"I'll be here in the hall if you need me," Professor McGonagall said motion to a doorway a floor up and at the end of the corridor. I frowned slightly and squeezed Carrigan's hand tightly in my hand.
"Thank you, Professor," I said. She gave me a firm nod and took a few steps down the hall to give Carrigan and me some privacy. "Carrigan, can you tell me what happened exactly?"
"I was on my way back from visiting Hector and I saw Ron being dragged towards the Whomping Willow by a giant black dog. Harry and Hermione were running after him and I followed. I wanted to help. When we got to the Shrieking Shack everything happened so fast. Dad and Harry were fighting, and then Professor Lupin showed up and they were all yelling about how some guy, Pettigrew, was alive and he was responsible for the Potters' death, not Dad. And Mom, I believe him. I know it's crazy, but I believe him."
"I know," I nodded. "I've known for a couple of months. Divinity told us—"
"—Divinity?" Carrigan questioned.
I shook my head. "That's not the point," I said waving my hands. I stroked Carrigan's hair behind her ear and looked her straight in the eye. "Did you speak to him at all about him being your Father?"
"No," Carrigan shook her head. "No it didn't come up at all."
"Oh," I said surprised. "Uh…do me a favor and wait in the hall for a moment."
"Mom," Carrigan sighed with annoyance. "Please we won't have much time."
"Carrigan, when I go in there and he sees me he's going to yell—"
"—and maybe if I go in with you, he won't."
"Please, just let me do this," I sighed standing up straight and begging her with my dark green eyes.
"Fine," she said crossing her arms over her chest. I nodded my head once in approval as went to the classroom door. I opened it slowly and stepped inside to see Sirius Black dressed in his Azkaban robes and a black cloak, with his back to the door. He was leaning against the windowsill, looking out at the dark wet grounds and the Forbidden Forest in the distance. When he heard the door open he turned to see who had come. At first there was a moment of relief on his face, I wasn't the Minister or the Dementors. He still had a few moments. But quickly that relief turned to anger.
"How dare you even show your face to me, you dirty—"
"If you call me a whore I will kill you!" I yelled as I closed the door shut quickly. I prayed that Carrigan hadn't heard what we had just said. Although, if she had heard she probably would have come charging into the room ready to fight Sirius for insulting my honor.
"How could you possibly withhold her from me?" his voice echoed in my ears. I tried to control my anger. I didn't want to break anything with my energy.
"I didn't find out until after you had gone to Azkaban," I said in a soft voice. "And I was already in Maine."
"Is she even mine?" he said sarcastically. I marched across the room and punched him in the jaw. Sirius stepped back in shock, but took the punch, catching his balance and standing up straight. He rubbed his jaw and glared at me. "If you weren't a woman I'd ring your neck."
"Ring it," I snapped back the walls shook and the desk vibrated against the stone floor. "I don't need that crap from you, Sirius. I never cheated on you. I was never unfaithful—"
"You don't have to do anything physical to be unfaithful," Sirius hissed. I stood up straight and put my hands on my hips, glaring at him so harshly that he might burst into flames—I had to control my energy so he wouldn't spontaneously combust.
"She's yours," I finally whispered too full of anger to even say anything else. "Don't you dare insult me like that."
"I think I have every right to insult you when you gave up on me," he snapped with rage. "And lied to me about my daughter!" He threw his arm out motioning to the doorway as if he knew that Carrigan was waiting in the hallway. We were arguing so loud I was sure she could hear us.
"I didn't lie to you about her. You never asked."
"You might as well have lied to me!" Sirius screamed.
"STOP IT!" I yelled back violently. The walls shook again from my raised voice and the desks toppled over this time. "STOP IT! What the hell was I supposed to do, Sirius? You left me! You were taken away for killing our best friends! I didn't know who to trust or where I could go! Then I was pregnant with Carrigan! I was young and scared and alone. You were the only person I had ever completely trusted and I thought you were guilty! I thought you were just like my Mother and Father—you turned out to be the thing I had feared most. And I loved you. That was all I knew! How the hell would you have responded!"
"Not the way you did," he snapped. "Running into another man's arms to try and make the pain go away."
"You know nothing!" I picked up a vase off of the teacher's desk and threw it at him. He dodged it and it shattered against the wall. "You bastard! You just assume that I did that! You won't even listen to me!"
"What's going on in here?" asked Professor McGonagall walking into the room. I stood up straight and wiped the tears from my cheeks. She had no doubt heard the desk falling over and the vase shattering while she waited in the hall.
"Cadence," said Gabriel's voice coming into the room. My heart sank a little. Of all the moments for him to come in this was probably the worse. And of course he knew I was upset so he came to me, trying to care for me and protect me. He was giving Sirius nasty looks as he touched my shoulders, standing behind me. "Everything alright?"
"Just damn peachy," said Sirius bitterly. "Especially now that you're here to save the freaking day, Gabriel."
"Sirius, you leave him out of this—" I started but I was cut off by a voice from behind McGonagall.
"Mom?" questioned Carrigan. I turned and saw her coming into the room. I sighed and looked at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this—" Her eyes fell on the fallen desk, school books that littered the floor and shattered vase. "Have you been throwing things at each other?"
"Actually it was just your Mother," said Sirius sharply.
"Mom," Carrigan said looking at me with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for—"
"Oh no," I said going to her and lifting her chin. "This is not your fault. Not at all, baby."
"Carri, why don't you go back to the hospital wing?" suggested Gabriel. "Your Mother and I need to have some words with," he paused for a moment and glanced at Sirius. "Your Father."
Carrigan looked to Sirius. I was surprised that she was glaring at him. Was she glaring because he had made me cry, or because she thought he was being an ass? I didn't want her to think that of him. This was not the way Sirius had always been, and if things had been different I'm sure he would have been an amazing father, even if we hadn't stayed together.
"Only if you promise to show me how to break a guy's neck," she said holding out her fist with a grin. He balled his fist and knocked it against hers. I gave him a nasty look and he frowned.
"No promises," he said quickly. I saw him wink at her and she smiled lightly.
Sirius sighed and rubbed his face, turning away from his daughter and returning to the window. I could tell he was boiling with anger now, about to erupt. Gabriel was showing him up—like he had when we were younger. Gabriel made Sirius feel like an inadequate boyfriend, and now was making him feel like an inadequate Father.
"Come on, Carrigan," said Professor McGonagall taking my daughter's arm. "Let's go."
Once the door shut, Sirius turned back around and looked at Gabriel and me like we were slightly nuts.
"What the hell are you letting him teach her!" he yelled violently. "She's going to become a mental killer!"
"Excuse me," Gabriel said stepping forward. I grabbed his upper arm and held it firmly to stop him from approaching. He stopped and looked at me with annoyed eyes. He rolled them and turned away.
"Gabriel teaches Carrigan some defense skills, nothing that I don't already know and approve of him teaching her," I said stepping between the two men. I crossed my arms over my chest. "I want her to be able to defend herself."
"These are the same things that he taught you when he kidnapped you and then you were never the same!"
This comment blind-sided me. I dropped my hands to my sides and then put them on my hips, glaring violently at him. I shook my head and turned away from him, heading for the door. Gabriel grabbed my arm and held me back.
"Please stay, we need to talk with him," said Gabriel in my ear.
"What the hell could I possibly have to talk to you about?" Sirius asked brutally.
"I don't think it's appropriate the way you're speaking to Cadence," Gabriel said aggressively. "She's been through enough with out you throwing all this shit on her now. She may let you walk all over her, but I won't stand for it anymore."
"I don't think this shit is really any of your business."
Gabriel shook his head and glared at Sirius fiercely. I put my head in my hands and sighed. I didn't know what Gabriel thought he was doing and I wished he'd stop.
"None of this matters," I said interrupting the two of them bickering. "I don't care anymore. I just want to live my life in peace. You're not going to listen to me and you're not going to forgive me for giving up on you. But maybe I didn't just give up on you, Sirius. Maybe I gave up on myself too. I haven't been with anyone else since you—not even Gabriel. It's not my problem that you're caught up in jealousy." I crossed my arms over my chest and glared fiercely at Sirius who was looking bewildered. He didn't know what to say to me. "For some reason, Carrigan wants to see you before you get your soul sucked out by a Dementor—frankly the only reason I care about what happens to you is because I think she deserves a chance to know her Father."
I opened the classroom door with my mind and called Carrigan with Legilimency.
"Mom?" she questioned coming back into the room. "What's the matter?"
"I don't think it's a good idea," Gabriel said slowly.
"For once I agree with Gabriel," Sirius said with a harsh look at me. He turned to the window again, so he didn't have to look at me. "Just get out of here, all of you—I don't want to see any of you."
"Carrigan wanted to see you," I said sternly. "I think you owe her that."
"What?" he questioned turning to me. "What could I possibly owe her—I just found out she existed a month ago."
"You know I'm standing right here, right?" Carrigan questioned crossing her arms over her chest. Sirius looked at her as he put his hands on his hips, giving her a nasty look.
"Well there's no question that she's your daughter," he said crossly.
"No kidding considering I squished her out of my vagina!" I yelled as the desks in the room began to shake on the cold stone floor.
"Mom!" Carrigan snapped. I matched her glaring stare with my own as I crossed my arms over my chest, but I started to control my energy so that the desk stopped vibrating against the floor. "First of all, of course I'm her daughter," Carrigan said looking at Sirius. "Second of all, how could you have any doubt that I was your daughter—people have been calling me out on it all year! I feel like I'm looking in a mirror with that midnight glare you're giving me—"
"Carrigan," I said quickly. "That's enough."
Carrigan frowned and folded her hands behind her back as she looked down at the ground.
"Why'd you bring her here?" Sirius asked looking at me. "To prove a point?"
"What point?" I questioned. "She wanted to see her Father before the Dementors came to suck your soul out, you selfish bastard—"
"I am so happy that you guys aren't together," she said shaking her head. "I would have had a messed up childhood."
"Carrigan," I sighed rubbing my head. "That's probably not helping because I'm sure that your Father thinks I've failed you as is."
"You're damn right I do," Sirius said.
"Hey, don't gang up on her," Carrigan said coming forward. "You weren't there, you don't know what happened—"
"Carrigan," Gabriel said giving her a scowling look. She raised her eyebrows at him and glared.
Sirius let out a frustrated groan and knocked a desk out of the way of his path. Carrigan and I both jumped, but Gabriel stepped forward, as if he were afraid that Sirius would grow violent.
"Was he always like this?" Carrigan whispered to me.
"No," I said sadly to her.
"Your Mother made me like this," Sirius retorted as he threw his messy black hair out of his face. "She's volatile and I imagine you're a great deal like her."
Carrigan looked at her Father with sharp midnight blue eyes. I had never seen her eyes look so bitter and cold. I didn't think she was capable of being so cold; she reminded me of myself. I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed, rubbing my head a little.
"How dare you," she said coldly. "How dare you insult her when she has done nothing but love you and let that love ruin her? How dare you say she made you into a violent bastard of a man when you destroyed her? You made it impossible for her to ever love anyone again!"
"Aren't you like eleven?" Sirius asked viciously.
I bit my bottom lip and sighed, trying not to smile. Like Mother like daughter—she sounded cold and sarcastic. I glanced at Gabriel and saw his frown. My eyes turned to Sirius and I saw the pain in his eyes. I turned to Carrigan.
"I think that was a little much Carrigan," I said sharply to her.
She shrugged and turned her eyes back to Sirius.
"Maybe harsh is what he needs," Carrigan whispered. "Maybe then he'll see what's going on here."
Sirius suddenly glared at her. "And all of a sudden you know what is right and wrong with me and this world?" He moved towards her and she stood her ground. I moved forward, only a step, watching as Sirius approached his daughter. "Carrigan, you don't understand any of this and I suggest you stay out of it."
"I understand everything just fine," Carrigan hissed back. "Despite what you might think I'm not a little girl. I know that you're innocent. We all do. But you can't keep blaming Mother for believing the evidence that was provided for her."
"She should have known in her heart," Sirius retorted. "She should have kept faith in me like I had her."
"You call what you have faith?" Carrigan poked her Father in the chest and stepped towards him. "If you had such good faith in her why are you accusing her of having an affair, and why are questioning if I'm yours? Why did you leave her? Your faith in her looks a lot like the faith she had in you, and frankly I don't blame her. All evidence pointed to you being guilty, and even after that she never loved another man. She's been alone all my life. The only man I remember being there for us is Gabriel and he was only there when Mom allowed him. Don't you tell me about good faith and the world we live in. And don't you tell me that I don't understand what's going on because I sure as hell do. I've understood everything that's been going on for some time now. Don't think that you can just come in here and start bossing me around because you realized that I have the same goddamn blood as you—"
"Carrigan," I said sharply.
She turned to me frowning then looked back at Sirius. "A few strands of DNA only means you're my biological Father—beyond that you're nothing to me. Not now anyways."
She turned and walked out of the room. I could see the fire burning in her eyes and I prayed that she controlled her anger so the whole castle wouldn't come crumbling down to the ground. Thankfully, she only scorched the ceiling of the room as she walked out, leaving a trail of burnt wood all the way to the classroom door. I clapped my hand to my head and sighed with some relief. Sirius stood firm and tall, looking like he had just been socked in the stomach numerous times—which I thought he deserved. The truth hurt, but maybe he needed to hear it from Carrigan, maybe she was the only one who could get through to him now. I most certainly couldn't.
"We're lucky she didn't burn down the castle," Gabriel said walking past me. His hand grazed my lower back and he paused for one moment next to me. The look in his eyes was that of concern. I nodded to him, trying to reassure him that I was okay. He forced a smile and left the room, glancing at Sirius before he left.
"She is volatile, like you," he said with a laugh. He paced back to the window and sighed. "She's volatile, cold, independent, beautiful, stunning...she's you."
I frowned and folded my hands in front of me as I looked to the ground. I took a deep breath and looked up at Sirius. "I'm sorry about the things she said-"
"Don't be," he said shaking his head. "She's right."
He came to me quickly, before I had the chance to move away he took me in his arms and kissed me straight on the mouth. I sighed in his arms as I let him kiss me. This would be the last time I let him kiss me. I pressed my hands against his chest and took a step back, sighing slightly.
"Sirius," I whispered with tears in my eyes. I wiped my cheeks and looked away from him. He tipped my chin up so I was looking at him.
"I'm sorry, Cadence," he whispered. "I'm sorry for everything that happened. If you don't love me anymore that's fine, you don't owe me anything."
He brushed my hair behind my ears and sighed as his midnight blue eyes looked at my green ones. "I will always love you," he said.
"Sirius," I sighed shaking my head.
"I don't want to make this difficult for you," he said quickly. "I know we've been through the ringer-I know that we've both messed up and I understand if you don't love me anymore. I don't blame you for that at all. But, Cadence, you need to promise me that you will raise Carrigan to not hate me-"
"Sirius, of course," I said touching his shoulders. "I'll do my best. She will know that you are a good man, because you are. You are a good man."
There was a sharp tap on the window that caused Sirius to pull away from me. We both went to the window to see Harry Potter and Hermione Granger riding on the back of Buckbeck, the Hippogriff. I looked at the teenagers in wonder as Hermoine yelled for Sirius to move away from the window. She waved her wand with her right hand as she clung to Harry with her other arm. The window opened outwards and Sirius leaned froward.
"How-how-?" Sirius questioned.
"Get on!" Harry said waving at Sirius to come out the window. "There isn't much time, the Dementors are coming-"
Sirius turned to me and took my shoulders. "Cadence," he said. "I'll write-I'll try to-but you need to find Pettigrew-"
"What?" I said quizzically.
"He's still out there and I won't be able to hunt him if I'm on the run from the Ministry and Dementors. You need to find him. He's going to return to your Father-"
"Alright," I said grabbing Sirius' hand and squeezing it. "Alright. You go. You don't have much time."
"Leave first," he nodded to the door.
"Sirius!" Harry yelled from outside the window. "Get on!"
Sirius nodded his head and forced a smile at me. I looked him straight in the eye and took a long breath, then nodded, squeezing his hand. I turned and walked away from him, leaving the room without looking back. My heart was racing as I closed the door tightly behind me. Gabriel, Carrigan and Professor McGonagall were all standing in the hall in silence waiting for me. Gabriel stepped forward instantly.
"You alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I said with a smile at Carrigan who looked worried. I patted her cheek and took her hand. "Come on, let's get you down to your dormitory. You have exams coming up, right?"
"I can't think about them," she said sadly. "The one chance I had to speak with my biological Father and we fought, now I understand why you hate him so much."
"I don't hate him, Carrigan," I sighed as we walked down the hall with Gabriel and Professor McGonagall behind us. "He's just difficult...once you get to know him, well, you learn to love him."
"I'm not going to get that chance," she said shaking her head. "And why would he want to know me now that I've told him he's not my Father?"
I looked over my shoulder at Gabriel and McGonagall and smiled slightly to reassure them that everything was fine. I kissed Carrigan's forehead and leaned down to her ear.
"You might get the chance," I whispered.
She looked up at me with puzzled eyes but I just smiled at her as we continued down the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower. She looked at me with a smirk and wrapped her arms around my center, leaning on me as we continued to walk. I couldn't help but smile widely because somehow everything was going to be okay. Sirius was innocent, on the run and had apologized for any pain he had ever caused me. Gabriel and I were finally starting to recognize some sort of romantic relationship between us. Carrigan was about to finish her first year at Hogwarts...and work...well work sucked, but I suppose if everything was perfect in my life it wouldn't be any fun. It was starting to look like that everything in my life was not an endless struggle after all.