I'm drowning. How can I be drowning? I'm not in District Four, I'm in District Seven. I'm still drowning, under the water. I try to shove my way out by whamming and flinging my body against the glass that holds me in this water-filled tank, but its no use, I'm still drowning. There's no way out. I sink towards the bottom and as I lie on the floor, floating around, I silently pray I'm dreaming.

Waking up with a start, I twist my head from side to side. Nope, I'm not in Distict Four. And I'm not in District 7, either. I close my eyes and imagine being in a tree, smelling the pine needles and dancing around on the top for fun.

That all stopped after I won. Because there wasn't really anything left of me. I was just an empty shell. Now, I am someone else. I am strong. I have. . . dignity.

I am Johanna Mason, from District Seven. And I don't give a damn what anyone tries to do to me. I don't give a damn what they think of me.

A screaming. Coming from the level above me. My eyes dart up and I rush towards the stairs. My feet push myself full force up the stairs onto the 8th floor, where the Victors, Woof and Cecelia, are.

"Cecelia?" I call out, and another round of screams comes from her room. I open the door and look in. Cecelia is giving birth on her bed.

"Oh my god," I say, and resist turning away. "Do you want me to call for help?" I burst out and rush towards the telephone.

I dial the hospital and they arrive shortly, helping her and calming her as she sweats and screams and well, gives birth. Feeling like I don't belong, I leave the room and head back down the stairs to the seventh floor, since I didn't know Cecelia very well. All I know is she has two children, and this is her third.

I sit down and place my hands on my face. It's the middle of the night, and I should be getting rest. No, I can't go back to sleep.

The feet that used to be strong on me, can now barely lift me. I head back to the control room and look at Jared. The boy from 6, whom he was partnered with, died at the Cornucopia fight. He's still enjoying those gloves, though, which excites me slightly.

Making someone happy. Yes, that's good. Sort of. It's not easy, but maybe it's worth it.

No.

It's not.

I'm Johanna. I'm a full-out bitch. A murderer. A brave, young, strong girl. Not a 'nice' person. I'm no Seeder!

I could be, if I just...

Stop. I look at the cameras, click from the screens, and finally back to Jared. Turning around for a second, I wonder if I'm even allowed in here right now. There was a lock on the door that I smashed open. That's gotta be saying something.

More screaming. I sink to my feet. That scream sounds so much like Kirel's in the arena. My eyes fly open. The arena. Oh my gosh. My eyes are glued to the screen, where Jared is face-to-face with one of the Careers.

"No," I whisper to nobody but myself. How could this be happening? The boy whips out a sword and Jared and the gloves I got him fumble around, reaching his axe.

He throws it at him from a close distance, but this Career is fast, and manages to evade it ever so slightly. Close call. Before Jared can even try to retrive it, the Career's sword is jammed into his stomach.

My eyes widen and I watch, hopelessly, as the Career pushes his sword in and out, getting deeper each time. Jared's feet give way and he falls to the ground, clutching his stomach. A river of blood starts gashing out every which way, and when he coughs, more comes out of his mouth.

Death. He's not going to survive. Maybe. I watch as the Career wipes his sword clean with his hands and walks away, letting nature finish him off. It's deep enough to be fatal, but if he can stop the blood in time, he might be able to live.

Without thinking, I press a button and a first aid kit comes flying down towards him. He unlatches it quickly and finds a bandage inside it. With trembling hands he patches it over his not large, but quite deep wound.

It's not enough. The blood soaks right through the bandage. Jared looks down and a tear, that he quickly wipes away, appears. He must be in tremendous pain. If he makes it alive, he'll most likely need surgery.

"Jared," I say, and reach towards the screen. I touch it, wanting to hold his hand and tell him it'll be okay and I won't abandon you. But he doesn't know that. He must not know anything right now other than his stomach is hurting and he's probably dying and he won't see his family.

His face is white as a sheet as he falls to the ground. He's about to die. "Mom...Dad," He croaks out, facing the cameras. "I love you." Jared gasps and tries to finish. "Blight and Johanna... thanks for being great mentors. And thank you, Johanna, for the gloves and the first-aid kit," He says.

How did he know it was me who sent him that stuff? I guess I'll never know, because he's on the ground. His eyes are wide open and he's not moving. I stand, paralyzed, and my wide brown eyes just stare at the screen, at his dead body.

Then it happens. That thing thats hard to miss, but as a mentor, you wish not to witness it. Because it makes me feel like a failure.

There goes Jared's cannon.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him, though he wouldn't even be able to hear me if he was alive.

I've always been a failure.