A/N: AAAAGH!That was my frustration with my life! I hate all the chaos! I hate not updating! I just have the usual excuse… INSANITY. My life is crazy. Sorry guys!

PETRILUDE: http: / www . petrilude . com /?p=208

Aside from being a part of the tradition for the story, this is just a pretty awesome look :) Can you imagine seeing anyone in that?

This one's going to be mainly fluffy and on the short side, with some pretty strong language and lots of references to bj's. But an update's and update, right?

ENJOY :)

Magnus, it is not healthy to be jealous of a spoon.

Clearly, there is a disconnect between the logical side of my brain and the part controlling my emotions. Because, while I realize just how irrational it is to want to be that spoon, I can't help myself. I am legitimately envious of flatware.

Seriously! Get a GRIP! Not! Normal!

The emotional side of my brain counters with the observation that said flatware happens to be hanging from Alec's mouth.

The boy has some sort of peanut butter addiction~ he literally eats the goop with a spoon. Forget normal people who glop it on their toast or smother their sandwiches in the stuff; apparently, that just doesn't satisfy my little Shadowhunter's appetite for it. Having tried the… unusual… delivery method myself, I simply don't understand the appeal. It's too close to suffocation for my liking. Death by peanut butter.

The damn stuff gets between your teeth, under your tongue, stuck to the roof of your mouth. While it nearly gags me, Alec's simply able to keep going. (That in itself doesn't really surprise me; he's never really had much of a problem with his gag reflex… or lack thereof.)

Is that why he's doing that?

He's been sucking at the spoon for a good ten minutes now. Every now and again, he takes it out of his mouth and gives it a few long, slow, languid licks. Then he pops it right back in for another few minutes of lapping the peanut butter off.

And the faces he's been making! His eyes roll back in his head and he makes the fucking sexiest noises. Little moans and gasps.

He's got to be doing this on purpose! There's NO WAY this is unintentional!

The rational half refutes that, this is Alexander Lightwood, the boy who blushes when I tell him that he looks like sex on legs. Could he really be doing that on purpose?

"Mwhyyoustharinatme?" The obnoxious gloop in his mouth manages to mangle Alec's question.

"Sweetness, it's really not polite to speak with food in your mouth." He shoots me a patented Lightwood Death Glare. (I swear, Mayrse has that damn thing down to an art form. And the talent has not been lost on her children.) After a moment, in which he makes a valiant attempt to swallow every sticky bit of peanut butter lodged in his mouth, Alec repeats, "I said, why are you staring at me?"

I'm not sure if it's the apparent obliviousness of my boyfriend, or the ludicrous situation we're in, but I start laughing hysterically. When I calm down enough to breathe, I'm faced with another Death Glare.

"Mags. Tell me." SHIT! He's majorly pissed off! NOT GOOD! Hell hath no fury like a Lightwood scorned.

"You can't honestly tell me that you aren't doing that on purpose."

There's a moment when Alec looks hopelessly confused. Then it passes. His eyes glint with a mischievous sparkle, and he adopts the crooked grin so synonymous with his adoptive brother.

"What? You mean, this?" He sticks the peanut butter laden spoon back in his mouth, and he hollows out his cheeks. Then he starts bobbing his head around it.

There's no blood left to formulate thoughts. It's all rushed down south.

He moans around the utensil, and suddenly, I find it almost impossible to stand. How can someone be as adorable as a baby penguin one moment, and the next be giving a spoon a blowjob? At that moment, I want more than anything to be that spoon. To have Alec's sweet lips around me, his multi-talented tongue caressing me. And I'm back to square one. Jealous of some damn flatware.

I clear my throat and try to regain some minute faction control. "… yeah. That." And then he's the one laughing at me. What he says next almost floors me.

"Well, it looks like I might be repeating my services elsewhere." He winks, then glances at the zipper of my jeans.

By the Angel! He noticed! I don't know whether to be a little embarrassed or a lot. On one hand, yes, I've been watching my boyfriend suck a spoon off for the better part of ten minutes. Who wouldn't develop a little bit of a condition? But then again, it makes me feel like a horny little pedophile watching a kid lick an ice cream cone. I sputter for a while.

My momentary inability to speak is compounded when, with another wink, he starts to lick his lips, catching microscopic bits of the gunk stuck in the corners of his mouth. He makes yet another face comparable to what I've dubbed his trademark "orgasm face."

The move is so uncharacteristically Alec that for a moment, I'm not sure what to do. But I've regained enough composure to spit back a semi-witty retort. (Considering the state I'm in, I'm pretty pleased with what I manage to come up with.)

"Looks like it."

The spoon is cast wayside, thrown into the sink from across the room.

Damn Shadowhunter runes… always making Alec show off. He's lucky that I find him damn sexy; I don't tolerate with many people showing me up. Suddenly, I find myself cured of my afflictions~ the obvious condition and the envy~ as I receive the treatment Alec had been giving to his flatware.

A/N: Okay, so. I'm not quite fond of the description I gave this little sexcapade. It's quite a bit more that I usually write. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. I'm actually quite ashamed at my virgin-ness and inability to write anything beyond pining away for somebody.

Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go hide in the closet from shame and embarrassment.