Part 15.
Sian had been stood at the back of the bar, slowly cleaning a pint glass for the past fifteen minutes, at least. Her eyes hadn't left her girlfriend and her ex who had spent the last three hours getting more and more drunk in that booth, and were progressively getting more and more.. 'friendly' with each passing second. Sian was pretty certain that this was the worst kind of torture; being forced to watch it and also pretend not to be bothered by it. The blonde's body was tense and she felt this situation was totally unfair. Her jaw was clenched and her neck had been frozen in the same position. The cloth with which she was cleaning the glass was so rammed inside of it that it was threatening to break.
"Glass just about cleaned is it?" Becky asked as she carried a couple of bottles through to the optics.
Sian's head followed Becky but her eyes remained fixed in place. "What?" she asked, not catching a word of what Becky had said.
Becky put the bottles down and turned to Sian. She held a hand out in front of the blonde's face and snapped her fingers, causing Sian to blink and shake her head, her attention now fixed on the landlady. "Sian, really", she started, "snap outta it".
Sian sighed and looked away, feeling a twinge in her neck as she did so. "I'm sorry Becky", she started, flicking the cloth up to rest on her shoulder and putting the class on the back counter. "I'm just.." she trailed off.
"Yeah an idiot!" Becky tried to force into her.
"Oh thanks-"
"No lovey, you're being a doormat", she gestured at Sophie and Maz who were now giggling and leaning all over each other. Laughing at, whatever it was Maz had just said. Becky put her arm around Sian's shoulders. "You want to get over there, and tell that Kaz to do one-"
"Maz", Sian corrected.
"Well, wotever", and Becky looked at the blonde. "If that were Tracey or Sam or, God knows who else getting all familiar with Steve I'd have no trouble grabbin' her by the scruff of her neck and throwin' her through them doors".
Sian smiled, and so did Becky.
"You have my permission", Becky finished.
"Yeah well I don't think Soph would see the funny side of that".
"Who cares about the funny side!" Becky exclaimed, "she'd know better than to set foot round 'ere again tell you that fer nowt".
Sian grinned and shook her head. Becky certainly had a way with words. And a way with life, so it seemed. The blonde looked back to the booth and saw Sophie seemingly having the time of her life, with her ex. In fact for the past three hours all the brunette had done was smile and laugh and have all kinds of fun with Maz, and Sian couldn't help but feel jealous. She wished it was her, sat with Soph, making her laugh that hard, and smile that beautifully. After all the pain and heartache they had been through the last few weeks, they certainly needed it. But it wasn't Sian making Soph that happy over in that booth. And it made the blonde feel, exceptionally sad. Like maybe Sophie would have a better time with Maz, a better life perhaps.
The blonde shook her head, as if that would knock the unwelcome thoughts out of her head. She again, looked back to the booth. It didn't work. And she was driving herself crazy.
"See", she heard Becky say, and Sian moved her head to look at her. Becky nodded towards the booth and then made eye contact with the blonde. Becky's eyes seemed to widen, implying something, and then she said it; "doormat". Becky then moved towards a customer. "Yes, love.."
Sian's eyes darted back towards the booth but were confronted with a close-up of Maz, smiling right at her. Sian had to blink a few times to understand what was happening.
Maz was leaning forwards across the bar on her elbows and was flashing her ex's new girlfriend her best pearly whites. "Any chance ov' anotha couple o' beerz kida?" she asked, perhaps a little louder than she intended.
Sian couldn't help but smile, even though she felt more threatened by this person than she had ever done in her life, by another human being. And in the next two seconds, as she closed the small distance to reach Maz at the bar, and as Sian made eye contact with Sophie's ex, she felt herself smile with her own set of pearly whites and the blond felt the entire thing play out in her head. Complete with snapshot imagery.
Sian took a sharp intake of breath and saw Sophie sit her down in that same booth and as she heard her girlfriend speak, the words that left those soft lips broke up with her. Sian felt her eyes blink but the images remained. She saw Sophie leave the pub, cross the street and link hands with Maz who wrapped her arm around Sophie's waist, a waist that didn't belong to her, and then Sian saw them kiss.. in terrifying slow motion. She felt herself swallow, but again the images remained. Sian saw Sophie raise her hand to cup Maz's cheek, bringing their lips together. And there they're lips remained, lingering together for longer than was necessary. Totally longer than was necessary for any jealous girlfriend's jealous mind. But oh God what a jealous mind it was.
There was a sudden popping like sensation and Sian was catapulted back to reality. The feeling made her jump slightly and her head snapped to the left, and then down and to the right. She realised she was holding a bottle opener in one hand, and a bottle of Bud in the other. She looked back to the bar and saw Maz still looking at her, so the blonde desperately tried to feign some level of composure. "Two beers it is", she smiled. As fake as it was.
Maz screwed up her face a little, "are you okay?"
Sian planted the bottle and opened the other one. She then wiped her hands on her jeans, her palms were suddenly sweaty. "Yeah yeah fine", she answered breathlessly, trying to avoid any kind of eye contact with the long haired brunette. She wasn't sure what might pop into her mind if she looked at her. Luckily Maz became distracted as Rosie came back into the pub.
"Four, eighty, please.." Sian's tone trailed off. She still wasn't meeting Maz's eyes.
"Uhhh I've just had, totally enough!" Rosie slammed her bag on the bar. Her eyes were wide and she was clearly fresh from an argument. "That's the last time I let a man tell me.. anything!" It was as if her brain was turning too fast for her mouth. "I just, can't belie- ugghhhhh!"
Maz handed Sian some change, "just calm down babes", and she put her arm around Rosie's shoulders. "Take a breath and tell me everything. I'm sure I can help". It was as if Maz's slightly slurred words from earlier had suddenly stood to attention at the prospect of a needy girl, and she was in full on charm mode.
Sian closed the register with agitation. She couldn't get the images out of her mind. The replay of Sophie pulling Maz close to her, and kissing her, was too much. She knew it was insane, knew she was out of order, but she just simply couldn't help but feel it. Would Sophie be happier with Maz? They seemed to get on better than when she and Sophie had met up again for the first time the other week... Sian dropped her head. She turned around and walked back with Maz's change.
"Twenty pence change". She looked up as she held her hand out, and saw Maz pull Rosie closer to her, as she told her she could do better than Jason and she never really understood why she was with him, in the first place. And then Maz planted a kiss on Rosie's cheek, and Rosie was charmed. She grinned and giggled much like Sophie had been doing all afternoon and Sian just couldn't take it. She swallowed and wiggled her hand a little bit, "twenty pence change!" she said again, a little more forcefully.
Maz opened her hand and took it. "Thanks", she grinned, noting at how Sian still refused to look at her. "Oh, you may as well get whatever Rosie wants.."
Sian met Maz's gaze and however innocently the huge friendly grin was, Sian's mind read it as in the brunette would win, and she would lose. "Excuse me", Sian breathed and practically dashed for the toilets.
Her fists were at the side of her head as she frantically paced the small space of the Rovers' ladies toilets. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID!" she yelled. As loud as she could. It was a good job the loos were empty. Sian felt like she was losing her mind. All this had come from nowhere, Sophie had done nothing wrong, well, except invite her ex in the first place. But nothing was going on, this was all in Sian's mind. She had to stop thinking this way, that Sophie didn't want her. She had proved she did, the night before in the bar. What they didn't need was the blonde putting more obstacles in the way.
She stopped in front of the mirror and stared at herself. She shook her head, "you're losing it", she sighed. And then she looked at the floor.
Just then Rosie came crashing through the door and stopped when she saw the forlorn expression on the blonde's face. "Sian what's wrong?" she asked as she stopped giggling, clearly on a high from having spent five minutes with the charming brunette... which meant Maz was now alone with Sophie, sitting next to her.. touching her.. Sian closed her eyes and tried to calm herself.
"Nothing", the blonde answered, rather weakly.
"Is it Maz?" Rosie asked, as she approached the sinks and started adjusting her hair in the mirror.
Sian scoffed, "is it that obvious?"
"Well, you did look like you were about to pass out at the bar when you looked at her.." she had got out her lippy and was reapplying as she spoke.
Sian went wide-eyed, "ohmygod did she notice?"
Rosie giggled. "No. I think she is a little bit too drunk".
Sian breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was Maz telling Sophie something was wrong.
"But honestly", Rosie started again, "you really have nothing to worry about". She smacked her lips and put the lipstick back in her bag. "Besides, Maz is totally after me now". She turned and nudged Sian's shoulder, "can't you tell?" she rolled her eyes, "it's like sooo obvious". She grinned and then winked at the blonde before going back into the bar.
Sian sighed, trust Rosie to turn every situation into something about her. She smiled to herself and looked at her feet. Her arms were folded across her chest. But she still didn't know what to do. The images were too fresh and her mind was working overtime every time she saw Soph and Maz together. She contemplated leaving. Maybe that was for the best, to stop her from going overboard and saying what she really felt. Sian took a deep breath and left the toilets.
She went to pick up some glasses from some of the tables when Sophie approached her. She smelt of beer and her cheeks were a little flushed from it. She was giggling, as she had been all afternoon. She put her hands on Sian's waist.
"Hey babe", she started, "are you okay?"
Sian looked at her and immediately looked away. The images were back, and Sian couldn't deal with it. "Yeah fine", was all she said.
"I've missed you-"
The blonde immediately didn't believe her. "You're drunk", she raised her eyebrows, still not making eye contact.
Sophie was a little confused at that, but the alcohol allowed her to let it go. Sian kind of wriggled out of Sophie's grasp and peered around her to Becky.
"Hey Becky is it okay if I go?"
Sophie picked up on that one..
"Yeah babe, course. Thanks for staying over", Becky replied with a smile, and went back to pulling her pint.
"You've stayed over?" Sophie enquired, "how come?"
Sian didn't know what to say. Because I didn't want to sit with you and your ex and I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse to leave without you getting curious. She reluctantly brought her eyes to her girlfriend. Plus I don't trust her with you. Which was the real reason. Luckily Sophie started speaking again without an answer.
"Well as it happens Maz has just got you a drink so come sit down". Sophie grabbed her hand and had half turned to pull her towards the booth.
"No!" Sian demanded, pulling back on Sophie's hand.
"What?" Her brow was furrowed. Now she was concerned.
"I mean, I.." Sian was stuck. "I've just gotta go". And she freed herself from the brunette's grip and hurried outside.
The air hit Sian as she jogged across the street. She was sure she had done it now. It seemed her feet couldn't carry her fast enough.
"Sian, wait!" came the familiar voice. Sian stopped in her tracks and looked to the sky for some kind of help. Her face was crumbling and she was very aware this time, she was the unreasonable one. Sophie reached her and spun her round. "What's going on?" Suddenly she was sober.
"Nothing".
Soph began to shake her head. "Don't start that", she said, licking her lips. "What have I done?"
Sian felt totally pathetic. "You haven't done anything, this is all me.."
"All you what?"
Sian backed away, "nothing, I just need some space, okay?" She was upset. "Go back inside, have fun.."
Soph reached out and grabbed Sian's hand. It made the blonde pause and wish she could stop being so stupid. But she couldn't. She looked at Soph and saw the scene again, exactly where they stood. But it wasn't her Soph was holding hands with, it was Maz. And she had to rip her eyes away, pulling herself again out of the brunettes grasp.
Sophie just didn't understand. And she didn't get why Sian wouldn't talk to her. "So are we here again?" she asked, a plea in her voice and her tone sounded desperate.
And that almost broke her. She had to compose herself and convince Soph it was nothing to do with her. Her voice was quiet, "of course not", and she met Sophie's gaze, pushing the images away from both of them.
Sophie simply shrugged. "Then what?"
"I just had to get out of there", her fingers ran themselves along her thumbs and she took a breath. "But babe trust me, this is nothing you've done. I'm tired, and you're having fun so-"
"I'd have more fun with you", the brunette cut in. Surely the blonde knew how much she meant to her ? She had stayed in the pub all afternoon so at least they could see each other. Sian had seemed pretty busy whenever Sophie had looked at her, and she had done nothing but talk to Maz about how happy she was things seemed to be going good for them.. this right now just seemed so out of the blue. And her heart ached thinking that Sian was upset over something..
The blonde smiled and looked at the ground before glancing back up. "I know. I just need to lay down is all. I'll be alright later.."
She didn't believe her, but at least Sian seemed calmer. Maybe she would open up to her later on. "Well Maz is coming for dinner so if you wanna-"
"No", Sian snapped an answer. The last thing she wanted was to witness a day in the life of their relationship, back when they were together. She was pretty sure Maz would monopolise the conversation and Sally and Kevin would fall in love with her all over again. And would probably prefer it if Soph was going out wi... Shhhhhh her mind spoke up. "I'm going to let you guys catch up-"
"...Sian", Sophie sighed. So that was it. She was jealous.
"Don't say it", the blonde closed her eyes. "I just want some time alone. Please. Let me". She backed away and Sophie let her.
The brunette didn't know what to do as she watched her girlfriend walk away. She threw her hands in the air, frustrated as she hadn't even done anything to make her jealous. But she knew more than anyone what that feeling could do. She had felt it often enough with Ryan constantly hanging about, way back when. "We're going to Shakers later", Sophie shouted after her, "after dinner. Please come?" It was a club night Maz always enjoyed. Old retro stuff from the 90s and Soph had promised she'd go. And she wanted more than anything to dance with her girlfriend again.
Sian glanced over her shoulder, "yeah, maybe", was all she offered. And she was gone.
Soph was stuck. Should she go after her, or give her the space she wanted? Was going back inside with Maz only going to make things worse? But then clearly Sian didn't want her around just then. And Maz wasn't going to be around forever. Sophie bit her lip and kicked a stone across the street. She turned and went back into the pub.