Part 12.
Sian sat in the Rovers, in a kind of daze. She idly chewed on the tip of her little finger, whilst her other hand clutched a rag across the table. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the wall, not taking in anything at all. She was drained and exhausted and to be fair, she looked it.
"Hey", a familiar voice came floating towards her. Sian looked up, "that table aint gonna clear itself".
Sian snapped herself out of it, "oh, sorry Becky", she sighed as she stood up. The blond took a deep breath and began picking up some glasses.
Becky regarded Sian sympathetically. She thought she might like to strangle that younger Webster. Becky had always liked Sian, they had become pretty close when she worked there before, and now, after the events of a few days ago, Sian had pretty much let everything out on her first day back to work, and so Becky knew everything. She moved herself around the bar. "C'mon love, put those down", she said as her heart went out to the girl. She held her arms out as she went to Sian.
"Becky I'm fine-"
"Really?" She wrapped her arms around her as Sian put the glasses back down. "You look worse than you did yesterday".
Sian breathed out a shaky breath and tried to get a grip. She just felt so upset all the time she didn't know how to deal with it. It was all this not knowing, not knowing what Soph wanted or even if she still loved her. Well, she kind of knew, but she didn't at the same time. She sure wasn't showing it.
"I just don't know what to do", Sian said, in total desperation. She flopped back down on the stool and held her head between her hands. She shook her head, a bit. "What is she doing to me?"
"She's being an idiot, that's what she's being", Becky offered, taking the seat opposite.
"Why can't she just tell me, either way?"
Becky looked into Sian's eyes and felt just awful, for her. She was sure Sophie was just, trying to sort her own head out but Sian was just dying here. If she had her way, she'd be over the Webster's right now giving Sophie what for and dragging her across the street to talk to Sian, if that's what it took. But Sian had been adamant she didn't want that when they spoke the other day, so Becky had managed to restrain herself. It was hard, mind you. "What if she told you she couldn't do it?"
Sian darted her eyes to Becky's, she didn't really want to think about that, and her expression screamed it.
Becky flinched a bit, in her seat. "I'm just saying, you should maybe, think about it".
Sian rested her forearms across the table and looked like she would cry. She felt like that all the time, at the moment, and it made her feel pathetic. "Why would she say that though? She thought I slept with him, and now she knows I didn't-"
"You kissed him though-"
"Yeah and I can explain that". She sighed loudly, she was sick of hearing the words come out of her mouth. She went to say something else, but had to look away. She was tired, of the whole thing. She just wanted Soph to kiss her, and to hold her. And then everything would be okay.
Becky leaned across the table on her elbows. She opened her mouth to speak, to a breath and closed it again. For the first time in, maybe forever, she was trying to choose her words carefully. She caught Sian's attention and looked deeply into her eyes. "You two have a lot to work through; she made you miserable, as if you can't remember. And that was through lack of communication, so, when you do talk, make sure she knows her part in it, and no taking her back just because it's easy", she brought her index finger up and half pointed it at her barmaid. "I'm telling you, it'll end just the same if you do".
Sian knew she was right. All she wanted was to feel Sophie's lips on hers; it was doing her head in that near kiss a few days back in the Webster's back garden. It replayed in her head about a thousand times a day. But if she wanted a relationship with Soph again, they were going to have to sort out what went wrong in the first place. She swallowed and licked her lips and lightly nodded her head.
Becky was still glaring at her. "Promise me".
Sian spoke quietly. "I promise".
Becky dropped her hand back to the table. "Riiiight", she answered in a way that said she didn't believe her. "See that you do".
"Uhhhhhhh, there's punters that want serving over here!" Steve commanded from behind the bar.
Becky rolled her eyes. "Alright!" she breathed as she stood up. She turned to him, "and what is it that you're doing?" she raised her voice, "standing there and looking pretty dunt work for you Steve".
He leaned on the pumps, "that's what I pay bar staff for", he said as he gestured to Sian.
"Oi, leave her alone. Won't hurt for you to do a bit of work from time to time, other than just standing there barking orders".
Steve seemed affronted, "it's my bar!"
"Becky, it's alright", Sian started as she began picking up glasses.
"And a smile wouldn't hurt either", he continued, as his head followed her from table to table.
Becky approached the bar and laid her arms across it; she was facing him and had a forced smile on her lips. "Stevie.."
He looked at her.
"Another comment like that and you'll feel my knee somewhere it shouldn't be felt, you get me?" That shut him up. His eyes went wide and he just sort of stared at her, not knowing what to say. Becky slapped him twice lightly on the side of his face. "Good boy". Her expression dropped, "now, the bitter wants changing", and she moved round to the other side of the bar.
Rosie had sort of been watching this from across the bar. She took note of how upset Sian looked, and she had done for the last hour and a half. She sighed. She really was going to kill that little sister of hers. Jason was jabbering on in her ear.
"Babe, are you listening to me?" he said.
She huffed at him. "Yes babe, the laminator broke at work and now you're behind.." she brought her eyes to him.
He was holding his pint and put it down on the mat, carefully. "Cement mixer-"
"What?" she closed her eyes. He did her head in, sometimes.
"The cement mixer, Rosie, what do I want a laminator for?"
She shook her head, "I don't know, whatever, look, I've got to go".
"Why? Thought we were having a conversation.."
She softened, a bit. "We are, I'm sorry, can you come over in half an hour? I've just got something to do". She picked up her bag and started to put on her jacket.
"Fine".
She put her arm around his shoulders, "And I'll make it up to you", she had a glint in her eye, "I promise".
It really didn't take much to break Jason's resolve. Especially with the suggestion of sex. He let out a smile, "Alright, but your parents better be out, I don't like sleeping on the sofa".
Rosie grinned and kissed him on the cheek, "don't worry, and if they are, I'll just join you on the sofa".
"Right yeah, 'coz that wasn't awkward last time when Kev got up early".
Rosie started giggling, she found that hilarious, at the time. Her dad had looked mortified, at the sight of Jason's ass glaring up at him from the sofa. It was the only time she had heard her him sort of scream. No one was allowed to talk about it, even now. "See you later babe", she said, before leaving the pub.
She entered the house and went straight for Sophie's bedroom. The downstairs lights were off and she knew the exact mood her sister would be in. Not wanting to talk to anyone and just going to bed. More than likely she was reading old text messages between her and Sian. Yes, she had kept them. All of them. Sweet but, Sophie really did need to get a grip! Sian was just over the road, and everything could be sorted, if she would just go see her.
Rosie lightly knocked on her sister's door and went in. "Soph?"
Okay so she wasn't exactly moping about reading texts, she was at her computer, typing at something that she closed as soon as she heard Rosie.
"Rosie?" she said, as she sniffed loudly and wiped at her eye.
Rosie sighed automatically and she moved towards her younger sister who immediately got up and went to the other side of her bed, in reaction. Weird. She thought it was time for tough love. "What are you doing?" she asked.
Sophie just shrugged. "Nothing".
Rosie took a seat on the bed. "Why haven't you spoke to Sian?"
Sophie looked up to the ceiling and felt a whole weight of emotion land on her. Hard. "I just haven't, okay?"
Rosie was taken aback by the outburst, but wasn't going to let Sophie off the hook. If she was going to have to make her go, she would. "She's not going to wait around forever for you, Sophie, you do know that?"
"I know", she thought she was going to cry. But she held it in.
Rosie was off the bed, "so go talk to her!"
"I can't! Alright, I just can't!"
"Why? I don't get it, it's been three days Soph. She's waiting for you, and she looks like she's ready to kill herself-"
"Don't say that!" It was the worst thing her sister could've said. Sophie chewed on her bottom lip and pushed her hair over her head. She didn't know what to do, and she physically shook with the apprehension she felt.
"Well you owe her Sophie, you love each other and there's like this big.." she couldn't find a word, "thing hanging over the pair of you". She shook her head, "don't you want her anymore, is that it?"
"Of course not!" Sophie sat on the bed. She felt helpless, her voice went quiet, "I want her more than anything. I love her soo much". A tear fell from her eye.
Rosie let out a breath and took a seat next to Sophie. She placed an arm around her sister's hunched shoulders. Rosie spoke softly, "Isn't that all that matters?"
Sophie moved her head and looked into her sisters eyes. The stress of the whole thing was breaking her, little by little. "What if I fuck it up again?"
In that moment Rosie's heart went out to her. She had no idea, she had been stressing over this. Rosie cupped her little sister's cheek. "Honey, you can't know what's going to happen. You've just got to try, if she's what you want".
The tears started to come, but she didn't move from Rosie's embrace. "She is what I want. But what if she leaves me? What if I can't do it? If I let her in, and I mess it up", her words seemed to be pushing her over the edge, as her words became shaky and her pitch went all high. "I don't think I could deal with her going, again. It would kill me". And then she let the emotion take over.
Rosie grabbed her by the shoulders, she understood what Sophie was saying, lord knew she was there when it all went wrong before. But she didn't think not even trying was the answer. "Sophie, look at me".
Sophie brought her gaze to her sister. Her face was all red and her eyes puffy, the weight of what she was feeling showing clearly on her face. Sophie looked to her sister for some kind of answer, she needed telling what to do she was that lost.
"I know you're scared", she shook her head, "I was there, I know how hurt you were, but this time, you've just got to do it differently". Rosie felt a little lost herself, she didn't know what to say to get Sophie a little confidence to just get her to the same room as Sian. She took a breath. "Do you love her?"
Sophie nodded.
"Do you want to be with her?"
Sophie nodded.
"I mean more than anything else, more than the uncertainty of what you're feeling, try and think around that. Do you want her in your life?"
Sophie nodded.
"Then it doesn't matter if you think you'll fuck up. She might be thinking the same thing. She's far from perfect. But she's here, for you. And if you let her walk out of your life, which she will do, won't you regret that, for the rest of your life?"
Sophie thought about it for a moment, she knew she didn't want that. She didn't want Sian gone. That broke her heart more than anything else. So she nodded.
Rosie forced out a breath. "Then go to her babe, figure out a way where neither of you will fuck up. Or, forgive each other when it happens. Everyone fucks up. I do it every time Jason thinks I'm listening to him about work", then she smiled, "but he loves me, so". She ran a thumb over Sophie's cheek, wiping away the tears. Sophie looked at her. "You've got to try", and then she shrugged, "or you could be missing out on the best thing ever".
The pub was empty, and dark, as Sian wiped the last few tables. It was taking her ages it seemed, but she supposed that was because she was miserable. She had her back to the majority of the pub as she leaned over the last table. She left the rag in the middle and leaned her weight onto her hands. She hated this. She lifted her head and turned around.
Sophie was there.
Sian pretty much jumped out of her skin and would've fallen backwards, if the table hadn't of been there. "Soph!" she breathed. "You scared the shit outta me".
Then she noticed. Sophie looked, different. Sian took a step closer, but there was still quite a distance between them. The brunette's face was a little scrunched up and her breathing was ragged. Her hair was dishevelled and her fists were clenching and unclenching at her sides. The darkness of the room hid it a bit but, Sian could see Sophie was totally upset.
Sian was immediately concerned. Like everything else of importance went out of her brain, all she cared about was Sophie. "What's wrong?"
Sophie tried to speak, but she couldn't. She didn't know where to start with what she wanted to say. It was all a mess in her head, a huge mess and she couldn't make sense of it. She just looked at Sian, and that made her even more upset. Her beautiful blonde looked totally knackered and Sophie knew it was her fault, it was all her fault. How the hell was she meant to make this up? Sophie breathed in and her lips parted; she caught Sian's gaze but got lost; her eyes were magnificent, as they always were.
Sian fidgeted a little bit and looked away. She wanted to demand why on earth Sophie would believe Ryan, and would think that of her. She wanted to shout at her ex and hold her, in equal measure. She hated the world for sticking her in this situation. She hated the fact that she just couldn't be with the girl she loved, not easily, anyway, and not without all this stress and heartache. She cursed it. Why was it so hard? Who was writing the script for this? Sian sent out a silent wish that whoever it was, was having a shit time in love, as well.
"I know it's all my fault", Sophie blurted out. The words seem to just fall from her lips and the brunette hoped she would make sense, and that the words would sound as sincere as she felt.
Sian's attention was brought back to her ex. "Soph.." she exhaled, so quietly that Sophie didn't hear her. She just ploughed on, as the emotion seemed to pour out of her.
"I know I should've given you more time, and tried harder to make it work", she seemed to crumble, a little bit. "And I'm sorry, I truly am".
Sian moved towards her but Sophie held out her hands to stop her. If Sian would've cuddled her just then she knew she would've fallen apart. She had to get this out. All Sian could do was stand there and listen.
"You're the love of my life, the first person I ever loved and that will never change. But I don't know, if I can risk going through that again". She brought her one hand to her face and wiped away her tears. She pushed her hair back and looked away and towards the bar, taking in a deep breath trying to compose herself. After a few moments she kind of, grinned, as she regarded herself with distain. "I'm a fuck up", she shrugged, "what if I fuck it all up again?" And then she looked at Sian as if everything depended on what her answer would be.
Sian had been leaning slightly against the bar; her heart pounded deeply in her chest for Soph and she had waited patiently for her opportunity to speak. Sophie had never been great at talking about her feelings, but when she did Sian knew better than to interrupt her. She had been running her tongue over her bottom lip and then pulling it through her clenched teeth. All she wanted, more than anything else on the earth was to tell Sophie that none of that mattered, none of those insecurities, because even though she might fuck it up, so might she. And for all the other people she had been in a relationship with, none of them had ever made her feel close to how Sophie made her feel, and for that she would risk everything. That was why she was there. Sian needed her, and that's all she cared about. But how the hell was she going to get Sophie to believe that? And trust that she loved her no matter what?
Sian looked directly at her ex. "Soph when I left, and I ignored all your calls, I was scared. I thought I might come back, and nothing would change, and I couldn't live that way. You're so difficult to talk to, sometimes. It's so hard to get you to see, what you're being like. And then you gave up, I didn't think you would give up so easily". Sian was hurt by the memory.
"It was Ryan-"
"I know Soph". She took a step closer. "I know". Sian shook her head. "But that's all done with now. You might be a fuck up, Sophie Webster, but you're my fuck up". She swallowed hard and hoped to God this would get through. "So I promise, if you don't give up on me, I won't ever give up on you, and we'll make it work together".
Sophie dipped her head and felt Sian's words start to melt her insides. She had a warm sensation rising within her and thought if she didn't feel the blonds arms round her soon, she would die. "But what if you left-"
Sian was adamant but her voice was only a whisper, "I won't ever leave you, not for long, I swear to God-"
"How can you know?"
Sian started to shake her head and her shoulders rose and fell. The answer was obvious, to her. "Because I love you". She let the words hang there, for a moment. "You're it for me, and I came here for you, if you'll have me".
In that moment Sophie thought she didn't deserve her, the blonde was perfect, and Sophie was being an idiot. "You deserve better than me, you know", she sort of smiled.
Sian pulled her lips into a smirk and let out a breath, "then you definitely shouldn't say no to me".
Their eyes met and the moment was lifted, ever so slightly. Sian had her thumbs linked in her back pockets and was jutting her shoulders out, in that flirtatious way she always did. Sophie swallowed visibly as her breath caught in her throat. She had to kiss her, right then. She kind of straightened where she stood and licked her bottom lip, tilting her head just a little bit. And Sian just knew.
She was over in a second and crashed her lips against Sophie's, almost knocking them both over. Their bodies moulded together and Sophie wrapped her arms around the blonde, the sensation lighting her up on the inside as if she had been waiting to feel this her entire life.
Sophie spun them round with the force Sian had run at her with and slammed the blonde into the wall. Sian's feet had left the ground and her legs were wrapped around Sophie's thighs. Soph grabbed one of Sian's legs and pulled it higher, groping at the flesh as if she was trying to make more contact. Her other hand found out Sian's arm and pinned it to the wall.
Sian felt like she was in ecstasy, she let Soph push her tongue into her mouth and she sucked on it, hard. She didn't want this moment to end, it seemed like it was happening in slow motion, but all at once, as well. Sophie's body was pressed hard against her and Sian grabbed at Sophie, pulling at her clothes with her free hand trying to get her closer still. Sophie had pushed her hip against Sian's crotch when she had lifted her leg higher on her hip, and began pushing her weight against her. Sian let out a moan into Sophie's mouth and bit lightly on her tongue, swallowing hard as she felt her stomach muscles contract and she knew she was suddenly getting very, very wet.
Sophie was trembling and knew all of her pent up emotions were forcing their way out of her body in the form of desperate sexual need. She wanted Sian and had to have her, right then. She was running her hands all over the blonde's body and couldn't think of another concrete thought other than pleasuring her girl. Her mind was full of it and the heat that was coming off her was intoxicating. She pulled away from Sian a little, causing the blonde's feet to drop to the floor and immediately put her lips to her neck, licking and sucking on the skin there. The brunette's left hand went to the other side of Sian's neck and held onto her, pushing Sian even more so into her lips.
Sian's eyes rolled back and there was no controlling the bombardment of feelings coursing through her. Not that she wanted to control them, or anything, this was the hottest thing she had felt in years. She was totally on fire and she loved it; everything she had imagined she would feel when Sophie kissed her again had come true, and even more besides. She had forgotten how Sophie knew exactly where to touch her, and when, and it was tipping her over the edge. Sian grabbed Sophie around the waist and pushed a thigh between her legs and she immediately felt Sophie push down onto it. The brunette moaned against her neck and it caused her to suck even harder on her skin. Sian knew she would get a mark but she just didn't care. She needed more of Sophie, and she needed to touch her, everywhere. Sian moved her hands from the top of Sophie's jeans to under her top. She grasped hold of the brunette's sides and slid her hands up, taking the top with her. Sophie's body was hot to the touch and as Sian moved her hands she pulled her closer, and pushed her thigh harder against her.
Sophie was so turned on she couldn't breathe. She let go of Sian's neck and brought her head up so she could look into her girlfriend's eyes. Sophie rested her forehead against the blondes and tried to calm her breathing, closing her eyes in the process as she continued to get more and more turned on by the movement of Sian's wondering hands. She opened her eyes and looked at her girlfriend; she was overwhelmed by the desire and compassion she saw there, it was something she thought she would never see again. Sian wanted her more than anything, and she could see it, being burned into her with a single look.
Sian was reaching overload. She needed to touch Sophie and she needed to do it now. She dropped her hand from under Sophie's top and slipped it down the front of the brunette's jeans. Sophie pushed out a loud breath and moaned at the touch, being both surprised and amazingly turned on by it. She felt Sian's hand run over her underwear and press against her and she let out another moan, as she bit on her bottom lip and looked into her girlfriend's eyes. "Mmhhhmm", was all she could manage.
Sian's eyes were heavily lidded so she flicked them open as she wanted to look into her girlfriend's eyes and see what she was doing to her, as she did it.
"Ahghghghgerrrm!" came a noise from the bar.
Sian quickly removed her hand and jumped behind Sophie who spun around, quickly trying to straighten her clothes.
Becky was at the back of the bar with her arms crossed and a sly grin to her lips. She took a few steps forwards, "oh aye, conversation went well then, I take it?" She eyed Sian.
Sophie stood motionless and Sian didn't know if she just didn't know what to say or was trying to recover from what her index and middle fingers were just doing to her. Sian felt her cheeks go red and she sort of cleared her throat. She thought she'd best take the lead. "I'm so sorry Becky, we just kind of got, carried away".
Sophie licked her lips and tried to form a sentence. "Yehh", was about all she could get out. She looked at Becky and then looked away, immediately.
Becky leaned on the bar, "Ahh its ok love, at least you waited till after hours. Although", she glanced back at Steve who was standing slack-jawed at the optics, "he'd been gone at least ten minutes so that's why I came looking for him". She brought her gaze back to the girls. "God knows how long he's been standing there watching you, but by the look on his face I'd say he got more than just a preview".
Sophie and Sian's eyes went wide and they continued to stand there and stare at Steve, as he stared at them. They were mortified.
Becky thought it was hilarious. She grinned at Steve and moved to his side, grabbing his arm as she did so. "I suggest you two let yourselves out the back, before he starts drooling". She yanked at his arm and pulled him towards the door.
Sian grabbed Sophie's hand and pulled her towards the back door, "we will Becky and I'm sorry".
"Oh don't worry love, I'm going to have loads of fun with this! See you tomorrow".
Sophie and Sian got outside and the cool air hit them and served to cool them down, a bit. Sophie took a deep breath and Sian smiled at her.
"You okay?" the blonde asked, as she sneaked her arms around her girlfriend's waist.
Sophie had her hands at either side of her face and she exhaled, loudly. "Ask me tomorrow when that sinks in". She looked at Sian and smiled, a massive happy and content, albeit sexually frustrated smile. She rested her arms around the blonde's shoulders. "I love you", she stated, matter-of-factly.
That lit Sian right up and her grin pretty much stretched from ear to ear. "I love you too", she replied.
They stood like that for a bit, just staring into each others' eyes. Sophie was the first to break the silence. "So, are you going to finish what you started?"
Sian grinned, "Just try and stop me". She grabbed Sophie's hand and entwined their fingers before leading her down Coronation Street.
To be continued.