A/N: Here it is, like I promised, the last part of the MI reading. Thank god.
Chapter 11
AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus!
"I'm sure it does," muttered Kiyo sarcastically.
..."NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself.
"Huh..." grunted Sherry in surprise. "I was half expecting her to practice with her band for another half hour.
...I grabbed a steak-
"Kiyo?..."
"No Zatch, I am not going to go out and buy you a raw steak."
"Oh..."
-and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.
"Come on, don't be a wimp. Just do it! Do it!" urged Megumi, clenching her fists in anticipation.
...I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly.
"Sandly? Well that sounds itchy," chuckled Doctor Riddles.
...Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!
The group began muttering among themselves, both confused and deeply disturbed.
"Before anyone asks him," said Sherry, walking over and putting a hand on the quivering fourteen-year-old boy's shoulder. "Masticating means chewing. It certainly doesn't mean what she seems to thinks it means."
"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!"
"Huh... after all the stuff she's done she's really going to try to play the innocent little girl card?" said Sunbeam, frowning. He was not buying it. "Granted, spying on a teenager bathing is extremely creepy and something should definitely done about them, but after we've gotten to know this character and her... favorite activities thoroughly, it's kind of hard to view her as an innocent, underaged victim."
...Suddenly Vampire ran in.
"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.
"Well... my, my... your womb?" said Sunbeam, raising an eyebrow and smirking in both amusement and interest. This certainly made up for the previous part. "Is there something you'd like to tell us 'Vampire'?"
I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times-
"She must be an awful shot. Good, it'll make killing her a lot easier," noted Megumi as an evil grin crawled across her face.
...Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in.
...Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"
"No he's not!" exclaimed Wonrei. "He's the grounds and game keeper for the first bit and later he's the Care of Magical Creatures teacher! He was expelled from Ho-"
"Shut. Up. Wonrei," grumbled Li-en grumpily, scowling and sitting with her arms crossed like an upset child. "We don't care. Nobody. Frickin'. Cares."
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" exclaimed Kiyo, throwing up his hands in despair. "I'M SO CONFUSED! I SHOULDN'T BE CONFUSED! I'M THE SMART ONE! I AM! I AM! OH GOD..."
..."Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.
..."BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
"Oh... god..." moaned Dr. Riddles, placing his face into his palm. Despite being elderly, he knew enough about American music and the thought of a "gothic" cover of any 50 Cent song was... beyond disturbing.
"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.
"No it doesn't," grunted Dr. Riddles, giving a repulsed snort.
"Because I LOVE HER!"
It couldn't be helped, there was no way of stopping it. Despite the fact that he was quite aware that nobody else would understand, Wonrei let loose the most powerful, side-splitting laughter ever to be heard in Kiyo's room. "Hagrid..." he choked, clutching his chest as never-ending tears rolled down his face. "Hagrid... in love... with her... OH GOD! THIS IS RICH!"
Chapter 12
AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo-
"No he's not, stop playing that card. The age of consent in the UK is 16 anyway," said Sunbeam dully, picking dirt out of his finger nails. He found that much more interesting than listening to anymore 'goffik' whining. "Besides, in your story at least, he's apparently a Hogwarts student so would that not make him close in age with her?"
I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.
"I don't remember this part. In fact, I can safely say this never happened within the fanfiction," noted Sherry as she looked about the group in hopes they'd clue her in on something she may have missed. "Shame, this one little part sounds much more interesting than this whole fanfiction itself."
"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.
"Contradiction... contradiction... contradiction..." muttered Kiyo over and over again, rocking back and forth.
I stopped. "How did u know?"
"Know what?" said the group, once again, unanimously. Ah, their unison is so beautiful.
"...my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"
"That... is so creepy..." said Wonrei cringing away from the computer. "And I thought he was dead."
Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles
"Ooooh, I like mangoes!" squealed Suzy, clapping her hands gleefully. "Their smooth skin is PERFECT for drawing on but it rubs off so easily. I would definitely use mangoes more if it wasn't for-"
"Why exactly is 'Hahrid' getting sent off?" Kiyo said, quickly cutting Suzy off. He really didn't care all that much, he just didn't want to listen to Suzy's rambling for too much longer. "He didn't actually do anything to her. The worst that should happen to should be him getting fired... or is it expelled?... Whatever..."
...Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked.
"Okay, really?" Sunbeam slowly placed his face back into his hands. "Constipated? CONSTIPATED? This can't be serious, I will not belive it."
...Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.
Okay, if you're so worried about 'Hargrid' to the point where sending him to a prison... rehabilitation center... hospital... THING is your best option, why the HELL would you make it so easy for him to come and visit the supposed victim?" Sunbeam pulled his head out of his hands and glared at the computer as if it were the author herself.
"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.
"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you."
"You just said a few chapters ago he was in your goth band!" exclaimed Wonrei throwing his hands forward. "I hate what you have done with the original Harry Potter canon, but for the love of god can't you at least follow what you yourself have established!"
"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."
"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.
"What, did you expect him to dye them in his blood?" snorted Sherry. "How about a 'thank you' once in awhile you spoiled little turd!"
"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied."
"She's kind of right there," said Kiyo reluctantly. "It was Vampire who came in first."
"You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.
Folgore made sure to pronounce it 'masTAHbated' so the group would know that yes, she did indeed misspell it.
He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .
"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.
"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio-
"That's not a spell either!" whined Wonrei.
-(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)-
"... I hate you so much..." snarled Wonrei through gritted teeth.
...And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black.
"Thank you Madame Redundant."
..."OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"
..."U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled.
"How rude!" gasped Sherry, turning her nose up and away from the computer as if she had been deeply offended. "I don't believe he was even talking to you."
...Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with-
"SKIP! SKIP! SKIP! FREAKIN' SKIP!"
..."You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly.
"No, no just no..." although the words came from Kiyo, the Japanese people in the the group were all quivering with anger, deeply offended. "Don't you DARE bastardize our language you slut! I don't want to hear those words come out of your filthy mouth ever again!"
"Say, why aren't we speaking Japanese anyway?" asked Zatch, finally realizing that, for some reason unknown, none of the group were speaking their native languages and there was no language barrior at any point.
"English dub," replied Kiyo flatly.
"Ah, I see. And we just broke the forth wall, didn't we?"
"Yes. Yes we did."
"Uh huh... and we'll never speak of this again, correct?"
"No. No we will not."
333
ZBATFA HQ... Where the hell is she getting the funding for this anyway?
The author, Cutelilteen, quietly sits at her desk while sipping at a cup of coffee. Her eyes are closed and she appears to be savoring the flavor and scent, a small grin plastered across her face. Her sidekick and bestest best friend, Muttsy the stuffed dog, lays comfortably on her desk.
"Mmm, now that's some fine Kopi Luwak. Nothing makes me feel more important than paying $80.00 for coffee made from an animal's poop. Oh hello," she gracefully sets the coffee down and faces the imaginary camara, as if she just noticed it. "Didn't hear you come in. It is I, your beloved Lord and Master, Cutelilteen. Well, actually..." she pauses, picking up the 'Cutelilteen' nameplate and examining it before chucking it aside. "...I've decided that I'll be changing my user name to something a bit more... mature I suppose. In fact, the next time you see me I will be going by a completely different and sexy name. For now, though, you may call me... Lord."
"No one is going to call you that!" yells a disgruntled employee offscreen. He is ignored. She continues.
"Anyway, since the forth wall has been broken for a short while, I felt this would be a good moment to interrupt. As I mentioned earlier, I will be condensing much of My Immortal to fit as much as I can into the story. However, from this point on, I will be condensing it even more, so some bits may not make much sense... Not that My Immortal made any sense in the first place," she chuckles slightly at her joke, putting her arms behind her neck and leaning back in her chair. "So I hope you all don't mind this... well, not that I really care what you think though. After all, this is my beautiful masterpiece and I shall do whatever I wish with it. I suppose you could say I'm a god of sorts, as I have all the power of th-"
"OH THAT IS IT!" a powerful yell echos through the building, and a pair of feet come stomping at her. Before she can even look up, she is tackled, and both her and her chair to go tumbling to the floor. She groans, holding her aching head and slowly opening her eyes to see Employee #555 looming over her, huffing angrily.
"Can... can I help you?" she squeaks, forcing a nervous grin.
"You..." he grunts deeply, bending down slowly to face her. "You... You ignorant, idiotic, air-headed, dimwitted, cowardly, mentally unstable, immature, conceited, arrogant, narcissistic, egotistical, lazy, procrastinative, pretentious ADULT CHILD!" he says the last two lines with an extra bit of phlegm, sending a gob into her eye. "You honestly believe it, don't you? You HONESTLY believe you are some sort of idol. That's not even a question, I'm stating that, because I know that. Good... GOD! When I first came here, I thought you were maybe a bit eccentric, but now? NOW? I can't stand it! I can't stand it anymore! I have never met a person more unlikable, more PATHETICALLY unbearable than you! And you do realize none of this is real, right?" he extended his arms as if to present the whole building and workers. "This is all in your head! No fanfiction-I repeat-NO FANFICTION requires a titanium building, 666 employees, and has legions of fanboys and girls wielding Yaoi paddles!"
"But if this is a fantasy then why are you being so mean to m-"
"BECAUSE YOU ARE THAT BAD!" he roars, swinging his arm and knocking Muttsy off the table much to Cutelilteen/whatever she wants to be called now's horror. "You are so unlikable, so unbearable that even your FRIGGIN' FANTASIES can't stand you! Your ego takes up half this fantasy building, of course your fantasy employees aren't going to like you! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, takes their fanfiction as seriously as you do! Just read it! I mean, really read it through. Would you honestly consider this poorly thrown-together cliched mess of a fanfiction some great work of art? You do realize that a good half, if not more, of this fanfiction isn't even all that well put together? Horrible structure, surprised it took you this long to even realize it. Only in the past year or so have you actually improved some. Had you really considered this something of a work of literature you would have fixed EVERYTHING up, even the older chapters. And don't give me that 'this fic is four years old and I was young and inexperinced' bull! If you really cared, you would have fixed it, simple as that. This is fanfiction, not literature! And you are not a well-known successful author. Yet, you treat both this fanfiction ANNNND yourself as if you are deserving of friggin' WORSHIP! Also, it's pretty obvious you don't care about your fans because you RARELY UPDATE! RARELY! You're so lazy that typing a few words on a computer is too exhausting and time-consuming for you! And don't you dare give me that 'I hate a lot going on in my life' crap! Nobody cares!"
"Well actually-"
"SHUT UP BITCH!" he roars, causing her to whimper and sink into her chair even more. "And another thing!..."
Um... we'll come back to this... never...
333
...Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.
"Well, that sounds like an interesting class. When I was studying at a school of magic, I made sure to take the class on animal grooming," remarked Sherry before bursting out laughing.
...He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.
"Oh now this is just getting ridiculous," groaned Sunbeam, turning away. "Who is this person? Is he or she dead or alive? Where are the teachers? Are they just letting 'Vampire' potentially kill this young person? Are these really our protagonists?"
"Hi." he said in a depressed way.
"No, really, I'm much more interested in the potentially dead guy he's sucking blood out of."
...Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.
"Well, she got over Draco fast," remarked Kiyo, grimacing and scooting away. He begged to all things holy that there wouldn't be another poorly executed sex scene.
"Like I said, she's a very caring individual," replied Sherry sarcastically. "And so not a slut."
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle-
"Oh sure, now the useless teacher gets involved," scoffed Sunbeam, rolling his eyes. "Murder is fine, but sex is a no-no."
..."Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!"
"She seemed willing enough to me," said Kiyo, peering around his room at the females. Girls were so confusing.
"Little skank is trying to play the victim card," replied Sherry is disgust. "What a disgusting accuse for a human... vampire... witch... thing! I refuse to accept her as our protagonist!"
...Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.
...my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"
"Did we not already go through this?" exclaimed Kiyo. "She can not possibly be this stupid and lazy!"
"Well... I guess we all know why she has dementia in her name now," muttered Sunbeam to himself, smirking.
...HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I
"Why you couldn't have asked her in person is beyond me," sighed Doctor Riddles, shaking his head. "I miss the good old days when people actually went to meet people face-to-face to talk. But today? Today you don't have to because now there's texting, msn, Facebook, author's notes..."
Chapter 13.
..."Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled.
..."What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?"
Wonrei let out an agonized moan, slamming his fists repeatedly into the floor.
"Why him? Why'd you have to butcher his character so badly? Why? He... I liked him... But now..."
..."I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony."
Wonrei went off to a corner to weep silently to himself.
...Vampire started crying. "My Draco!"-
...Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.
...He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!
"Well that was ridiculously easy," said Kiyo flatly, blinking as if he had seen the most unbelievable thing there ever was and couldn't properly process it at the moment. "I'd like to ask why they didn't do that in the first place, but if I do, I'll just go off into another hysterical rant and I'm pretty sure I lose IQ points when that happens. Besides," he paused to look at Folgore, who was peering at him from the corners of his eyes and smirking. "I don't want to give him anymore satisfation."
"Oh trust'a me'a boy, you've'a given me'a plenty of satisfation," Folgore paused, debating mentally whether or not that last part sounded wrong. "I'a think'a I've'a sucked'a you'a dry," he stopped again, frowning. He really had to think over what he was going to say before he actually said it.
"Oh, well, in that case... Why not just stop reading now?"
"Uh... no'a."
"OH GOD DAMN YOU!"
...we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" It was….. Voldemort!
"Who is apparently Muslim too," muttered Sunbeam, shrugging. "I dunno... I can't figure out if she just can't spell or if she's attempting-albeit poorly-to make up words."
Chapter 14.
AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.
"And you just HAD to go and survive, didn't you?" exclaimed Megumi, her hands shaking with anger and frustration. "God! The world is so unfair!"
...WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.
"Excretion? Oh come on!" exclaimed Sunbeam, putting up his hands as if to block away the monitor. "No way. This is not real. It can't be."
...Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him.
"Who the hell is Snaketail? Peter Pettigrew is called Wormtail! WORMTAIL! Is that so hard? And she dare call herself a Harry Potter fan! AND I THOUGHT YOU KILLED OFF DRACO!" Wonrei was off on another rant again. Li-en sighed, she gave up.
...suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.
...(in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)
..."Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail.
"Ew, ew, eeewww," squeaked Wonrei as he cringed in disgust. "I don't care if she aged him down, all I can see in my mind is the character portrayed in canon."
...I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.
"That's one way to get rid of your problems I suppose," said Megumi, genuinely pondering that option.
..."Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us.
"...What." was the group's only response. It wasn't asked as a question, it wasn't exclaimed, it was just a flat 'what'.
So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room.
..."What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw.
"Well, he gets over torture and possible sexual assault rather quickly doesn't he?" noted Sunbeam.
He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)-
"No... just no," sighed Doctor Riddles, turning away in disgust. "I am reknowned for my horrible jokes and puns and even I find that insulting."
..."Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here...-"
"Oh yes, to be beautiful and perfect is SUCH a CURSE," spat Megumi, glaring dagers at the computer. "I feel sooooo sorry for you! I totally wouldn't want to be you."
"Oh come off it," said Kiyo, casting her a tired look. "You're a famous pop star, don't act like you have any problems getting whatever and whoever you want."
..."Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!"
"Oh bullshit!" snorted Megumi, pouting angrily.
Chapter 15.
AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz!
"In that case, everybody start typing!" exclaimed Megumi, rubbing her hands together eagerly.
..."Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"
..."Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!"
"Oh you rude, spoiled, immature little bitch!" spat Sherry, having to keep herself from standing up and slapping the imaginary girl. "Why exactly is she suddenly angry at him? Learn to deal with your own problems and stop acting as if everybody else is somehow at fault!"
...I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work.
"She's in ADVANCED Biology?"
I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.
"Oh, that's not biology, she just made a stupid mistake. Thank god," gasped Kiyo, catching his breath in relief. "For a moment there I thought I was supposed to believe she was at my level of intelligence."
Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!
"... HOW?" exclaimed Wonrei, sinking into the floor.
"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly.
...he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class!
...we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story.
"Then why did you watch the movie if you dislike this 'prep' culture so much?" muttered Sunbeam as he looked down at his hands.
...I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then.
"Why are there muggles in Hogsmede? Why why why?" complained Wonrei. "They should not be there. It makes not sense! Non-magical people should not be allowed there. READ THE BOOKS! It clearly says in book-"
"Nerd..." muttered Li-en bitterly.
Chapter 16.
AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis!
"Ah great," mumbled Sunbeam in annoyance. "Now the little bitch is having a fight with the other little bitch."
BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!
"Oh god..." sobbed Kiyo, hiding his face in his knees once again.
We ran happily to Hogsmede.
...Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.
"Well... thank you... didn't need to know that..." said Sunbeam, blinking and turning away.
"Kiyo, she's used that word a couple times already. Could you please tell me what it-"
"SHUT UP ZATCH!"
...Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!
"My heroes!" cried Megumi joyfully. "This will be over with soon after all!"
..."Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time?..."
"...What?" said the group.
..."What cause we…you know…"
..."Yeah cause we you know!"
..."We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."
"...What?"
"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"
-"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" screamed Kiyo before lapsing into another breakdown. Apparently Folgore hadn't 'sucked him dry' quite yet.
"NO." he muttered loudly.
"Contradiction... contradiction.. contradiction..." Kiyo began repeating again.
...He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.
I was flattened-
"That's something I wouldn't mind doing to you," muttered Tia, grinning maniacally. Megumi ruffled her hair.
"Thata girl!" she praised. "You know exactly what to do in case you ever come across a Mary Sue."
..."OK then I guess I will have to."
"She's easily bought," said Sunbeam.
...B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese).
"You only use that when you meet a person for the first time you stupid bitch!" shrieked Kiyo, shaking. "STOP! BUTCHERING! OUR LANGUAGE!"
"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)
"How very mature," said Sunbeam, rolling his eyes over to the side.
..."Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
"Kawai." I commnted happily .
"No, not kawaii!" exclaimed Kiyo. "That's not kawaii at all! Leave our language alone!
"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."
..."Omfg totally lets go shopping."
"In Hot Topic, right?"
..."No." My head snaped up.
'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"
"I... don't quite understand why you bothered asking if you only expected her to say Hot Topic," said Sunbeam, looking away. Although he was usually reasonably calm, it was obvious in his voice that he was becoming increasingly annoyed with the story.
"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."
"Hu told u abut them"
..."Dumblydore." She sed.
..."OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.
"That didn't look quiet," said Megumi, peering over Folgore's shoulder and at the computer screen.
...The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE-
"Well that made a lot of sense," sighed Sunbeam, fidgeting.
"...Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch."
"Alright, seriously, what the hell's going on here?" exclaimed Sunbeam, turning to one group member to the other as if expecting answers. "We were told earlier those two were going to jail or something, but then later they're back in the school teaching. What is up with this? Can we get some frickin' consistency here?"
"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.
"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.
"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.
"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit.
"I never get free outfits..." mumbled Megumi, looking like a jealous child.
"...my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA-"
"...Was that on purpose because she's angry at Raven, or is she really that stupid and oblivious?" asked Sunbeam, shifting uncomfortably.
-way what's yours?"
"Tom Rid."
"Ooooh no!" cried Wonrei, backing away in horror. "She's butchering everything that is canon! EVERYTHING!"
Chapter 17
...pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!
"She sure came crawling back quick," chuckled Sunbeam. Atleast there were a few things he could laugh at.
...Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts
"Again, why is he not put away?" said Sunbeam. "We were told earlier he was getting sent off."
...Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik)-
"No," said the group dryly. "You're not funny."
...Gerard was da sexiest guy eva!
...Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
"Déjà vu," said Sunbeam. "I think some chapters may have been in the wrong order."
...Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!
Wonrei whimpered. "No... please... don't turn him into a goth too... I beg you..."
Chapter 18.
AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING!
...(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth).
"SHUT UP!"
...Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.
...Willow was wearing-
"Oh sure, don't even bother explaining how she came back to life," snorted Sunbeam, having begun to shake in anger.
...suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.
"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.
"We already established that was Dumbledore you dumb girl," growled Sunbeam, clenching his teeth.
Wonrei choked back a sob.
...Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.
"I believe he saved your life," grumbled Sunbeam, his hands now in fists. "Poser or not, show a little respect!"
..."What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard)-
"GOD! I CAN'T TAKE IT!" came a scream, causing the members to turn simultaneously towards the noise. It was Sunbeam, who had suddenly bolted upright (causing Ponygon to drop rather ungracefully to the ground) and was clasping his head in terror. "This... this... Enough is enough! I've stayed fairly calm for the most part, but even I have a limit!" he keeled over slightly while holding his stomach, as if he felt physically ill. "You!" he roared, staggering over to Folgore and jabbing his finger in his face, just barely touching his nose. Swiftly, he seized the blonde idol by the collar of his shirt and flung him to the side, taking his place in the seat. "Out! Your point has been made. And you!" he swivelled the chair around to face Kiyo, who whimpered and shrunk back, not used to seeing the relatively calm and thoughtful Sunbeam in such a state. "We wouldn't be it this predicament if you had just kept your mouth shut and not pointed fingers!"
"But... but Folgore... He-"
"SHUT UP!"
"Y-yes sir..."
"But Sunbeam," piped in Folgore meekly. "We'a haven't even'a gotten to'a the good'a parts'a. Like'a the part'a where a hacker takes'a over her account and posts'a-"
"YOU SHUT UP TOO!"
"Y-yes'a sir..."
"It's funny," Megumi whispered to Tia, not taking her eyes off the suddenly mentally unstable man. "Out of all the people in here, I was certain it was going to be Wonrei who would snap this time. Didn't Sunbeam already snap awhile back."
"Nah, he only got kind of pissed off and bored," replied Tia dryly. "Besides, anything can happen now. Who knows, might be me who loses it temporarily next time."
"Okay, but try not to doing anything to rash, say like attacking Kanchome with a cleaver like he did you."
"I can't make any promises."
"Fair enough."
Sunbeam was pissed to say the very least, and he was out for revenge. Ponygon looked on in horror, hardly able to believe what his gentle partner had become.
"I'm running the show now, bitches!" he cackled maniacally, wildly clicking the back button. "I'm running the show!"
I'm sorry for not doing a complete MI reading, I really should have thought it over better. If you're interested in reading more, however (assuming you haven't already died from a brain aneurysm, that is), it can be easily found reposted both on this site and on the internet. If you are the daring type, I do recommend you give the whole story a read, even if you don't like Harry Potter. It is a very important part of both fanfiction and internet culture.
Oh, and I will be changing my username in a short while, so if you see this under a different name, don't worry, it's still me. It's not like anyone will be able to steal this anyway, seeing as I am an extremely important person and have the best protection in the country and- Oh hai Employee #555. H-hows it going? Say, I do believe I owe you a raise, is that right?... I think that should make up for everything I've doOH GOD!