Author's note: I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!
"YAMADA!" growled Soifon wearily for the umpteenth time. She was getting tired of yelling his name, and her voice was hoarse from ordering him around. God, he was useless! He had no backbone, really. She watched him, face palming as he stumbled on a tree root.
"Ow! Oh, Taichou, there's another delivery."
She almost smiled despite herself as she accepted another envelope. It was one she knew was full of Yoruichi pictures.
Perhaps he wasn't as useless as she had thought.
It was a fairly peaceful day for Soifon, but she never really expected peace for long in Seireitei. Sooner or later, whether it was Mayuri searching for new test subjects, Kyoraku passed out drunk on the side walk, or the eleventh squad spoiling for a fight, something usually ended up with a couple buildings blown up and people getting injured.
Soifon turned her attention to the weaponry Hanatarou had at last finished polishing. She shielded her eyes from the bright glow as she opened the box. Quite honestly, she figured that whoever they used it on would go blind first before dying. Well, in any case that made her job easier. At least he tried harder than Omaeda. Much harder.
"Hn. Good job."
Hanatarou positively beamed. Soifon hid a sweat drop.
"Thank you, Taichou!"
It was later that day when Hanatarou was sweeping the streets when he suddenly felt an ominous feeling prickle his neck. It was one he knew too well, and with a gulp he turned slowly.
There stood two eleventh squad members, gripping bottles of sake with dangerous grins.
"FOURTH SQUARD MEMBER!" they bellowed drunkenly, advancing. Hanatarou let out a small meep of fright.
"Y-yes?!" he blurted, forgetting he was a higher rank than them.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY, WEAKLING?!" they growled threateningly. Hanatarou didn't fully understand what they had said exactly, because several words were slurred, but the meaning was clear enough that they wanted to hurt him.
"A-ah, ah, I'm sorry!" Hanatarou wailed, bowing several times in succession. The eleventh squad members snarled, kicking him.
"Oy, come on, he's pathetic!" sneered one of them, cracking his knuckles. Both of them began a wind up, as Hanatarou braced himself for the beating to come.
Hanatarou cowered, until he thought of an idea before they drew back their fists.
Wait a second! Unohana-taichou gave me more of that Shinten! Besides, Soifon-taichou told me to never let anyone put me down!
Hanatarou flung out the green liquid. The anesthetic squirted out onto the two, who were immediately confused.
"Huh?" they asked stupidly, stopping in their tracks.
Hanatarou watched as they instantly passed out. He sighed in relief, but he said sorry anyways, even though they had been antagonizing him.
"OY, BRAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"Hiyyeee! There's more of them!"
Hanatarou sped down the street, a mob of eleventh squad members in hot pursuit.
Hanatarou panted, but he kept sprinting, not caring where he was going.
Bad mistake.
BANG!
Hanatarou toppled over.
"What, may I ask, are you doing?" said an icy tone. Hantarou immediately recognized the voice.
"A-ah! Soifon-taichou! I-I-I-I'm sorry!"
"I didn't ask you," she said coldly, irritation seeping into her features. "I was addressing them."
She jerked her head in the direction of the eleventh squad members.
"S-Soifon-taichou!" blurted one of them. "It's a Captain!"
"What?" she snapped, annoyed by their stupidity. "And just why, were you chasing him?"
"T-that fourth squad brat knocked out two of our own!"
Soifon raised a thin eyebrow.
"Him?"
They began gaining courage.
"That's right, Captain."
"I see. However, that brat happens to be my lieutenant,"
They gaped.
"HIM?!"
"Incidentally, yes." drawled Soifon. "So I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop harassing him."
Perhaps they might have backed down, if it hadn't been for one particularly thick-skinned shinigami among the mob. He stepped up, lips curled in a sneer.
"Huh, that pitiful weakling? It looks like the Second Squad's standards have lowered."
Faster than the eye could see, the man was instantly knocked to the ground, clutching a bruised face. Soifon stood behind the sprawled shinigami, cool and collected.
"You dare insult the Secret Mobile Corps and the Second Division?" she asked coldly. Everyone stared, agape at the scene.
However, before this could get anymore out of hand......well, it got even more out of hand.
The wall behind them cracked into dust and splinters, as it exploded and wood pieces rained down.
Soifon's eyes widened in shock.
Menos Grande! But how did they get into Seireitei?!
Soifon wasted no time in drawing her sword, and leaping up to attack the first gillian that rose from the cloud of dust. Right behind her, she could hear the ugly screams of the eleventh squad members leaping in to attack in an unseemly rabble. Fools! Did no one in the eleventh squad know what stealth was?!
Hantarou crouched down on the ground, coughing hard into the wreckage.
"Ah-ah, what happened??" he groaned, before staring up into the sky in shock.
A writhing mass of gillians towered above him, and he could see the fighting up in the sky, and clash of cero and zanpakuto resounded.
"Menos Gran- Ahh!" he screamed in some surprise as the body of an unconscious eleventh squad member crashed down onto the ground, nearly hitting him.
"Oh wait, I'm part of the second squad...so I my job isn't just to heal him!" gabbled Hantarou, feeling frantic as he reached for his half-filled zanpakuto. He grabbed it, and slashed the eleventh squad member. The eleventh squad member's wounds healed and the bright red gauge on Hisagomaru filled up. Hanatarou looked for the nearest gillian, and instantly swung his sword.
"Akeiro Hisagomaru!" shouted Hanatarou, swinging his sword.
The bright beam slashed downward onto the menos. If Hantarou had aimed a little better, the menos would have been sliced clean in half like a melon, but it was enough to damage the menos almost fatally.
Soifon stopped in mid attack as she saw a bright red light erupt from the ground and crash into the menos she had been about to assault. She watched in surprise as she realized it had been her lieutenant who had almost killed the menos.
She had to admit he was better than she had initially thought.
He does has some potential....so after this is all over, I'll train him. She thought, finishing off the menos.
Author's note: Sorry that this isn't really funny, and has a more serious tone, but I was rushing. But hey, can you imagine Hantarou being trained by Soifon? She's going to get a migraine....
Preview: "Yamada, that's not how you do flashstep," drawled Soifon, watching him pick himself up with several bumps on his head.
"I-I'm sorry Taichou! I'll try again!"
Bam! Even Soifon had to wince as her lieutenant attempted shunpo and ended up smashing into a tree head-on.
Thank god it wasn't a coconut tree, Soifon thought, though the mental image of coconuts dropping on his head was one that she wasn't sure was funny or was one she should forget out immediately.