AN: Okay, guys, I am very, VERY disappointed in the amount of reviews I've been getting and unless I start hearing from you guys, I am going to cut this story and move on to another one, okay? I have still yet to receive any nickname ideas for the binder and pen other than the ones suggested by xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx, and until you guys send them in, I can't get that poll onto my profile, and if I can't get the poll up, you can't vote, and if you can't vote, nobody wins, and if nobody wins, nobody gets a free story dedication. I am not fooling around, you guys, I am dead serious. So unless I start getting more reviews, you might as well kiss this parody good-bye before it ever even gets a chance to really spread its wings and fly. I have a lot more hilarity written in the binder, and I'm really eager to share it with everybody, but unless things start to change, I'm afraid you will never get to see me kidnap Jasper Hale and Jackson Rathbone then watch them come face-to-face. You will never witness Fiyero being attacked by the Beavecoon, nor will you get to watch Captain Jack Sparrow kill a ghost that technically should not be able to die since it is already dead just so that he can get a peanut and then be taken hostage. So review, my pretties. Please, review, because I would hate to have to cut this story's head off while it's still so young.
-Maggie
Disclaimer: Would I be writing this if I owned anything? Would I live in my least favorite state and still go to school? Didn't think so.
Chapter 4: Which Consists of Sticks, Carts, a Discourse on Human Stupidity, and Popularity
*lights go up*
*in the courtyard*
*Elphaba is walking across the stage with her nose in a book, as usual, when all of a sudden, BAM! A boy pulling a cart thingy that has another boy in it who is asleep runs her over. She lays on the ground, looking rather dead*
Galinda: *high-pitched scream* ELPHABA IS DEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! MAGGIE IS AN ELPHIE MURDERER!
Me: WHAT? ME? I LOVE HER TO DEATH, YOU HALF-WIT, WHY WOULD I EVER DO ANYTHING TO HER? HE'S THE ONE THAT GOT CARELESS AND RAN HER OVER!
*She wakes up*
Elphie: ...Woah...That was weird. *stands up and looks around. she smacks the boy in the cart with her book*
Cart Boy (a.k.a Fiyero): HUZZAH WHA? Oh...Right...THIS scene...*massive sigh as he heaves himself out of the cart and rolls his eyes* Alright, let's just get this dumb thing over with already.
*Due to the fact that this is one of my favorite scenes in the play, I refuse to parody it, and therefore, we're just gonna skip ahead to the Ozdust*
*at the Ozdust Ballroom*
*Elphie is dancing*
Fiyero (standing at the side of the stage watching with Gali): She just doesn't give a stick about what other people think of her, does she?
(Man, I love that line! "Give a stick!" I started saying that after I saw the play!)
Galinda: Of course she does...She just pretends not to so everybody will think that she's strong...*hand him her training wand and starts dancing with Elphie*
S.S: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! FREINDSHIP! *applause*
Adam: Are they REALLY that stupid?
Me: Read GelNimbus's "A Discourse on Human Stupidity," it should explain things. *hands him a copy of it that magically appeared out of thing air*
Adam: *reads "Discourse" and nods* Ah. Gotcha.
Joe: HEY! WHERE'S EUGENE?
Eugene: I'M RIGHT HERE, NO NEED TO YELL! SHEESH! YOU'RE, LIKE, A HUNDRED BAZILLION TIMES LOUDER WHEN YOU'RE ON THAT STUPID LOUDSPEAKER!
Joe: Duh! That's why it's called a LOUDspeaker, you bonehead!
Eugene: *changes set while grumbling to self*
*YAY! POPULAR SET!*
Galinda: Let's tell secrets!
Elphie: ...Oh, sweet Lurline, have mercy on my soul!
Galinda: Okay, I'll go first! Fiyero and I are going to get MARRIED!
Elphie: *is shocked* He asked you already?
Galinda: No, but he's going to, he just doesn't know it yet-uh! (the first time I saw Wicked, the actress playing Glinda/Galinda actually said it this way! Hands on her hips, huge grin on her face, next to Elphie's bed: "No, but he's going to, he just doesn't know it yet-uh!" It was the funniest thing!) Now you tell me one!
Elphie: Alright, uh...(can't remember what she said here, so I'm making something up, but if you remember, please tell me so I can edit!) I can see just fine without my glasses and don't actually need them.
Galinda: That's it?
Elphie: What else could I possibly tell you?
Galinda: SOMETHING! Liiiiiiiiike...*snatches bottle* How come you keep this funny little green bottle under your pillow, huh? *waves bottle around in air, perched on the edge of Elphie's bed)
Elphie: Give me that! *grabs bottle and holds it near chest* It was my mother's, okay?
Galinda: *whiny* Oh, come OOOOOOOOOON-uh! I told you a really, REALLY good one!
Elphie: *sighs*
*there is a pause*
Elphie: My father hates me.
Galinda: *horrified gasp*
Elphie: That's not the secret. The secret...is that he has a good reason.
Galinda: What do you mean?
Elphie: It's my fault that Nessa...is the way she is. See, when my mother was pregnant with her, my father started to worry that the baby might come out...you know...green. So, he made her chew milkflowers. It made the baby come early and when Nessa came out, her little legs were all tangled up. And none of it ever would've happened if it weren't for me.
Galinda: Oh, well that was the milkflowers' fault, not yours. (this part cracked me up both times I saw the play and the second time, I actually said it with her)
Tender friendship moment that is sweet and should not under any circumstances be parodied, so I am skipping ahead
Galinda: Oh, look, it's TOMORROW! (cracked me up, said it w/ her the 2nd time) And Elphie-Oh! Do you mind if I call you Elphie?
Elphie: Well, it's a little perky...
Galinda: And you can call me...*puts one hand on hip and other in the air and does slight dramatic pause* GA-LINDA! (1st time I saw it, actress actually did this) Anyway, Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project.
Elphie: ...*stares at her in slight panic* ...You really don't have to do that...(actress sounded slightly horrified 1st time I saw it)
Galinda: I know. That's what makes me so nice.
Me: *muttering to Adam under breath* Figures this would be the one scene she does perfectly the first time around.
Adam: *nods in agreement*
Galinda: *ignoring us and singing* When ever I see someone less fortunate than I-and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate that I?-my tender heart tends to start to bleed. And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over, I know I know...exactly what they need...And even in your case-Though it's the TOUGHEST case I've yet to face...Don't worry, I'm determined to suceed...Follow my lead, and yes, indeed. You...will...be...Popular! You're gonna be Popu-u-ler, I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys-
Elphie: Girl, how you think I picked up Fiyero?
Fiyero: Yeah!
Galinda: *ignoring them, determined to finish her solo without jacking it up* little ways to flirt and flounce! Ooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair *starts undoing her braid and takes off her glasses* everything that really counts to be Popular! I'll help you be Popu-u-ler! You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know, so let's start! Cuz you've got an awfully long way to go...Don't be afraid of my frank analysis, think of it as personality dialisis! Now that I've chosen to become a paaaal, a sister, and advisor, there's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to Popular! I know about Popu-u-ler, and with an assist from me, to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were-uh, are-there's nothing that can stop you from becoming Popu-ler!...Lar! Laaa, laaaa, laaaa, la! We're gonna make you Pop-u-ler! When I see depressing creatures with unprepossesing features-
Elphie: *slightly offended* Are you saying I'm ugly?
Galinda: *ignoring, still determined to do her solo without jacking it up* I remind them on their own behalf! To. Think. Of. Celebrated heads of state or 'specially great communicators! Did they have brains or knowledge, don't make me laugh! *pauses, turns, points Elphie* (spoken) Don't. (actress really did this 2nd time I saw it) *pauses again, looking at her sternly* (singing again) They were Popular-Please! It's all about Popu-u-ler! It's not about apptitude, it's the way you're veiwed, so it's very shrewd to be! Very, very, Popu-u-ler, like me.
Not going to parody this bit of dialogue, it's one of my fave parts, so deal with it, dashnas!
Galinda: ...You're welcome...And though you protest your disinterest...I know clandesteinedly...
Adam: Is that even a word?
Me: Yeah, it means "from past experience."
Galinda: *ignoring, still determined* You're gonna grin and bear it, your new found Popu-larity! Ah! *sees reflection in hand mirror and holds it up to admire self* (spoken) Helloooo! (singing) Laaa laaaa laaaa la! You'll be Popular! Just not quite as Popular aaaaaas meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
AN: I know there's not much parody in this chapter and it mostly just follows the exact script of the play, but like I said, I'm extremely disappointed in the lack of reviews. I get a lot of feedback from xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx and areyoufeelingwicked, but other than that, I don't hear from very many people. So, consider the lack of humor in this chapter your punishment. It will begin to pick up again AFTER I start getting more reviews, understood? I hate to do this to you, my pretties, I really do, believe me, but I don't know what else to do that will make you review.
-Maggie