AN: I threaten to DISCONTINUE and I STILL only get TWO MEASLY REVIEWS? *crosses arms and shakes head* Wow. What has this world come to?
Chapter 5: FIYERO IS THINKING! *DUN DUN DUUUUUN!*
*lights go up*
*in Dillamond's classroom the next day*
Elphie: *practicing hair toss* Toss, toss!...Toss, toss!...Toss, to- *almost hits Fiyero* HEY, PAL, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE-Oh, hi, Fiyero!
Fiyero: Hi, Fae!
Joe: A-HEM, can we stick to the script, please?
Fiyero: Oh, right, sorry. *clears throat* *snicker*
Elphie: What is so funny?
Fiyero: Nothing, it's just, well...you've been...Galindafied. (man, i love that line!)
Elphie: *rips flower clip out of hair* *puts one hand to head and makes face of pain* ...O-ow!
Fiyero: Are you okay?
Elphie: I think I just...*checks clip* Yeah, that ripped some hair out.
Dillamond: Today is my last day.
Elphie: *flips out* NOOOOO! I WON'T LET GROMMETIK MURDER YOU!
Gregory: Elphaba, sweetheart, that's the novel, honey.
Elphie: Oh, yeah. My bad. *continues throwing temper tantrum*
Random Ozian Official (ROO): Okay, everybody! Observe! THIS is a cage!
S.S (gathering around cage): Ooooooh!
ROO: And THIS is a Lion Cub that is INSIDE the cage!
Elphie: *freezes mid-tantrum* Wait, what did he just say?
S.S: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
ROO: AND, students! Did you know that soon, ALL the Animals in Oz will be in cages! And once THAT has been accomplished, they will never again speak!
Elphie: Saywhatnow?
S.S: Double ooooooh!
ROO: And now, class, observe. *holds up patented industrial strength mallet* As I hit it with this patented insustrial strength mallet.
Elphie: SAYWHA?
S.S: Double aaaaaah!
Elphie: NOOOOO! I WILL SAVE YOU, LITTLE CUB!
Cub: Rawr.
Elphie: *does funky voo-doo magic thingy*
S.S & ROO: *flailing uncontrollobly* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
Cub: Who's cowardly now, suckahs?
Elphie: QUICK FIYERO, GRAB THE CAGE!
Fiyero: AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! *grabs cage and follows Elphie*
Cub: OH, YEAH, I AM SO GETTIN' OUTTA THIS TRASH HOLE! CATCH YA'LL ON THE FLIPSIDE, DINGLESQUATS! *gives ROO and S.S the finger*
*Adam and I exchange glances*
Me: Since when do Cubs his age know about "the finger?"
Adam: Maggie, there are four-year-olds that CUSS these days. As in "the F-Bomb."
Me: Point taken.
*outside, Lion Cub Scene set*
Elphie: CUT IT OUT, YOU'RE SHAKING THE CAGE, STUPID!
Cub: I really do not enjoy this. I feel like I'm about to hurl.
Me: I am NOT cleaning it up if he does.
Adam: Ditto.
Fiyero: HOLY SHIZNIT, I AM BLEEDING!
Adam: This is one of my favorite parts!
Me: I know, me too!
*we lean forward in our seats, grinning like idiots*
Edward Cullen: *rolls eyes*
Me: *kidnaps him, (vamp)Bella, and Alice*
Elphie & Yero: HOLY SHIZNIT, OUR HANDS ARE TOUCHING!
Alice Cullen (who is my hostage): OHMIGAWD, I LURVS WICKED!
Me: IKNOWRIGHT!
*we hug*
Fiyero: *lets Cub go*
Cub: *running off into woods* FREEDOM! FREE-E-EDOM!
Fiyero: Uh...I...gotta go...I guess...Bai!
Elphie: Kaybai!
*he runs off*
Elphie: ...So how much longer until we get to make out?
Fiyero: *offstage, w/ Adam* I know, right? That was LAME! What was the POINT if we don't even get to SMOOCH?
*Eugene changes set*
*at train station*
Galinda: ELPHIE, FIYERO IS MOODIFIED AND EVEN WORSE, HE'S *dramatic pause* thinking!
*DUN DUN DUUUUN!*
Elphie: *gasp of horror* Thinking?
*DUN DUN DUUUUN!*
Galinda: THINKING!
*DUN DUN DUUUUUN!*
Fiyero: Hey, ladies! *holds out boquet* I got you some flowers, Elphaba! So, listen, I've been thinking-
*DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!*
Fiyero: OH, WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT ALREADY, SCHWARTZ!
Stephen: *sticks out tounge*
Fiyero: *looks me* MAAAGIIIIIE!
Me: OH, QUIT WHINING!
Fiyero: But-
Me: Don't MAKE me end this chapter, Tiigelaar!
Fiyero: ...
Me: That's what I thought.
Galinda: I AM CHANGING MY NAME FROM NOW ON, THE "GA" IS SILENT-UH! MY NAME IS NOW GLINDA!
*at the EC*
Gate Guard (GG): Here, put these green glasses on before you go in.
*girls put them on*
Elphie: *twitching eyelid* Strange uncontrollable urge to-(singing) THERE ARE BUILDINGS TALL AS-*claps hands over mouth*
Glinda: What the...?
Me: LIGHTBULB!
Guard: The Wizard will see you now!
*in the throne room*
Big Metal Head (who me and my brother call Whompa-Whompa because that's what his eybrows do when he talks): I AM OZ! THE GREAT AND THE TERRIBLE! WHO ARE YOU?
Elphie: Uh...Elphaba?
Whompa-Whompa: YOU SOUND UNCERTAIN. DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR OWN NAME?
Elphie: *sigh* MY NAME IS ELPHABA, BUTT-MUNCH!
*Whompa-Whompa powers down*
*Quasimodo appears*
Glinda: OHMIGAWSH, IT'S THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME!
Me: OKAY, WHO LET MONKEY-BUTT-FACE IN?
*Quasimodo gets kicked out*
Me: *muttering under breath* Though the REAL Wizard is just as ugly if not more so...
Alice: *giggles and nods*
Wizard: HERE I AM!
*cricket chirp*
Wizard: *disappointed* Everybody's a critic.
Me: Yes, but you are your own WORST critic.
Wizard: True, true. *turns to Elphaba* You. *points* Here. *gives her the Grimmerie*
Please note that the exchange between Glinda and Morrible about to take place was an actual occurance the first time I saw the play. Thank you.
Glinda: *gasp* Is that...*turns to audience w/ hands on cheeks* the Grimmerie?
Morrible: Yeeees...
Glinda: *takes one step towards it with arm partially extended, voice half-gaspy, half-squealy* Can I touch it?
Morrible: No!
Glinda: *gasp of horror*
Elphie: Wow. Really?
Glinda: *shrugs sheepishly*
Elphie: Look, shiny object!
Glinda: *whirls around* WHERE?
*the Pink Panther Diamond randomly appears floating in thin air*
Glinda: Oooooh! Shiny!
Me: Really, Glinda, really?
Glinda: Sorry. It's a natural instinctive reflex that I have no control over.
Elphie: *chants*
Chistery: *grows wings*
Elphie: OHMAHGAWSH, YOU PEOPLE USED ME! *steals Grimmerie and runs*
Glinda: *groans* I'll go get her...*follows*
*in tower*
Glinda: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!
AN: DUN DUN DUUUUN! CLIFFY! I usually don't do cliffies like this, but, HELLOOOO, PEOPLE! This is the DG (Defying Gravity) we're talking about here that is about to happen! That song deserves its OWN chapter! And yes, I know I totally skipped Sentimental Man, but I did that on purpose. When I get up to the part where Wonderful usually happens, I'm going to skip that, too, and I'll tell you why I am doing this: I hate the Wizard's guts. Probably more than the rest of you combined. I loathe him more than anyone or anything else in the universe. The man does not deserve to have even so much as one gazillionth of a song. The only true thing that comes out of his mouth throughout the entire play is the part in Wonderful where he calls himself a corn-fed hick. Everything else he says is a total lie and you all know it. I hate him, his guts, and and I flat out refuse to include his (albeit horrible) songs in any of my fics, parody or otherwise. If you don't like it, then too bad, dashnas, deal with it! Oh, and if you're wondering what a dashna is, it's going to be explained probably within the next few chapters or so.
xoxo-
Maggie
PS: areyoufeelingwicked and xxFroggyFernyCabbagexx: This chapter is dedicated to the two of you! Thank you both so much for sticking with me through all of this insanity and continuing to review when everybody else seems to have given up on doing so! You two keep me going and if it weren't for you guys, I probably would've given up by now! You are my most dedicated readers, and I love you both so much! I know we haven't known each other for long, but you guys are the closest friends I have on here so far, and you are both AMAZING! *gives each of you a virtual hug and chocolate chip cookie*