a/n: so to make up for the lack of updates (it's killing me as much as it's killing you, trust me. :/ ) I'll try to make the chapters longer. Thanks again for the reviews/alerts/favorites! I can't tell you how much that means to me!
FOUR
Elena woke up feeling the same way she had for the past few days; guilty. The situation with Damon left her uneasy and she avoided going anywhere unless she absolutely had to. She didn't want a confrontation with him or to see what he had done to himself as a way to cope with her rejection. Even things with Stefan had become awkward. He had come to her early the following morning to fill her in on what happened between Caroline and Matt. Elena couldn't help but feel sorry for Caroline, but she knew her friend was doing what was best. It was one of the few selfless things Caroline Forbes had ever done.
"Has he said anything to you?" Stefan had asked her.
"No," Elena lied, pacing the room as Stefan sat on her bed.
"He's just been acting really strange. When I mention I'm going out hunting he just nods or says something like 'have a good time.' What happened while you were at Duke?"
Elena could feel his eyes on her as she continued to pace. She wasn't a very good liar and she knew that Stefan was picking up on that. She shrugged. "We went digging through all of Isobel's research and found what we were looking for. I noticed he went through a few files, but he never mentioned what he found. Maybe he came across something about Katherine that he didn't like. Maybe she came back and said something to him."
It was silent for a few moments as Elena busied herself in the closet, pretending to examine her clothes for that day's outfit. "You would tell me if something happened between the two of you, right?"
Elena jumped at the sound of his voice and looked towards the door to see him lounging against the threshold. "Yes," she lied, mentally grimacing at the tightness in her voice.
He nodded; as much as he wanted to believe her, the slight increase of her heart rate told him that there was a chance she wasn't being completely truthful. "Alright. I'm taking Caroline hunting again. I'll call you later."
Elena nodded slowly and watched as he walked towards her window. Once he was gone, she rested against the doorjamb and softly beat her head against it a few times. He had left without a hug or a kiss which could only mean one thing; that he didn't believe her.
Elena shook her head at the memory and took a deep breath. She hadn't seen much of Stefan since then. He had been too busy helping Caroline. That thought left her feeling a little bitter. Caroline, one of her best friends, would live forever with Stefan at her side. The blonde had only been a vampire for a few weeks and she was already taking up Stefan's free time.
Elena scowled at the empty room and flung the covers from her body. She hated it when her thoughts went down that road. There was no reason for it; she knew better than to think Stefan would leave her for anyone else. Especially not Caroline. If he hated sharing Katherine, he definitely wouldn't be considering Caroline anytime soon.
Elena sighed as, once again, her thoughts had gone too far. She pushed herself to her feet and padded over to the dresser and then the closet. After collecting fresh clothes, she made her way to the bathroom and turned on the water for the shower. As it heated up, she gripped the edge of the counter and stared at the mirror. At least Katherine had the decency to sample both of us... A shiver cascaded down her spine as Damon's words floated through her mind.
Even though she didn't believe Katherine's choice counted after so long, his words did ring true. There were times when she thought about giving into the feelings that she had striving to keep hidden. He had proven that he wasn't a jackass twenty-four/seven; that he could be sweet and gentle. Then he did something to remind of her of all the times he had proven he was a cold hearted killer. Unfortunately, the bad outweighed the good, but she still had that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that being with Damon would be...
She was pulled out her thoughts by a loud knock on the door leading to Jeremy's room. "Elena?"
"What?" she called out, surprised that her voice sounded normal.
"Are you in the shower?"
"No."
"Can I get in there really quick?"
She opened the door and narrowed her eyes at him. "You're not going to steal the shower are you?" It wouldn't be the first time he had done that.
He grinned and shook his head. "Not this time."
"Five minutes," Elena warned and stepped into his room to wait. She sat on his chair in front of the desk and tried to think of a word that would finish the thought from earlier. No matter how hard she thought, she drew a blank. There was only one way she would be able to find out and that was to give in.
The door opened and she simply looked up at Jeremy. The witty comment he had planned on saying died on his tongue at the lost look on his sister's face. "You okay?"
She nodded and stood up. "Just thinking."
He smiled and shook his head at her. "Didn't you hear? That's bad for you."
"Ha ha," she returned dryly and walked into the bathroom.
After a fast shower, Elena dried off and dressed in record time. She let her hair dry naturally and headed downstairs for something to eat before she finished getting ready for the day. The moment she entered the kitchen, she froze at the person grabbing the pitcher of orange juice from the fridge. He turned around and almost dropped the container, giving her a sheepish grin as he held his hands up in mock surrender. "This is not what it looks like," Alaric informed her.
Elena crossed her arms over her chest and tried her best to hide her smile. "I really, really hope that's true."
He grinned and got a second glass out of the cupboard for her. She watched him with fascination as he moved around the kitchen as if he had been living there for years. It was odd, considering he had only been officially seeing Jenna for a few days. Elena nodded her thanks at him as he handed her the glass from across the island. "I called Jenna this morning, from my house, and asked if it would be okay to come over."
"Why?" she asked. Now that the humor of his early morning appearance was over, she began to feel awkward. The last time she had seen him was when he caught her and Damon tightly embraced on the porch.
"To talk to you."
"At the risk of sounding like a child, why?" she repeated, looking at him curiously over the rim of her glass as she took a drink.
"First of all, I would like to start by saying that I know I just started seeing your aunt a few days ago. I understand that it doesn't give me the right to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. That being said, I can't help but think that if Isobel hadn't given you up, I might have raised you as my daughter."
Elena blinked in surprise. She had thought about that a few times, but had never heard the words out loud before. "Okay..."
"Whether we like it or not, I'm going to be in your life in one way or another. I'll either be your teacher, your mother's husband, or you aunt's boyfriend. I know you already have a father..." his voice trailed off as he tipped his head to the side. "Had?"
Elena shrugged, trying to act indifferent. The fact that John was her father still left a sour taste in her mouth. "Either way."
He nodded and cleared his throat before continuing. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen."
Elena set the glass down on the counter and placed her hands flat on the surface. "In other words, you want to know more about what you saw on the porch."
He nodded slowly, trying to decipher her reaction to the recollection of that night. "Things have changed between the two of you."
Elena thought about it for a moment. Maybe talking to Alaric wouldn't be so bad; she needed to talk to someone. She couldn't talk to Bonnie because she would probably do something drastic. Caroline wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut. Jenna didn't really know what was going on and she wasn't Damon's greatest fan anymore given that she had witnessed him kissing Katherine on the porch. Jeremy didn't want to hear about her romantic problems and discussing this with Stefan was simply out of the question. "Yeah, they have," Elena answered.
"You don't have to talk to me, I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you need me."
"I was telling him that we couldn't be friends because I don't trust my feelings for him anymore. He wants more than I can give him and I don't want to be like Katherine."
His brows furrowed with concern. "So he forced himself on you?"
"No," Elena answered weakly. She sighed heavily, having remembered that Damon wasn't exactly Alaric's favorite person either. "It wasn't like that." Because he's in love with you. Isobel's words rang loudly in her ears, making her wince. Elena pressed her lips together tightly and shut her eyes. "Thank you, Mr. Saltzman, but I-"
"You can call me Alaric, please. I hate Mr. Saltzman."
Elena nodded and smiled faintly at him. "It's complicated."
He returned her smile and walked around the island to lay his hand on her shoulder. "Just remember what I said."
"I will."
"Oh, by the way, I talked to Jenna about having a barbeque tomorrow. She invited Mason Lockwood because they went to high school together and he's back in town. You can bring Stefan if you want."
"I'll let him know," she said and watched him walk towards the front door. "Alaric?" she called after him.
"Yeah?" he asked as he turned around to face her.
"You won't tell anyone what you saw, will you?"
He shook his head. "Of course not," he replied and shut the door behind him.
Elena stared at her half empty glass, thinking about what Alaric had said. Sighing, she headed upstairs to call Stefan about the barbeque. After hanging up with him, she decided to invite Caroline as well. She felt a little guilty about not seeing her since she broke up with Matt. It was time to make at least one of things making her guilty go away. When the plans were made, Elena slipped back into the bathroom and finished getting ready for the day.
"Wear this one," Caroline said as she emerged from Elena's closet, holding up an off the shoulder top.
Elena threw her friend a quizzical glance. "I'm already dressed for the day, Care."
Caroline looked Elena up and down and then frowned. "Really?" she asked quietly.
The brunette couldn't help but smile as her friend started wiggling the shirt back and forth, making it dance, beckoning her to put it on. Elena sighed and swung her feet over the side of the bed before standing up. "Alright, fine."
"Thank you," Caroline sang as Elena grabbed the shirt and put it between her knees as she pulled the one she was wearing over her head. Instead of hanging it back up, she tossed it to the floor in the closet and pulled on the shirt Caroline had picked out.
She turned around and played with her hair. "Better?"
"Much," Caroline said, nodding her approval. The blonde crossed the room and pouted at the empty bag of chips on the nightstand. "Is the food almost ready?"
"I don't think they started cooking yet."
Caroline let out a frustrated growl. "I fed before coming over here, but I'm starving."
"Um..."
"Relax, I'm not going to feed on anyone," she said darkly. The room filled with awkward silence. "Stefan said if I stuffed my face with regular food it would help curb the cravings. He also said alcohol would do the trick."
Elena felt her lips curving into a smile as her friend stared at her with hope. "Let me go see what I can find."
"Thank you!" Caroline chimed before flinging herself onto the bed.
"Have you talked to Stefan today?" Elena asked before opening her door.
Her friend thought for a moment and then shook her head. "Surprisingly, no."
Elena frowned. "Weird. He said he would be here and he clearly he isn't. I should call him."
Caroline grabbed her friend's phone from the nightstand. "I will call your boyfriend while you get me something to snack on."
Elena couldn't help but smile at the fact that Caroline was using her compulsion voice. "I think you're the only vampire who wouldn't even need to compel someone to do their bidding."
Caroline pointed to her as she started scrolling for Stefan's number. "Don't you forget it."
Elena shook her head and closed the door behind her once she stepped into the hallway. As she got to the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell rang. Her smile widened as she grabbed the handle, thinking it was Stefan. Her smile faded instantly at the sight of Damon on the other side of the threshold. He had a white box in his hand baring the Mystic Grill logo and a smile that slowly dissolved as they stared at each other. "What are you doing here?" Elena asked coldly.
"I was invited."
"No you weren't," she argued knowing he was very low on Jenna's list of favorite people.
"Alaric invited me," he insisted and slipped past her to enter the house.
Elena's breath caught in her throat from the momentary contact of their bodies. Damon felt it when her heart skipped a beat and his brows furrowed in curiosity. "He did?" she asked, cursing herself when her voice came out in a higher pitch.
"Mason will be here. It's the perfect opportunity to see if I can get him to slip up."
Elena nodded absently and tore her gaze from his eyes to the box in his hands. "And that?"
He held it up for her. "Peach cobbler. Attempt number one at getting back into Jenna's good graces."
"Good luck with that," she mumbled and sped past him so she could get what she needed for Caroline and get back to the safety of her bedroom.
The adults were in the kitchen as they prepared the food and caught up over drinks. The three of them instantly became quiet as Elena entered followed by Damon. "You made it," Alaric said to Damon, giving Elena an apologetic glance.
She looked away and grabbed another bag of chips before moving to the fridge. "I brought cobbler," she heard him say as she grabbed Jenna's half empty bottle of vodka. It was one that they weren't going to drink tonight judging from the collection on the island. Hiding it behind the bag of chips, she righted herself and began walking out of the kitchen.
"Hold up," came Jenna's stern voice. Elena turned around smiling guiltily from having been caught. Jenna had been kind enough to stop her once they were out of sight from the watchful eyes of the three men in the kitchen. She stretched her arm out for her aunt to take the bottle but Jenna shook her head. "Promise me that the two of you will not drive tonight and I'll pretend I saw nothing."
"Deal. Thanks Jenna," Elena replied and continued to her room, slamming the door roughly behind her.
"Elena?" Caroline asked as the brunette tossed the bag of chips at her friend before tearing the top off of the bottle and raising it to her lips. The liquor burned its way down her throat, providing her momentary comfort. "You okay?" she asked softly once Elena removed the bottle and wiped her lips with the back of her free hand.
"Damon's here."
Caroline looked at her in confusion. Elena winced as she realized Caroline didn't know what was going on between the two of them. Fear seized her at her own stupidity. What if Caroline says something to Stefan? Elena fumbled for something to say and ended up blurting out the first coherent thought that formed in her mind. "I'm just worried that he's going to do something stupid."
"Why would he?" Caroline asked as she opened the bag.
"He said he's here to see if he can get Mason to confess his nature. I don't want Jenna to get involved with this stuff."
Caroline gave her a hard stare. "Seriously? Everyone else in your life knows, why not tell her?" Her eyes narrowed with scrutiny as she studied Elena. "I honestly don't know how Stefan deals with it."
"What?" Elena asked, dumbfounded by the unsubtle subject change.
"Being around you. It's why I broke up with Matt. Every time I heard his heart beating, I wanted nothing more than to sink my fangs into his neck and-"
"Caroline!" Elena shouted as her friend's canine's slid down from her upper gums; her gaze transfixed on Elena's throat.
The blonde shook herself and settled back on the bed. "He says it's hard to be around you sometimes. It's like having an alcoholic work in a winery."
"He hasn't-"
"It can't be easy for you either. Knowing that you'll be all old and wrinkly while Stefan's still this gorgeous creature. You'll never be able to have his children, let alone get married unless-"
"Caroline!" Elena snapped for the second time. "Why are you doing this?"
Her eyes widened with surprise and her fingers came up to lay on her lips. "I'm sorry Elena!" she said, dropping her hand and getting to her feet. "I really didn't mean to say it, it just... I'm thinking out loud again."
"I get that you're upset about having to call it off with Matt, but you need to stop projecting your broken relationship on Stefan and I." Caroline nodded and dropped her gaze to the floor. "What did Stefan have to say?" Elena asked, referring to the phone call.
"He didn't answer," Caroline answered quietly.
Elena nodded and took another drink before offering the rest of the bottle to Caroline. She needed it more than Elena did at the moment. "Thanks for trying."
"He'll show up," Caroline said, trying to lighten the mood.
Elena shrugged, knowing that if Stefan were going to show up, he would already be there. She sat on the bed and rested against the headboard. The pair sat in silence with the exception of Caroline's eating and the occasion laugh from downstairs. It wasn't long before there was a knock at her door followed by Alaric poking his head inside. "Food's ready."
"Thank God!" Caroline exclaimed and leapt to her feet. "I'm starving."
As she bolted from the room, Elena slowly rose and looked at Alaric. "You invited him?"
"That was before we talked," he admitted. "And I thought Stefan would be here."
"Me too," she mumbled before following him downstairs.
Elena sat directly across from Damon, making it very hard for her to ignore him. They were silent all through the meal, but with Jenna and Mason doing most of the talking, no one seemed to notice. Having scarcely touched her food, Elena volunteered to collect the dishes and begin clean up before dessert. As she put her first armful of dishes in the sink, she felt the air shift behind her and a shiver cascaded down her spine. Sure enough, when she turned around, Damon was there; so close, she could feel the heat of him.
"Now isn't the time," she whispered.
"It never is," he returned at the same time Caroline suggested they play Pictionary. No one bothered to ask the two in the kitchen if they wanted to join. "You didn't touch your food."
"Not hungry," she replied only to be betrayed by the growl of her stomach. Damon nodded and stepped back, smirking slightly as he heard her let out the breath she had been holding. "How's 'operation Lockwood' going?" she asked, not wanting to be surrounded with awkward silence.
"I've almost got him where I want him." He brought more dishes to the sink and turned to look at her. "Elena-"
"What were you going to say the other day before Alaric saw us?" she interrupted as she turned to face him as well.
The vulnerability she saw on his face at that moment nearly brought her to tears. "I shouldn't have forced myself on you and I can't tell you how sorry I am, but you make me so crazy sometimes. I thought I was losing you and that is something that I can't do." He kept his voice low and reached for her hand, his thumb rubbing the top of it absently. "These past few days have been hell and if this is what it's going to be like without you, I will do anything you ask of me. If you want us to be friends, I can do that. I can't lose you. You're the only good thing in my life. That includes the past, the present, and hopefully the future." He grabbed her other hand and squeezed both of them. "I will beg, grovel if I have to, for your forgiveness. Elena, please, don't cut me out of your life. Tell me that I haven't lost you forever."
The guilt she had been feeling these last few days intensified at his words. The tears that had been gathering in her eyes escaped, gliding smoothly down her cheeks. "You haven't lost me forever," she whispered and allowed him to pull her into a crushing hug.
Her mind was yelling at her, telling her that she was making a big mistake, but her heart was soaring at the prospect of being in his arms. It felt right. Frightened by that, she pulled away and wiped at her eyes. Without saying a word, she fled from the kitchen and up to her room. She paced behind the closed door, faced with the same dilemma as when she had told Damon they couldn't be friends. Now, instead of feeling guilty about how he would react to her rejection, she was feeling guilty about betraying Stefan. She hadn't done anything, but accepting Damon's friendship was bringing her closer to that thin line. She had proven to herself that she couldn't trust her feelings around Damon anymore, the simplest touches sparked the desire within her and she wanted more.
After venting to the empty room, she grabbed her purse and started heading downstairs. Caroline met her on the front porch. "Where are you going?"
"To Stefan's," she said and tried to get around Caroline.
The other girl blocked her every attempt. "Why?"
"Because he's not here and I'm beginning to panic. What if something happened to him?"
"Elena, he's fine."
"How do you know?" Elena snapped and shoved the blonde. Surprised, Caroline stumbled and let Elena pass.
"Hey," Caroline said lightly as she pulled Elena to a stop. "You're upset, let me drive."
Elena nodded and waited for her to retrieve her purse from inside. Elena climbed into the passenger seat of Caroline's car and rested her head against the window. Caroline drove, granting Elena's silent wish for silence. However, the trip was cut short as the car lurched to a stop. "What was that?" Elena asked, bracing herself against the dashboard.
Caroline shook her head and got out of the car. "Flat tire," she responded and pulled out her phone. "I'll call a tow truck."
Elena got out as well, kicking loose rocks while Caroline arranged for someone to come get the car. When she was done, Elena spoke. "We can walk from here. The boarding house isn't that far."
Caroline shook her head and for the first time, Elena felt as if something was off. "We can't leave my car alone out here."
"No one can steal it with a flat tire."
As Elena started walking away, Caroline grabbed her arm and held her firmly in place. "Please, just wait a little bit."
Elena stared at her for a long time before giving in. The two girls waited by the car for over an hour before Elena became restless. "I can't wait anymore Caroline. I'm going to start walking."
Headlights could be seen in the darkness that had recently fallen. "Look, the truck's here and-"
"What part of Stefan might be in trouble did you not grasp?" Elena fired, sick of Caroline trying to stall her. It only made her more anxious and suspicious that Caroline knew exactly what was keeping her boyfriend.
"Please don't leave," she whispered as the truck stopped near them.
"You can handle it," Elena said tightly. At this point, she was beyond caring. If Caroline fed from the truck driver, she could live with it. All that mattered was that Stefan was okay. The scenarios running through her mind over what she might find at the boarding house gave her enough energy to run there. As she got to the door, images of John's blood on her kitchen floor plagued her and it became hard to breathe. Forcing herself to push the images away, she hurried inside. "Stefan?" she shouted.
The mansion was eerily silent; more so than usual. There was a tension in there air that Elena had never felt before. Slowly, she entered the parlor and looked around. "Sorry, Stefan's not here right now," came an extremely familiar voice; her voice.
Elena whirled around to see Katherine standing an arms length away from her. Her heart skipped a beat and she gasped in surprise before being consumed with fear. "How do we look exactly alike?" she found herself asking even as Katherine backed her up against the sofa.
Elena flinched as Katherine's arm raised up, expecting pain to follow. Fortunately, Katherine only pressed her index finger into the human's chest and let it trail up to her shoulder. "You're asking the wrong question," the vampire replied. Her eyes flickered to something behind Elena and in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
Elena sucked in a deep breath and just when she thought she would collapse, arms wrapped around her and held her upright. "It's okay, she's gone," came Stefan's voice.
Elena clutched at him and sighed with relief at the fact that he was alive. "What was she doing here?" Elena asked as she pulled away and sat on the sofa.
Stefan sat next to her and filled her in on what he had learned from Katherine. Elena got the distinct impression that he was leaving something out. Elena also filled him in on her suspicion that Katherine got to Caroline. "She keeps saying she came back for me and she threatened you. She told me that if I don't leave you, she's going to do something to you."
"Stefan, you can't believe-"
"Yes, Elena, I can believe her because she was telling the truth."
Elena got to her feet and began to pace for the hundredth time that day. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that we should break up." Elena's head jerked his direction as her eyes welled with tears again. "It wouldn't be real, but we would have to keep our relationship a secret. It's the only way I can think of to protect you. Just until I can think of something better," he promised and pulled her into his arms again.
Elena shuddered at the uncomfortable feeling. She was unable to stop herself from comparing how she felt to the safety she had felt in Damon's arms earlier. "Okay," she breathed and they worked out a plan to make it sound believable.
As Elena entered her house, her movements became sluggish. Reality of what had happened was beginning to settle in. The break up that was intended to be fake had ended up being a real one. As she and Stefan fought about the things Caroline had mentioned earlier, Elena had found herself saying the things that she had been unable to say before. She let it slip that she was jealous of the time he was spending with her friend. As she walked out of the Grill, she had noticed the look of confusion on Stefan's face, but she had also glanced past him to notice the surprise on Damon's face.
She made her way to her bedroom and closed her eyes as the air stirred behind her. She turned to see Stefan staring at her. "What was that about?"
She shook her head. "I think you're right, we should break up."
"I said I didn't want it to be real, but something changed while we were talking."
"We're never going to be able to fool Katherine. Caroline, yes, but not her. Damon was listening and unless we make this real, he's going to be able to tell instantly if it was real or not."
Stefan's eyes narrowed. "Does this have something to do with what happened at Duke? That thing you won't tell me about?"
"Nothing happened at Duke," Elena assured him. It was, after all, the truth; the incident had taken place on her front porch. "I don't want to do this, but I have to."
Stefan hung his head in defeat, knowing there was nothing he could do to change her mind. She was right, if they weren't really broken up, Damon would know instantly and it would blow their cover. "Fine, consider us over."
Before Elena could say anything else, he was gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She sank onto the edge of the bed, trying to feel something, but she was numb. When she had called off her friendship with Damon, it hurt, but breaking up with Stefan didn't seem to be having an effect on her. In fact, she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Tired, she pushed the events of the day to the back of her mind and got ready for bed.
The thought of what Damon would do now that the only reason for her resistance was gone left her feeling something she couldn't quite identify.