He sat in a small alcove in a forgotten corridor on the fifth floor, with an abandoned book in his lap. His face was turned towards the light coming from the quarter-moon, which shone dully through the foggy glass despite the incessant rain. The boy had deep purple circles under his eyes, and his neatly cropped blonde hair had streaks of grey going through it; his very being seemed to ache with a weariness that was far too old for him to be bearing. He tiredly rested his chin on a hand.

November without snow, Remus had decided, was absolutely the worst thing in the world. Since early November, only a few weeks ago, a freezing rain had been falling at Hogwarts. It was a messy, icy, slushy sort of rain, one that tantalizingly promised of snow and then gave freezing wet mud instead. It was now the middle of the month, yet still the change in the passing weeks had brought no change in weather. Everyone in the castle, professors and students alike, wandered from class to class like tired ghosts while stealing glances at the window with hopeful eyes, only to turn away with a quiet sigh and continue on. The common rooms were less rowdy than usual, as no one quite knew what to do with themselves except apathetically wait for the snow.

Remus had taken to wandering the hallways at night, not even pretending to do his prefect rounds. The dormitories were too cold and too quiet, even interrupted by the soft patter of the ever falling rain, and his thoughts were too loud. He would bring a book with him and find a different window to curl up in each night, but he never finished more than a few pages before he would turn and stare out at the black sky instead. And despite all of his attempts to focus on other things - the novel, the rain, the moon - his mind would always turn back to one thing: Sirius. It had been two weeks since he and Sirius had talked, and yet he couldn't forget. Remus would bow his head and close his eyes and relive the embarrassment each night, and he still couldn't believe how utterly stupid he had been. How had he misread the signs? Had he honestly thought that Sirius, the popular, handsome, funny, straight, Sirius Black, liked him, Remus-the-werewolf? His chapped hands would knot themselves in his hair as he beat himself up over it. Of course Sirius had just been bored. Of course.

Neither of the two boys had been able to make eye contact since that day, and they carefully skirted each other in conversations, only speaking to the other if necessary. Remus's hands tightened in his hair as he thought about his crumbling relationship with Sirius, wishing he could at least salvage the friendship, but maybe, he reflected sadly, not really believing it, it was for the best.

And so the nights passed, with Remus beating himself lower and lower into the ground over what had happened, until he had such low faith in himself that he was nearly broken.

But none of his friends noticed. James was kept entirely busy with five Quidditch practices a week, despite the relentless freezing rain, and he had to balance his enormous amounts of homework on top of that; any spare time he had left was divided into pranks and Lily - and even then he nearly didn't have enough time to pine over the love of his life. Poor Peter was so overwhelmed with the course work and the preparations for O.W.L.s already that he didn't have any time to notice anyone's problems but his own. And Sirius, well, Sirius noticed, his stormy eyes watching Remus carefully, but he didn't dare say anything.

A certain pretty redhead, however, did notice. Lily and Remus got on fairly well, much to James's resentment, because Lily admired the quiet marauder and his dedication to his books. And she remembered that he had let her sit in his compartment that first train ride to Hogwarts. Every so often they would have lively conversations about muggle novels or tricky spells or other interesting things, until they viewed each other with a friendly demeanor. And Lily noticed when the conversations stopped - that's when she began to watch Remus carefully.

One Saturday, after Remus had slipped back to bed late and woken up even later, Lily caught sight of Remus emerging from the boy's dormitory. The area under his eyes were puffy and he could barely keep his eyes open, but that's not what concerned the redhead - no, it was the emptiness of his face that worried her. The common room was mostly empty, as most were eating breakfast, and Remus had his pick of the chairs as he settled down near the fire. Lily couldn't stand it anymore, so she went over towards the boy.

"Remus," she said, looking around hesitantly, "are you alright?"

Furrowing his brow slightly, Remus shrugged. "Sure," he responded quietly, not meeting her eyes.

Lily let out a soft huff, looking at him kindly with her green eyes. "You just seem very.. tired, lately, that's all. More than usual, I mean." The boy always looked tired, after all. Lily opened her mouth again but then closed it. She couldn't think of a way to describe the weariness, the blankness that she saw in him lately. Remus let out a small smile that didn't reach any part of his worn-out face.

"It's just the rain. I'm not very fond of the rain."

--

She had let it go, realizing that he wouldn't tell her anything else, but Lily kept a close watch on him. Just in case. And when Remus still appeared each morning with bleary eyes and an apathetic face, she finally decided that she needed to do something, even if it wasn't her place. She didn't want to go to his friends, whom she felt probably wouldn't do much - particularly if it was up to Potter - so she didn't really know what she could do. Especially since she didn't know what the problem was. But she was determined to help in whatever way she could.

So that's why, when the chance arrived, Lily jumped on it.

She was in the library on a rainy Sunday in the middle of November, the day after she had spoken to Remus, with her friend Hannah from Ravenclaw. Lily was a bright, friendly girl, and she knew many students in all of the houses, even some from Slytherin. She and her friend were talking pleasantly while trying to do their homework. Peter and Remus were also in the library, a few seats away, and it looked like Peter was struggling with an essay. Remus would look up from his homework, point out a few helpful things to Peter, and then stare out the window for a few moments before turning with a sigh to his coursework again. Lily had half-watched this out of the corner of her eye for a few moments, and eventually her friend noticed her staring. Hannah let out a giggle.

"He's cute, isn't he?" the Ravenclaw murmured, letting out another embarrassed laugh. Lily started and turned to look at her friend closely. "D'you like him?" she asked, glancing again at Remus. She supposed he was cute, in a scruffy sort of way. He was a little too skinny, though, and a little too tired to be really handsome, but he did have a pleasant face and nice looking hair. Hannah shot a nervous look at Lily.

"Well, I mean.. I didn't want to say anything.." she said timidly. "I thought you liked him, Lily. You're always talking to him."

Lily let out a smile. "Me? Oh, Merlin, no, we're just friends. We have lovely conversations, but it's not like that." Hannah let out a relieved sigh.

"Oh, good. I wasn't sure if you did or not, and I didn't want to intrude.." she trailed off. "Is he nice, then? We've never properly talked."

Grinning wickedly, the redhead pushed her friend forward. "You ought to go talk to him, then!" Hannah protested, but Lily forced her friend out of her chair until she finally stood up and walked over to him. Lily watched as Remus looked up at Hannah and gave her a politely tired and slightly bemused smile. They talked for a few moments before Peter interrupted them and Remus excused himself. Hannah hurried back to Lily, her face bright red. Lily just smirked at her and then turned back to her books, an idea forming in her head.

Later that evening Lily sat in the common room, finishing a charms essay. She desperately needed to finish the paper for Flitwick, and she still had another foot and a half to write, so she kept her head down and worked despite the fact that Gryffindors got up all around her to go to bed as it got later and later. Eventually Lily looked up, trying to find a distraction from the torturous essay, and she noticed that Remus was walking by. He clutched a well-thumbed poetry book in his hand, and was heading for the Fat Lady's portrait. Lily scrambled out of her seat.

"Remus!" she called. He jumped guilty and turned around to see the redhead in surprise.

"Lily," he said quietly, almost looking stern. "What're you doing up this late?" She looked around and saw he was right - the common room had emptied and the fire had been reduced to a pile of smoking embers. Lily hadn't noticed how late it had gotten.

"I could ask you the same question," She murmured, only slightly defensively. Then she held up her nearly finished essay as an answer. He nodded, and then turned his shoulder towards the portrait slightly. He clearly wanted to leave, but was too polite to just do so.

She wanted to ask him why he was going out so late, to wander the halls, no less, but she already knew that he didn't want to share his secrets. Lily guessed it was part of the reason he was so tired, but why was he going out? Could he not sleep? Had something happened?

Remus was staring at his feet, shifting from foot to foot. Realizing that she was just standing there without saying anything, Lily hurriedly opened her mouth.

"Hannah likes you," she said, almost without thinking. Remus blinked, his eyes widening slightly.

"Oh," was the only thing he could think of to say. The moment stretched for a minute, and then he added, "Does she."

Lily nodded, her lips curving into a smile. She hesitated, and then touched his shoulder gently. "She does. Hannah's really nice, Remus. I think you should invite her into Hogsmade next weekend. You guys would get along lovely." And then she turned around and walked back to her chair, settling in to finish her essay.

Remus stared after her for a moment, confusion etched onto his face. Then he turned around and walked out of the common room, his mind spinning. Hannah..a girl..liked him? A girl liked him?

He walked aimlessly for awhile before settling down on the floor in a dark corridor. The only light came from a low window through which the skinny quarter-moon spilled a glow onto the floor. The light was dappled by the rain, and it created a living pattern.

His brow furrowed, Remus's thoughts swirled around his head, certain images and words emerging like a human pensieve. He thought of Hannah. She was pretty, with her heart-shaped face and elbow-length wavy blonde hair, although he preferred brunettes.. but no, he mustn't think of that, it was forbidden, he told himself angrily. Remus knew that she was nice-looking, beautiful, really, and he tried to conjure up a picture of her. He had seen her a few times in the Great Hall or in the Library, like today, and occasionally had spotted her when she was with Lily, but he hadn't spoken to her much. The Gryffindors had also had a few classes with the Ravenclaws over the years, and he knew that she was clever and witty and intelligent. If she was friends with Lily, she was probably pleasant as well.

She was perfect. So why wasn't he attracted to her?

Remus brought his hands up to his eyes and pressed them tightly against his skin. He wished with all of his heart that he was attracted to her, that he could like her and ask her out and just be normal. To be able to put all of this behind him and become friends - just friends, the same easy relationship that he used to have - with Sirius, and to just want to be friends, nothing more. Or not even just with Sirius, but with all of the other male students in Hogwarts. Being gay had gotten him no where so far, and he wished that he could just be straight and like girls. It would make his life a little bit less complicated.

Letting out a groan, Remus wished it was that easy.

Then he stopped, and slid his hands down from his eyes. Why couldn't it be? Sure, he reasoned, he wasn't attracted to her, but maybe that was only because he was in the gay mindset. Maybe if he went out with her, maybe he would realize that he was into her, and that he wasn't gay at all. Maybe then he could stop thinking about Sirius, stop beating himself up over it - and actually be able to fall asleep at night.

Although the idea seemed unlikely, it was nice to have a small measure of hope. Smiling slightly for the first time in too long, Remus glanced up at the moonlight. Tonight, even the wretched moon looked friendly.

--

The next morning Remus woke up with a horrible feeling in his stomach, and it wasn't just because it was a Monday. He got dressed slowly, taking his time to put on his socks perfectly, and then lacing up his shoes agonizingly slow. James looked over at him with a loud, gaping-mouthed yawn, and half-shut eyes, and then let out a chuckle.

"You all right there, Moony ol' pal? You look like you're about to go give McGonagall a sponge bath."

Remus grimaced at the mental image, and then shrugged. Leave it to James to be awake and astute on this morning of all mornings. Sirius glanced over at Remus hurriedly, but then just as quickly turned his head away. Remus stared at Sirius for a few moments, and then forced himself to look away, setting his mouth in a tight line.

Leaving the other two to get a snoring Peter up, Remus slipped out of the dormitory and walked down the staircase and into the common room. Lily was there, chatting with a few of her friends, and she waved when she saw Remus. He avoided her gaze, and she hid a satisfied smile.

The walk down to the Great Hall seemed much shorter than usual, despite the fact that Remus dragged his feet carefully. When he walked into the enormous room, he glanced up at the sky by force of habit, and saw that the magical heavens showed a map of gloomy grey rainclouds, matching the outside weather perfectly.

Remus looked over at the Ravenclaw table and saw Hannah sitting with a group of her friends. Feeling a rush of nerves, he licked his lips carefully and then walked over to her. When she saw him, she blushed slightly, smiling.

"Hullo, Remus." She said, and he tried to smile back at her but it seemed his lips weren't working quite right. He nodded instead. Then he glanced over at her friends who were all peering over at the two of them and giggling.

"Can I speak to you for a moment?" he asked. She jumped up. "Oh! Of course." The two of them walked over to the side of the Great Hall, and then they stood there awkwardly for a few moments while Remus tried to work up the courage of what he was about to say.

"Hannah, I was wondering.. d'you.. I mean, would you like to.. go out some time?" Remus finally spoke, very quickly, turning red. Her eyes widened, and she blushed again.

"I'd love to, Remus. That would be brilliant." Hannah beamed at him. Remus looked at her, wondering if he had heard wrong.

"Yeah?" he said slowly, smiling for her benefit. He let out the breath that he had been holding. "There's a Hogsmade trip this weekend. We could go, if you want." He offered. She nodded, and they made their plans before returning back to their tables after an awkward shuffling goodbye.

As Remus sat down in his seat and helped himself to some toast, he still couldn't help thinking that it had been much harder talking to Sirius about the kiss than it had been asking Hannah out. And that he still liked brunettes better.

--

The week passed by much too quickly for Remus's taste, and soon it was Saturday. He woke up at a decent hour for once, but he felt sick to his stomach. What had he been thinking? There was no way he could go through with this! Letting out a groan, he got up and started to pull his clothes on. James and Sirius were already up, excited about going to Hogsmade, probably eager to stock up on Zonko's products. Peter was up as well, and he sat on his bed, watching Sirius and James plan out the day.

"..and then we'll stop by the Owlery, cus I need to send out a package by Owl-order for my Mum. Then what, Honeydukes, you reckon?" James was saying. He turned towards Remus. "Oy, Moony, what'd you reckon, Honeydukes first, or Zonko's?" Remus sat on his bed and pulled on a sock before turning to face James. He hadn't told them about Hannah yet, and he wasn't sure how they were going to react.

"M'not going with you guys, Prongs," he mumbled inaudibly. James stared at him, his hair sticking up worse than usual.

"What?"

"I said, I'm not going with you to Hogsmade."

Peter let out a squeak. "Why not, Remus?" he asked anxiously. Remus pulled on his other sock.

"I've got a date." He said finally. The three of stared at Remus for a moment. Then James let out a roar and tackled his friend.

"No! You? You've got a date? Our ickle little Remus has a date?" James said incredulously, messing up Remus's hair. Remus scowled and punched James on the shoulder, pushing him off of the bed.

"That doesn't mean a lot coming from the boy who hasn't been able to get a certain redhead to go out for him for what, four years now?" Remus retaliated, smirking. That shut James up, but only for a few seconds, and then he let out a grin. "She's in love with me, mate, she just doesn't know it yet," he drawled, giving a wink.

Peter was staring at Remus as though he had just announced that he had invented the moon. A look of deep admiration came over his ratty little face, and he smiled. "You'll have to tell us all about the day, Moony. Who's the lucky girl?"

"Hannah Anderson. She's a Ravenclaw."

Remus had been avoiding looking at Sirius, but he finally couldn't keep his eyes away and he turned to look at him. Sirius had his back turned away from Remus, and he was fiddling with something on his bookcase. He didn't say anything at all, and Remus felt his last insistent bit of hope crumble away. Feeling both a little cheerless and angry, he got up and walked towards the door, suddenly determined. Remus still felt nervous, but the feeling had faded a little. He called out a goodbye to his friends, ignoring James's snicker of good luck and consolatory offer of a post-date beer at the pub, and he didn't look back.

He met up with Hannah near the start of the pathway that led to Hogsmade. They were one of the first students out there.

"Hi," she greeted him, smiling shyly. He returned the smile, and then gestured out towards the soggy path.

"Shall we?"

They ran through the miserable, wet rain, to the main street of Hogsmade, and then he led her off onto a side road. He hadn't had a clue where he should take her, but someone had once told him that Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop was the proper place to take a date, so that was where he had decided to try. Luckily it hadn't been hard to find, and they stood shivering in front of it for a moment. Remus wasn't especially excited about going into the shop - it had too many frills and lace and too much pink inside of it for his taste, from what he could see through the window. Hannah stared at it for a moment too, and then burst out laughing.

"Is this where you take all of your dates, Remus? Merlin, you sure know how to impress a girl," she teased.

Remus smiled good-naturedly. "What, you mean pink isn't your favorite color?"

The blonde chuckled and then reached out to grab his hand. "I'd rather go to the Three Broomsticks, if that's alright with you."

Extremely relieved, and feeling considerably impressed with his date, Remus turned and walked back up the path with Hannah, thinking that her hand was very soft, but a little too small to fit in his hand comfortably.

They reached the Three Broomsticks, and they spent the entire morning and a good part of the afternoon there, just talking, as it was far too wet to go around exploring the village. Remus found that it was very easy to talk with Hannah, and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

But he began to grow nervous again when they left the tavern and walked back into Hogwarts. They paused at the top of the staircase, as each of their common rooms were in separate directions.

"I had an absolutely lovely time, Remus." Hannah said brightly. Remus nodded, clearing his throat, which was threatening to close up.

"Me too. We should do this again."

Hannah took a step closer to him. He twisted his fingers together, and they began to get clammy. Remus knew that he should do something, that he should lean forward and kiss her, but he couldn't seem to move. She waited for a moment, leaning closer to him, and he could see the freckles on her nose clearly. And then Hannah was the one to initiate it, and she pressed her lips against his. It was a very soft kiss; she tasted of lip gloss. It didn't last long, probably because Remus hadn't really decided how he was going to react yet, and then she pulled away from him. Blushing again, she gave him a quick hug goodbye and then sped around and went in the direction of her dormitory.

Shoulders slumped, Remus stood there for a minute, and then turned around and walked away.

He walked aimlessly for a while, not wanting to go back to the dormitory, where he knew James and Peter would question him about his date if they were back from Hogsmade. Eventually Remus retreated to the library, which was fairly empty. Most of the students who were old enough to go to Hogsmade were still in the village, because it was only the middle of the afternoon. And everyone else was reluctant to be in the library on a Saturday. Sitting at an empty table, Remus put his head down and tried not to dwell on the date. He failed miserably, of course, and soon was revisiting everything that had happened.

Hannah was amazing, just as he had thought. She was witty, charming, effortless to talk to, enjoyable to be around, and interesting. She was into many of the same things that Remus was, and they had had no shortage of things to talk about. The afternoon had passed by very quickly.

So why wasn't he attracted to her? She was very pretty, and he knew that she had a wonderful depth that went with that beauty. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her, Remus thought miserably. Yet he just couldn't seem to like her in that way.

Throughout the entire day, Remus had subtly stared at her, trying to get himself to like her, to be attracted to her. But he couldn't manage it. The whole time he had felt nothing sexual towards her at all; in fact, the time they had spent together had seemed very comfortable, like two good friends relaxing collectively. That was it. Even the kiss, which she had been the one to start, had felt very chaste, to him at least, more like two friends saying a sociable goodnight then the first kiss after an excellent first date.

Head still on the table, he closed his eyes and let out a ragged sigh. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as he'd first thought.

Remus tried to find a loophole, something to give him a reason to keep trying. Maybe, he told himself, the being friends part came first. The being able to talk for hours without worrying about the time. Maybe the love part, the desirability came afterwards. If he gave it more time, he reasoned, he was sure he could actually fall for her.

Feeling very unhappy, Remus didn't believe it at all. But there wasn't anything else he could do - and he certainly didn't want to break up with her. It would crush her, wouldn't it? He couldn't do that to someone. He just needed more time. And he did enjoy spending time with her. That had to count for something, right?

Remus stayed in the library for the rest of the day, opting to skip dinner, and then wandered around the castle for a while after Madam Pince threw him out to lock up. And when Remus finally went to bed that night, instead of dreaming about a pair of sweet, lip-glossy lips, he dreamed about a pair of warm, rougher ones.