Chapter 4
Xena made her way through Chin, cutting down the occasional rag tag highway men that lived off of the misfortune of travelers. She quickly found herself longing for another battle to sooth a bloodlust that was driven by her desperate anxiety. She didn't know what she would find in the land of the rising sun and the stress of it was wearing her down. So upon these wicked souls she unleashed her wrath, her anger at the fates, the gods, and this world. During the darkest moments of the fights she had a vague sense of a loss of control, something that truly unsettled her. Not only was she concerned for any innocent victims that might get in the way of her blade, but she was concerned for herself, her sanity. She was loosely connected with her body yet she could feel her consciousness dimmed as she gave in to the moving meditation of bringing death to whoever stood in her way, between her and Gabrielle and the answers that must be hidden in the distant land of the rising sun.
She had not swapped swords with any of her attackers after her initial rescue of the first one. She hadn't been lying when she had said it was nice. Like her old sword she kept it conveniently on her back in the scabbard she had also liberated. It was made of steel, a metal whose secret of origin was kept jealously by the people of Chin. It sure beat the stuffing out of her old bronze sword, which she had to continually beat back into its proper shape with a heavy hammer. This new sword couldn't even touch her chakram, though. That was a weapon forged by someone or something that was more than even a god. As for her bow, she had discarded that long ago. It had become useless since she had strung it while still green, and had therefore dried in a permanently bent arc.
After walking a path that seemed to stretch endlessly in front of her Xena began to smell the salty humidity of the ocean. She broke into a run, came out of the forest, over some dunes and ran knee deep into the water. A single tear ran down her cheek as the salty chill ran back and forth around her legs, and she remembered the time she and Gabrielle had found themselves sitting on a cold beach in the middle of winter after singing their forgiveness of so many things. They had forgiven the deaths of their children that day, and in the euphoria of being set free from their hatred of each other, they had flung themselves back into the icy waves, playing and hugging as the salt seeped into their skin. This was the moment Xena had fully realized just how much Gabrielle was a part of her, and how no matter what, the bond that they shared could not be broken. Not even by the death of her child.
Xena shivered, though not from the cold. What had come over her that she ran with such abandonment straight into the water and the memories it brought her? She was feeling less and less herself. She had always kept complete control over herself, had always known exactly what to do, had always had a plan. Now her only plan led her into a desperate search for a needle in a hay stack. She was loosing control in fights, and she was giving herself up to such momentary passion that she ran straight into a waiting sea that promised her nothing but memories. She felt she was beginning to be a bit unhinged. Had Gabrielle had such a hold on her that without her Xena was loosing herself? Somehow, this shouldn't surprise her, but it did. It most certainly couldn't be the furies. Not only had she killed them, but if they now had replacements who were tormenting her then she wouldn't be able to self-evaluate like she was, she wouldn't feel unhinged at all, would she? And why would it affect her body and her connection to it? It wouldn't. There was something bigger going on here. As to what it was though, she was at a loss.
Xena sighed a small inaudible breath of air and turned back to the dry sand. She wasn't one to get lost in her emotions, and she let the memories go. She had more immediate things to concern herself with. Money was an issue. She hadn't allowed herself to strip the fallen highway men of their gold, though it had been tempting. If they survived her wrath, she figured they would need all the gold they had to pay for medical attention.
She let this go, too. She would find a way. She already had a few ideas of how to get to Japa without cash. She wouldn't be at the mercy of the generosity of strangers at any rate. She would work her way over there by her own means. So, as she walked along the tide line she focused all her cunning on figuring out how she had gotten a body. One by one she went through all the gods that she knew of. She made a mental list of who had what to gain by bringing her back, and who had what to lose by keeping her locked up in that cloud. Sadly, both lists were very short. Even the list of gods was short, thanks to Xena herself. Thanks to the god of Eli. This thought brought her eyebrows closer together. What did that god have to gain by bringing her back? Maybe that was it. Maybe Eli expected her to off Aphrodite or something. Fat chance of convincing her to do that. But there was a point there. The god of Eli had the power to kill other gods, if given a champion who was willing to use that power. Maybe the one god of the Israelites had a score to settle.
Well, Xena for one was not about to do a thing for any god until she had found Gabrielle. Whoever had brought her back seemed to realize this, as they had not yet made any contact with Xena. Good.
"I'm not one for playing games" she spoke fiercely to the wind. The sound of the waves pressed in on her, unaccompanied by the sound of her companions absent laughter. Gabrielle.
Xena needed to find her. She redoubled her pace.