without even realizing it.

As I tried to tell myself that I should take it back, he answered.

"You are a genuinely kind person, Black. It confuses me, but... it feels good. Your gentleness is so soothing. When I'm with you, I feel alive."

I could not help but smile. "I'm glad. If I can do that much for you, my life has all the meaning it needs."

Third Person POV

It was Saturday, evening was falling, and as usual N waited in his bed, already naked. He did not look around when he heard the door open, close, and lock, followed by footsteps growing nearer.

"Good evening, N." Came his father's voice, accompanied by the sound of the man undressing.

"Good evening." N returned tonelessly as he stared blankly up at the white silk canopy of his bed, then turning to gaze out the glass doors to the balcony before his vision could be blocked by the person he did not wish to see.

"You're rather distant tonight." The older Harmonia observed as he settled himself on top of his son.

"I'm sorry." N swallowed hard against the bile rising in his throat as hands traveled down his body. Ever since his birthday, these nights had become harder and harder for him to bear, first because of memories of his mother, and now...

It was because of Black.

Black, who was kind and gentle and who made him feel alive like he had never known was possible. But feeling alive could be a surprisingly painful thing, and now N could no longer ignore the pain, the whispers, and the violation.

A strangled whimper escaped him when he felt Ghetsis pushing his thighs apart, and without thinking he tried to keep them closed, to force away the vulnerable sensation that made his skin crawl.

Immediately after, he regretted it, shutting his eyes tight and biting his lip to keep it from trembling with fear as he felt the burn of a crimson gaze.

"What are you doing, N?"

"I'm sorry." He whispered, but when Ghetsis –more forcefully this time– opened his legs, he gasped and squirmed, hands coming up to shove against his father's shoulders. "S-stop..!"

"N!" Ghetsis snapped, wrapping his fingers around N's slim wrists and pinning them to the bed. "What has gotten into you?"

Tears were already rolling down N's cheeks, because he did not know the answer. All he knew was that he could take no more. He wanted Black to be there, to protect him.

"I.. I don't want this..."

"Oh you don't, eh?" Ghetsis scowled and leaned down to press his full weight against the slender body beneath him. "But you know better than to defy me, N. Why this sudden attitude?"

N shook his head, feeling unbearably trapped as he fought against his body's sudden reflexes to try to avoid the inevitable. Then Ghetsis was impaling him slowly, very slowly, and his throat closed around a cry of pain.

Shrinking back into the mattress, N's feet scrambled against the sheets, vainly trying to push himself away from the invasion while his arms remained caught in his father's grasp, but it was useless, and in the end as always he could only lay still and wait for it to end.

"That's right, N.."

Tomorrow he would be with Black, again.

"There's no point in fighting me.."

Black would be smiling, and maybe he would even touch him, gently like he always did.

"But seeing you break all over again is perfection.."

N closed his eyes, filling his imagination with memories of his knight. Perhaps he would get up early tomorrow, just so he could see him that much sooner. Black might ask him what was wrong again, though, and then N would have to lie. N hated lying, especially to Black, because Black cared about him.

Eventually, Ghetsis finished and left after placing a kiss on his son's tear-stained cheek. N only curled into a ball and tried to go to sleep.

It was strange. Because of Black, he felt alive, but because he felt alive, the pain he had once been able to block out was now sharper than ever, and the only one who could ease it was Black.

But N knew. If he asked Black to save him, it would be the same as signing his death warrant. He could not be so selfish as to kill the only person in the world who cared about him just for a moment's belief that Black would save him.

It was hopeless.

Black's POV

Things were going from bad to worse. Lord N would no longer even look at me, let alone speak to me. I had been so sure that our relationship would be better after that day he made me promise to not confront Ghetsis, but instead it seemed to be the opposite.

Now I was wandering through the garden, trying to find him after I had gone briefly to the castle to get an umbrella when storm clouds began to rumble ominously. Upon returning to the gazebo where I had told him to wait in case it started raining –it had– he was nowhere to be found.

"Lord N!" I called through the loud rush of rain. "Lord N, where are you?"

"Over here."

Feeling very relieved, I went around a hedge and discovered him laying on his back in the grass, completely oblivious to the cold downpour.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying not to sound as exasperated as I felt. Walking over to where I would have thought him to be sleeping had he not just answered, I held the umbrella out over his face to shield it from the rain. "You'll catch a cold if you get soaked like this."

He opened his eyes slightly, and not for the first time I winced inwardly to see how dull and empty they had become over the past few weeks.

"Leave me alone." He murmured.

Pushing aside my worry, I scowled. "No. It is my duty to watch over you, and I'm certainly not leaving you to get sick. Let's go back inside and dry you off, alright?"

Ignoring my offered hand completely, his arm suddenly shot out and knocked the umbrella away, letting the rain fall back down on his face. But even then he said nothing and only closed his eyes again.

For a long moment I stared at him, then sighed and scooped him into my arms.

"Wai- What are you doing?" He yelped, struggling to get down. "Let go!"

"I'm taking you back inside, my Lord." I informed him calmly, already heading for the castle. "If you think I'm going to let you stay out here and freeze, then you have underestimated my determination to take care of you."

After a few moments more of trying to get down, he relaxed, seemingly out of energy, and rested his head against my shoulder until we reached his chambers where I finally set him on his feet. The servants had already lit a fire, so I went to see if a bath had been prepared as well, but it had not.

"My Lord, do you want me to..." My sentence trailed off upon returning to the bedroom with a towel for his hair as I saw a pile of wet clothes on the floor just a few feet away from where Lord N was laying curled in a ball on the rug in front of the fireplace, his back to me and completely nude.

For a moment my brain stopped working, first stuck on the sight of him, and then the realization that he was really too thin. At last I managed to clear my throat and continue.

"Do you want me to have the servants draw you a bath, Highness?"

"No."

"..Is there anything at all I can do for you?"

He did not answer immediately, and when he did I almost failed to hear his faint voice.

"Stay with me."

Glad that he at least was not pushing me away anymore, I went to sit in a nearby chair. "As you wish." Then without warning I sneezed.

"Black.. You're soaking wet." He observed, sitting up to look at me. I turned my eyes away just in case, but felt my face heating up anyway. "You should get out of those clothes."

"I'll be alright." I said quickly. "Please don't worry about me."

"But you were so worried about me.. I don't want you to get sick on my account. Come over here by the fire."

"I'm fine, really..."

"Please."

Unable to help myself, I looked back at him and the pleading expression I had heard in his voice. He was holding out his hand to me, looking so frail and yet so beautiful before the flickering fire that was the only light the room had to offer.

Swallowing hard, I stood up and peeled off my wet clothes before going to him, taking his cold hand in mine as I knelt down. "As you wish." I said again, hoping he could not see how nervous I was.

However, he also looked rather nervous, and would not meet my eyes even though he smiled slightly and tightened his fingers around mine.

Wanting to avoid the awkwardness I could feel growing between us in the silence, I held up the towel I had remembered to bring. "Would you let me dry your hair?"

He blinked, seemingly having been lost in thought, then nodded and turned around so I could begin squeezing the rainwater from his long hair. Now the quiet, disturbed only by the rain and thunder outside, was much more comfortable, and the warmth from the fire felt wonderful.

But eventually even I had to be satisfied that his hair was as dry as I could make it. Setting aside the now-damp towel, I tried to think of what to distract myself with next. When I looked back up, however, he was looking over his shoulder at me as though there was something he wanted to say.

"Sire..?" I asked as he twisted around and reached for my hand again.

"Black..." He began, staring down at out entwined fingers thoughtfully. Without finishing, he leaned forward until he was pressed against my chest.

Just like that my heart began to race a mile a minute. "M-my Lord..?"

"I'm cold." He whispered, then slowly pulled me down to lay beside him, our bodies pressed flush against each other. "But you feel so warm."

Not knowing what else to do, I slid my arm beneath his neck so he could come closer and lay his head on my shoulder. "Is that better?" I breathed, my voice failing me.

He murmured wordlessly and nodded.

After a long while, as I was finally able to start relaxing myself, he broke the silence, but only just barely.

"Black..?"

"Yes?"

"Will you stay like this with me tonight?"

"..If that's what you wish."

He nodded again.

More minutes passed, until at last I felt I had to speak up. "My Lord.. May I ask you something?"

"You may."

I bit my lip, hoping that I was not about to ruin the easiness that we were at last able to share again. "This past month.. I've been so worried.. Please, tell me what has been bothering you so terribly. I cannot stand to see you like this."

"..It's no—"

"Don't say that it's nothing. Something is wrong, and it's painful for me to watch so helplessly. Even if you think there's nothing I can do, I still want to at least be able to share whatever pain you're in. Please." Having spoken my mind, I then waited patiently for either another rejection or his acceptance.

At long last, he spoke. "I have nightmares, Black. Nightmares about my mother, and of a heavy shadow in the night. It holds me down and hurts me and I can't move. No one is there to help me. No one cares. I can only wait to wake up, but lately it feels as though I never do."

"My Lord.." I pulled him closer. "What can I do to make it better?"

"Just stay. I feel safe when you're with me."

"Then I will."

The fire crackled, sending sparks up into the air. I watched them without really seeing; all I could think about was how useless my sword was against nightmares.

"..Black..?"

"Yes?"

"There's something else I want.. I need.."

"Anything."

There were a few long seconds before he continued. "I don't understand why, but... I need... I..."

I leaned back slightly to look down him. His face was red with a deep blush, but his eyes were bright and full of emotion as they glanced at me timidly.

"Touch me."

All the things I had been thinking at that moment, –that he looked adorable and what a welcome sight those shining eyes were after so long of seeing them tired and dark– flew out of my mind.

"..Wh..what do you mean..?"

Taking my hand which he still held, he placed my palm against his chest, and I felt how quickly his heart was beating. "Touch me, Black. Everywhere. It feels so good when you touch me.. I need more."

Could this possibly be happening? "My Lord... are you certain..?"

Leaving my hand where he had put it, his fingers very hesitantly touched my cheek and traced my lips. "Yes." He breathed. "Please.. Be gentle.. So gentle..." His whisper turned to a whimper as I experimentally brushed my hand up to his neck, then back to his heart. "You always touch me so gently.. I need to feel it more..."

My thoughts were being pulled in several directions at once. Elation that my fantasies of being with him like this were coming true, awe because this reality was a thousand times better than anything I had pictured, and an arousal that was going to become painfully obvious very soon. Trying to keep myself focused, I let my hand continue to wander his silky skin, gently just as he had asked. But there was no other way I wanted to touch him. He felt so fragile in my arms, so very breakable. And yet he had asked someone like me to touch him.

"Lord N.. If you wish me to touch you.. It would be an honor."

I watched his face as my hand trailed down his side, around his hip, up his back, and then repeated the motion, each time exploring more of his slender body, discovering just what places drew out which responses with rapt attention.

Then when I could take the wait no longer, I very slowly ventured down between his legs to stroke his manhood, coaxing it to life as the hushed sounds he made grew louder.

His hand that was not mostly trapped between us danced lightly along my shoulder, as if unsure if it was alright to touch me fully. I leaned down to plant a lingering kiss on his cheek. "Hold onto me." I murmured. His eyes met mine, then he turned his head slightly, seeking my lips.

We kissed. My head swam, from far more than lack of air. Slipping my tongue out in a silent request, I could not even tell which one of us sighed when he granted me entrance into his mouth.

Now his hand clutched my shoulder as he tried to move even closer to me. I swallowed the soft sounds he made, stealing his breath and still craving more.

When at last we had to break away, he tucked his face in the crook of my neck and clung to me even tighter as his voice continued to rise in volume.

"Black..!" He gasped. "I-I'm going t-! Aah..! Mm.. If you keep..doing that.. I'll..! Hah!"

I shut my eyes tightly as his words sent a heavy pulsing straight to my groin. Just this and already I felt I was going mad with need. Speeding up the motion of my hand wrapped around his cock, I pressed my thumb against the weeping slit and listened in ecstacy as he screamed my name and fell over the edge.

Panting, I watched his face, glistening with sweat and tears, and committed it to memory. He was so beautiful like this, caught in the throws of pleasure I had been able to give him. When his unfocused eyes finally looked up at me again, I kissed him once more.

"How do you feel?" I asked against his lips.

"Warm.. And safe..."

"That's good." Continuing to spread kisses across his cheeks, I contented myself with just holding him, because the ache I still felt, the need to keep going until I could fully make love to him, would have to be endured. After all, even though most times it did not feel that way, he was still a king, and I was only a knight.

"..Black..?"

"Yes?"

His fingers had gone back to ghosting shyly across my arm. "May I.. touch you, too?"

My breath caught, and I pulled back to see his genuinely asking expression.

"..Highness, I.."

"Don't." He shook his head. "Don't speak so formally. Just use my name."

"N." I whispered. "If you want to touch me, then of course you may.."

Nodding slightly, Lord N– N, trailed his fingers down across my chest, very lightly at first, but then pressing more confidently. He slid his other arm out from between us and wrapped it around me, feeling around my back and tracing mindless patterns on my skin.

"N.." I said again, my voice tight as those long fingers continued downward until they brushed against my erection, and then proceeded to take their time feeling it in an almost curious manner.

It was as arousing as it was embarrassing, feeling his watchful gaze on me, and I could not meet his eyes, fearing that if I did I would lose control. I tried to hold still, to let him do as he pleased even though those light touches were nothing less than torturous. But it was too much, and with a gasp I placed my hand over his and guided it to take hold of me and move as I had done to him.

"Forgive me.." I panted. He did not pull away or protest, but continued examining my face and allowed me to show him what I needed until he took over, stroking up and down firmly as I struggled to hold on.

"Black.." He murmured thoughtfully, those eyes moving down to where he was driving me mad. "You.. want to put this inside me, don't you.."

"That is.." I could not finished, because whatever he had just done with his fingers made lights flash behind my eyes for a moment.

N looked back up at me, and his hand stopped as he silently commanded my full attention. "I'll let you." He whispered.

I sucked in a deep, slow breath. "My L– N. ..Do you really... I won't do anything you don't truly wish for. Are you certain you want me to? I do not want to hurt you.."

He watched me closely for a moment before nodding. "Yes. I want you to be inside me. I don't think you could hurt me even if you tried."

I could not help but smile. "Your faith in me is most comforting. But.. Should we move to the bed?"

N shook his head quickly. "I want to stay here. I don't like the bed.."

"Whatever you want, then." At that time, I did not understand what he meant, and passion kept me from inquiring. Giving him another kiss, I pulled his leg up over my hip. "I promise to be as gentle as possible."

N wrapped both his arms around me now and held onto my shoulders as I slid my hand, still wet with his cum, down between his legs to his entrance.

His breath shuddered against my neck as I circled it with my finger for a moment before sliding one inside. He whimpered softly as I slowly pumped it in and out, each time going deeper until my knuckles brushed against him. Then I added a second finger and repeated the process, carefully stretching his tight, warm flesh.

Then suddenly he gasped and his whole body shuddered. "Black..! Th-there..!"

I again brushed the tips of my fingers against the place I had the moment before, and he keened.

"That feels good?" I murmured against his cheek.

"Y-yes.. It.. Ah! It feels... s-so... good..!" His back arched when I pushed in a third finger, rubbing the sensitive spot inside him until he lost all coherence.

When I felt his hardness dig into my thigh as his hips bucked, I decided that he was as ready as he would ever be, and pulled out my fingers.

"Black.." He whined, but I silenced him with a kiss.

"It's alright. I won't leave you wanting." Rolling our bodies until I lay on top of him, I nudged his legs apart with my own. Feeling him tense, I glanced up to see his eyes were squeezed shut.

I stroked his cheek until he looked at me again. "N, don't be afraid. I promise to be gentle. Just tell me if anything I do hurts."

N nodded and tightened his grip on my shoulders as I guided his legs around my waist. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I slowly sank into him, burying myself in the heavenly tightness that was the man I loved.

His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Tears welled up and trickled past eyelashes still clumped and wet from times before. Fingers dug into my shoulder blades, and his head snapped back. I wrapped my arms around his trembling body and held him as close to me as possible.

"N..!" I groaned. "Oh, N... I'm so.. I'm so in love with you..."

Glazed blue-green eyes left the ceiling and met mine. "..In love..?"

"I always have been.. I always will be... You are my everything, N. I am in love with you.."

More tears now spilled down his cheeks as he stared at me in shock. Then he looked away. "I don't.. understand love... But I think.. if your gentleness and care is what love truly is, then... I-I want to be in love with you, too.. Black.."

Feeling a deep, warm tenderness fill my heart, I rested my forehead against his. "I'll help you to understand it." I promised. "I will spend the rest of my life showing you exactly what love is like."

N smiled. "Then my nightmares will be bearable." He arched against me, a sensual move that left my senses reeling. "Can you make me forget them, Black?"

"I'll erase them from your mind forever.." That was all I could manage to say before my body took off on it's own. Gently, slowly, I pulled out and then slid back in, tilting my hips up as I did, searching for that place again.

He clung to me, sighing, gasping, moaning, mewing my name. His hair was spread out like a wild halo, seeming almost alive as my thrusts moved him up and down on the rug, causing it to writhe and catch the glow of the fire. Then he cried out, his fingernails surely drawing red lines in my skin. I had found the spot inside him, and made sure to hit it each time I reentered.

Even though a part of me wanted to go faster, to take him hard and hear him scream for me, making love to him slowly like this was also wonderful. Gently leading him back to that precipice, letting the peak come upon us gradually, it was beyond words. I could stay just like this until I die.

But eventually it had to end, and the prospect of falling at last was too tempting to avoid any longer.

Breaking off the kiss that had our tongues dancing to the same slow rhythm as our hips, I tried to catch my breath to speak.

"N.. You're close.." I could feel his cock throbbing as it rubbed against my stomach with every movement. "Together.. Let's go together..."

His cries were coming faster, louder; I could feel him tightening around me. Then he did scream, and so did I. We climaxed together, there on the rug in front of the fireplace, with a storm raging out in the night. My seed spilled inside him, and his across our chests, and when we crested the last wave, we lay tangled and panting, both dazed from pleasure.

It was there that we fell asleep, for however long it was until the fire went out and the chill woke me. As I was relighting it, N stirred, and in the moonlight I saw the happiness fill his face when he saw me. After a long kiss, we agreed that going back to sleep was undesirable, so I prepared a warm bath where somehow in the midst of washing ourselves we made love again. Then we returned to the rug because he continued to insist we avoid the bed, and stayed there wrapped in each other's arms until the sun rose.

If only that night could have lasted forever. That one night where we lived in our own little world, just the two of us. But his nightmares would not be left forgotten so easily.

Uh.. There was more I wanted to say at the end but now I've forgotten.. So I will leave you with the warning that the next chapter is going to be a heartbreaker. Yes, like Charles. Except worse. It will probably take a few days to write because of that, so don't hold your breaths.