Chapter 15

The fire in the hearth faded, and Xena suddenly became aware of a chill that was shaking her whole body. There was no way of knowing the time, as there were no windows in her cavernous little bedroom. She decided to look for some warmth. After dressing, she opened the bedroom door and walked softly into a stone hallway. It was partially lit by flickering torches held in fixtures on the wall. She turned left out of her room and pulled one out of its bracket and held it out in front of her, but the light only lit a few feet before her. She felt dizzy, and reached out a hand to steady herself. Regaining balance, she proceeded down the

hallway, hand running along the stones to aid her uneasy steps.

She wandered through the passageways for what felt like an hour until she finally stumbled into a room that was occupied. She recognized one of the men from last night, and he quickly stood from his chair to steady her, for her knees were wobbling under her weight.

"Now now, you shouldn't be up and wandering about in the state you are in. Look at you! Let me help you back to bed." He turned back to the other three he had clearly just been meeting with. "Gentlemen, lady, I think we have solved enough for the morning. I will expect that all we discussed will be taken care of. Now if you will excuse me."

"I'm fine" Xena croaked, but she allowed him to put her arm over his shoulder and steer her back out the door. She despised her body as once again she found that it left her it a totally vulnerable state.

"I should have told you last night, there's a cord in your room that you can pull to call Annika. You haven't eaten for days, you're half starved, and last night was the first time we'd ever seen you alive and alert to the world around you. You need to give yourself more grace if you ever expect to recover from such a state." He had switched to Latin, since that had been the language she had used to protest. Xena was intensely grateful that he could speak it. In fact, he seemed to speak it well.

"A cord for Annika? Fancy place you've got here." Xena said, ignoring his lecture. The man switched gears at the note in her voice.

"Yes the people have worked hard building this house of God. It is a true testimony of the Almighty's work in people's hearts. He gives us his strength to build something out of nothing for His glory."

"Eli's god?" Xena asked, remembering him being mentioned by Annika the night before.

"The one true God." He nodded. "You must know of Him, you called to Him last night, and that brought you out of your sickness."

"He only lifted his own spell. Your god is a very stubborn and demanding deity."

"Yes." The man said, looking at her curiously, "He will do anything and everything to get our attention."

"Is that so?" Xena couldn't keep the anger out of her voice. The man considered her out of the corner of his eye. Xena stared right back. After a short staring contest the man burst out in boisterous laughter.

"Yes, He certainly threw His lightning bolts at me for a while before He finally got to me, but when Eli wins over a heart that heart is his. I ended up going to seminary school."

"Seminary?" Xena asked blankly.

"Yes, it's an academy for slaves-of-Eli who want to become a priest." Xena thought the man was charming, for being a religious nut. He couldn't be much worse than Najara at any rate.

"Is that where you learned to talk so pretty?" The man's rowdy laugh burst from him once more. Xena thought it was the laugh of a commoner.

"You guessed correctly my dear! I was indeed a commoner before I was driven by passion to go to school. It's a background that comes in handy when it comes to relating with most other slaves-of-Eli." Xena wondered how a commoner in this barren land could afford to go to an academy of any sorts, but kept the question to herself in case it was a touchy subject. However he had managed to go, they had sure taught him good manners. Xena appreciated his restraint from asking her too many prying questions. She should offer at least a little bit of information about herself, though.

"I'm Xena." She offered him her free hand, and he took it awkwardly with the hand that wasn't holding her arm, the one right next to Xena. Left hand to left hand, they shook.

"I'm Misha." He said with a smile. "Is there anything I can do for you as you stay at my humble church?" Xena considered this for a moment.

"Do you have any scrolls that describe the character of your god?" Xena thought she should learn what kind of a god she was up against, since he seemed so involved in her 'destiny'.

"Yes!" Misha said in surprise. "You read?" He looked delighted.

"In Greek or latin, sometimes, yes. Not when I can help it." She said with a wry smile.

"I've been reminded many times by my friends that I have 'no sense for art.'" Misha laughed hard again.

"Is that so? Well, I hope then that these scrolls won't be lost on you. Most are very poetic. They are all in latin, though, so you're in luck."

"I have no appreciation for art, I'm not thick." Xena said flatly.

"Of course!" Misha blushed. "Sorry! I-"

"Don't be. You don't know me, why should I be offended by a miss-assumption?"

"Well put. See? You've got your own style with ideas."

"I have plenty of ideas. It's the beating around the bush that I don't like. I'm not one for sitting around dreaming in elaborate descriptions."

"Then I have just the scroll for you! It's still a little figurative at times, but very straight-to-the-point for most of it. And it's in Latin! As are most of our scrolls, though some are in Hebrew" Xena barely dared to wonder.

"Who's the author?" her curiosity was masterfully hidden under her casual tone.

"One of Eli's disciples who wrote it for the slaves-of-Eli in Rome. Scholars have narrowed the author down to Paul through guesswork and comparisons to actual signed works. Personally, I feel like something's a bit off with it. Not that there's something wrong with the writing itself, but who knows? It has been called the greatest theological document ever written you know. It covers some really heavy stuff, including God's sacrifice through Eli, the human condition, the meaning of our lives here on earth, how to deal with the trials of life, and the hope that we have in the world to come." Xena nodded in reply. She was both excited and afraid to read this work, as it had crossed her mind that it might be Gabrielle's letters. She remembered her writing to a few of Eli's followers to continue his message after his death. She couldn't recall if Romans had been among those under her guidance, however.

"Misha, why do you call yourselves slaves? I thought Eli had a message of love that was to be freeing."

"It was first given to us as a mocking insult, but we ended up embracing it. We are free, but not in the sense you mean. We are free from carrying the burdens of life on our own, free from the blame that everyone would otherwise have to bare were it not for Eli's sacrifice. But we are also slaves, again not in the common sense of the word. We make up the body of Eli, and we work for him out of love and gratitude, doing whatever He calls us to do the way your feet now obey your mind's command to walk. And we belong to Him, body, mind, and soul, for He purchased us with His life. He died so that He could satisfy the wrath of His God, who would have otherwise swallowed us up in His divine retribution, and for that we owe Him everything."

"Why shouldn't his god simply have forgiven us without the price?" She said, already knowing the answer. It was a price that must be paid, whether by the torment of one's own conscience and constant do-gooding in an attempt for redemption or by going to Tarterus… or hell.

"Because justice must be served, Xena. God is justice, He is everything that is good and whole. Without a perfect sacrifice on our behalf, we are too evil and dirty to stand in His glorious presence. We are too blameful to live on in His paradise." Xena's head started racing. Was this why she had been held in limbo, unable to go on to any sort of afterlife?

"What happens if you have done terrible things, but… have a relationship with Eli?" She asked.

"You must confess with your mouth that he is your Lord and Savior. Without allowing him to buy you as His own, you are not good enough for His paradise. Not even the most blameless person is good enough to go on to heaven without His help. My guess is that you would go to hell."

"Or be reborn in the karmic cycle." Xena said glumly. That hadn't been the response she had hoped for. Why had she not simply been judged?

"What's that?" Misha said curiously.

"Never mind." They had finally found her room. She extracted herself from his support and sat on the bed, leaning back on her arms. "Do you think you could get that scroll now? I hate waiting when I don't have to."

"Sure," Misha said good-naturedly. "I'll call Annika, too." He tugged at a piece of twine that hung from the ceiling by the door and left.

Soon Annika was beaming at Xena with bright rosy cheeks as she bustled into the room with a steaming bowl. She smelled slightly of alcohol.

"Mornin' deary!" She called out happily, "Good ta see ya up and cheery! Eli, it's cold in here! Lookit them purple lips! Let me stoke this fire, ya?" She set the bowl, a large mug, and a spoon on a rickety table at the bedside and bustled right back out. Xena smiled at her back as she disappeared around the corner. She didn't know what time is was, but she doubted it was late enough yet to start drinking. Then again if this was indeed Kirkiz it was at least conventional. Everyone she had met here before were borderline alcoholics. She tried to ignore the chemical scent that lingered in her absence and picked up the spoon to cool off a bit of the soup with her breath. It looked like thin broth and a bit of cabbage. She tasted it. How she was to gain weight back with this she wasn't sure, but it didn't taste too bad. Footsteps in the hallway made her look up again to see Annika rushing back into the room laden down with a pile of wood that completely obscured her face, refreshing the smell of alcohol and bringing the new scent of the outdoors.

"Don't get up naw, y'll faint!" She said shrilly. Xena hadn't moved to help her, so this only made her feel a little guilty. She continued to eat her soup as Annika rekindled the fire. It was crackling merrily once Xena had made her way through the soup and was reaching for the mug. Anikka was a fast worker. Xena brought it to her lips and coughed when the putrid fumes made her gag. Annika grinned at her.

"It'll wake y'up good and fast. That'll." Xena set the mug of alcohol down.

"Do you have any water?"

"T'is water! Oohhhh." Annika winked at Xena and chuckled. "Y'want rain water. Be back in a momint" She disappeared.

A knock proceeded Misha through the door. He handed her a new scroll with a smile. The smell of it filled Xena with nostalgia for Gabrielle. She took it gingerly from the religious man's hands and returned the smile.

"Thank you." She said.

"What?" She had said it in Greek. For the first time she realized she had never learned the words for thank you in the Kirkiz language. She felt a wave of revulsion for the kind of person she used to be.

"Thank you," she said again, this time in Latin.

"Yes of course. I hope you find your answers in there. I will be back with Sasha to answer any questions, to just to discuss in general.

Xena settled back into bed to read.