The next weekend the weather was atrocious, rain and nasty winds kept the sky dark and gloomy. Gabriel and I had to make our way up to the school on Friday to speak with Dumbledore about the Quidditch game planned for Saturday afternoon. Gabriel was concerned that the game might be an opportunity for Black to attack Harry or Carrigan. He wanted to discuss with Dumbledore how we could secure the Quidditch stadium. I wasn't so worried about it. I didn't think that Sirius would attack in broad day light in the middle of a school event. Gabriel reminded me however, that he killed Peter Pettigrew and a street full of Muggles in broad daylight.
"I'm really not looking forward to going out in that rain," Gabriel said motioning to the window where a violent rain storm was pleating down against the window pain. I looked at him from the bathroom door where I stood in my tee shirt and underwear. Gabriel looked at me with raised eyebrows as he looked me up and down. I caught his eyes lingering on my legs and I gave him a dirty look, making him smile.
"What?" he questioned walking to me. He also was only half dressed in blue jeans and his boxers. I kept my eyes on his face, glaring at him nastily as he approached so that I wouldn't stare at his handsome muscular abs that disappeared under his waist band. "I've never seen a woman look so sexy as she brushed her teeth."
I glared at him even more harshly, if that was possible and turned away going into the bathroom. I bent over the sink and spit out the toothpaste; I rinsed my mouth and wiped my lips on a towel. When I turned around Gabriel was leaning in the doorway of the bathroom, his arms high on the door frame over his head, flattering ever muscle on his body. I bit my bottom lip as I put my arms behind my back and leaned against the sink. I crossed my ankles and looked down at the ground, wondering how I could possibly resist Gabriel.
"Are you going to wear that white tee shirt all day?" he asked.
"Are you going to stay half naked all day?" I responded.
"If you want me to," he said coming into the bathroom as he put his hands in his pockets. I stood up straight as he approached me and crossed my arms over my chest, becoming somewhat defensive.
"That's not what I said," I said lifting my hands against his chest to stop him from approaching me.
"You don't want me to stay half naked all day?" he asked with a playful frown.
"Nope," I said cruelly, but with a small smile to let him know I was coy. "Nor am I going to stay in this white tee shirt…not with it raining like mad outside."
"Probably a wise choice," he nodded reaching up and stroking my hair. I bit my bottom lip and ducked away, moving around him and exiting the bathroom. I made my way to the closet where I knelt down and began to pull clothes out of my trunk.
Thankfully, Gabriel remained in the bathroom for the next few minutes, brushing his teeth, and I was able to change quickly without him seeing me. When he emerged from the bathroom I was in tight blue jeans, black combat boots, a long sleeve white button up blouse, and a black corset vest over top of it. I was pulling on my cloak when he moved to the closet to find his own clothing. He put on a black button up and match vest. I couldn't help but stare at him as he buttoned up the shirt and hid his amazing body from sight. Even dressed, Gabriel still looked phenomenon, especially for a forty four year old. Age didn't seem to have an effect on Gabriel, the only difference I could find on him now compared to fifteen years ago when I first met him was the very slight streaks of gray that were appearing behind his ears. Really, the salt and pepper hair was only noticeable if you were up close to him; otherwise I thought Gabriel looked like he was in his early thirties…he could give me a run for my money. Perhaps I kept him young, being that I was ten years younger then him.
"You ready?" he asked pulling on a cloak with a hood. He buttoned it up as I pulled my hood on and nodded.
"I've been waiting on you, haven't I?"
"Alright, smart-ass, let's go," he said opening the door and motioning for me to exit the hotel room first.
The journey up to Hogwarts Castle was not a pleasant one. I kept my cloak pulled tightly closed around me, with my hood up, trying to protect my face from the rain but it was really no good. The wind was so strong it blew my hood off continuously, which allowed my face to be pleated with rain that stung and hurt when it hit the skin. By the time we reached the castle both Gabriel and I were soaked to our bones with cold. We had arrived at the castle right at lunch time, which made me frown, we had been hoping to arrive early so we would have time to go out and inspect the Quidditch pitch. As Gabriel closed the giant oak doors behind us, I looked back out at the thundering rain. Perhaps it was better that we didn't inspect the pitch today; I did not want to go back out in that weather.
I turned away from the doors as Gabriel and I made our way into the entrance hall, towards the grand staircase that would lead up into the depths of the castle. Students were milling about in and out of the great hall where lunch was beginning. My eyes didn't find Carrigan in the mess of kids anywhere, which was fine. I didn't want to smoother her since I was around Hogwarts all the time now. I still wanted to give her space so she felt like the other kids whose parents were far away, leaving them be. I did see Harry Potter and his two friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger however. They were walking into the Great Hall discussing something quickly. Harry looked rather distressed and when I extended my mind to his I found that he was worried about the Quidditch game tomorrow. Apparently Gryffindor was now playing Hufflepuff instead of Slytherin because Draco Malfoy was claiming to be too injured to play.
As Gabriel and I mounted the grand staircase leading up into the depths of the school I felt someone's eyes on me. I paused on the steps and turned, looking over my shoulder, into the crowd of teenagers. The familiar mismatch stare of Divinity Jasper caught my attention instantly. I hadn't seen her in years but I knew it was her because of her eyes—one was light blue and the other vibrant green, like her Father Braven's. She was staring straight at me with a look of recognition in her surprisingly young face.
"She's not looking at you," Gabriel said quickly to me as he took my arm. I looked up at Gabriel's eyes and frowned, remembering that years ago he was Divinity's guardian, just like he had been mine. Gabriel had stopped teaching her for many reasons, one being that she had grown an unnatural attraction to him, which could have been catastrophic to their relationship and Gabriel's destiny. He had also realized that she was lost to Dark Magic too much for him to teach her. At her young age of eight she had become arrogant and thought she could master her skills without his help because she was more powerful then him.
"Do you think she remembers you?" I asked.
"Probably only as a dream," Gabriel responded.
"Gabriel," said a voice behind us. We both turned at the top of the stairs and stared down at Divinity Jasper who was looking at us with very curious eyes. She was a very attractive young woman, despite her mismatched eyes and half blonde half brown hair. It was pin straight and neat looking. As if fixing up to make everything perfect about her appearance would distract from the mismatching pigment of her eyes and hair. "Your name is Gabriel Quintin."
"Yes, Miss, it is," Gabriel said with a bow of his head.
She looked at him with a dark stare, studying him, as if she were trying to remember how she knew him. Her eyes turned to me abruptly and looked me over.
"Cadence Coleman," she whispered with a nod of her head. She closed her eyes for a moment and her head rolled gently over her right shoulder, onto her chest, and then over her left shoulder. She stood up straight and sighed as she opened her eyes. "I've never remembered Gabriel being there before."
"Being where?" Gabriel asked stepping down a stair to stand closer to her. Divinity flashed her eyes at him and he paused in his approach.
"That night she tried to kill me," Divinity said honestly. I made to speak, but she looked at me with a glare so dark I thought she might suck the life right out of me. Never, had I experienced such a look—not even from my Father. Once she had glared me into silence, she focused her attention back on Gabriel. When she looked at him her eyes relaxed. "I don't remember you being there…but now…it's like you're rewriting my memory." Her head tilted to the side as she looked him over. "I don't know how I know you, but I do…"
"Hey, Divinity!" Someone yelled up the steps. I looked past Divinity to see a boy in Slytherin robes waiting at the bottom of the steps for her. She looked down at him, half in a daze.
"Don't try to remember, Divinity," Gabriel said quickly taking her hand. He squeezed it tightly. "Don't ask anyone about me. It will come with time."
Divinity glared at Gabriel sharply, obviously not very pleased with his words. Before she could say another word he spoke again. "You know who I am deep down inside of you. If you say anything, or search for those feelings your parents will not be happy with you. Do you understand me?"
"Divinity, you coming to lunch or what?" the boy yelled up the stairs.
She looked down at him and Gabriel squeezed her hand again.
"Divinity?"
"I understand," she said softly as she looked at his eyes. "I understand." She looked almost fearful as she repeated the words. I frowned deeply as Gabriel released her and she dashed down the steps away from us.
"What the hell was that?" I questioned. Gabriel looked rather shaken as he turned and made his way back up the stairs.
"Let's not talk about it here," he whispered looking over his shoulder. I touched his arm and he looked at me with raised eyebrows.
"You just look shaken," I said. He nodded and took my hand, squeezing it gently.
Dumbledore was waiting for us, and when he arrived he sensed that something was bothering Gabriel. I took a seat and rubbed my hand through my hair as Gabriel paced back in forth. I didn't really understand what was going on, and I had learned that when dealing with Divinity Jasper it was usually complicated.
"What's the matter, Gabriel?" Dumbledore asked standing up. He made a pot of tea appear and then looked at Gabriel again, who was leaning against the mantel. Dumbledore frowned and bottle of whiskey appeared on the desk next to the tea. I smiled slightly and leaned forward, pouring three glasses of whiskey. I stood up and took one to Gabriel, who thanked me and gulped it down.
"Divinity?" Dumbledore asked as I came back to the desk. I nodded.
"I've never seen him respond like that."
"They erased me from her memory," said Gabriel turning to us.
"They altered it," I nodded. "She remembers me trying to kill her; not that I was trying to kill Marcus Jasper and she jumped in between us."
"I told you that Voldemort has been experimenting on her," whispered Dumbledore sadly.
"She seems crazy," I said quickly. "When she saw us, it was like we were speaking to two different people."
"No," Gabriel shook his head. "She's just trying to remember. Now she will have visions to figure out who I am. If she says anything about them when she goes home for holiday she'll come back with her mind altered again."
"That has to be damaging her," I said.
"I'm sure it is," Dumbledore said. "But Divinity is not your average witch, let alone human being. Her mind can handle what is being done to it."
"That doesn't make it right, Professor," I snapped annoyed. Gabriel gave me a stern look, because this was something we had discussed many times over the years. I rolled my eyes and sat back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. As I sat in silence I vowed that I wasn't going to give up on Divinity. Sooner or later she would realize what was happening to her—she would feel betrayed by her fake family and Voldemort. She would want to run.
"I was worried that my presents may trigger her memories," said Gabriel ignoring my outburst.
"There isn't much we can do to prevent that," Dumbledore shrugged. "Perhaps the triggers are a good thing. Perhaps they will allow Divinity to return to our side, as Miss Coleman hopes."
I bit my bottom lip as the walls of the room vibrated softly, creating a low hum. I felt like Dumbledore was mocking my hopes. "Cadence," he said very softly to remind me of my mental powers. I stood up and fixed my cloak.
"I'm going to inspect the pitch to make sure there isn't a way for Black to get onto it tomorrow," I said. "I'm assuming you'll want the Dementors away from the pitch?"
"Yes," Dumbledore said with a nod as he sat down.
Gabriel had stopped pacing and was standing tall with his arms crossed over his chest. I wasn't happy with either of the men, as a result I wanted to get out of the office and find something else to do. I'd rather inspect the pitch in the freezing rain that stand here and argue with the two men who dominated my life. I was sick of it. As these thoughts raced through my head the room began to shake more steadily, no longer at a low humming vibrator, but a harsher shake which was causing picture frames to fall off the wall. I turned, before either man could lecture me and walked out of the office. As I walked down the corridors they shook, causing stray students that were wandering the halls to jump out of my way.
It was still pouring rain outside. I pulled my cloak tightly around me and made my way across the grounds to the Quidditch pitch. I hadn't been in those stands in years; even as a student I didn't go to many Quidditch games. Like my daughter, I found the game to be rather boring. In the stands, under the thin roof, I felt at peace. Despite the wind, the vicious pleating rain, peace came to mind. I sat down in the stands and looked around the field. There was no way of securing the stadium. There were too many entrances, rows of seats, and tarps hiding various places to cower. I didn't think that Sirius would make a scene coming to a Quidditch game, but maybe I was wrong. I obviously didn't know the bastard very well—otherwise I never would have had sex with him.
I frowned and shook my head. Why was it that men always seemed to control my life somehow? Between Gabriel, Dumbledore, my Father, and Sirius it was amazing that I still had faith in the male half of the human species. There were too many factors in my life that allowed for me to not be in control. I sighed and wiped the rain off my face, unsure of what I was feeling.
"I didn't think I'd find you here," said a familiar voice from my past. I frowned. What were the chances of meeting Sirius Black in the Quidditch stands when I was supposed to be making sure he couldn't get into them? I didn't turn around to look at him, I just looked forward, glaring at the grey messy sky before me. "What's on your mind?"
"You took away my faith in good people, in good men," I whispered crossly keeping my eyes locked on the turning clouds and pouring rain. "I lost faith in you, and I don't know how to get my faith back…in anyone."
"I know," he said. "I could see how broken you were that day…and it broke me to see it because I thought we were stronger then that. I thought our love was stronger."
It was my turn to be silent. I had nothing to say to him. All these years I had wanted to say so much to him because I was trapped with my rage and his betrayal. How could he say that he knew how broken I was the last day we saw each other? The day he left me; he destroyed me. Of course I would be broken.
"I look at you now and see that you're still broken," he said. "Not even Gabriel could fix the void I left."
I glared and turned to him, looking at him for the first time since I had felt his presence in the stands. He was standing on the steps behind me, how he gotten to that part of the stands I will never know, but he hadn't been there before. He was standing in his wet robes, his shaggy hair curling along his jaw line in the stormy weather. "You haven't changed," I hissed in my whisper. If I raised my voice anymore I would have screamed at him. "Still finding someone else to blame our old problems on."
He returned my dark glare with those midnight blue eyes that broke my heart. There was a depth in his eyes, an age that had never been there before. That aged stare had seen the worse fears of all men trapped in the darkness and cold that was Azkaban prison.
It was frightening how different, and yet the same, he looked. He was still handsome, but in desperate need of a hair cut, shave and shower; he still had his dark eyes with that new depth to them; he was lean and tall, but frail and hungry looking. I knew it wouldn't be long before he gained his strong body back and looked like the young Sirius Black I had fallen in love with—if he wasn't kissed and given that chance.
"Our old problems are a thing of the past now, Cadence. But I wouldn't blame Gabriel for our problems, I'd probably blame you," he said coming closer to me. I stood up from my seat and backed away from the staircase as he approached. Anger was shaking through my body. How dare he blame me for our destructive relationship and how it ended twelve years ago? That wasn't fair at all. I kept my wand in my hand next to my side. There was no point in raising it to Sirius; he'd continue to come towards me. I held my free hand behind my back and made a dagger appear in it.
"I could also blame myself," he said holding his chest. "I could think I was the reason you ran into Gabriel's arms…but I don't know how that could have been considering that I loved you with everything I had."
"I never cheated on you with Gabriel," I said ruthlessly. His babbling was getting to me more and more. I could fell my emotions building up in my chest making me feel like I was going to burst at any moment; and there were tears running down my cheeks.
"You were having an emotional affair," Sirius said shaking his head. He laughed, as if something funny just came to his mind. As soon as his eyes fell back on me he glared. "You say that I caused you to lose faith in our loved, but for a good part of our relationship you were in love with Gabriel. And now you're together…"
"We're not," I said crossly. "We're just work partners."
"And yet you're sharing a hotel room," Sirius voice was like ice. "You didn't wait very long to replace me with him considering how broken you were when I left you."
I rolled my eyes. It hurt that he thought I had wanted to be with Gabriel over him, but I didn't want him to know it. I didn't want him to know that he hurt me in so many ways and yet I still loved him—in some sick twisted way I loved him for hurting me; just like I loved Gabriel for hurting me.
"I can see that you still haven't lost your jealousy for him," was all I could respond. Sirius had me at a loss of words. Was this really what we were going to fight about in the Hogwarts Quidditch stands? How Gabriel had come between us? We weren't going to fight about the Potters, the possibility that Carrigan was his daughter, or that I was supposed to arrest him?
"Can you blame me?" Sirius asked ruthlessly. His tone was frightening as he continued to approach me. I continued to step backwards, not taking my eyes off him as grew closer and closer. "I wanted a family with you—I loved you—of course I'm going to be jealous of the bastard that you replaced me with!"
"That bastard wasn't responsible for killing my two best friends!" I finally burst. I screamed so loud with all my rage that had built up over the course of the afternoon that the stands shook below our feet. Sirius fell forward and grabbed onto the back of the seats in front of us. I frowned as he straightened up, glaring at me.
"Neither was I," he said. His voice was so deep and depressed it broke my heart. As I looked at him I realized that he really wasn't the same man I had known. He was broken, and I wasn't sure if he'd ever get the passion for life that he once had back. Was he broken because he had killed his best friends, or was he broken because he had spent twelve years in Azkaban when he was innocent?
"Cadence?" Gabriel's voice yelled through the stands. I didn't turn my eyes away from Sirius, who was looking at me with a smug disappointed look.
"Go on, your lover is calling," he said waving me off. He turned and walked away slowly, descending the steps of the stands and turning to disappear under the bleachers. I dashed after him, down the steps and to the tarp that he had disappeared under. Looking under the stands only revealed the large structure that held the stadium up. I frowned as Gabriel appeared at my side.
"What are you doing down here?" he asked.
I ignored him. Sirius Black was gone—as if he had never been there at all. I turned to Gabriel, dropping the tarp and began to walk away.
"Wow, you don't even want to talk about this?" he asked following me back up into the stands.
"No," I said. Gabriel had no idea what was bothering me now. He had no idea that Sirius and I had just fought about my loyalty to our past relationship. It seemed that would be the only thing we would ever fight about. We fought about Gabriel while we were dating; we were fighting about it now when I was supposed to be catching him for murder of my best friends. I was stupid. Why had I let him stand there behind me and chat me up? Why didn't I throw my dagger at him? I was trained enough that I could have killed Sirius Black with out a second thought—so why didn't I?
I couldn't answer that question, which frightened me to the point of insomnia that evening. Gabriel lay sleeping soundly next to me as I stared at the ceiling of the hotel room, wondering what kind of power Sirius had over me that would prevent me from catching him. Because of my insomnia I got out of the bed and began to do strength exercises on the hotel room floor. I lost count of how many push ups I had done by the time Gabriel woke up and asked me what was wrong.
"Just can't sleep," I said. "Go back to bed."
The rain was still slapping against the window as I continued to do push ups. Gabriel was sitting up in the bed, the sheets falling off his excellent chest, but I wasn't looking at him. I was staying focused on my breathing as I pushed my body away from the floor, and then lowered it slowly.
"Cadence, we're supposed to be partners," he said. "That means you should tell me what's going on—"
"We're partners," I said sitting down and looking at him. I pushed my long hair out of my face and sighed as I stared him down. "That's means I'll be there to cover your back. It doesn't mean that I have to tell you everything that's going on in my head."
"Whatever is going on in your head may get the best of you," he said moving to the edge of the bed. "If something is going on I need to know so I don't get caught with my pants down." I stood up and he grabbed my hand. I looked at him with icy eyes and pulled my hand from his grasp. "Talk to me. It's about Sirius, isn't it?"
"You're starting to sound like him," I said turning away.
"You saw him at the stadium today, didn't you?" I heard him get out of the bed and I frowned. His mind was penetrating mine, which frustrated me more then anything else. I cocked my head to the side and forced him out as I leaned against the desk in the corner of the room with my eyes squeezed tightly closed.
"Why do you do that?" I whispered. "Why can't you leave me be?"
"Because I think, despite how much you hate him, that you won't kill Sirius Black if you get the chance. I don't think you'll turn him in either," Gabriel said honestly. "And if I'm right, then that's an issue for both of us."
"No it's not," I said turning to him. "He may be the Father of my child, but he's a lying murdering bastard. I'll get him just as fast as you will."
Gabriel looked at me very seriously with all knowing eyes. I stood my ground, glaring straight back into his eyes. I wasn't going to let him stare me down; I wasn't going to tell him what was wrong—what had me worried. I don't know why I didn't want to tell him. Maybe I was ashamed that I didn't seem to have control over my own actions; that somehow despite everything he had done, I still loved Sirius Black and that made it impossible for me to kill him. Gabriel approached me slowly.
"You couldn't kill me either," he whispered in my ear as his fingers traced on my shoulders. I sighed and closed my eyes, letting him hold me. Our bodies pressed together, creating a comforting security that I longed to have consistently in my life. As I clung to Gabriel I realized that no matter how often I hated him he was consistently there. Gabriel was my constant. Sirius was not. And I shouldn't let that get in the way of my work. It was time to let go of my feelings for Sirius Black. It was time to move on.