The next year is a blur, one that Remus could only later recall in vague memories – like the hazy, pure beaches that he and Sirius got lost in together, or of the drizzling, misty Irish paradise of his ancestors where they hid away in, or, best of all, of the exotic bamboo fields in some remote Asian village where he and Sirius spent an entire lovely month together. There was no one safe place for them stay yet, and by an unspoken agreement they decided not to use the Fidelius Charm. So he and Sirius were on the run, and true, they couldn't afford to stay in one place for very long, but they were together at last, and they were happy.

He remembered the first night that they had spent reunited, holding each other closely in a tiny inn and both incredulous that this was actually happening, that somehow it was possible that the world had finally been righted. Explanations came later, when Sirius told him the whole story and apologized. Remus hadn't known what to say on his part; he felt immensely guilty for the whole thing. After all, he was supposed to love and trust Sirius with his whole being, but instead he had believed that Sirius had actually murdered his best friend. In the end he told Sirius the truth: that although a superficial part of him had believed that Sirius was guilty, the rest of his being rebelled against it entirely.

Sirius had just waved it off, admitting that both of them had been wrong. Remus wasn't quite as ready to forgive himself, and he continued to try and condemn himself, seeking redemption from both Sirius and himself.

"I should have tried to save you, Sirius," Remus had said guiltily.

"Who are you, Merlin? You're just human, Moony. There's no way you could have broken me out of jail. And besides, Peter's a bloody good liar." He growled out that last part, still bitter that Peter had gotten away.

Remus just shook his head. "But a part of me did know that you were innocent. I just.. didn't want to be too hopeful, I suppose. But I should have tried to prove your innocence or something. Anything except for mooning about the way I did."

At that Sirius had sat up and had given Remus a sharp look. They were still a little awkward with each other, unsure after thirteen years apart, but slowly their natural movement around each other was coming back and with alarm Remus recognized that look.

"What do you mean, 'mooning about'?"

"Well," said Remus sheepishly, avoiding Sirius's eyes and feeling like a schoolboy again, "I wasn't exactly thriving. You were gone. James and Lily were dead, Peter was dead, I hadn't yet met Harry – I had nothing to live for anymore. After my mother died, if Dumbledore hadn't rescued me with a position at Hogwarts..." he trailed off. "It was bad, Padfoot."

Sirius put a hand to his head and looked furious with himself. "Damn, Remus, I've failed you. Again, I've failed you." It was just like he'd been afraid of in the very beginning, of hurting Remus. And he had.

Remus tried to interrupt, but Sirius waved off his protests and started again, speaking angrily, the anger directed towards himself. "I promised to always be there for you, to wait for you.. to come back to you.. and I failed you. I didn't come back. And you – you almost killed yourself! You were reduced to nothing, nothing! It's my fault. I made you too dependent on me, and then I failed and didn't come back.." he stopped, unable to continue, his hands digging into his lanky black hair. "You.. and James, and Lily," he whispered. "All my fault."

"No!" said Remus vehemently, startling Sirius. "You did come back, Sirius. You promised you'd come back to me and here you are." Remus moved closer to Sirius, looking at him solemnly but at the same time admiring his eyes, those eyes that Remus had thought he'd never see again. "You haven't failed, Sirius. You escaped from Azkaban, for Merlin's sake. You tried to avenge James and Lily, and you came back." This time Remus was the one who broke off, overcome with emotion. "Maybe.. maybe it took you a long time, but who else do you know that escaped Azkaban? You are nothing but amazing, Sirius Black. And I love you for it. I will always love you."

"Remus.." said Sirius sadly, and then he broke down and sobbed, and Remus cried with him. They held each other that night, and they knew somehow everything would be okay in the end.

Later, when their tears had abated and they lay in each other's arms, Sirius spoke up again. "Moony," he said, a little sternly, "You have to promise me not to give up again if something should happen to me."

Remus looked up, taken aback. "What?"

"If anything should happen to me, I want you to pick yourself up and move on."

"I gave up on you once, Padfoot, and I'm not giving up on you again," said Remus calmly. Sirius shook his head, becoming heated in his desire to be understood. "No, you're not listening."

There was a pause as Remus waited for Sirius to explain. "If I die, you have to move on, Remus. You have to find another reason to live – be it Harry, or Hogwarts, or another man." As an afterthought he added, almost grinning, "or woman."

Remus rolled his eyes, thinking that Sirius was kidding. "Go on, then."

Scowling, Sirius sat up. "Remus, I'm serious."

"That you are," chuckled Remus.

This made Sirius groan. "Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me."

"I do, even if you are a cheeky blighter."

Remus pushed Sirius forward and kissed him, but before too long Sirius sat up again.

"I really am serious, though, Moony. You've got to be happy even if I'm gone."

"Nothing's going to happen to you, Pads. You're back now, and nothing will ever take you away from me. I'll follow you anywhere, and I'll find you. We'll wait for each other." Like a young lover again, Remus was drunk with the belief of his and Sirius's immortality. Already once he had thought Sirius dead to him, but he had come back – surely, after such an ordeal, nothing bad could possibly happen again. They could overcome anything, Remus was sure.

"I will always be waiting for you in our clover field," promised Sirius fiercely. "But if I go first, I don't want you to hurry after me. I want you to live without me, and be happy."

Remus was silent for a few moments. "I can't," he said, and his voice cracked a little. For the first time both of them were reminded that they were middle-aged, that they were growing older and were no longer young teenagers. "I can't be happy without you, Sirius. Do you.. once you told me that if we died, we'd wait for each other, do you remember? 'That when we live no more, we may live ever'. And I meant that. If you die, I would rather die and be with you forever."

"No," said Sirius, "No!" this time he was the fervent one, the one with passion inscribed deep into the marrow of his words. Anguish colored his tone, and love for the man who sat next to him. "Remus. Don't you dare say that you'll kill yourself if I was to die. You have to stay alive, must find happiness and live and carry on the Marauder legacy. Who else will watch over Harry? Who else will keep Snivellus in his place? If you killed yourself because of me, I'd never forgive myself."

Again Remus was quiet. "I thought.." he said, slowly, "I thought you said you'd always wait for me. That we'd be together, always."

"We will. I will always wait for you. But I don't want you to rush to find me if I should die. I want you to promise that you'll keep living, keep trying to find happiness. That if you find someone who gives you a modicum of happiness, you'll be with them."

Remus gave him an anguished look. "How could I ever be with anyone else besides you?"

"Promise me, Moony!" there was a fierce and stubborn look on his face, one that Remus knew well. And even though he didn't let himself think about why they were talking about this now – didn't let himself think what he truly knew, deep in his heart, that Voldemort would be back soon and life could take them anywhere in the next few years, he knew Sirius was making sense.

"Fine. I promise. But you have to promise too. And even if I found someone else, someone who gave me barely one-tenth of the love that you give me, I'd still come and find you. Always."

Sirius sighed in relief. "Then I promise too. And I'd still come and find you – no one could keep me away."

Remus lay his head on Sirius's chest and listened to his heartbeat, battling with his thoughts. He wanted to believe that nothing would ever happen again – after all, hadn't they dealt with more than their fair share of tragedy, already? What else could possibly happen? Remus wanted to stay drunk with his new happiness, but he knew he was being naïve. Dangerous times were coming, after all. The war wasn't over. With a sigh he realized that he was slipping out of the teenage boy that he had been pretending to be for the evening, and that the weight of everything had come crashing back down on his shoulders.

Sirius seemed to sense this, so he decided to distract Remus.

"Moony?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you still read poetry?"

"I stopped. It was too painful, while I didn't have you. I barely read books, either, until I got back to Hogwarts."

"I'm sorry." Sirius sounded very sincere. "I didn't mean to take away poetry from you on top of everything else."

"S'alright," yawned Remus, suddenly tired. "I suppose I can start reading it again," he added thoughtfully.

"Do you remember any?"

"'Course I do, you silly dog."

"Tell me one, Moony. Please."

"Hmm.. To make a prairie it takes a clover," Remus began to quote, surprised at how easily the poetry came back. Sirius gave him quiet, happy smile, and absentmindedly played with Remus's hair. "and one bee, –
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few."

Sirius smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "This," he said emphatically, with ardor after a moment, "This is what I missed."

"What, not my devilish good looks?"

Nearly a year, an entire precious year together, slipped by in this manner, with them moving from place to place. There was the occasional spot of trouble – like the time when Sirius revealed himself to get the dementors away from Hogwarts, or when he had to go to Hogsmeade for a short time to help Harry with the Triwizard tournament – but overall they were ecstatic with just being together, actually being together after everything that had happened.

But finally things began to change, as they are prone to do.

One early morning Sirius was woken up by an annoyed owl who was hooting around a letter moodily at him. Bleary-eyed and still half asleep Sirius took the letter, but instead of taking off the owl stayed put, as though awaiting a reply letter. The owl glared at him through beady eyes, and Sirius took the hint and read the letter. It wasn't from Harry – but that wasn't a surprise, as Hedwig wasn't the one who had delivered the letter – but instead from Dumbledore.

After Sirius had read the letter he stared at it, conflicting emotions racing through him. The one useless thought that surfaced to the top of his menagerie of emotions was that the ministry should use owls to track down convicts. After all, owls had managed to do what the entire British wizarding population had failed at: find Sirius.

Remus got up not too long after, being an early riser, and he stumbled upon Sirius in surprise and then concern. He understood as Sirius showed him the letter, though.

"Dumbledore finally needs us, then."

Sirius just nodded. There was a pause, and then he said, huskily, "I don't know if I can go back to.. to that place, Remus."

Sitting down and putting a hand on Sirius's shoulder, Remus spoke after a few contemplative minutes. "Padfoot.. I know you don't want to go back, but do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Traveling around, never staying in one place?"

"Anything is better than going back there."

"You know that I'll do anything for you," said Remus. "So if you don't want to return, I don't mind."

Sirius looked up in alarm, gratitude and guilt battling on his face. "Didn't you read the letter? Dumbledore wants you back, too. He wants you to join the Order."

Remus just shrugged. And then Sirius knew that he couldn't do that to Remus – he couldn't just selfishly refuse to go back to his home because of bad memories. Dumbledore, too, was counting on him, as was an entire group of people.

So suddenly Sirius found himself back home at Grimmauld Place. At first it wasn't for long, because after setting up the protective spells and casting the fidelius charm as well as making sure that the rooms were habitable, if not especially clean, Sirius and Remus went to Hogwarts to be near Harry as he undertook the last task.

There was excitement after that, what with Voldemort returning and the chaos that resulted from that, but soon after Sirius found himself banished to Grimmauld place again, the one place he despised more than anything. Dumbledore had insisted that Sirius be careful not to leave or attract attention, which meant that he couldn't do anything at all to help.

It wasn't all bad, of course. Remus was still with him most of the time, and that was important. But a good portion of the time Remus was away on missions for the order, or was busy with research, or there were just too many people around for them to have any privacy. Because, as headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix, Grimmauld place was suddenly teaming with life, and Sirius found himself shoved into society again. In most ways this was good – he got to see many of his old friends, and it kept him from being too lonely – but it was also bad, because he had to deal with old enemies like Snape, and having people judge him, and he didn't get to see Remus as often as he'd like, even when Remus was home. He and Remus didn't really tell people about their relationship, just because it was easier. Of course, there were some people who knew and others who guessed, but it was kept low-key.

As a result of being back home and having nothing to do, as well going from having Remus constantly around him to Remus not always being around, Sirius began to go a little stir-crazy. He got more reckless, more likely to take risks, and more surly as the days went by. The only thing that really soothed his prickly moods were having Remus around, and having Remus to himself.

He was happy when Harry and his friends came over the summer – even though he was a little resentful that Dumbledore wouldn't let him go on the rescue mission to get Harry, letting Remus go instead – but that happiness quickly dwindled as the summer waned, and the teenagers got ready to go back to Hogwarts. He had gotten used to the youthful atmosphere that having teenagers around resulted in, and besides, having Harry around brought back good memories of James.

But soon they left and the house got very quiet. Members of the Order still came and went, but there were long stretches of time when the house was empty except for him.

Sirius was alright, though. He had Remus with him for a good portion of the time, and during Christmas the house was again set awhirl with activity and people.

But that, too, soon ended. And even worse, Remus was sent away on a mission for Dumbledore for a few months, and Sirius felt even more alone. He felt useless, empty, and bitter. He knew that Dumbledore was just trying to protect him, but he felt irrationally angry at him, and at Voldemort – but mostly at Peter. It was horrible to have lost Remus again after being so briefly reunited, and he constantly worried about him, hoping he would be okay. Sirius thundered around the house in a foul mood for those lonely months, terrorizing Kreacher and nearly losing his head a few times, thinking about running away.

In the end Remus came back, and Sirius settled down. He could tell that Remus was concerned about him, however, and one evening soon after Remus had returned he got Sirius to talk about it.

Sirius explained, and Remus didn't look surprise. To Sirius's disappointment, however, he didn't offer any words of sympathy or really anything at all, instead just kissing him and walkin off thoughtfully. Sirius shook it off, however, wondering if he was making things out to be worse than they were. He was safe, after all, and alive, out of Azkaban and finally reunited with Remus. What more could he ask for?

That afternoon Sirius was walking around moodily looking for Kreacher, who had been missing now for a few days. Before he could find him, however, he was interrupted by Remus.

"Padfoot!" he called out, and Sirius hurried towards him. "Harry wants to talk to you."

Perplexed, and wondering why Harry hadn't just used the mirror he had given him, Sirius hurried downstairs and approached Harry's floating head on the fire.

"What is it?" he said quickly, wondering what was wrong and how Harry had managed to contact him through the floo network. "Are you alright? Do you need help?"

"No," said Harry, "it's nothing like that.. I just wanted to talk..about my dad.."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look of surprise, but they listened to Harry's explanation and did their best to explain away James's behavior. It wasn't long before Harry had to go, but even when he had gone he left Sirius happily distracted and feeling in a better mood than he had been in for weeks.

"Poor Harry," chuckled Sirius when he and Remus had sat back down at the kitchen table. "It can't be easy having a git like Prongs as a father."

Remus smiled, but he looked concerned. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone," he agreed. "But I'm more worried about Severus stopping the occlumency lessons. It's vital that Harry learns how to properly block his mind."

Sirius sniffed, narrowing his eyes. "Snivellus had better start shaping up, or I'll go to Hogwarts myself and bend his beaky nose into shape."

There was a laugh from Remus, but Sirius continued more bitterly than he intended, "Not that I'd be allowed to, of course. Can't have Sirius stepping out of the house."

A long pause followed this statement, and then Remus looked at him thoughtfully. "One way or another this'll end, Sir. I know it's awful, but you won't be stuck here forever."

Sirius softened slightly. "I know." He sighed. "It's not so bad when you're around, anyways."

Remus smiled, a little sadly. "I'm sorry that I can't be around more."

"Voldemort's not going to kill himself, so someone's got to do it."

"Right," said Remus, now a little bashfully. "But that doesn't make it easier for you, being stuck here alone."

At this Sirius leaned forward a little, wondering what Remus was getting at. Remus grinned embarrassedly at him, and then quickly pushed a red paper heart out towards Sirius. Sirius accepted it, and then looked at it, a little bemusedly. It was neatly cut and was made out of red construction paper, but Valentine 's Day was long over and Sirius had no idea what it was for.

Seeing Sirius's confusion, Remus helped him out. "It's my heart. I'm giving it to you, so you can carry it with you when I'm away." Sirius grinned, moved by the slightly silly gesture, and then turned the heart over. To his surprise, he saw writing on the back. "There's something written here."

"It's a poem."

Sirius could read make it out easily, being used to Remus's handwriting, and he read,

"i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)"

Touched beyond words, he leaned over to kiss Remus gently, and then slowly with energy, feeling more at peace than he had been for a long time.

A few more months passed in relative happiness, and then one afternoon found Remus and Sirius alone at Grimmauld place, with only the rumbling thunder outside to disturb their privacy. In the living room Remus looked up from his poetry book and realized with a start that his tea had grown cold. He sighed to himself, for there was nothing worse than cold tea. Then he had to laugh, for a moment, for if the worst thing in his life was cold tea, then he was very lucky indeed. Only a year ago.. well, it was best not to think about that time.

"What're you laughing at, love?"

Sirius had walked into the kitchen with the wolfish grin on his face that Remus loved so dearly. Although Sirius's tone was teasing, his eyes were searching, as if he wanted to know, really wanted to know. Tell me everything about you, Remus, they seemed to say. I'm afraid I have forgotten, and I want to know all of you as I once did.

He sat down next to Remus at the table, and Remus smiled, pointing at the tea. "My tea's gone cold," he explained.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "If that makes you laugh, you're a funny man indeed. But you do realize that's what magic is for...?" He raised his arm to tap Remus's mug with his wand, but Remus stopped him. "It tastes better the muggle way. Watch."

And he stood up to refill the kettle in the kitchen, Sirius trailing along behind him like a puppy. After a few minutes – minutes that Sirius spent impatiently informing Remus that this was a waste of time, and magic was around to make life easier. Remus just smiled knowingly, ignoring Sirius. Finally as the kettle shrieked out a warning whistle he grew silent, watching as Remus poured out the tea into battered mugs and let them steep, the tea bags slowly bleeding into the hot water.

Overall it took a good fifteen minutes, but eventually the tea was done and had cooled enough to try. Sirius was quiet as he drank the tea, but his eyebrows raised nearly into into his gorgeous, long wavy hair, and he had a twinkly smirk on his face that told Remus all he needed to know.

"...told you so," muttered Remus, to which Sirius laughed, a happy laugh was made possible by months of having Remus nearly to himself again. Remus's heart stopped a little, both at the sight of the gorgeous man in front of him whom he was utterly besotted with and also with the necessity of telling said man that soon he would have to leave again, for a few weeks, to go on another mission.

He was afraid that leaving would set Sirius spiraling off into another despair, despite the silly paper heart that he had given him. But Remus now knew that he could find and rescue Sirius from such a mental state, and firmly believed that everything would be okay. Nonetheless he didn't want to tell him just yet. Remus wanted to keep this happiness for as long as he could.

Yes, indeed, if cold tea was the worst thing in his life than he was very well off indeed. And, thought Remus with a happy sigh, hopefully cold tea would be the worst thing in his life for many many more years. He had had enough sadness for a lifetime.