All his life, Cloud had been under the impression that being male meant he had to put up with less drama. When he had passed the test and managed to join ShinRA, that little truth had been shattered into a million pieces, spit on, and stepped on by a pair of beautiful designer leather boots, compliments of Sephiroth. Manly competition became whiny and obnoxious; people bickered over jobs, whined about food, and stole each other's boxers instead of just doing their own laundry. The chocobo had even found himself missing the petty female drama he had occasionally had to put up with back at home with Tifa.
Only a little though. Men, he had discovered, had the same sorts of problems, and once you made a man-friend, that meant you had to do the same sort of listening as when you'd had a female one. And Cloud still didn't care much.
Resting his cheek on his hand, Cloud stared at his friend, trying to fight the glassy look he knew was probably threatening his gaze. "Look Zack, if she didn't want to go to dinner with you, there's nothing you can do about it. It's not your fault." The black haired male he was trying to talk out of depression just sighed, staring at his drink with a pained expression. "Seriously. Cheer up. You're good looking, talented, and practically the most heroic man in all of SOLDIER. If she doesn't want to take the time to eat dinner with you, she's probably just, like, a lesbian or something." Several things happened promptly after Cloud said that. First, Zack looked more depressed and then a little bit nervous, Cloud felt a pressure on his shoulders, and a pair of elbows appeared in the edges of his vision. Then a chin settled down on his spiky hair, and the last voice in the world he wanted to hear at that moment chimed cheerfully. "Who we talkin 'bout?" The entire Earth might have stopped spinning at that moment, as Cloud turned his head slightly to see a very distinctive red belt. "G-good evening, Elai." The pressure on his shoulders increased, but Elai's voice didn't get any less cheerful. "Heya, Cloud-o."
"You're sort of hurting me." That had been the wrong thing to say, because the pressure increased a little more. "Really? Sorry about that. We lesbians have a little trouble controlling our strength."
Shit. "I didn't mean it, Elai, I was just trying to make Zack feel better. He was confused because you didn't want to go to dinner with him is all." That didn't make the problem any better, Cloud realized, but he was hoping that Elai might have pity on him. The pressure on his shoulders did decrease, but that could have been because the brunette was reaching over to steal his drink. "Is that so," she took a drink of his soda, knocking the glass against Cloud's face in the process, "well I'm afraid I really did have something planned. And it isn't hot lesbian sex with my best friend, thanks for not asking." She set the drink down on Cloud's hand, straightened, and ruffled his hair. "I think you should hope to Gaia I'm not lesbian, because if I am, guess who's probably getting it with the girl you like? Not you, that's for sure." Grabbing his drink, Elai laughed, kicked Cloud's chair over, and flounced away. "You know, she does have a point." Zack, now much less dejected and much more amused, stood up to offer his friend a hand. "If she's after girls as well, you don't stand a chance, buddy."