Stealth Goes Wrong
Chapter 8
Author's Note: Up next Chapter 8! Yeah, we've been updating this series continuously for a few days, but we might slow down a bit and work on our other stories...Enjoy!!
Hanatarou ran down the halls of the 4th division and almost crashed into Unohana
"Ah!!! Sorry Taichou!" Hanatarou stopped in his tracks right before he smashed into Unohana. Unohana smiled sweetly, "My, it seems that you have improved! Time in the 2nd squad really worked out didn't it; if it were the old you, you'd probably crashed into me!"
Hanatarou didn't know whether that was a compliment or not, so he just nodded and laughed. "Oh! I almost forgot!!! Is Soifon taichou okay...?"
Unohana paused for a minute.
Hanatarou squealed, "Ahh!!! Hesitation!!!! Soifon taichou is dying!!!!!"
"Now just wait and listen, Soifon taichou is..."
"It's all my fault!!!!" Hanatarou whimpered and ran toward Soifon's hospital room.
"Isn't dying..." Unohana finished her sentence, and turned toward the running away Hanatarou, "My, that's not good...."
Hanatarou burst the door open and saw Soifon lying on the bed, her back facing him.
He ran over and bent over her....
"She's not responding..." Hanatarou took a breath, "TAICHOU!!!! DON'T DIE....EEEEEK!!!!"
Soifon jerked to the side and sent a foot flying into Hanatarou's face.
"SHUT UP!!!!" She shouted angrily as Hanatarou fell to the ground.
"Y-you're not dead?"
Soifon clenched her teeth tightly, "Of course I'm not dead..."
Hanatarou got to his feet just as Isane came walking into the room. She looked surprised to see Hanatarou there, "Yamada-san! I thought you were....what are you doing here? Soifon taichou isn't ready to leave yet, so, I think you should let her rest."
Soifon grumbled and got back to the bed, while Hanatarou poured out a waterfall of "sorry"'s and ran out the door.
When he left, Soifon sighed and asked, "How does Unohana put up with him?"
Isane laughed and said, "Well, I guess you can say that Unohana taichou's personality is rather similar to Yamada-san..."
"HIYEEE!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!" A loud crash echoed throughout the division.
Soifon raised an eyebrow, "You were saying..." Isane merely laughed and stuck her head out the door nervously, wondering if anyone got hurt.
A while later, Unohana came into the room to remind Isane that she would be leaving the division for an hour to visit the site where the Arrancar attacked.
"Alright taichou!"
Unohana smiled, "And this time no squad...11...members are here right?"
Isane nodded.
Unohana got ready to leave, "Then it would be alright if I came back to expect the division AND my patients in one piece?" Isane sweat dropped and nodded again.
A few minutes after Unohana left, Soifon looked out the window and began to wonder...How was Hanatarou able to use shunpo so quickly, when he couldn't even control his direction a few seconds before the attack?
Maybe the chase with Kenpachi helped him....Soifon thought.
She took a drink from a cup and...
Speaking of Kenpachi, a loud shout echoed down the halls...a very familiar shout...
"MUHAHAHA!!!!! HANATAROU YAMDA OF THE FOURTH...err....SECOND SQUAD!!!! I DEMAND A REMATCH!!!!!"
Pppffffttttbbbb....Soifon spat out the water in her mouth at the sound of the shout.
She groaned and got up to look out the door. Now who could THAT possibly be? She asked herself sarcastically.
Before she knew it, Hanatarou came sprinting into Soifon's room and slammed the door shut, panting. Soifon sneered, "Oh, I think someone's looking for you..."
"W-what does Zaraki taichou want with ME of all people?" Hanatarou peeked out a crack in the door and whimpered.
Just as he did that, the door burst into nothing but woodchips, and there stood Kenpachi Zaraki, looking very hungry...and not a hunger that could be satisfied with a buffet (remembers Omaeda LOL)
"Z-Zaraki taichou....What do you...?"
Kenpachi laughed crazily, "I hear ALL about the incident in the forest, and I demand a fight to the death with you, lieutenant of squad 2!!!"
Soifon leaned back against the wall and kept silent, seemingly amused.
Big coincidence that he came to blow up the 4th squad when Unohana just happened to not be there.
"W-What?"
"You heard me! A duel to the..."
"OH SHUT UP WHOEVER'S SHOUTING LIKE THAT!!!!"
Another familiar voice howled from the other room, and out came Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Nemu Kurotsuchi.
Mayuri sneered, "Oh, are you here to pummel the patients when Unohana is not around?"
That is correct...Soifon thought.
Kenpachi snapped, "What are YOU doing here? And why do you care how loud..."
"Because..." Mayuri interrupted, "Because all your noise is disturbing my test subjects....err...I mean experiments....I-I mean...."
It was now Soifon's turn to talk, "And why are you performing experiments IN the fourth division using THEIR patients? And the same time as Unohana isn't here..."
"Hey, watch it!" Mayuri growled.
Nemu stepped up, "Mayuri-sama, the patient's/test subject's blood has been extracted and...."
Mayuri grabbed Nemu by the collar, yanked her closely and hissed, "Shut...Up..."
He turned back to the others, who were making disgusted faces, especially Hanatarou, who looked like he was going to puke.
"What's all the noise...OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!" Isane's scream could have been heard all across the Seireitei.
Mayuri groaned, "Dammit...she found him...."
Soifon coughed and stared at the idiots.
Kenpachi ignore the freaking out Isane and said, "Now where was I...as yes! A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!!!"
"EEEEEKKK!" Hanatarou pushed him aside and sprinted down the hall, "HELP!!!!"
"THE CHASE BEGINS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Kenpachi roared and chased after poor Hanatarou. Soifon then looked at Mayuri.
"If you do not need something, then please leave." She said coolly.
"Hmph...Nemu, let's go." Mayuri and Nemu exited the room. But then Isane jumped in front of them, looking very pale and said, "S-sorry, I can't let you leave until Unohana taichou comes back and fixes up that....stuff..."
"Move." Mayuri snarled.
"S-sorry, Kurotsuchi taichou, please stay for another few minutes until Unohana taichou returns."
Mayuri rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers, "Nemu..."
"Huh? Wait! Nemu-san!!!"
Nemu's arm began to spin like a drill and she chased after Isane, "What are you doing???"
"Apologies, it is an order."
"What kind of response is that?!!"
Soifon moaned and tried to close the door, until she realized she no longer had a door thanks to Kenpachi.
Soifon grabbed her captain's cloak, put it on, and walked out, ignoring the protests of the other squad 4 members.
She past by a room and saw that 1/3 of the fourth squad hospital was hacked into destruction. "Oh god..." Soifon then heard a loud snore coming from a room and she looked in...
She frowned right away, way to make her feel worse...
Sitting on the bed, eating and sleeping at the same time, was Omaeda, her ex-fat lieutenant.
How could he possibly sleep when Kenpachi is wreaking havoc in the hospital?
She looked around, and the room was filled with expensive items, and a fireplace. Soifon frowned...how typical of him.
Well, it WAS the only room left with a door, so Soifon reluctantly went inside.
"HANATAROU YAMADA!!! COME OUT AND FIGHT TO THE DEATH LIKE A MAN!!!"
Soifon rolled her eyes; after all Hanatarou really was still a boy...She heard more shouts.
"Move it Zaraki!"
"Tell me where the boy is!!!"
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW????"
"If I can't find him, who do I fight???"
"I DON'T CARE, DAMN YOU!!!!"
"ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME???"
"NO I AM NOT!!!"
"ALRIGHT!!! A FIGHT IT IS!!!!"
Soifon heard a loud explosion, and the followed by a, "Bankai!!! Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo!!!"
"And here, we go." Soifon slammed the door shut, making a distinctively loud BANG!!
"Ah...ah..." A small cry came from behind the door, outside.
Soifon reopened the door and saw that she had just slammed the door into Hanatarou's face. "Yama..." Soifon began, but Hanatarou leaped into the room and dove behind the bed.
"They won't find me here!!!" He whispered quietly. Soifon rolled her eyes and closed the door. "Yeah, if you remain quiet...which is most likely impossible." Soifon gestured toward the snoring Omaeda.
"G-GGGGGROOOOO....." Omaeda made a loud grunt and plopped on the bed, almost snapping it in half.
"Eep!"
Soifon sighed, "I wouldn't hide there if I were..."
Omaeda snored and turned violently...the bed gave in.
C-C-CRACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!! The bed snapped in half, and Omaeda and his bed went thumping on top of poor Hanatarou.
"HIYEE!!! Taichou!!" Hanatarou squirmed under the weight of Omaeda and the broken bed.
Soifon arched an eyebrow, "This is not improving my mood..."
Hanatarou couldn't bear the weight of the bed any longer, and he thrust out his arms and swung them around, trying to grab onto something to pull himself out.
Soifon widened her eyes, "WATCH IT!!!"
"Huh?" Too late.
Hanatarou had grabbed and swung a box of oxygen tanks, and sent flying toward the corner of the wall, right at the small fireplace!
"AH!!!" Hanatarou and Soifon ducked to avoid the explosion.
Nothing happened.
The tanks managed to stop rolling right before it landed into the fire.
Soifon sighed in relief.
"Gr-Gr-GROOO....." Omaeda snored loudly and rolled off of Hanatarou.
"Whew..." Hanatarou got up and dusted his arms, "Ah! Omaeda-Fukutaicho! I-I have to help him back on the be...d...." Hanatarou grunted and tried to lift up Omaeda.
"Don't bother..." Soifon smirked at the sight of Hanatarou's stupidity.
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!"
"TAKE THIS!!!!"
Ah yes, Kenpachi vs. Mayuri.
A loud explosion made the division jump up a couple of feet from its foundation.
"W-Whoa!!" Hanatarou almost slipped, and managed to grab onto a shelf, but as for Omaeda, the force of the explosion made him go rolling (yes, fat people roll.)
Rolling...at the oxygen tanks.
Into the fireplace.
Soifon twitched. "Oh...shi..."
!!!!!!
The fourth division exploded, walls went flying, people whet crashing, Mayuri's poisons were released into the Seireitei, and Kenpachi's spiritual pressure made everything within 10 miles of it spontaneously combust.
Meanwhile, Byakuya just had his pond fixed, and everything was brand new, therefore making his mood feel better than yesterday. He sighed and took a breath. He frowned as he scented something wrong...His eyes widened and he covered his face as a wave of purple aura spread rapidly across the Seireitei...
Hm...Kurotsuchi....Byakuya frowned.
Then, something horrid happened.
His pond turned purple, the plants wilted, and the fish floated to the top.
Byakuya twitched.
"..."
Hanatarou stood up from a pile a rubble a while late, and viewed the destruction of the incident.
Soifon stumbled to her feet and glared at Hanatarou, "This is REALLY not improving my mood."
"YAHOOOEEEEE!!!!"
The captain and lieutenant looked up, and saw Omaeda shooting straight into the air, his butt on fire, screaming and after shooting 100 feet into the air, and plummeted down, smack into the ground, creating a large crater.
His butt was still on fire.
"A-AH!!!" Hanatarou squealed and ran over with concern.
Soifon followed him, but was sneering, "Scratch that, this is certainly improving my mood."
Meanwhile, Unohana had just returned back from her little trip, and was in an extremely pleasant mood. She approached the door of her division and opened it, "My, there's a draft in here!" She opened her eyes and saw a mountain of rubble.
"..."
A few days later, Soifon was walking in the garden by her division. Yamamoto did not completely understand what caused the explosion, because Unohana did not bother explaining it. All he knew that was there was an accident, and that the next day during the Captain's meeting, Mayuri and Kenpachi were not there.
Unohana had merely said sweetly that the two have...happily...volunteered to...personally...rebuild the Fourth Division.
The day after that, Kenpachi and Mayuri returned to the Captain's meeting with a forced smile on their faces when Unohana asked them how their day was.
The day after that, Kenpachi ran off somewhere to avoid rebuilding the 4th squad, leaving Mayuri trying to do it himself, and swearing and cursing at the same time.
Soifon sighed and shouted, "Yamada!"
"H-Hai!!! Oops! Sorry! Ack!!! Excuse me...whoa!!!!" Soifon slapped her forehead as Hanatarou came tripping head over heals toward her.
"Y-yes taichou?"
Soifon replied impatiently, "I would like to see you use flash step."
"H-huh? Why?"
"Because I said so."
"But I can't..."
Soifon snapped, "Yes you can, you did so to get past the hollow, remember?"
Hanatarou whimpered and looked down.
Soifon was about to lose her temper.
She stepped up to him and said rather loudly, "All I ask, is that you try flash step ONE. MORE. TIME."
Hanatarou saw the fury in her eyes and nodded.
Soifon pointed to a random tree, "Shunpo to that tree over there, easy."
Hanatarou took a breath and got ready. He turned and looked at Soifon, who had no expression on her face...okay, maybe an irritated expression.
It would probably be the last chance to impress his new captain.
A-Alright, I can do this...I hope...
Hanatarou gathered his energy, closed his eyes...and....
Soifon tried not to smile.
The next thing he knew, Hanatarou had flashed stepped to the tree, and he opened his eyes. Full of glee, he turned to Soifon and shouted, "Taichou! I-I did it!!!"
Hanatarou, for the first time, had completed flash step, and Soifon, for the first time...smiled slightly at him.
Hanatarou felt confused because Soifon's smile suddenly disappeared.
She raised her arm and shouted, "YAMADA!!!"
"What?" Hanatarou forgot that after using flash step, he was still soaring in the air. He quickly turned around and, "HIYEEEE!!!!!"
Hanatarou crashed straight into the tree...and guess what?
A while ago, Kyoraku had been complaining that he didn't ever...ever...get a vacation to the beach. So in order to stop his whining, Nanao had order a tree to be planted...
A coconut tree.
BAM!!! Hanatarou slammed smack into the tree, making the whole thing shake.
A coconut got loose, and came plummeting down.
The coconut then split into two as Soifon sliced it with her zanpakuto. She glared at Hanatarou, "Yama..."
Another coconut came falling down, and this time, it cracked Soifon on the head. Soifon stumbled and slipped onto the ground and partially into the pond...She heard Hanatarou's panicked voice and decided to keep her eyes closed for a while. Just to scare him.
Hanatarou freaked and pulled her out of the water.
Why am I the only Captain who gets stuck with the weirdest lieutenants...first the fat-ass Omaeda, and now this immature BOY.
As her mind wandered of, she heard Hanatarou shout some more and she took in a breath and got ready to get up...
But the she felt a finger under her nose, and a cry, "Ah!!! TAICHOU'S NOT BREATHING!!!!"
Oh god...why me? Soifon moaned in her head.
"OH NO!!!! I didn't bring my electrocute...thing...AH WHAT DO I DO???"
Electrocute me? What is wrong with him? Soifon thought. Oh yeah, he thinks I not breathing...
Soifon tried not to snicker...until she heard... "I know!!! I learned another technique!!"
Another...what? Soifon was feeling weirder by the second.
"Mouth to mouth CPR!!!"
Soifon opened her eyes instantly, bolted up and roared, "HANATAROU YAMADA!!!! DO SO AND NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOUR REMAINS!!!!"
"EEEEKKKK!!!" Hanatarou screamed with surprise and fell backward into the pond.
He popped his head to the surface, with a fish in his mouth.
Soifon stared, trying to stay calm, though she felt humiliated, she said, "I want you back at the barracks in the next hour, understood?"
Hanatarou nodded, and spit the fish out of his mouth.
Soifon turned swiftly and flash stepped away.
Hanatarou sighed and was about to get out of the pond when, "What are you doing here?"
"Huh?" Hanatarou turned and saw Byakuya Kuchiki, "Why are you in my pond? I JUST got it cleaned..."
"I-I..." Hanatarou stuttered.
Byakuya frowned and remembered that Hanatarou was also the one who started the whole "jumping over Byakuya's wall/pond thing" and maybe the "Mayuri's poison spreading to his pond" thing.
His frown turned into a look of anger.
Hanatarou gulped. "T-Taichou! I can explain!!"
Byakuya reached toward his sword.
"P-Please don't!!"
"Chire..."
"A-AH!!!!"
"Senbonzakura..."
"HHHHIIIYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Soifon heard the scream from a distance, but decided to ignore it.
Author's Note: Poor Hana-chan...LOL. Yes, we use Byakuya's pond a lot. We even used it in Cuisine of Death (our other fanfic). Poor Soifon and Byakuya twitched like....a lot of times....they're really going to get a seizure someday. XD Hope you enjoyed and please review!!