Part 4.
Sian paused for a moment to consider her options. She wanted to stay in Weatherfield but that largely depended on one person, and it's not like she could say that. She went for the cop out answer and tried to subtly look at Soph out of the corner of her eye, to gauge her reaction. "Uhhm well relax a bit, to start with, take some time out-"
"What round here?" Trust Rosie, she was quick with the questions.
"Yeah, I've wanted to come back for a while, so". She actually moved her head to Sophie for that one, however the brunette had taken a sudden interest in her beer mat. She was busy peeling it in half.
"You could get your old job back in here!" Rosie thought it was a brilliant idea. Both Jason's and Sophie's eyes snapped to the older sister. Sian was lost in Sophie's reaction, the blond was pretty sure her ex hadn't even noticed she was staring at her. Sian looked at Rosie as well. "Becky will definitely have you back, she's always saying how you were her best barmaid".
Jason thought it was best someone should attempt to shut her up. "When is she?"
Rosie flicked her attention to Jason and bore her eyes into him. "What?"
"When's Becky sayin' that?"
Rosie looked at him as if he was on another planet. She screwed up her face and shrugged, "I dunno, always".
Sian wasn't happy that the conversation had moved in this direction, she needed to change the subject. "Well maybe, I don't really know what I'm going to do, yet, so". Sophie met her gaze and then she looked back down at the table.
Rosie took note of the atmosphere. "Well it's an option". She hurriedly took a sip of her drink and then turned to Sian swallowing the liquid back, hard. She lowered her voice. "It'd be nice to have you around", she squeezed the blonds forearm and softened her expression. "I mean it". She flicked her eyes to her little sister and Sian's gaze followed. Sophie had started a conversation with Jason and so Sian turned back to Rosie after a lingering few minutes. Rosie knew exactly what Sian was thinking. "We all do".
Sian sighed and rested her head back, she hoped that was what Sophie wanted. "You think so?" she enquired. Her forehead was creased and the need in her eyes was evident.
Rosie's heart went out to her. She gripped her arm a bit tighter and her voice was barely above a whisper. "It's going to take longer than half a day".
Sian's eyes wondered over to the brunette, animated as ever in whatever she was talking about. She wondered if Soph was faking the enthusiasm.. did she crave her as much as she did? Was it hurting her as much? Sian sighed, again, "I know".
"Babe, d'you remember that?"
It was Jason, it turned Rosie's attention back to the conversation. He turned back to Sophie, "days we drove around looking, took ages".
"What you talkin' about?" Rosie asked around taking a sip out of her drink, she was nearing the end of it and frowned at the lack of contents as she placed it back down.
"When these two went AWOL, amount of time we spent in that car".
Rosie raked her hands through her hair, "Oo don't remind me!" her tone was elevated. "I don't think I've been so worried, in my entire life".
"Calm down" Sophie shot out, a grin plastered on her face, "you wasn't that bad!"
"You don't know Sophie, mom and dad were mental with worry". She was shaking her head at the memory, "my heart was literally in my throat that entire week".
"Yeah right" Sophie said as she rolled her eyes. Drama queen her sister was. Still.
Sian was chuckling at the exchange. "Well it wasn't that fantastic stuck in that flat" she offered, looking at Sophie, her mood was more upbeat. "D'you remember?" She was teasing.
Sophie eyed her, "you weren't complaining at the time". She raised an eyebrow and grinned, they had some good memories from that flat, as Sian well knew. They looked at each other like they were thinking the exact same thing. Sian's smile was breathtaking and Sophie felt her cheeks go a little red.
"I remember that guy who fancied you", the blond began, still teasing. She stuck her tongue out, ever so slightly and held it there.
"Oh yeh, forgot about him", Sophie replied rolling her eyes. She brought her hand up to scratch her neck; she always thought Sian had been unreasonable there. But truth be told, she loved it that first time her girlfriend got crazy jealous.
Ex-girlfriend. Her mind reminded her. Sophie coughed a bit. She had almost travelled back in time four years then. She liked it. Before she remembered she should hate it, and perhaps shouldn't be enjoying the cosy atmosphere as much as she was. Don't you remember what she did? How she hurt you? ..you're guna let that happen again?
Sophie sat there, letting her mind tell her off. She shifted in her seat and her body language became rigid. Sian noticed it and eyed her suspiciously. Sophie put her hair behind her ears and sat on her hands. Sian rejoined the conversation somewhat reluctantly when Rosie asked her a direct question, and as she did Sophie raised her eyes from the table and rested them on her ex's beautiful face. She seemed to move in slow motion as Soph stared at her and she thought about what was going on. She painfully swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat however it felt like it was still there. Suddenly Sophie was emotional, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the close proximity of the girl she loved, used to love! Yes, used to love… Maybe it was a mixture of the two. Sophie licked her lips. Sian seemed to glow, her eyes were piercing and she radiated such warmth and friendliness, like you just wanted to touch her and cuddle her. Or maybe that was just how she made Sophie feel. She really wanted to touch her. But how could she? Sophie forced her eyes closed and tried to force it back down, all what she felt for these past four years. She opened them again and Sian was giggling, kind of leaning towards Rosie and she had her hand to her lips and then began biting on the tip of her thumb.
Sophie just couldn't take it. She went to get up but before she could..
"I bet that wasn't awkward!" Rosie was laughing and even Jason was cracking a smile.
Sophie had no idea what they were on about.
Sian spoke from around her thumb. "That first night Soph, in my single sleeping bag.." she said as she trailed off, being as seductive as she could.
Sophie had become quite good at hiding what she was feeling. She never used to be able to, but with all the questions about Sian over the years, she knew exactly how to do it. She grinned and winked at Sian, "I liked it, even if I did feel a bit claustrophobic". She didn't intend the sarcasm, but it leaked out all the same. She tapped Jason on the knee to get him to move.
"Where are you going?" Rosie asked, still laughing from her sisters' strange comment.
"Can't I even go to the toilet now?" Sophie kept her tone even whilst widening her eyes at Rosie. She really didn't want anyone following her and so did her best not to arouse suspicion. It wasn't lost on Sian, however.
Sian watched as Sophie disappeared down towards the toilets. The blonds smile had dipped however she kept an effort up for the rest of the table. She saw something in Sophie's eyes, something like.. panic? It reminded her of four years ago. She knew something was wrong and had to go after her. Sian got up from the table and almost climbed over Rosie who pushed herself back in the booth as much as possible as she realized what the blond was doing.
"Sian?" Rosie squealed.
"I'm sorry", Sian hurried as her leg got caught against Rosie's knee and it sort of, turned her around where she stood. She balanced herself and wiped her hands on her jeans awkwardly. "I just gotta.." she trailed off, and sort of pointed to the bar and then walked towards it. Her mind was far too focused on Sophie to care about what the others thought. She looked towards where Sophie disappeared and knew, deep down that the brunette had bolted. Sian did an about turn and exited the pub out the front doors, making sure she didn't attract the attention of Rosie and Jason as she went.
Sian did a left outside the pub and saw Sophie a few yards ahead vanishing into the darkness. "Soph!" she shouted as she ran to catch her up.
Sophie was power walking, tears in her eyes, oblivious to her surroundings and the fact it was cold and she had no jacket. Her breath was visible in front of her as she forced it out with every step; she needed to get this day out of her head, it was making her think about things in a way she really shouldn't be thinking about them. Her stomach was doing somersaults and her heart was thumping, Sian had stirred up emotions that she had long since buried and she just couldn't deal with it. The way those eyes looked into her, the fact that the blond hadn't even touched her but Sophie's skin was tingling and oh when she smiled at her! She had felt like she had when they first got together, when they had first kissed and when they were sneaking about all in the same moment, it was sending Sophie into overload. She heard that voice call her name and suddenly she couldn't breathe. Sophie felt a hand on her arm.
Sian was surprised when Sophie spun around and physically jerked away from her. Sophie took a few steps backwards and Sian stayed rooted to the spot. The blond was upset to see how distraught her ex looked, the expression on her face was painful and it jabbed at Sian's heart. Was she really doing this, to her?
"Don't Sian", Sophie forced out. The emotion in her shaking voice was evident as her breath caught in her heaving chest. She had to make a vested effort to calm down and steady herself, but being in the presence of the beautiful blond certainly wasn't doing her emotional state any favours. Sophie was totally and utterly confused at what she was feeling and what her body was telling her to do. The urge to wrap her arms around the girl in front of her and to capture her lips in a passionate kiss was overwhelming. However she couldn't let herself. Wouldn't. No matter how hard. Sophie sucked in a breath and held it, her hands were half out in front of her to keep herself away. "Just.. don't".
"What happened?" Sian asked softly. Her forehead was creased and she had put her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. The concern was written all over her; she had felt like she was getting somewhere and she really didn't want to lose that. She needed to reach out to her ex.
Sophie felt exasperated. She sighed long and hard and flopped her hands down to her sides to emphasise her feelings. She had been looking up and then brought her eyes to Sian's. She decided to be truthful because if they had to be anything, especially now, it had to be at least that. Her voice was small. "You happened, Sian".
Sian ran her tongue over her lips and grazed the top one with her teeth. She was suddenly extremely nervous. This perhaps could be that serious conversation they weren't yet ready for. She wasn't prepared. "What do you mean?" she said quickly.
Sophie thought that was ludicrous. Her pitch became higher. "What do you mean what do I mean?" she kind of snorted, although she didn't mean to. "You're suddenly here, out of nowhere. I don't know what you're doing, what you want-"
"I don't want anything", Sian interrupted. She needed to try and gain control of the conversation, or she would lose her. She just knew it.
Sophie was getting more worked up by the second. "You do though! Of course you do! I don't know how you expect me to be, but I can't just forg-"
Sian was feeling it now too. She had to be as honest as possible. She could see the vulnerability bubbling over in Sophie and she was afraid she was going to lose everything, all over again. "I'm not expecting you too!" Sian's voice was raised and as high-pitched as it always was when she was emotional. Sophie just stared at her, tears brimming and as if all of her words had fallen out of her. Sian tried again. "I know, right, I know I can't just make it all go away. But I swear I'm not here to hurt you or confuse you or.." Sian's eyes were darting around and her whole body felt like it was fidgeting. "..make you feel worse. It's the total opposite". Her eyes came back to Sophie's. "I just, want to try and make it up-" she took a breath and knew it was the wrong thing to say, "and I don't know if you'll let me but please, Soph, please just let me try-"
Sophie thought the whole thing was incredulous. Another chance! She wants another chance? To what, rip your heart out again? How can she be standing here asking for that after four years, four long years of nothing? Sophie's mind was going off on one. It was past the point of reason and had entered total overreaction. Or maybe it wasn't an overreaction, the facts were still the same. The facts of what had happened. But if Sophie was being rational, perhaps she could have understood what Sian was trying to say, or even if she were prepared to simply listen. However right then, Sophie was victim to her emotions and they were far from rational. Her chest was threatening to explode and her head was buzzing from all she was feeling. She just erupted and her voice carried down the street.
"YOU BROKE ME!"
And things just seemed to freeze. The statement hung in the air before it literally crashed down and Sian felt it, like a million glass shards piercing her all over. She looked at Soph as her face crumbled and the lifeline she had seemed to be holding from earlier snapped and sent her adrift. She was suddenly lost.
Sophie had broken eye contact and was searching the ground. She wasn't cruel and didn't intend to be, however she was honest and that was how she felt and she didn't know how else to describe it. She swallowed and moistened her lips as they were totally dry. She looked back at Sian and felt like weeping, her beautiful girlfriend was utterly crushed and she had caused it. Ex-girlfriend! Yes, ex-girlfriend. How could she forget? Her eyes fell closed. "You can't fix it", Sophie said, no louder than a whisper. And then their eyes met. "You just can't". And she turned and walked away.
Sian stood there for what felt like an age. Sophie's body had long since disappeared and Sian just didn't know what to do. She felt perhaps, that if she didn't move the whole thing wouldn't be over, and she'd be able to do something. Maybe time would rewind and she could say something different. Make Sophie love her again. Do something a different way in the pub perhaps, smile at her more or maybe touch her? She hadn't touched her the last time, maybe that was it.. ? Hell, as long as time was rewinding, may as well go back four years and change it altogether. Yeh, that would work. Sian dropped her head. However she couldn't let it be over, no way. If there was one thing to be learned, it was that as long as there was fight remaining, something could be fought for. She just didn't know if she had the beans. She certainly didn't just then. Her face cracked and she simply wept. She brought her hands to her forehead and as her chest juddered under the weight of her emotions she turned around and began to walk home. Away from Coronation Street.
to be continued.