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Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Jasper owns me.

Enjoy! XOXO-Ka

Right Vs. Good

by: JudeOrion

Chapter Eleven: Declaring

Josh had just gotten into the shower and I was sitting at the kitchen table early Christmas morning drinking coffee and reading a book when the front door opened. Jake and Mel walked in.

"Hey!" I called softly through to the living room.

"Hey, Bella. How's it going?"

"All right. How about yourself?" I put my book down. "You're here early, no one else has even gotten up yet."

Jake bent down and ruffled my hair. I scowled at him. "We're good. Mel wanted to come early so she could get Santa's present to Nicky under the tree without him noticing." He winked at me and I smiled.

"Want some coffee? Just made it."

"Yeah, thanks." Jake loped to the counter and poured himself a mug. Mel followed him in and helped herself a glass of orange juice.

"So I've been meaning to ask—how long do you have left?"

"About three weeks. Thank goodness." She and Jake both laughed. "I'm getting to be so uncomfortable. I'm just glad it's not in the dead of summer." Mel patted her stomach. I nodded.

We were quiet for a bit, then Jake cut his eyes to Mel and gave her a requesting look. She took the hint and left the room, dropping a kiss on his head.

"What's up?" I asked. I refilled my mug.

Jake fidgeted for a moment before speaking. "Uh…well, there's no easy way to put this, so I'll just come right out and say it. I know that you've been around Edward, and I need to know if he's been…well, you know…trustworthy, I guess."

I choked on my coffee. "What?"

"I know the whole situation. About what he is, too. I can't tell you how I know, but I just do. Don't try to lie or explain your way out of it. I need to know if he's been threatening to you."

"Uh…Jake, what are you talking about, what makes you think—"

"I said don't lie to me, Bella! I smelled the damn leech on you and he's been to see me." He was angry and shaking.

"I—I—yes. Yes, I've seen him," I choked out. How the hell did he know about Edward? Did he know what the rest of the Cullens were too?

"Are you back together with him? What are you doing with Josh? I thought I knew you better than this, Bella!"

"What exactly are you accusing me of, Jacob Black?" The fact that he was right didn't escape my mind. The fact that he—my best friend—would accuse me of it right off the bat had me defensive, even though I knew I deserved it. This whole situation confused the hell out of me and made my brain hurt.

"Uh—I just assumed that you were back together with him, that's all, Bella…" He backpedaled pretty quick, but he did it right into a wall.

"Thanks, Jake. Glad to know my best friend thinks so highly of me."

"I didn't mean it like that, Bells—"

"Fuck you, Jacob."

"Mama?" Nicky wandered into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"This is so not over," I hissed at him. When I was done with Jake he would have a new asshole.

"Merry Christmas, Nicky," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

Nicky's eyes lit up. He bolted out of the kitchen and to the tree, staring in awe at the mound of presents. He took one and started shaking it fiercely.

"Hang on, hang on. Wait until your grandpa and Billy are up. Here, open this for now." I handed him his stocking, which had been tacked up on the wall next to the tree for lack of a mantel.

Nicky satisfied himself with pulling out the candy, little dollar-store toys, and those stupid shaped rubber bands he insisted on having. A little while later Charlie and Billy came into the living room with mugs of coffee in their hands and eyes glazed over with sleepiness.

"Ok, Nicky. Which one you gonna o-o-open first?" Charlie yawned, taking a seat next to Josh on the couch. I perched myself on the arm rest next to Josh.

Nicky grabbed the nearest one, labeled FROM SANTA (Mr. and Mrs. Jake and Mel Claus) and tore the paper off. He squealed in excitement at the Thomas the Train Engine track in front of him.

Next came an art set from Charlie. A dream catcher from Sue, who I wasn't sure he even remembered. A painted woodcarving of his name, also from Jake and Mel. When he ripped the paper off of a box from Josh, his eyes got as big as dinner plates. He gasped. It was a box, almost as tall as himself, and what was in it closely resembled a very hairy Emmett. Nicky smiled and started trying to tear the box apart.

"What is it," I asked Josh.

"It's that Bigfoot toy. You know, the one that does the backflips and growls and stuff?"

"Oh." It was the best I could come up with. Nicky was enthusiastic, however; he kept attacking the box, fighting his way into it.

"Hold on, hold on. I'll get a scissors," Charlie said.

Nicky started chewing on the box.

XOXO

"All right, Jake, you wanted to talk, let's talk," I said. We were in the old shed. The smell of oil still hung in the cold air. I could see my breath.

"I'm sorry I accused you of cheating, Bella. I really am."

I shrugged, but didn't open my mouth. I didn't trust myself to not say something stupid.

"Look, I'm not going to sugar coat it, Bells. I know what Edward is, what all of the Cullens are. Just because they supposedly don't drink from humans doesn't mean a thing to me. I don't trust them, and I don't want you around them again."

My mouth gaped. "How do you know what they are? Or that I've been around them?"

"I just know, ok? Edward came last night after we left the bonfire to talk to me."

"Why?"

"He wanted information on how Grace died."

"He what?" Snooping around behind my back? How low could you get?

"I don't know why exactly. He said something about you coming into contact with other vampires, and he wanted to protect you from whatever killed her."

"She drowned," I repeated my lie again automatically.

"Can the shit, Bells. I think we both know drowning was not COD." I cast my eyes down on the ground.

"Did he say he knew who?"

Jake nodded. "He didn't say her name but he seemed to know her. She had some kind of vendetta against you. Something about Edward killing her mate?"

Victoria.

She was still out there…I'd worried about her every so often over the years but I never thought she would go after me. I always figured she would go after the Cullens, and they could take her down no problem. I never dreamed she would go after me. Oh God, was she still out there? Still after Nicky or me? Please, no.

"It's ok, Bella. Breathe, please." Jake wrapped his arms around me and I let out a shuddering breath I didn't know I had kept in. "There's nothing to worry about now, she's dead."

"How do you know?"

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry, I hate saying it, but nothing has been more true. Just trust me when I say you have nothing to fear now."

I remained silent, processing the information. Edward had some serious explaining to do, going around behind my back and not telling me this as soon as he found out.

Some merry Christmas.

XOXO

"Bed!" I flopped myself onto my own mattress for the first time in what felt like years. Josh had just dropped me off at home and left for his own home; we left Nicky at his dad's on the way. I didn't even unpack, just laid down. I surprised myself when I woke up a while later. I sat up and stretched and popped, feeling very refreshed. I took my time in the shower and brushing my hair. I was heating up some leftover Christmas ham when a rapping came to my sliding door. I rolled my eyes.

"Come in, Edward." The door opened and I came into the living room.

"Hello."

"Hey." I sat on the couch with my dinner and Edward leant against the sliding door. "You gonna just watch me eat?"

"Maybe."

"No fair. I'm not allowed to show you how awkward it is to be watched eating."

He scowled at me but said nothing.

"So…you want to tell me why you went to Forks?"

"Jacob did tell you then?"

"Yes. I want to know why you would go behind my back like that." I pushed my half-empty plate away and stood up, hands on hips. "Why didn't you just ask me? It's my story to tell, not Jacob's! You should have just asked me."

"I couldn't. You hadn't offered to tell me and I didn't think you would be comfortable with me just asking you—"

"Oh, and sneaking around is better?"

"I'm sorry. I was wrong. I know that I shouldn't have done that, but after Carlisle said he had been following you, and mentioned last July I needed to know what had happened. When I saw Grace's…autopsy reports—" I flinched when he said that, but he only briefly paused— "I felt like I had to find out the truth."

"Why? What made you think you need to know everything about my life?"

He gripped his hair and let out a frustrated growl. "I don't know! All right, I don't know ! I just needed to. I felt this…this pull to know what happened, and I felt this pull to help you, to protect you, because I knew what had really happened! I just wanted to make sure you were no longer in danger! Why is that so wrong of me?"

"Because if I wanted it to be your business I'd let you know!"

"You are a contradiction to yourself, Isabella Swan!"

"What do you mean?"

"In some ways you act like how women acted in my time. Sweet, and demure, and willing to just accept things for what they are. I say I felt a compulsion to know your situation and women—people in general—would have just accepted it back then! Not you! For how many ways you are like them, in just as many you are not! You can't accept things for what they are, can you? Nothing is good enough for you unless you have total control over the situation!"

"What are you talking about? I do not have to have control!"

"Yes you do! Over every little thing! You can't just sit back and let fate take her course."

"Name one thing."

"Us."

"You're a hypocrite. You're the one who left." His eyes were flashing in anger, and I was aware that I was goading him. I couldn't help myself, although I knew it was dangerous.

"And I can admit I was wrong. I'm taking the steps to make it better, to amend my wrongs! What steps are you taking?"

"What did I do wrong?"

"You refuse to accept me. You're going against fate and you refuse me over and over, even though we belong to each other."

"I know, but it doesn't matter that we belong together, I can never trust you again!"

What did you just say, Bella?

"I mean—"

He shook his head, looking like the cat that got the canary. "Uh-uh. No, you can't take that back. You said it yourself, Bella."

"I—I—it was a slip of the tongue. I didn't mean it like that, and you know it Edward." What had I gotten myself into? Edward started coming toward me. I backed up to the wall next to the couch; he kept coming.

"No, it wasn't. You don't think I hear you at night? I sit in that tree and I hear you as you lie asleep next to him and you say my name? How do you think that makes your boyfriend feel when he holds you close and hears you call for me, not him?" He had me pinned against the wall, his hands gripping my wrists to my sides.

"You're lying."

"I'm not. You know I'm not. You know in here that you are for me." He tapped my chest over my heart, then laid his palm there. "I can feel how fast your heart is beating. You can't keep the truth from me."

"Fine. Ok, let's just pretend like I agree with you—" Edward stroked my cheek. It was very hard to form a coherent sentence with him so close. "I still can't trust you."

"And if you do agree with me then we can have years upon years for me to earn that back."

"Years? You won't change me."

"Don't be so sure."

He kissed me gently, just barely brushing our lips together. "I love you, Bella, and I need you. I learned my lesson the first time, and I'll do anything to keep you forever."

"You went behind my back to find out about Grace."

"Get used to it. I follow my instincts. Even if it means doing something you don't like.

"That's what I mean…I…can't trust…you," I managed to say in between his kisses.

"You know that's not a plausible argument, dear." Then he attacked my lips for real. I opened my mouth to his demanding tongue and let the coolness invade. He ran his hand from my hip to my breast and teased my nipple through my pajama top. I couldn't help but moan and his lips turned up against mine.

He nibbled his way over to my earlobe and down my neck. He stopped at my collarbone and slipped his hand under my tank top.

"I know I said you would have to choose me first, but I've been waiting so long…I need you now." Suddenly my top was gone and Edward's mouth was gone from my collarbone; now it was attached to my breast and my eyes were closed and I couldn't help my moaning.

"I love your noises, Bella." He dropped to his knees and stroked my sex through my pajama bottoms. "Open your eyes, Bella." I obeyed. His eyes still on mine, he pulled my bottoms down along with my panties. He stared unashamedly at my bare self and smiled. "You do look beautiful like this." He leaned forward and it surprised me how erotic it felt to have him take a deep breath in and sigh in appreciation. I felt my stomach drop like I was going down a big hill and I took in an unsteady breath.

With the lightest touch, Edward ran his middle finger inside my folds. I gasped at the sudden cold. He chuckled darkly.

Where are we…what the hell is going on…the dust has only just begun to fall…

I knew that song…it was coming from my cell phone…Josh's ringtone.

Holy mother of fuck!

"Edward, stop."

"Don't do this, Bella." He straightened up.

"Edward, let me go. Now!" One of his hands was still pinning my hip to the wall. I squirmed to get him to let me go but he kept me there. He wasn't touching the slick heat of me anymore, though. His other hand was against my face.

"Please, Bella, don't answer that phone."

"It's Josh, I have to answer it." A tear streaked down my face and I couldn't stop it. His thumb brushed it away.

"No, you don't. You don't have to answer that phone, you don't have to go back to him."

"I can't go back to him, I never left him! God, I can't keep doing this with you, Edward! Let me go! Now!" He didn't ease up. "So help me God, I will call Rosalie." He eased up a bit, but still wouldn't let up his grasp. "Why can't you just accept that I love Josh! And he, for some strange reason, loves me! I can't keep sneaking around behind his back like this, Edward! It's not fair to him, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me! Let me go, and don't ever do this again. Please, Edward, it's only hurting me." More tears.

"I'm not leaving you again, Isabella! You said it earlier, we belong with each other, you admitted it to me, to yourself. I love you, ten times as much as he could ever love you."

The sliding door opened again and Alice came into my apartment.

"Edward. Let's go. Now." Her eyes were black with anger and anyone could tell that she wasn't messing around.

"Not until she sees reason!"

"She's never going to if you keep scaring her like that. You need to leave. Carlisle's waiting downstairs."

Edward looked hard at me, then Alice, then back at me. He gripped my hair hard in his hand and crushed his lips to mine so roughly that I bit the inside of my lip. As soon as I felt the pressure let up, he was gone through the door. Alice came forward to me.

"You ok, Bella?"

"Yeah…fine."

"Here, sit down. You're heart's going a thousand miles a minute." Alice led me to my couch and stroked my hair as I calmed down. "Did he scare you?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't scare me in the sense of frightening. I just thought of all the ways that what he was doing could mess up everything with Josh, and that scared me. Oh, God. I hate myself. This is the third time I've cheated on Josh like this if you count since the first date, and that's not including all the times Edward's stayed the night. I can't keep doing this. I don't know what happens. He starts touching me and my mind goes blank and I can't think of why it's wrong, or even that it is wrong! Why can't I do it?"

"I can't answer that for you, Bella. All I know is that the way I know he's making a move on you is that the future changes for you. When you're together I see you with him. Not Josh. And he really does love you, Bella. He's having a harder time than you with this, believe it or not."

"Hmm." I looked at the clock. Almost midnight. Why was Josh calling me so late?

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think I should do?"

"Exactly what's right for you and no one else. Be true to yourself and forget what everyone else thinks."

"And if that means leaving Josh for Edward? How can I just forget what he thinks or how he feels?"

Alice was quiet for a minute. "Does Josh ever irritate you? Or make you angry? Do you ever fight?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question, please."

"Well…no. I guess not."

"I know you fight with Edward. You did when you were together, too. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Think on that." She sighed. "I should let you sleep." Alice kissed my forehead and got up off the couch. "Just remember that he loves you, Bella. No matter how much of an ass he makes of himself."

"Sure."

She left out the door and I checked the voicemail Josh left on my phone. All he wanted was to know whether I had his shaving kit, which I did. I decided to call him the next day and went back to bed, my mind whirring around like mad.

Seemed like I had a knack for screwing up my life, huh?