Ooh, I'm so mean with the cliffhangers! Thanks to my reviewers. Love all of you thiiiiiis much *holds out arms*

Steph owns all Twilight paraphernalia . I own a balloon that's attached to my son's belt loop. It's like watching a dog chase its tail :)

XOXO-Ka

Right Vs. Good

by: JudeOrion

Chapter Five: Pumpkin Patch

The sound of my full name on his lips sent a traitorous shiver down my spine. I dropped my gaze, but he gently jerked his hold in my hair so that I snapped my eyes back to his. "I felt so much more, and I always knew it."

"What?"

"I love you, Bella. I never stopped. How could I?"

I melted into his kiss before I even realized his lips were on mine. His hands became gentler in my hair, he let his fingers thread through over and over again. I lost myself in the kiss—it was much more heated than I remember them ever being before. Not cautious, not gentle. Edward devoured my mouth, invading it with his cold tongue. His hands wandered to take a hard grip around my hips.

I pulled back when I felt that I couldn't breathe, but his mouth never left me. His tongue ran along the dip under my ear, down my neck, where he sucked at my pulse point.

I couldn't help the moan that escaped my mouth, and suddenly his hands were at my waist, picking me up and wrapping my legs around his hips. He groaned into my mouth and the reverberations in my throat drove me wild.

Bella, what are you doing?

Mmm…he set me on the dining table and dragged his nails over my scalp, sending wonderful tingles over my skin.

What about this makes sense?

Nothing, and that's why I pushed all thought away. This made no sense whatsoever, and it kept my thoughts from fully forming. My body reacted deliciously to Edward's touches and kisses, and I forced myself not to think rationally.

And when he leaves? How rational do you think you'll be then?

I could deal with it. I'd survived before, and I didn't even have anything to survive for then. I had Nicky now.

Oh God, was that—he never did that before! He was definitely more out of control than he was years ago. I would have said in control, but if he was he wouldn't have his legs squished between my thighs, tracing his teeth lightly over the shell of my ear. Yes, he had certainly never done that before, always too scared to break skin.

"Do you understand me, Bella? Do you feel my hands?" Edward squeezed his hands, which were trapping my wrists against the table. "Do you feel my tongue against your skin? My breath in your ear?"

Yes. As a matter of fact, I can feel other things of yours too, Edward.

"You just don't get it, do you? You never have, and maybe that's my fault." His mouth was still against my ear, and the way he whispered to me had me struggling to breathe. "I never did this to you before, did I? I never really showed you what you do to me. I'm not the same scared boy I was back in Forks. I can admit to you just how you affect me." He moved his hands to my waist again and the firm pressure spurred me on more. I moaned again.

"God, Bella, what you do. I love the sounds you make. I love the way your blood smells with the adrenaline and the pheromones. Remember how I once told you how you smell floral?"

Vaguely…

"It's much more prominent in other places…" he traced a line with his forefinger from my navel to the top of my pajama pants, making them pull forward before he let them go with a snap against my stomach. I gasped. "And it just drives me insane Bella. I swear, your arousal makes me want to lose control. It would be so easy to."

I whimpered.

Edward chuckled darkly. "I won't though. Not yet at least. You have to choose me first. I want you to want me, and not just in the way you want me right now."

He pulled away from me, with a lick to my earlobe, and stepped back a couple of paces. His eyes were blacker than I'd ever seen them, and that damnable smirk lit his face.

Shit!

I had just…with…and he…what?

My face flushed bright red and I couldn't look at him. "What the hell, Edward?"

"Bella—"

"What were you thinking? Why would you do that?" Indignation rose in my head and made me dizzy. Or was that the leftover hormones? Whatever.

"I was just…caught up. I'm sorry, Bella." I took the chance to look at his face, and his eyes were frantic, embarrassed.

"What were you trying to prove?"

"You thought, all these years, that I didn't love you. You could never have been more wrong in your life about anything, ever. And I couldn't help it, I just needed to show you that you were wrong…I still love you."

"And you thought doing that to me and then just backing off was the right way to go about that?" I was humiliated, rejected.

"I wasn't thinking! My instincts just took over, and I couldn't help it! I'm so sorry, I never meant to do that. I never wanted to do that to you, the thought of it thoroughly repulses me; I only wanted to talk to you rationally."

Breathing was hard again, and not in the good way. If I lifted my shirt, I'm sure there would have been that large black hole, remnants of duct tape and super glue dangling out of it. Repulsed? I knew he didn't love me, but he was really repulsed by me? Oh, God…

"If I repulse you that much, Edward, just go." My voice was hard and cold.

"Rep—Oh, no, Bella, no. I didn't mean that…not the—the—kissing."

"Kissing? More like attacking."

"That's one way of putting it. I didn't mean that. Trust me, that was—words fail me. Repulsed by my actions, my Bella. I came here wanting to talk to you, convince you of my love the right way, not by attacking you."

"What do you mean convince me of your love?" he wasn't making sense…I just wanted to sleep.

"Get off the table, Bella. Come with me. Nicky's becoming restless, I don't want to wake him up." Edward helped me off the table. I grudgingly accepted his help as he twined his arm around my waist and led me to my bed. I sat at the foot, with my feet dangling off the edge and looked at Edward. His face was pained. Funny, I couldn't make myself really care.

"What are you doing here, Edward? You've managed to reduce me to a temper tantrum, turn me into a pile of mush, and insult me in the span of twenty minutes. I'm pretty sure there's nothing more you can do to screw up my evening, so why don't you stop while you're ahead and you can come back tomorrow to finish up?"

His eyes darkened by a fraction; his face became angry but his tone stayed quiet. "Don't speak like that to me Isabella. If you would listen for two seconds I could explain why I'm here."

I put my fingers behind my ears and wagged them sarcastically. "I'm all ears."

His eyes narrowed before he spoke again. "Bella, I came here because I need to rectify a huge mistake I've made."

"Like I said, I forgave you a long time ago. You don't need to explain anything to me."

"Bella—stop interrupting me." His voice was authoritative, and I shut up immediately. "Ten years ago I left you in Forks. It was a huge mistake—and not for the reasons you think. I betrayed you. I lied to you and I abandoned you, and about that I have been more remorseful than anything before. I was terrified after your birthday party. I had watched you suffer through that sadistic vampire almost killing you, and when Jasper leapt at you…it could have happened again. You could have been so easily killed. I decided then that I needed to go to further lengths to protect you. I thought and thought about my options, but the only surefire thing I could do was to leave you. It broke me to do it…I lied to you in the forest that day, Bella. I love you, and I always have. I told you I didn't, and I told you I was bored, and you believed me so easily, I saw the look in your eyes! How could you just accept it?"

Edward knelt down in front of me, put his hands on the sides of my neck. "Please, Bella, you have to believe me. Not a day has gone by that I don't regret it."

I stayed quiet for a moment, looking in his eyes for a hint of deceit. I found none there.

"You…you really mean it?" I asked.

"I do. Look, I know that it's been so long. And I know that you're seeing someone right now. Also that there's the social obstruction of you being my teacher. I'm asking…begging…is there any chance that you could feel that way for me again? That we could be like we were?" He rubbed his cold hands down my neck and over my arms to grab my hands.

Who the hell does he think he is!

Anger bubbled in me for the umpteenth time tonight. I wrenched my hands out of his and he stood up quickly. "What? Let me get this straight. After everything I've gone through as a consequence of you leaving, after the years of utter sorrow and feelings of inadequacy, you just waltz back into my life. 'Hey Bella how's it going? By the way, I abandoned you because I was a coward and now I decided what I really want is for you to forgive me unconditionally and love me again without question' screw you! You have no right!" My breathing was labored and I was crying hard now. Edward's face crumpled and he came to me with a raised hand to brush my tears away. I flinched back as though he was going to hit me.

"Go."

"Bella, please."

"Leave."

"Just let me exp—"

"Now!"

Edward nodded and was out the window before I could blink. I went out to the balcony and smoked a cigarette. Or two. Ok, I chain-smoked four. And trust me, I felt sick to my stomach when I was done. When I was finally calmed down enough, I fell onto my bed and curled into a ball under the blankets.

God, it was all so fucked.

Nicky was up with the sun the next morning. I didn't even sleep, just roamed the apartment all night, thinking.

I tried to act angry but truth be told, deep down I was very comforted by Edward's confessions. I didn't fully believe them but it was nice to pretend that they were real.

I tried not to think about what I was going to do tomorrow, when I had to see him again.

I was in the kitchen making breakfast for Nicky, who was watching Sunday cartoons, when my phone buzzed.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, Bella. It's Josh."

Shit. What do I tell him about last night?

"Hey Josh. How are you?"

"I'm pretty good. I was wondering if you and Nicky wanted to do something today?" he asked.

"Um, yeah. I guess so. What did you have in mind?"

"The pumpkin patch is having its opening weekend. We could go do that and maybe get a bite to eat after. What do you think?"

"Let me ask him." I lowered the phone and shouted through the wall, "Nicky! Do you want to go to the pumpkin patch today with Josh?"

Ok, here's the thing: Josh spoiled Nicky rotten, from the moment they met. Weekends I got called in to work when I had Nicky, Josh set him up in a booth with shakes and pie on the house, coloring crayons and Josh's old Gameboy—the ancient grey kind with the green screen. Nicky hung on to Josh like a puppy, but he had yet to speak a word to him. That concerned me, because he spoke to Amanda—only when she asked a yes or no question or said something like "Goodnight" and he had to say it back. But at least he spoke to her. But Amanda just barely tolerates Nicky and doesn't make it a secret. He had yet to say boo to Josh, though, and it concerns me.

Oh, God, how am I going to explain us to Nicky?

"Yeah! He gonna bring Lola?" he came running into the kitchen, jumping and hopping from foot to foot.

"I'll bring Lola, he should be fine."

Ah, Lola, the transvestite dog. Ok, so not exactly a transvestite, but he had the smallest balls of any dog for Josh to think he was a girl when he got him as a pup. Now we knew better. Nicky wore that dog out playing. Or maybe it was the other way around. At the end of the night when Nicky was too tired to put up a fuss about leaving, I didn't really think about which way it was, just counted my blessings.

"Sounds great, Josh. Nicky stop running around you're going to hurt yourself. This is a kitchen not a trampoline!" he stopped and slumped down to a seat on the table where I had his plate sitting. "What time?"

"I'll pick you up in an hour; how does that sound?"

"Sounds great. I'll see you then."

We said our goodbyes and I put eggs on Nicky's plate. I didn't feel like eating—just looking at the stupid table made me feel both flustered and pissed at the same time. I took my shower and dressed in a wheat-colored sweater and a pair of loose jeans. Tennis shoes would be crucial today, I decided, and my favorite green hat. It was a downplay in fashion that would make Alice smack me if she had the chance, but I wanted to be comfortable instead of cute today. I plaited my hair and came out into the hall to find Nicky putting his shoes on, backpack sitting next to him.

"Mama? Do I gotta go home today?"

"Yeah, baby, you gotta." I took his outstretched hand and helped him up. He kicked his backpack down the hall and I shot him The Mom Look. Every other weekend we had this conversation, usually ending in him being even more silent through the day. I wished more than anything that he could stay with me, but Mike had made sure that the judge who heard us thought that what happened to Gracie was my fault, so there was no chance of that happening now. I just barely got out of supervised visits. That pissed me off.

The knock on the door saved us from the whole argument.

Josh looked great, in a fitted grey tee and blue jeans. Cowboy boots…hmm, he's got the truck, the music, the boots. If he has the hat I'm done for.

Eh, I'm probably already done for.

"Well that was…fun?"

"Ugh. Which part are you referring to? Nicky's ten rounds of Achy Breaky Heart on the way there or the twenty tractor rides?"

My butt will never heal from the bruises.

Josh laughed. "The corn maze was fun."

"You had to send the employees in after me!"

"I meant the look on your face after you were rescued. Oomf!" he rubbed his stomach where I elbowed him.

"This coming from the man who was too afraid to pet the goats?"

"I saw the other one peeing on him!"

"On his head, Josh?"

"You never know!"

Nicky was asleep in the backseat coming home from the pumpkin patch, face paint rubbing off onto his jacket from how his head was lolling. Lola, the giant brindle pit-bull was running back and forth across the bed of the truck, yapping his fool head off. I had about twenty minutes until Mike came to pick him up, and then Josh and I were going to order a pizza and watch a movie at my place.

When we pulled up into my apartment complex, Mike was already waiting in his car. He stormed out of it as I jumped from Josh's truck.

"Where the hell have you been?" he yelled. Josh carried Nicky around the truck bed, his backpack slung over his arm. "Who are you?"

"Mike, be quiet. You'll wake up Nicky." I opened the car door and Josh put Nicky in his booster seat and buckled him up. I kissed him before I shut the door. "You're early, Mike."

"I've been here for a half hour. Where have you been?"

"Out. That ok with you?"

"Out where?" he crossed his arms and looked from Josh to me. Josh was leaning against his truck, running his fingers over the rim of his hat.

Oh yeah, he had the hat.

"At the pumpkin patch. That all right with you?"

"We were going to take him there next week, Bella! Jeez, you gotta spoil everything, don't you?"

"You never told me you were going there, Mike. How was I supposed to know?"

"We would go there every year when he starts school, you know that," he spat out at me. "I have primary custody, I get to do the big things like that!"

"Yeah, so? You never went before! I would take him and you would be working, if you recall. Or screwing Amanda, whichever."

"Shut the fuck up about shi—"

"Don't talk to Bella like that." Josh stepped in between Mike and I, who had somehow gotten to within a foot of each other during our argument. "Now look, I offered to take Nicky and Bella to the pumpkin patch. If you have a problem with it, talk to me. But don't you cuss at Bella like that, I'll rip you a new asshole, you got it?"

Mike looked like he was going to say something, thought better of it, then turned and got in his car. He sped out of the parking lot, jarring his poor Lexus on the way through the horrid asphalt.

I turned to Josh. "My hero."

He looked embarrassed, even though I was saying it with sarcasm. Well, mostly.

"I just didn't want him talkin' to you like that. It's not right. You deserve better." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Well thank you. That was really sweet of you, Josh." He tilted my chin up with his finger and gave me a long hard kiss that left me breathless.

"C'mon, let's get inside and get something to eat. I'm starving."

An hour later we were cuddling on the couch with a blanket laid over us and empty paper plates on the coffee table. I was vaguely aware of Julia Stile's character flashing her boobs at her teacher to get some guy out of detention, but I was mainly focused on Josh running his fingers through my long hair. I was almost asleep when I felt him press his lips against my neck.

Wide awake, now. He kissed lightly from my shoulder up to my ear and back down. My eyes were closed and I let out a little whimper. The kissing changed to tiny nibbles and nips. I lifted my face to his and he brushed his lips against mine softly. Less soft. Not soft at all. He opened my mouth with his lips and flicked my tongue with his. I moaned into his mouth and sat up, gripping Josh's hair. He grabbed my waist.

"You just don't get it do you?"

"Huh?" I pulled back and blinked.

"What?" his voice was thick and husky.

"Did you say something?"

"No…"

"Oh…ok." I pulled his face back to mine and suckled on his top lip as he traced my spine with his fingers.

"Do you feel my hands?"

"What?"

Josh moved his mouth from my collarbone. "Bella, you ok babe?" his eyebrows were pushed together in worry.

"Yeah…I just thought I heard…never mind."

"You sure?"

I nodded and climbed to straddle his lap. Attached my mouth behind his ear and reveled in the shudder he let out.

"I'm not the scared boy I was back in Forks…I can admit to you just how you affect me."

"Shit!"

"What's going on, babe? He pulled my face right in front of his, his calloused hands were firm against my jaw bone.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I just don't know what…what…"

"I get it. It's my fault. I'm sorry I pushed you." He gently moved my legs from around his hips and placed me back on the couch. He held my hand with a sweet smile on his face. "I know it hasn't been that long since Mike, and especially after seeing him today I know it must have you in a state. Don't apologize," he said, misinterpreting my mouth opening to explain for the start of an apology. "It's my fault. I should have known better."

I nodded, letting it go. I don't think either one of us could have handled me telling the truth right now anyway. What was I going to say? "No Josh, you don't understand. It's not you it's me. I keep hearing my ex-boyfriend repeating what he said to me earlier while we were sucking face."

Yeah, that would go over well.

"I think I'm gonna go, babe. You have to work in the morning—"

"And in the afternoon."

He chuckled. "And I need to get to bed myself." He stood up and I followed him out into the hall. Lola stayed on his heels.

"Thank you for everything today, Josh. Especially the whole thing with Mike. I really appreciate that."

"Anytime, Bella. You deserve much better." He bent down and kissed me again.

"Bye."

"Bye."

I leaned against the front door, still flushed.

Oh boy…