Over the Easter holiday Carrigan only came home for half of it. She decided she wanted to return to school early, half way through the week, to catch up on homework. It was nice to have her back in the house with me. Gabriel had taken up permanent residences because he still experienced memory laps from time to time. He had requested the week off from work to stay home with Carrigan while I continued to work. Every day when I came home I found them sitting in the backyard under Carrigan's favorite tree, on a bench swing he had hung for her.
It made me happy to see them together. I stood in the frame of the back door and watched them swing together, talking quietly and laughing. It was those moments that made me think of Sirius and his relationship with Carrigan. Gabriel of course had been right a few weeks ago at Hogwarts; Sirius did have a right to know that Carrigan was his daughter. I was afraid of what would happen when he found out though. I was afraid he would hate me even more—because then Gabriel really did replace him, not just to me but to his daughter. I was afraid of how much it would hurt Sirius to know that he was not a part of her life. What if Carrigan had no interest in getting to know him, because to her, Gabriel was enough of a father?
Hi Mom, said Carrigan's voice in my head. I blinked and looked up to see Gabriel and Carrigan beaming at me on the swing. I smiled slightly and stepped out into the yard, closing the backdoor behind me.
"You're growing stronger every day," I said when I reached the swing. I pinched Carrigan's cheek and sat down between her and Gabriel on the swing. He smoothly wrapped his arm around my shoulders and smiled down at me.
"I'm practicing everyday," Carrigan said eagerly. "I was hoping that if you thought I was strong enough I could learn to conjure things this summer."
"We'll have to see," Gabriel said wisely before I could answer.
Carrigan scowled at him, hoping that her frown would change his mind.
"That's what you always say, Gabe," she sighed.
"He's right," I said before she could bend him to her will with her scowling look too quickly. "We'll have to see. Conjuring is a very advanced skill."
"You learned how to do it when you were fifteen. I'm already more advanced then you were at my age," she insisted. I shook my head with a small smile. She had a valid point, but I was afraid of her becoming arrogant with her magic.
"Carrigan," I whispered her name as I peered at her with my dark green eyes. "Remember that your magic is a gift, and you must be patient with it."
"I just want to be as good as you two," she sighed leaning back against the swing.
"You have time to learn those skills Carri," Gabriel said. "War is not before you. There is no rush to train the way we did. We were taught with haste because of the war we were caught in…you have time and you should take advantage of it. Perfect what you have already been given."
Carrigan stood up from the swing and kicked some dirt in front of us. The wind caught the dust and blew it steadily over the grass away from us. She crossed her arms over her chest as she sighed loudly.
"I'm growing broad with what I have," she shrugged.
"You can't become arrogant," Gabriel said leaning forward. "If you become arrogant you will certainly be caught by your Grandfather's poison."
Carrigan frowned and rolled her eyes. "Please Gabriel," she said. "I'm not going to become a Death Eater."
As I looked at my little girl, I suddenly couldn't help but be afraid that I had done her wrong. I had raised her wrong and now she was beginning to head towards a path of Dark Magic. She craved power and magically abilities. I was concerned that her desires of such things would attract her to Dark Magic, much like they had my Father.
Gabriel squeezed my shoulder, as if to comfort me. I looked up at him and he gave me a reassuring smile. He knew what I was saying and was attempting to comfort my worrying thoughts. His touch only did so much, but it was enough to make me remember all the good Carrigan believed in and defended.
"Hey, Mom," she said to me. I looked away from Gabriel's peaceful green eyes to Carrigan's dark blue ones. I sighed as I was reminded of Sirius Black. The look in Carrigan's eyes was that of desperation and pain, something I had seen the last time I had seen Sirius.
"Yes?"
"Does Dad know about me yet?" she asked cautiously.
"No," I whispered. "He's unfortunately under the impression that you are Gabriel's child."
"What? Why would you tell him that?"
"I didn't tell him that, Carrigan," I said. "He made an assumption based on jealousy."
"Oh," Carrigan said with a deep frown. "Well maybe you should make the assumption true."
I raised my eyebrows at her. "We've had this discussion before, Carri," Gabriel said before I could reply. "Your Mother and I aren't the marrying type."
"I still don't get it though," she said with a shrug. "If you love each other why not marry each other?"
"Because you don't marry someone just because of you love them," I responded.
"And I may love your Mother, but I find her rather intolerable," Gabriel smirked. I gave him a dirty look and he squeezed my shoulder again to assure me that he was just teasing to get under my skin.
"Most people find her intolerable," Carrigan agreed with a frank smile and nod.
"Hey!" I said. Carrigan came back to the swing and sat down next to me, hugging me around the waist.
"I was just kidding, Mom," she pleaded. I rolled my eyes and wrapped an arm around her, patting her back as she laid her head on my chest.
"Why are you so adamant that we get married?" Gabriel asked.
"I just think you two are lying to yourselves and you're both incapable of allowing yourselves to be happy."
Gabriel laughed. "I think we're both terrified of commitment. One of us more then the other—"
"Excuse me?" I said looking up at him. He smiled down at me, making me melt and grow warm with mushy lovey-dovey feelings. I gave him a nasty look as he continued to stare at me with the love and devotion that I craved.
"I don't blame you," he whispered stroking my hair behind my ear.
Carrigan coughed loudly and pulled away from me. "Do you want me to leave you two alone?"
"What?" I looked at her quickly. "What, no."
Carrigan laughed. "Mom, you won't let yourself be happy with anyone. If you're afraid of hurting Father's feelings I think you're far beyond that. You shouldn't worry about what he's going to think influence what you do with your life now. Besides, he already thinks you and Gabriel together—which you are, even if you won't put a title to it. You two have been together so long you might as well be married…why not make it official?"
"Because," Gabriel responded. "To commit ourselves just for the sake of societal norms only makes a mockery out of our love for each other. Your Mother and I share a bond that is much deeper then love. It is magical and our destiny for me to be her Guardian and her my student. Our love has destroyed lives—"
"Are you afraid that marrying each other, making it official, will destroy more?"
"There's not telling what our actions will do," I whispered. "But we must live with the consequences of those actions. Future students have been removed from Gabriel's path because of our love for each other. The higher powers that be have determined he is an unfit Guardian now for anyone but me because we have an unnatural dependency on each other."
"Future students?" Carrigan repeated quizzically.
"My daughter," Gabriel replied. "She died. Divinity, your cousin, was lost to evil…we don't want to risk you falling victim to our curse."
"How would I? At this point, I'm pretty involved in your forbidden love—"
"You're not a result of it, you are not involved. Gabriel and I think you may be his third student," I said quickly to Carrigan's curious expression. "We don't want to risk anything that would remove you from that path."
"So you're not getting married because of me?"
I shook my head. "No, of course not. Like I've told you before, it's a much more complicated issue then just our forbidden love."
Carrigan sighed, still seeming unsatisfied with our answers. I gave her a weak smile. "Carrigan, if you're this upset over our happiness, I promise you we're happy, well, at least I am." I looked over my shoulder at Gabriel who gave Carrigan a reassuring smile.
"I am happy as well," he said. "I know the two finest, most beautiful women in the country and I get to be a part of their lives. Trust me, Carrigan, I am happy."
She nodded her head slowly. "Alright, I suppose."
I studied her, giving her an all knowing look and waited for her to speak more. I stared her down until she turned her eyes away, then finally gave in and spoke her mind.
"Alright! It's not just that," she sighed giving me a nasty glare, which made me smirk. She hesitated for a moment. "I kind of want a sister."
This caused me to laugh lightly. "What?"
"I know maybe at this point it wouldn't mean very much because I'm eleven and we wouldn't be very close…but I want a sister."
I frowned slightly. "Carrigan, it's very difficult for me to have children. Even if Gabriel and I were married or at least together…the chances of me having another child are practically nonexistent. I wasn't even supposed to be able to have you."
Carrigan frowned deeply. "Right," she sighed.
I took her hand and squeezed it tightly. She returned the squeeze and smiled up at me. "We're strong girls, Mom."
"The strongest," I said putting my forehead to hers. "I love you."
Carrigan wrapped her arms around me, giving me a tight hug. When she pulled away from me she jumped off the swing and went to hug Gabriel. He kissed her cheek with affection.
"I'm going to go into the basement and practice what we learned over Christmas holiday," she said smiling.
"Alright," I said. "We'll have dinner in a little while."
"I'll help cook if you'd like," she beamed.
"Sounds good," Gabriel said pinching her cheek. Carrigan turned and walked away to the house without another word. I sighed and leaned against Gabriel as we watched her disappear into the country house. When she was gone from view, Gabriel lifted my chin and looked me sternly in the eyes. I sat up slightly, puzzled by his expression.
"What?" I questioned.
He pulled me to him and kissed my lips passionately as his hand held my cheek and slid carefully down my neck, tickling my flesh and senses with his fingertips. His tongue traced my lips before parting them and entering my mouth to play with my tongue. Love flowed between us, exchanging between our lips. The passionate, lustful kissing made a heat rise from between my legs creating sexual desire deep within me.
I pulled away reluctantly and Gabriel sighed, giving me a sad smile as his hand remained on my neck, tracing circles against my flesh. I looked up at him with desperate, pained eyes. He knew he was tearing me to pieces despite how much I wanted him to love me. I touched his hand and squeezed it, then brought it to my lips. I kissed his fingertips gently as I kept my eyes on him, not breaking our intense stare. Gabriel sighed with pleasure and grabbed my head, bringing me to him again, kissing me straight on the mouth with lustful desire. I couldn't help but smile and kiss him in return.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear as his lips ran up my jaw line. He bit my ear playfully, causing me to catch my breath. "And I am happy that you will have me in any way."
I tilted his head back up, guiding his lips to mine so I could kiss him as I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders.
Cause that is exactly what I want to see, said Carrigan's voice in my head. Her comment made me jump and quickly pull away from Gabriel.
"What?" he asked confused. I looked to the house immediately, glaring to see Carrigan standing in the doorframe laughing. I rolled my eyes.
"Excuse me while I go kick my cheeky daughter's ass," I said standing up off the swing. Gabriel grabbed my hand so I couldn't walk away. He stood up and pulled me against him, wrapping an arm around my waist as his free hand brushed my hair out of my face.
"Will you have me?" he whispered looking down at me.
"Of course," I smiled touching his cheek. "I haven't gotten rid of you yet, have I?"
Gabriel laughed and nodded his head. "Alright," he said stealing a kiss from me quickly. "I'll make dinner, you teach Carrigan a lesson." He slapped my butt playfully as I pulled away, causing me to give him a dirty look over my shoulder as I made my way through the long grass back towards the house. He smiled broadly as he trailed behind me, knowing very well that his playfulness was teasing me to the extreme.
Carrigan saw me approaching the house and dived out the doorframe of the kitchen. When I reached the backdoor I saw that she had just disappeared down the stairs into the basement, not closing the door behind her. I made my way down into the basement where Carrigan was standing the far corner, back to the wall, expecting me.
"You're a snot," I said with a smirk when reached the basement floor.
"Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree," she responded.
"Come on," I said motioning for her come at me. "Let's see what you've got."
Carrigan and I had never trained before. Over the summer holiday she had always trained with Gabriel. After all, he was the expert. Carrigan seemed hesitant to fight with me, but I motioned for her to come at me again and she sighed, and then ran straight at me. She made to tackle me, but I bent down, causing her to land on my back, then stood up straight flipping her over onto the ground. She landed on her back hard and let a groan.
"That was not fair," she sighed.
"All's fair in love and war," I said.
"That explains your relationship with Gabriel!"
Before I could grab her, Carrigan jumped up feet first and kicked me in the stomach, sending me backwards into a wall. She grabbed my arms and with all of her strength pinned me against the basement wall. She lifted her knee into my stomach and slammed her elbow down onto the crook of my neck. My knees gave and I fell to the ground in front of her feet.
I pulled my wand from my boot and lifted it up, placing the tip against her neck. Carrigan froze instantly and stepped back. I pressed my wand into her neck as I stood up, throwing my hair out of my face.
"Where is your wand?" I asked.
She scolded and continued to step away from me. I let her go, only because this was a training fight, not a real one. I dropped my wand to my side as her chest heaved, catching her breath.
"Upstairs," she whispered.
"You should never be without," I said sternly. "That's the first thing you should have learned as a witch."
"What's the second thing?"
"Always have a knife on you," I responded.
Carrigan nodded her head slowly. "Alright," she whispered. I went to her, and she tensed her body, not sure if we were still training or not.
"Gabriel is cooking dinner," I said patting her shoulder. I kissed her forehead. "Go ahead and help."
She nodded and turned without saying another word, heading straight up the stairs back to the kitchen. I sighed and looked around the basement. It reminded me of the basement Gabriel and I had trained in when he kidnapped me seventeen years ago. The walls were decorated with various weapons, from whips to throwing stars. I crossed my arms as I approached a mannequin well hidden in the darkest corner of the basement. It had been something Lily Potter had built for me our seventh year. The mannequin had a charm on it so upon destruction it would reassemble allowing for more practice. I had destroyed that ridiculous mannequin too many times to count, especially when I grew frustrated with Gabriel or Sirius. It was better to blow up the mannequin with my mind then the men in my life. I tilted my head to the side and concentrated on the mannequin. There was a loud explosion as a shockwave expelled from the center of my body and collided with the mannequin, destroying it into dust. I smiled with a sigh of relief. I still had it in me. As I mounted the stairs and made my way upstairs I heard the mannequin repairing itself. Despite being destroyed to dust, it magically repaired and return to its original state. It was something I had cherished, not just because it was a useful training tool, but because Lily had made it for me. It reminded me of her and her kindness.
When I arrived upstairs Gabriel was standing next to the stove, Carrigan was no where to be seen. When I grew closer I saw that Carrigan was between Gabriel and the stove. He was holding her hand, helping her make a perfect omelet.
"You carefully lift this side and flip it over onto the other," he said. "Nice and easy."
"I think I have it," she said. "You don't need to hold my hand."
Gabriel stepped away from the stove and crossed his arms over his chest as he raised his eyebrows. "Forgive me, Miss Independent."
She gave him a smart look over her shoulder, then turned back to her omelet.
"You had to make eggs?" I asked as I crinkled my nose with disgust. Gabriel nodded his head.
"Carri's favorite," he replied grabbing my belt loops and pulling me to him. "Since it's her last night home I thought we should have what she likes."
"Oh," I smiled. "And what should I have?"
I saw a moment of lustful flash in Gabriel's eyes and a gleeful smile crossed his lips. If it weren't for Carrigan standing a few feet away I'm sure he would have made some sexually charged comment out loud, instead he channeled me with Legilimency.
Me, if you'd like. I'm told I taste very good.
"Yea," I laughed. "I'm sure."
He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight against his chest. Carrigan was sliding her omelet onto a plate. It was over stuffed with vegetables and cheese, overflowing onto the plate. She cut it in half with her spatula, then pushed a piece onto a plate. She picked both of them up and stopped to stare at me and Gabriel wrapped in each other's arms.
"I suppose I don't understand why you're not married when you act like a married couple," she said with a sigh. She walked by us and put the plates on the table. "Mom, do you want me to make you something?"
"No," I said pulling out of Gabriel's arms. "I'll make myself something."
"Like I said outside, Carrigan," Gabriel said going to the table as I went to the refrigerator. "It would me a mockery of our love."
"You're saying that your love transcends all human implications of it?" Carrigan asked smartly. "That your love is not something mortal people experience and it's impossible to define your love with traditional social rituals?"
"Where are you learning all of this stuff?" I questioned closing the refrigerator and looking at her sharply.
"I read in my free time," Carrigan shrugged.
"You know you're eleven, right?" Gabriel asked. "You're supposed to be out having fun—not reading and learning to become an Auror in your free time."
"I like reading, Gabriel," Carrigan responded. "You and Mom decided to start training me and told me to practice. Besides, I like being smart."
"Well nobody likes a smarty pants," I said as I made myself a turkey sandwich. I came to the table and sat down next to Carrigan, across from Gabriel.
"I didn't say I would be a smarty pants," Carrigan said. "Just smart. I'm not arrogant."
I looked at her with raised eyebrows. "It's always arrogant people who say they're arrogant," I warned.
Carrigan sighed and set her fork down. "Okay, fine. I'm responsible and take pride in being well educated. I see where you're going with this and it's not worth it."
"Really?" I questioned with a smirk. "Where am I going with this, if you're so smart?"
"You're going to start lecturing me about me irresponsible with my magic."
"No," I shook my head. "I think I said all I needed to in the basement."
"What happened in the basement?" Gabriel asked very carefully.
"Nothing," Carrigan responded before I could. She turned her glaring eyes from me to look upon Gabriel. When their eyes met her dark cold look became soft and warm. She could not be angry with him. "I just wasn't prepared for the fight."
"Exactly," I said. "You were arrogant, thinking you had me beat which caused you to forget the most fundamental thing—your wand—"
"I had just come in from outside, how was I supposed to know you were going to come down and fight with me? I went down there to practice by myself—"
"—Why were you practicing without your wand? You were being careless, arrogant and unprepared—"
"I AM NOT ARROGANT!" Carrigan shouted as the wooden floorboards of the kitchen creaked and split open. A gigantic crack had formed in the wood directly beneath the table, as if a huge tree root had grown underneath the house and destroyed the foundation. Silence fell around the kitchen as Carrigan looked down at the ground in horrified shock. She stood up from her chair instantly and walked out of the room, looking furious and ashamed. I sighed and put my head in my hands, pulling at my hair.
"I'll go talk to her," Gabriel said standing up.
"IF EITHER OF YOU COME UP HERE I'LL SPLIT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!" Carrigan shouted from up the stairs. I cringed as I looked up at Gabriel with wide eyes.
"When did she become such an obnoxious teenager?" I hissed gripping the edge of the table. Gabriel sighed and looked at me.
"Obviously, she is very mature for her age," he said.
"Yes!" I snapped. "A snotty wise ass—"
"Who is just like you," Gabriel smiled. "You were a pain in my ass when you were a teenager."
"I still am," I said sticking out my tongue.
Gabriel smiled as she shook his head and picked up the plates off the table. He made his way to the sink and began to wash them. I stood up and picked up the pan that was on the stove, placing in the sink next to him. He handed me the wet dishes he just cleaned and I began to dry them. He looked down at me with smiling eyes, making me feel wanted; I looked away from his intense stare and bit my bottom lip. I felt like I wasn't good enough for him—he deserved better. He did and so did Sirius. They deserved to be with someone who wasn't afraid of being with them; who wasn't afraid of losing herself to them; who wasn't a coward.
My eyes drifted up to the ceiling, where above the kitchen I could hear Carrigan pacing in her bedroom. I bit my lip and placed the dried dishes on the counter then turned and leaned against it.
"I don't want her to be a coward," I whispered crossing my arms over my chest.
Gabriel looked at me very seriously. "She's not." I looked up at him with tears on my cheeks, which caused him to step towards me, hold my face and wipe my flesh. "Cadence, she's not. And you are anything but a coward."
"If I weren't a coward I would have left Sirius long before he even asked me to marry him," I said shaking my head as I started to lean away from Gabriel. "I would have left him for you. Or I would have married him—then I would have divorced him—then I'd be with you—"
"Cadence!" Gabriel yelled over my ranting while holding my shoulders tightly. "Cadence Coleman you are not a coward. You have seen dark horrifying things; you have sacrificed yourself for the ones you love; and now you are raising a beautiful daughter while her Father is known as a mass-murderer. You are not a coward, Cadence. I don't love cowards, and I love you."
I pulled away from him and sighed deeply, trying to catch my breath. I wiped my cheeks and walked away from Gabriel towards the front hall. I heard him follow me, but he didn't say anything.
"I'm just going to talk to her," I said stopping at the base of the stairs and touching his chest. "I'm just going to talk."
He sighed. "Alright, but if your house splits open that's on you."
I rolled my eyes. "Thanks," I said as I turned and mounted the stairs to go up to Carrigan's room.