Disclaimer: I do not own Make It or Break It.

EYES WIDE SHUT

Yay! Just had my last exam, and to celebrate you all get a drabble. Well, not really, but I suppose it sort of looks that way.

I wasn't expecting to write a followup, but this seemed to follow on quite nicely from where that one left off. It's a lot more hopeful than the first part and even has dialogue (oh my!). Kim's just so fun to write I can't seem to leave her alone in this.

If You're Gone

"Payson says you're getting ready to leave," Kim said bluntly, watching Sasha intently. He stilled for a moment before looking up at her, taking a moment to try to mask his thoughts.

It was a pointless endeavour. Sasha was a terrible liar – it was one of the reasons Kim had taken to him so quickly – and his emotions were written all over his face even as he tried to protest against her accusation. His eyes were like an open book, expressing sadness, guilt, longing, and regret.

"Don't lie to me, Sasha," she said in a cool tone. "I know she's right.

"It must be awful to have someone who knows you so well," she mused thoughtfully.

She wasn't talking about herself – she was talking about Payson who had realized his next move before anyone else even suspected a thing. Sasha's expression filtered between confusion and shock as he slowly reached the same conclusion.

"So what's stopping you?" she asked him, an eyebrow raised challengingly in an expression she often saw mirrored in Payson. "If you're going to leave them, why aren't you gone already?"

Sasha gave a harrowing sigh and dropped his head into his hands as he hunched over his desk. "I don't want to leave, Kim," he tried to explain, "but I have to. I've done what I promised to do – taken them as far as I'm supposed to. Now I have to go."

"And what?" she said, pushing him to admit the truth. "Now you're just biding your time?

"It's going to hurt her the same whether you leave today or tomorrow," she said with an air of frustration. "You might as well just get it over and done with – remove the bandage in one fell swoop."

"I can't leave them without a coach," he admitted hopeless, lifting his head. She could read the lie in his eyes – could see that this was just his justification for hanging around when he knew in his heart he should be gone.

"I was selfish last time," he said guiltily, "leaving them all alone like that and expecting them to get by on their own. I only did more damage by leaving like that. I won't make the same mistake twice."

Kim scoffed incredulously, the sound coming out harsher and more judgmental than she intended. She only meant to make Sasha see sense, but sometimes the man was too honourable for his own good.

"Do you honestly believe that leaving them with a coach will make up for you deserting them? Twice," she pointed out. "Even they have their limits, Sasha."

He groaned in frustration, anger rising his voice as he replied, "What choice do I have? I can't stay here."

"Why?" she asked plainly, that one word making the anger seep from his body like a deflating balloon. His gaze met hers, his eyes desperately pleading with her to take back that one word: please don't make me say it.

She sighed to herself and crossed over to Sasha's side of the room, lightly placing her hand on his shoulder. "I probably should have said this a long time ago," she said with an apologetic smile. He studied her, not knowing what she was about to say or how much it would change things between them.

"You don't have to punish yourself for loving her."

He slumped forward a little, the weight of the secret lifting from his shoulders, only to be replaced by the burden of guilt. He turned his face up towards her, the apology written all over his tormented features. "I'm so sorry, Kim," he said sorrowfully. "I never meant to . . . I never . . . It's a complete breach of trust and our friendship and . . . I'm so sorry, Kim."

"For falling in love with my daughter?" she asked, finally saying what neither of them had said aloud for close to a year.

He didn't say anything, but she knew it was true – like the rest of his emotions, he couldn't mask love that shined through his every gesture towards seventeen year old daughter. It was something she had tried to deny for awhile, but there came a point when she was only fooling herself.

"Or for getting ready to break her heart all over again?" she continued, watching him sink back in his chair. She nodded sympathetically, once again reading his completely undisguised emotions.

"If you leave now she'll never forgive you," she promised him seriously. "You'll have lost her forever."

"I know," he agreed, his tone firm and determined. "That's why I have to leave.

"If I leave now she'll be free to find someone else," he said lowly. "Someone who deserves her – whose mere presence doesn't hurt her."

The pain that filtered through his eyes and choked his voice was so apparent that Kim felt her own heart clench in sympathy. "He won't make her happy," she warned him, smiling sadly as she spoke.

Sasha shrugged, feigning indifference. "He won't make her cry either," he pointed out. "I think I could live with that."

He let the thought hang heavily between them, silence settling over the small gym office as Kim slipped back into her own desk. For a moment he thought that the conversation was over and Kim was prepared to let him leave without out further protest.

"For what it's worth, Sasha," she said quietly, without looking up form her desk, "I'd really like it if you'd stay."

"I'll think about," he said, the best that he could offer her in response. "I-I still have to find them a coach before I go," he added weakly.

Kim nodded. "Just take your time," she encouraged lightly. "Take as long as you need."

~FIN~