Chapter 9

A few days later, Sasuke was sitting on the couch, reading a book. He had been with Itachi and Deidara those days and he had to admit that he felt he was doing a little better. Itachi and Deidara were both good at distracting him. As Sasuke was reading, he heard Itachi and Deidara coming back from upstairs. Apparently it had been needed to go and take a shower together. Sasuke could hear the two coming downstairs again now.

Itachi walked in first, and walked to the kitchen.

"Do you want some tea Sasuke?" He asked, as he put some water in the water boiler.

"Yeah, but not cinnamon." Sasuke answered. Deidara meanwhile walked into the living room and turned on the TV.

"Can you get me some lemonade Itachi un?" He asked.

"Sure." Itachi said as he took care of the drinks. A few minutes later, he sat down onto the couch, giving both other boys their drinks. "So what is it that you wanted to see again Deidara?" He asked, while he blew his tea a little.

"A fashion show." Deidara answered as he was zapping through all the stations of the TV. "I can't find it un. Oh wait, there it is." He put the remote down and stared at the TV. Sasuke looked up a little as well. Fashion shows reminded him of Neji. But he wouldn't spoil Deidara's fun.

"Girl." Itachi dryly said, as he was now drinking his tea. Although he obviously thought fashion shows sucked, he was watching the models walking on the catwalk anyway.

"I am not a girl, I'm gay. And so are you un." Deidara said and then drank his lemonade. They were watching the show for a while before Deidara suddenly almost choked in his lemonade. He wasn't sure if Itachi and Sasuke had seen the same thing.. or rather, person as him so he wanted to grab the remote and change the channel.

"...Leave it on." Sasuke said, staring at the TV. Staring at the model coming down the runway. Neji was on TV.

Itachi frowned a little as he woke up from the little nap he had just been taking, and blinked as he looked at the screen. He then saw Neji walking on the runway, while the commentator of the show was saying something about the clothes he was wearing. Itachi looked at Sasuke, a little worried now.

Sasuke was staring at the TV and then threw a book at it, making the image shake a little for a while. He then got up and stormed to the kitchen. That fucking asshole was just doing model stuff. He wasn't upset or hurt by any of it. He was just living the life, making money.

Itachi sighed a little, and looked at Deidara. He really didn't know how to approach Sasuke now. The best thing would be to let him go to the garage again.

Sasuke now walked back into the living room again.

"He doesn't even fucking care! He's just there, doing his stupid model stuff! He's making money and living a great life out there! He doesn't give a rat's ass about him and me!" He yelled, not really directed at Deidara and Itachi, he just needed to get it out. Deidara quickly turned off the TV.

"Well sorry Sasuke, I don't think it would be wise for him to just go to America without any money." Itachi said, sighing once more. "But I understand why you're angry."

"He's just living his life while I am here getting over him! He never cared, I'm sure he never cared!" Sasuke yelled.

"Calm down." Itachi said, looking at his brother.

"How can I calm down when that stupid ex boyfriend of mine is just parading down a runway somewhere in America and not giving a shit about me!" Sasuke yelled at Itachi furious.

"Because you have no idea what the situation is now." Itachi said. "He's just doing his job. I'm not teaming up with him, but you shouldn't immediately think the worst."

"Fuck you Itachi!" Sasuke yelled now and then stormed to his old room. He was gonna pack his stuff. Itachi being such a prick was exactly why he had left the house in the first place.

Itachi looked at Deidara now.

"I think it's better if I just shut up from now on." He then said.

"I think you should talk to him, or he'll never calm down un." Deidara said.

"I think it's better if I let him be now, he has to learn how to deal with his emotions once, on his own." Itachi said.

Deidara looked at Itachi and smiled now.

"Good boy un." He said. At that moment, Sasuke came down again.

"Do you wanna know how I know he doesn't give a shit? Because he doesn't e-mail, text or call back. And I'm pretty sure he has a phone, because Kiba talked to him." Sasuke snapped. "He's 'avoiding' me. I fucking tell that asshole I love him, he goes off and avoids me!" Sasuke snapped. He was so angry. But not with Itachi. With Neji.
"Remember how I reacted when someone told me for the first time he loved me?" Itachi asked. "I had no idea what to do, I avoided that person and spoke to him two months later. I understand why you're mad, but just wait until he explains."

"You're supposed to be on my side Itachi. Not on his side. I don't need 'you' to make excuses for him." Sasuke snapped, glaring at Itachi.

"I'm just telling you that it could also be something else then you think, he didn't tell you." Itachi said.

"I don't care what it could be, I need you to pick my side, not his!" Sasuke yelled.

"You should learn that you're not always right Sasuke." Itachi said, giving Sasuke a stern look.

"This isn't a fucking matter of who's right and who's wrong! I need you to stand by me not by my ex boyfriend who decided to dump me while I tell him I love him! God, you don't give a shit do you?" Sasuke yelled, blinded by anger once again.

"Sasuke, shut up." Itachi suddenly snapped. "You need to learn how to control yourself."

"You need to learn when to give advice and when you just have to agree with someone." Sasuke snapped back.

"If I would, you would only get more angry because then you'll be convinced Neji wanted to hurt you." Itachi said.

"And then I can let it rest!" Sasuke yelled. "All you're doing is making me hope for Neji coming back and wanting me back and that is 'not' going to happen. You have to stop protecting everyone with your advices but me."

Itachi looked at Sasuke now, and then looked away. He just didn't know what to say to Sasuke anymore. When he started screaming like this, he wouldn't stop. At all.

Deidara looked at Itachi now and then at Sasuke.

"You know what Sasuke? Shut up un. Itachi does 'everything' for you and you're just ungrateful." He suddenly snapped, making Sasuke looked at him confused. "All you do is whine and all Itachi does is try to make you happy, but you're never happy. And you're not going to drag Itachi down with you un. So if you can't appreciate him, then fuck off."

Itachi looked at Deidara now, grateful for what he had said. He knew that this coming out of Deidara's mouth could make Sasuke realise that it was for real, that this really was a problem.

Sasuke looked at Deidara now and then looked away.

"I do appreciate him." He said. This was not doing much for his self esteem.

"Well then show it instead of 'always' whining about everything. If I had Itachi the way you have him, then I would be the happiest person alive un." Deidara snapped.

Itachi put his hand onto Deidara's knee now.

"It's fine Deidara." He then said. He had a bad feeling that Deidara would tell Sasuke the secret he and Deidara both shared. About the reason of their break up some time ago. He hadn't told Sasuke, because he didn't want Sasuke to feel guilty. But Deidara had shown him clearly that he had wanted Sasuke to know.

"No it's not fine un." Deidara snapped and kept looking at Sasuke angry, who was staring at the ground. Deidara then turned to Itachi. "I broke up with you because of him Itachi, it's not fine." Sasuke looked at Itachi now, confused. He hadn't heard any of that.

"...Don't start with this now." Itachi said, frowning a little. He knew it had no use though. When Deidara had something in his head, it would happen.

"Shut up Itachi un." Deidara said. "He should know about this. He should know that he ruined our relationship by being so selfish all the time. Because you have Sasuke. Because Itachi always has to come to 'you' when 'you' need it and when he doesn't you do something reckless. You're forgetting that 'I' need him too un. You're not the only one in his life, you're not." Sasuke looked away again now. He never knew he had this kind of effect on Itachi's relationship with Deidara. Or on Itachi at all.

Itachi opened his mouth to speak again, but saw Deidara shooting him a death glare and then directing it to Sasuke, expecting an answer. Itachi decided to remain quiet, but if Deidara would get violent he would stop him of course. Perhaps it was better that Sasuke heard this from Deidara now. It would make him think.

"I didn't know..." Sasuke softly said and then was silent. And Deidara started ranting again.

"Of course you didn't, because you're selfish." He hissed. "But you know now, so go and do something with it un. I don't need you ruining my relationship anymore." Sasuke looked at Deidara now as tears sprung to his eyes.

"...I'm sorry." He softly said and then went upstairs to get his stuff. Deidara was right. He was selfish and always had been. He just didn't know it was this big of a problem. The least he could do was go back to his own place and leave Itachi and Deidara alone.

At least two weeks later, Neji put the key into the locker of the house. His heart was beating into his throat as he opened the door and walked in, dragging his suitcases with him. The house looked dark inside, so it seemed no one was home. Slightly calmed down, he walked to his own room and opened the door, walking in. He sighed as he sat down onto his bed. It all had gone so incredibly fast. It seemed like yesterday that he had left the house. After that.. moment.

It didn't take long before a light went on and a voice was heard.

"Kiba? Is that you? I need your help with something, so great timing." It was Sasuke.

Neji was quiet for a while before he sighed.

"No, it's me." He then said.

It was silent for a while again and Sasuke didn't know what to do. He then ignored Neji and went to the kitchen. So Neji came back after all. Everyone started to think he had decided to live in America.

Neji stared at his suitcase for some time, and then started unpacking. He had no idea how to approach Sasuke and what to say to him. If he even wanted to talk to him he didn't know.

After ten more minutes, Sasuke took a deep breath and walked to Neji's room. He stood in the doorway, saying nothing and waited for Neji to notice him. He had his arms crossed and he looked angry. He 'was' angry. Really angry.

Neji had noticed Sasuke. And he felt his heart beat in his throat. He had missed Sasuke, a lot. But there was still some panic left inside of him. What on earth did he have to say? How should he explain his disappearance?

"Just for the record, I don't love you anymore." Sasuke snapped at Neji, glaring at him. Of course that wasn't true, but Neji was just an asshole and Sasuke figured he should just save his own butt by pretending to be over Neji.

"I'm sorry I left like that." Neji said, still not looking at Sasuke. "I couldn't handle it."

"I don't care. You were a jackass, you left and we're not together anymore. The end." Sasuke snapped.

"...Then I guess it's safe for me to tell you now that I love you too." Neji said, as he glared at his shoes.

Sasuke was silent again as he looked at Neji.

"Well that's too late." Sasuke said. "It doesn't make up for what you did."

"I know that." Neji said. For a second, something that looked like sadness flashed in front of his eyes, but he quickly replaced this by his usual unemotional mask.

"Good. You should." Sasuke snapped. "I can't believe you're not even apologising. You really are an asshole."

"You wouldn't accept apologies anyway." Neji said. "What do you want me to say, 'I'm sorry but I was scared'?"

Sasuke let out a laugh now.

"You're stupid you know that? You should have come back and begged me to stay. That's what you 'should' have done." He snapped.

"You know I'm not like that." Neji said, giving Sasuke a glare.

"Fine." Sasuke snapped. "But I apparently don't know you as well as I thought I did, since you yell at me and leave for three weeks after I tell you something I have never told anyone except for Itachi and my parents. You're an awful boyfriend."

"I don't want to let people get too close to me, and you were getting too damn close." Neji said. "Remember the day I cried? That was because you became too close. I love you too and want nothing more than being with you for as long as possible, and that scares the hell out of me." He guessed he should just admit this to Sasuke.

"It's too fucking late Neji. How about I yell at you to shut your big fat mouth now and leave for three weeks hm? Then you can feel the way I felt and it wasn't nice." Sasuke snapped. "I don't care if it scares you or not, if you wanted to fight for us, you would have stayed. You would have talked to me instead of leave."

"I admit my weakness." Neji said. "And I know it's horrible what I did. But there is no way that you can ever forgive me for this, I know 'you' well enough for that. So I'm not going to try to get you back or fight for it now, because I know it has no use. You'll have a grudge against me for the rest of our relationship."

"So you're not gonna fight for it then." Sasuke said, shaking his head and giving Neji a bitter look. "Then neither will I." He left the room now. Neji should know by that comment that he did wanna try again. He could forgive Neji, if Neji ever gave him a reason to. But he didn't, so it was really over now.

Neji bit his lip as he stood and then shut the door. He then sat down onto his bed again and buried his face into his hands. He was not ready for this. Not at all. He just wanted it to be fine between them again. He knew he had made a horrible mistake by giving in to his panic.. but he couldn't reverse it anymore. And he was too damn ashamed for what he had done to face Sasuke once more.

It took Sasuke another hour, before he made some tea and then walked into Neji's bedroom again. He was silent for a while as he sat down on Neji's bed.

"...I made tea." He then said, holding the cup in front of Neji.

Neji looked up and stared at Sasuke for a while, before accepting the cup. Sasuke had actually made his favourite. He bit his lip as he felt his eyes getting wet. He looked away, breathing out shakily.

"..Thank you." He then said.

"I wanna fight for us... but I can't do it on my own." Sasuke said, taking in a deep breath. He would only do this one more time. One more time of showing anyone how he felt.

Neji was silent. Just when Sasuke thought he had to leave the room, Neji put down his tea and suddenly pulled Sasuke close, kissing him deep on the lips. Fuck this. He still wanted Sasuke. He wanted him so badly. He wanted him so damn close it was not funny anymore. Screw the fact that he was afraid to let his feelings show, just one person wouldn't hurt.

Sasuke closed his eyes immediately, having missed Neji lips a whole lot. He put an arm around Neji and pulled him closer. It felt good that Neji wanted to fight for them as well. It felt good Neji wanted to be close. Sasuke was actually glad now that Neji had come back.

Neji kissed Sasuke passionate but needy, and he broke it after a few seconds, putting his head into Sasuke's neck as he sat down onto his lap.

"..I'm so sorry Sasuke..." He then said. "Letting people in has always been my biggest fear.."

Sasuke put his arms around Neji now and rested his own head against Neji's.

"I'm not very good at it either... please try." Sasuke said.

"..I will.. I will.." Neji said, sighing once more, as he gave Sasuke a kiss in his neck. "...I panicked not because you told me you loved me.. but because of how much I wanted you to, and how much I love you myself.. I want to let you in, but that's the most scary thing I could ever face. Swimming in a sea filled with sharks while bleeding would be even easier.."

"I'm not that scary." Sasuke said, joking a little. He pulled away from Neji so they could look at each other. "Trust me, I don't wanna be all lovey dovey all the time either... But sometimes it would be nice."

Neji nodded.

"..I guess letting in one person would be fine." He then said, giving Sasuke a weak smile.

"One's better than no one." Sasuke said. "I should know." He smiled at Neji and gave him a kiss.

Neji gave Sasuke a kiss back and then just held him close, closing his eyes.

"I love you." He then said. It felt good to say it like this.

Sasuke smiled, resting his head on Neji's shoulder now.

"I love you too." He softly said. He had never imagined feeling so good that Neji said it as well. But it really did.