Chapter Two

Xena opened her eyes, and bright sunlight flooded her sight. She felt as if she had died. Death. Memories assaulted her mind as it all came back to her; the blood, her death, Gabrielle's chalk white face and shaking voice, that terrible, terrible decision that she was forced to make. Her helplessness. She blinked away tears, then froze when she realized she had eyelids to blink. She held up her hand, and took a sharp breath when it shielded her from the sun. She had a hand. Hardly daring, she sat up.

Xena looked down at her familiar naked body, shivering with cold she did not feel.

It was a moment before Xena could gather herself and relax her shocked face back into a look of grim determination. She didn't have time to feel relieved. She had to find Gabrielle.

She rolled over and pushed herself up with shaking limbs. A bit too fast, as she staggered with dizziness. She bent double and breathed slow, calming breaths as she forced herself to focus. She started to feel the chill that was shaking her body. She needed to prioritize. First, some clothing. She looked around. There were bamboo shoots and a couple different kinds of trees forming a glen around her with a stream running through it.

She busied herself with cool precision. Within the creek nearby she searched its shallow depths until she found what she was looking for. She moved to a nearby boulder and brought the smooth oval stone she had found forcefully down onto a flat part of the rock, and it split perfectly in two, as she knew it would. Then, with another heavy rock she began striking the edge of one of the halves. Splinters of rock went flying as she chipped away, and without the leather needed for protection, some of it embedded itself into her. She didn't flinch, she didn't notice. She finally had a plan. Or a semblance of one at least, and she allowed herself to gain some confidence from her plotted course of action, some pleasure from the movements she made as she was finally, finally allowed to do something about things. About Gabrielle.

Xena could not have any peace until she had learned the fate of her friend. Xena would first find out where she was, and if she was close enough, she would start by picking up Gabrielle's trail in the land of the rising sun. If she was closer to Greece, she would start by going to Gabrielle's family, to where she had found Gabrielle the last time she had thought she was dead.

Xena shuddered. She realized that she was assuming that she was dead, that she had been away too long or that that samurai had killed her. But she mustn't think that way. She needed the courage to continue, and that courage would only come from faith and hope.

She held up the rude stone blade. It would do. She absent mindedly wiped her bleeding hand on her thigh, looking around again. In a few long strides she was cutting down a sapling. Barely pausing when she felled the young tree, she stripped it of its branches and cut off the thinner top. Using her blade as a wedge, she hammered it straight down the middle of the tree, cutting it cleanly in two. She removed the young bark, carefully in case she needed the fibers, unless of course she could find something better. She took a short walk and found what she was looking for. She moved over to a thicket of branches and untangled some nettle, ignoring its stinging needles. Using her blade, she scraped its fibers clean of the surrounding flesh. Setting the fibers aside, she cast about for a rough stone. Finally finding one that suited her, she sanded down the flat side of the wood she had cut until it was smooth and uniform. She tested its flexibility, and was satisfied with it. Using her blade, she made three shallow notches on each end of the piece of wood, which she had shortened to about three quarters her height. Then as dusk approached, she folded some of the fibers in half, and twisted the two ends into a cord, adding more fibers as she went. Carefully measuring its length, she tied a loop at each end, cutting off the extra. Then she fitted the loops into the notches of the bow, and drew it to her cheek tentatively. It yielded gracefully to her hands.

She sighed at the first star that had appeared. The moon was bright, but she wasn't about to stop to make shelter, or to sleep. One by one she picked up each branch she had clipped off of the tree, and examined it. Finally satisfied with one, she trimmed it down and fashioned an arrow, splicing one end and securing a single feather that she had found after much searching. She thanked the gods for the bright moon, then caught herself as anger reeled up in her at the abandonment she felt. Why did she expect Aphrodite or Ares to help her? She thought in disgust, they could barely help themselves.

Finally, Xena stepped back into the forest, bow and arrow in hand. She had considered making a spear, it would have been faster, but the woods here were so thick she doubted if she would have had room to draw back her arm for a throw. Her feet barely made a sound, but she grimaced in disgust. She seemed a little clumsier in this new body. But the deer didn't hear her. Not until the arrow had pierced its heart did it start in surprise, and even then it didn't get far. Xena put it out of its misery dispassionately, though another minute or so would have let the arrow finish it off. Xena slung the animal over her shoulders and carried it back to the river. At least she had her old strength. Though what she would have done if she hadn't she didn't know. She would have found a way. She chipped a new edge into her blade and slit the belly down the middle, emptying the deer of its innards. Working quickly, she shoved her hand under the deer's hide, skinning it with ease. She found a stick that produced a fine powder when she rolled it between her hands against a piece of wood. She used this to start a fire. While she waited for coals to form she draped the hide fur side down on a smooth log, and began scraping away a layer of the dermis with her stone blade. Once that side was sufficiently cleaned, she flipped it over and rid the other side of its hair and top layer of skin with her blade. She didn't need the hair, it would be too warm here, wherever here was.

With her hands busy making repetitive scrapes, her mind was mercilessly left to wonder over the recent occurrences. How had she gotten a body? She thought back to that horrible moment when she realized that there really was nothing she could do for herself. In that moment she had cried out for help. Who had brought her back? She thought hard but could only come up with the unusual sensation of earth bubbling and forming within her. She shook her head in confusion at this. Whoever or whatever it had been, they were bound to come back expecting something of her. But she wouldn't do it. It didn't matter how much she owed them, nothing would matter until she could find Gabrielle. The thought of her lead her further down a dark corridor she wished didn't exist.

When she was finished scraping the hide she found herself at a loss for what she ought to do next. She didn't know where to get the oil to tan the hide, and she couldn't go into civilization like she was. Not that she cared what people saw, but she wasn't about to get on the bad side of the law, and wherever she was the people would probably not respond kindly to a naked lady running through their streets, and she didn't want to scare a family by knocking at their door. Not that she was any lady, she smiled grimly to herself.

She looked around at what she had. The chunks of fat on the deer were already hardening in the cool night air. To use that she would have to keep it warm somehow so it could settle into the hide. She couldn't hold it over the fire for it would get grease burns too easily and become useless. She could wrap it around her body and give it her own heat. She shivered at the thought. There had to be another way. Her eyes fell on the head. Maybe, just maybe…

She cracked the head open with a heavy rock and extracted the brain, and placed it on the hide she had spread out on the ground. She mashed it into a smooth pulp, added a bit of water from the stream, and smeared it across the whole of the skin. If this didn't work, she'd just have to make a temporary outfit out of stiff rawhide. She rolled the skin into a bundle and set it aside for the brain to, hopefully, soak in.

Xena laid down in the grass by the fire and looked at the stars. She wasn't hungry, but she knew she should feed her body. Later. Right now she needed to think about Gabrielle. Where was she? How long had it been? Will she even forgive me, if I do ever find her? What on earth was going on? How was it that she was alive?

These questions chased each other around in her head. The one that bothered her the most is whether or not Gabrielle would forgive her. Death, she had been through before. She thought she could handle that. After all, an entire lifetime could have passed since Mt. Fuji, Xena had no way of knowing. And besides, she could always find Gabrielle in the afterlife, or in another incarnation… the daunting prospect of combing through the world for a Gabrielle-like soul overcame her for a moment, but she fought the feeling back. She would do whatever it took to get Gabrielle back, even if it meant spending the rest of her newly given life trying.

She snorted. She didn't know how much time would be allotted her in this new body, or even if the body was truly hers. After all, her body had been cremated. The thought occurred to her, what if Gabrielle had done some sort of ritual with her ashes, and that was what had brought her back? This comforted her. Not only would it mean that Gabrielle was alive, but it would also mean that she had forgiven her enough to want to bring her back. Had it just happened to have occurred at the same time she cried for help? Somehow she doubted this.

She emitted, or rather her body emitted a sleepy groan and rolled over, smacking its lips. Startled, she stared at the tall shoots of grass now in front of her. What was going on? She tried to shake herself and sit up, and slowly her body obeyed her. Apparently this body wasn't completely hers. It could sleep on its own. There must be some disconnect between the two… she shook her head. There was no understanding that. She wondered how she could even have seen with her eyes closed. Were they closed now? She touched her eye. No, definitely open. She closed them. Darkness surrounded her. She blinked uneasily. She had experienced things more unsettling, like Gabrielle's daughter… her thoughts trailed off then snapped back again. She would have to figure this out, somehow. But she didn't have any answers at the moment.

She got up, her head reeling with sleep. This was also unsettling. She couldn't remember ever feeling so tired, yet it was disembodied from her in a way that left her mind sharp and alert. Thoughtfully, Xena began preparing some of the meat. There was no sense in wasting it and though she was not hungry, she decided that if her body needed sleep then it also needed food.

She ate in complete silence. The simplicity of the meal made her ache for Gabrielle's venison. She had always found a way to make it spectacular. Just like everything else about her, her cooking had always been exceptional. She sighed. There was no use in wishing, was there? It hadn't gotten her this body, that's for sure. She wondered if she should consider crying out for a perfectly seasoned venison steak, but that would just be ridiculous. She looked to the stars, which were slowly fading.

"Oh, Gabrielle…" She didn't know what else to say. "I love you. If you're out there, I'll find you. If you aren't, I'll find you anyway." That would have to do.

She lay down to let her body get some more sleep.