Part 6.
Sian stood outside her old front door, looking up as if through the wall to the stop of the stairs, where everything had gone so terribly wrong, all those years ago. There was pain in her eyes and she awkwardly pulled at the material at her shoulder, not really sure about any of this. Her expression was one of apprehension. She licked her lips and pulled a key from her pocket, and looked down at it. Well, it's not like you have a choice, is it? she considered, if you wanna stay around here, that is. Sian sighed and knew the voice was right. She just didn't want to walk through that door; for one she didn't really know what she would be presented with, she assumed it would be empty. An empty shell. She snorted, how appropriate. And two, how could she live with that expression on Soph's face? It had burned into her memory at the time, and now she had to live where it had all happened. She sighed.
Then she heard steps. Heels. It had to be Rosie.
"You can't be serious?" the older Webster exclaimed, as she examined the key in Sian's hand.
Sian thought that was a little louder than what was necessary. She turned so she was facing Rosie, and at the brunette's wide-eyed incredulous expression, Sian's shoulders flopped and she did her best not to look completely exasperated and sorry for herself. She didn't succeed however. "I don't have a choice-" she started.
"Of course you do!"
"You think I want to move back in there? Be reminded?" The blonde's tone went high pitched.
Rosie softened a little; Sian looked beaten, however she had to think about her sister, even though she too loved Sian, once. Much like a sister. "And what do you think it'll do to Sophie?" She searched Sian's face and all she saw was pain. She wondered who the blond had, who she could turn to.
"My dad's leaving, having to sell up, so he said I could have the flat, if I wanted to stay". Sian brought her hand to her forehead and, after an attempt to gather herself, pushed her hair away from her face. "So", she sniffed, and shrugged.
Rosie sighed, she really didn't want to hurt Sian but at the end of the day, blood was thicker, right? She quickly shot a glance at the street and saw no one was around. She stepped a little closer to her. Her voice was soft. "Look Sian, about you and Sophie.."
Sian brought her eyes to Rosie's, they almost looked hopeful. She wished for some kind of positive word. Rosie had begun to ever so slightly shake her head, this was hard. "I'm not sure it's for the best-"
"Don't", Sian interrupted, knowing what was coming.
Rosie felt awful.
"Don't do that", the blond continued. Her eyes had filled up and her heart literally hurt her. What had Sophie said? She couldn't think about it. "She'll love me again", her expression looked like it would crumble, "she has too".
Rosie exhaled a breath and simply couldn't say anymore. Everything in her being was telling her this would end badly, for both of them. She had Sophie having nightmares on the one hand and Sian here, who looked like she could barely drag herself out of bed and whose dad, by all accounts was leaving her in her hour of need. Not that he would be any use, anyway, she correctly noted. Sian really did have no one, didn't she.. Rosie's heart went out to her. And then Sian took a step towards the flat. Rosie's head followed her.
Sian sniffed back a breath, "talk to her for me, about this?" she put the key in the lock.
What? Rosie's head screamed. But before she could protest Sian had disappeared, through the door. Great! She had no clue what she was supposed to do about this. How could she tell her sister that the love of her life had moved back in, to their old flat across the street? Ohmygod! Why the hell was she suddenly caught in the middle? She was supposed to have told Sian to back off.
She grumbled. Loudly. She was late for work.
Sophie had had, a shit day. She walked mindlessly along the cobbles with her hands in her pockets, taking in nothing of her surroundings and simply thinking about her lack of sleep, and her reason for said lack of sleep. Can you forgive her? Maybe. Sian seemed to be making an effort, after all. And she was respecting Sophie's boundaries. Since their conversation in the street after that night in the pub, Sian had kept her distance, as if she knew Sophie needed some time before they saw one another again. However her mother had demanded Sian be round for dinner that week, hadn't she? And Sophie was just waiting for her to bring it up. Tomorrow was the end of the week and so Soph supposed she needed to accidentally on purpose run into Sian, at some point. It was only 4pm so maybe she could do that today. But then she didn't really know where to find Sian, at her dads, she supposed. But then she didn't want to just turn up. For one Sian might not be there and two, she didn't want it to seem like she was you know, inviting her or even wanting to see her. Sophie sighed. Her feet dragged as she walked. Why was everything so complicated?
She turned at the end of her path and began walking to her door. Then she stopped. Sophie had been walking with her head down and she was still looking at the ground. She brought her eyes up, however. She could've sworn she had seen Sian just now, over the road. Nawh! Or someone who looked incredibly like Sian, or was blond and extremely good looking, at least.
Sophie didn't really want to turn around. It was definitely someone at her old flat. With boxes. She pondered over it, for a few minutes, while her heart began to thud in her chest.
Suddenly the front door opened and startled Sophie. Rosie reached out a hand and dragged her little sister inside, forcing shut the door behind her. Soph was a little taken aback by the action and just stood there, regarding her sister curiously.
Rosie leaned against the door and forced a smile. "Good day?"
Sophie moved her eyes to the left and then back to Rosie. She had no idea why she was being weird. Not unusual, for her though, Sophie considered and chuckled to herself, a little. "Yeh, not so bad".
Rosie nodded hurridly. "Good, good", she breathed. Her head was struggling with what to do.
They continued to stand there, in the porch, for a bit.
"New neighbours?" Sophie asked.
Rosie feigned ignorance. Her eyes were wide.
"At the flat?" and Sophie gestured to across the street.
"Oh yeah, yeah", Rosie started, nodding, as if it had all suddenly come back to her.
The silence was too much and Rosie dislodged herself from the door, rolling her eyes and pulling Sophie into the living room. Rosie pushed her little sister onto the sofa and she took a seat next to her, pushing her hair behind her ears and gesturing furiously with her hands as she spoke. She was nervous. "There's no easy way to tell you this, just please try not to react".
Sophie met her sister's gaze and she swallowed. She kind of knew what was coming, but promised herself she would be calm about it. At least that was the plan.
Sian had just got out of the shower and pottered around the bathroom, arranging things, and then rearranging them. She looked at herself in the mirror and contemplated what she had become. Alone, pretty much, was all she could come up with. Her mood hadn't improved a dime since Sophie had told her she couldn't fix things out on the street, the other night. It had taken all of her resolve not to give in then, to be fair, and now she was back here. Sian sighed and walked to the bedroom and stood just inside the doorway. At least the place was furnished, she supposed. And at least it wasn't with their furniture, she also supposed. She couldn't imagine that would've made things any better. However this is where they had slept, once. Sian closed her eyes and rubbed her neck. She felt stressed. She turned and walked out and her feet carried her into the living room. She exhaled loudly and opened her eyes. She couldn't help it, her eyes moved to the door that lead to stairs, where Sophie had stood, when she had come in, that time, way back when. Sian felt like she was going to go insane. Literally. Her heart lurched in her chest and she just felt like this was all completely unfair. Hadn't she paid for it? Already? After all this time? After what she had put herself through? After knowing what she had lost? That it was all her own fault?
She thudded herself against the wall as if that would somehow help things. She pulled her eyes away from the image of Sophie stood there and rested her head back against the wall. This was torture. But she didn't have a choice, she wouldn't give up, she couldn't, and she guessed if this was what she had to go through, to get her Soph back, then this is what she would endure. Sian let out a frustrated groan and wrapped her bathrobe even tighter around herself. Doesn't stop it being the hardest thing ever, though does it?
Sian crossed the living room to close the curtains when the buzzer rang causing her to stop in her tracks. She glanced sideways at it wondering who it could be. She didn't really know many people around here, anymore. Perhaps it was Sally inviting her for dinner. She hoped it was Sophie inviting her for dinner. She picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
There was silence, for a minute. It caused Sian to wonder if it was broken. She remembered it was always playing up when her and Soph lived there.
"Sian?" came a voice. The blond would know that voice anywhere.
"Soph?" Sian was a little shocked, she wasn't really expecting Sophie to come knocking, but she would take it. She pulled herself out of her daze. "Uhm, come up". She buzzed her in.
Sian paced a little, this was unexpected. She didn't really know what to do. She messed a bit with her hair, and then remembered she had only just got out of the shower. Should she go and put some clothes on? Some makeup, at least? She must look a state. But then Sophie's seen you naked, with no makeup on, and she called you sexy.. Sian grinned at the memory, momentarily. But you're not together anymore, are you... She paused, looking at the door. That wasn't important, it didn't take this long to get up those stairs, did it? Where was she? Sian bolted for the door.
She swung the door open with such force Sophie pretty much stumbled backwards.
"Soph?" Sian demanded, and then she saw her and took in a breath of relief. Then thought that must've looked a bit desperate and tried to make herself look a bit more suave. She folded her arms across her chest and stuck her chin out. "You alright?"
Sophie regarded her ex and inwardly chuckled. After Sian had burst through the door like her life had depended on it, and then tried to retract it by leaning casually against the wall, Sophie had wondered if the blond knew she was sort of dripping wet in a bathrobe and had nothing on her feet either, for that matter. Sophie licked her lips and took her in, she lightly bit on her top lip. She wondered if Sian had planned it this way..she looked, amazing.
Then Sophie remembered to speak. She shook herself out of her dirty thoughts. "Rosie said you were here.."
Sian removed herself from the wall awkwardly, she was suddenly self-conscious that she was totally naked under the bathrobe. It wasn't even dark yet. Not that that had anything to do with, anything. She cleared her throat. Luckily her bathrobe had pockets. "Yeah", she sighed, "my dad has left so-"
"Yeah Rosie said". Sophie cut in, she knew the reasons why, didn't mean she was anymore happy with the situation, however. Sophie hurried herself along to the point, the anxious feeling in her chest certainly wasn't getting any lighter. "Sian I need to talk to you-"
She had been expecting it, "okay", she fidgeted, "come up". And she turned to the door.
Sophie shot a hand out and grabbed Sian's arm in a kneejerk reaction. Sian looked down at it. They froze there, in the moment. It was the first time they had touched and it was electrifying. Their eyes met and then Sophie let her go and resumed their comfortable distance apart. "I can't", the brunette started, she put her hands in her pockets, "come up I mean". She looked at the ground. "I just can't".
"Oh", Sian returned. She understood, however disappointed she may have been about it.
"But we need to talk", Sophie continued.
Sian thought about it. "The pub then? I can be ready in-"
Sophie started to panic, the reason she had come over was to give Sian a piece of her mind. Even tear her apart, if that was necessary. What did she think she was doing? A constant reminder this was, Sian being back in their flat. How could she even stand it? But when she saw her she had just melted inside. Again Sophie had wanted to wrap her up in her arms and tell her all was forgiven. She looked totally hot, as well. But then she always did. Instead Sophie was coming across a blithering idiot, not really knowing what she wanted to say and she was fully aware of it. "No", Sophie blurted out, "not tonight, and not in the pub".
Sian was a little confused and took a step closer to her ex and was surprised when Sophie didn't back away further. "Tomorrow, then?" her tone was soft. She would do just about anything the brunette wanted of her.
"No".
Sian searched Sophie's eyes, she knew her ex was just about hanging on, here. "..Soph?"
Sophie breathed out quietly and tried to sort her thinking process out. She looked at Sian and when she saw that loving expression she smiled as she felt some sort of calm come over her. "Not tomorrow, you've got to come to dinner then anyway". She paused as Sian acknowledged that. "But I have to ask you some things, Sian, about before-"
"What in the street?" Sian interjected.
"No", Sophie said quietly, "from the last time, we were here".
Sian nodded.
"I have to know some things, because it's all a mess", Sophie gestured at the side of her head, "in here".
Sian was still nodding, "okay", she said. "Anything".
Sophie was lost in the blonds eyes. Her own eyes glistened as the emotion she felt swelled within her. She needed to know the answers, but she wasn't sure she was ready. But she also didn't want Sian to go until she had answered them. And she had to let her know that. Just in case she up and left, again.
"After dinner, tomorrow?" Sian continued.
Sophie took a breath in, went to speak and then paused. She bit on her top lip, again. "I don't know", she whispered.
Sian sort of cocked her head a bit, she was still confused. But she waited for Sophie to speak.
"Soon", was all she could come up with. "Please, just wait for me to ask".
Sian smiled a little, "okay", she said, "I will".
"Promise me". Sophie looked Sian in the eye.
The blond nodded. "I promise".
They continued to look at each other until they both got a little giddy and Soph thought she best leave. They had both started to smile and Sian had never been so glad she had run out the door pretty much naked.
Sophie dipped her head and turned to leave. "Okay I'll see you tomorrow then", she grinned, "for dinner".
"For dinner", Sian repeated, with the biggest genuine grin that had graced her lips since she had come back, "wouldn't miss it".
to be continued.