Holy crap! Santana thinks I'm acting odd today. If she interrogates me again I'm going to have to talk to her. I run upstairs to my room and pull open my closet. I want to look half decent. In the end I just pick some blue low slung sweat pants and a white tank top, so much for looking half decent. I go to the bathroom and take my hair out of my ridiculously tight ponytail. I wave my hair around and stare in to the mirror. I bite my lower lip as I decide what to do. I then proceed to plait my hair across my forehead and I look hot so all is well. I put on a dash of eyeliner and some mascara for good measure. I hear my mother's voice beckoning me for dinner. I check myself one more time and am satisfied. I check for Santana I the sitting room and there she is texting. I take her hand and lead her to the kitchen. We all sit down and enjoy some spaghetti bolognese, my favourite. My mother says she has to run some errands and said she'd be back later on. I twirl the spaghetti on my fork and begin to eat. Santana eyes me up and laughs.
"What?" I ask suspiciously
"Here, you got some spaghetti on your face." She says as she wipes my face clean with her hand.
"Oh... Umm... Thanks" I mutter as I squirm in my seat.
"Seriously Britt, what is going on; I want to know now." Santana demanded.
"Please Santana, I don't know, but can we talk in my room after dinner?"
"Well yea but-"
"Ok after." I cut in, there was a bit of an awkward silence after that but it soon cleared.
I don't know what I'm going to tell Santana. She doesn't know what's going on with me at the moment; what I'm feeling. I mean I searched on Google and got nothing. 'What to do when you love your best friend' is what I typed; Nothing. Just recently I've been seeing her in a brand new light. How she cares about me and I don't even realise it. I tried to show her I care to but she just thinks I'm being funny. I want it to be real.
Santana and I headed up to my room after we finished with dinner. She took a seat on my bed and patted the space next to her. I sat down in front of her. She offered that we should watch a movie before the talking began. I let out a sigh of complete relief. I flicked on my TV and proceeded to put the longest DVD in I could find. I think I chose Pirates of the Caribbean. Santana asked if she could stay the night like she always did when her parents were angry at her. I told her that she knew she was always welcome in my bed and I proceeded to go red, but Santana just laughed. So the DVD started playing and I lay on the bed beside her. She then slid over to my side and I automatically put my arm around her. She got so vicious sometimes with people at school, but I knew this was the real Santana. The one I had held in my arms.
The movie ended and Santana lay so relaxed beside me. Her breath shallow, she was asleep. I went roll over next to her but she tossed and her eyes slowly opened. She yawned and apologised for sleeping through the movie.
"No worries" I replied
"And now it's time to talk..." I looked at her unsurely.
Talk." She ordered.
"San, I really don't know what to say..." I screwed my face up trying to think of a way of saying this that would make it convincing.
"C'mon Britt, I'm your best friend. You tell me everything. I don't care what it is, just say it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes B!" she took my hand. "Now go on..."
My heart started racing and my chest got tight. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I love you Santana."
She laughed. "I love you too Britt."
"No, I'm in love with you."
She laughed again but not as heartedly. She then looked at the sincerity on my face and knew I was telling the truth. She instantly got up and paced for about a minute and rushed out saying she had to go. I was left there. Alone. I didn't know what to do. I had just told my bestfriend that I was in love with her, got laughed at and rejected. I could feel my eyes filling with tears. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She left a post it on my mirror.
'Britt
Please remember this:
2, 16, 13, 4
Love S xox'
The tears just flooded my face. I read the little yellow message about a hundred times just going back over the last line.
'Love S xox'
Love hurt like that time I forgot where I was a fell off the top of the pyramid in Cheerio's practise, but more. Normally when I was crying Santana would hug me and the tears just knew to stop. Who would stop them now? I turned off my phone and headed to bed.
The next morning there was no call from Santana or even a text message. I drove to school alone. I went to my locker and couldn't remember the combo so I had no books for the rest of the day and had detention after school because of it. I had never had detention before because I always was in the right class with the right books and that was all thanks to Santana.
I went to detention a little early and there were only two people there, Mr Young and Mary from the AV club, I sat down the back of the classroom. The door swung open and six students walked in: a couple jocks and Cheerio's and Santana. I looked away after I met her glance. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to scream. She sat three desks in front of me. I needed to say I was sorry. I thought of passing her a note so I wrote one and it said:
'Santana, I'm sorry. I just want to be
your friend again. My days are all
suckish without you. I don't even care if
you don't feel the same. I need you.'
It needed to be to the point and it was. It was the most heartfelt thing I had ever written. I thought about how I would get it to her: I couldn't throw it at her because she'd get annoyed and I couldn't hand it to her because there's no passing in notes in detention. I decided to throw it on the floor beside her desk, but I had to make sure she saw it. I threw it under arm across the floor and it stopped exactly where I wanted it to, just to the right of Santana's desk and her head tilted. She bent over and picked up the little scrap of paper; my heart beat quickened. As she read, she slouched back into her chair. She took out a pen and started to scribble a reply. Her arm then dropped to the side of her seat and the paper flew back beside my desk. As I prepared for the worst, I opened the reply, she wrote:
'I need you too B, but I just
need some time to think. We
have to talk about it and we will
but just not right now. You can
come to my house this Saturday,
and we'll sort it out'
I was pretty sure the second I finished reading my heart melted. I needed to leave her alone for three days and then I could talk to her. I wondered if Santana actually noticed I was gone. I couldn't fret about that now though. I'd ask her everything on Saturday. So it was autopilot from then on.