A/N: I know. This is late. In an effort to appease the natives, this chapter is a bit longer than others have been, but that's really mostly Golden Boy's fault, because he was a chatty little thing.
TwilightMundi was, once again, hard at work behind the scenes, cringing at my pathetic typos and crimes against grammar. Thank you, my love, for your commitment to making me less of a crappy writer. You have a long road ahead of you.
Disclaimer: Anything Twilight belongs to SMeyer. I have heart palpitations every time I update. Yay, me!
8==D
Ch4- What Goes Around, Comes Around...
Finally! Peace and quiet!
I settled into a desk in a back corner of the library and spread my books out before unpacking my MacBook and firing it up. I'd had to resort to studying in the hallowed halls of geeks and nerds thanks to my spunkmeister of a room mate, Embry. Apparently the guy thought he was in the running for the Guinness Book of World Records' "Most Wank Offs in a Day," and each day he had to beat his personal best. I swear he was gonna beat his wang right off. Half the time I walked into our room I expected to see him "jerkin' the Gerkin", the other half I expected to find him sobbing with his dick broken off in his hand. Seriously, though, can't you get hairy palms from doin' that shit too much? The guy needed an intervention or something. So rather than having to pretend like I couldn't hear the fucker jacking off not five feet from me I opted to spend as little time in the room as possible. Hence my new favorite haunt: the fucking library.
I plugged my ear buds directly into my laptop and turned the volume up loud enough to drown out any sounds around me. The clean bass line of Kings of Leon's "I Want You" thumped in my ears as I got comfortable and focused on the mountain of reading I had to do. This of course brought her to mind; then again, it seemed everything brought Bella to mind. About the only time I wasn't actively concentrating on the chick was during football. Unless she showed up to watch practice, which she did quite often. She'd perch about midway up the bleachers with her Canon Camera and long lens then stay the entire practice. After that first incident on the field I'd learned that little Miss Sunshine was on staff at The Alligator, the university's paper. She was a regular contributor to the sports and features sections. This explained her all access pass to practices and the field. Well, that and the fact that she was obviously giving head to the first string offensive tackle, AKA Emmett McCarty. I could block out the peripheral view of her sitting up there for the most part, but just knowing that she was that close, clicking pictures and writing random statistics on that little clipboard of hers, was enough to drive me to distraction. It took every ounce of my concentration to not glance over at her every thirty seconds.
Man, Golden Boy, you're more pussy whipped than I imagined, and believe me, I pictured that shit complete with flogger.
Real funny, Captain. Speaking of furry things, do me a favor and go play with your tiny ass Tribbles and give me a break? Nobody wants you here.
Lies. And my Tribbles aren't so very tiny. Just ask Nurse Chapel. She's intimately acquainted with them.
Well, that's more info than I ever wanted to know about you and your hairy bits. Nasty fucker.
Practice wasn't the only place Bella Swan's presence tortured me. No, it would seem that two thousand square acres was not a big enough campus to facilitate at least one fucking day where I didn't have to see her and McCarty together. It was as if they were joined at the hip like Siamese Twins and roaming the campus like a traveling freak show. The only place I knew was safe was at the back table in the library. Emmett had an aversion to musty books and the Dewey Decimal System like vampires had for garlic and crucifixes. Up until recently I had shared his allergic reaction to the hallowed halls, but it had become my haven where I knew I wouldn't have to see the two of them. Unfortunately I had also taken to daydreaming when I was there. My thoughts drifted to images of all the dirty things I could be doing to one Bella Swan amongst the stacks of this shrine to higher learning as I pored over syllabuses and reading assignments. If it weren't for the copious amount of time I spent here I wouldn't get anything accomplished. Apparently when it came to studying in college the key was quantity not quality. At least in my case, 'cause that was all I seemed to be doing anymore. Well, I called it "studying," and I guess it could still be considered as such in a very loose definition of the term. No matter how strong my resolve to buckle down and actually study, it wouldn't take long for my mind to wander to its new favorite subject. If I'd been enrolled in studying "Swan 101," I'd have had a fucking A+ and some hot as hell diagrams and PowerPoint presentations to show for all my hard work. I just wished there was a chance I could talk to her alone. For once.
You had your chance with her, hot pants, but you fucked it up by just being you. Excellent work, by the way.
Thanks for the vote of confidence and pep talk, Shat.
Anytime, Twat Boy. That's what I'm here for.
My complete and total failure was stuck playing in a continuous loop thanks to the diligent efforts of The Shat. He reveled in reminding me of my every fuck up, just one of the reasons I wasn't fond of the jerk who lived in my head. But he was right. I had fucked up any chance I may have had with Bella Swan. Not that I stood a chance with Emmett McCarty up her ass all the time. It's not like I hadn't tried to talk to her, but the girl had the biggest douche as a boyfriend and bodyguard. The handful of times I'd tried to talk to her I'd managed to embarrass myself royally or within moments of our meeting Emmett would swoop in and whisk her away. I guess I owed him a debt of gratitude; at least I was spared further self-humiliation.
We had spoken once or twice, though. Okay, five times. We'd spoken five times. And I could recall each time with perfect clarity. The first was when I got the chance to properly thank her for her concern for me when I'd been knocked out on the field. She smiled this angelic smile and looked down at her feet, assuring me I had nothing to thank her for. I couldn't help but take the opportunity to look at her up close. She was beautiful. I really wanted to put my hands on those round hips of hers and pull her to me. To feel her soft curves pressed against my hard cock. But I resisted, and then promptly sneezed all in her hair. It was bad.
Our second conversation began with me apologizing for our last, but that's about as far as we got because the professor walked in and we had to get to our seats. The third conversation lasted a bit longer and I got as far as asking her out for coffee. She looked like she might accept, but then looked up over my shoulder at something and said, "Um, well, Edward... I wish I could but I uh, have to wash my hair." She picked up a lock of it to emphasize her point.
"Now? You have to wash your hair right this minute?"
"Yeah. I wish I could join you, really. It's, um, it's snot you, it's me." Then she snorted out a giggle. I was surprised by her answer.
Was she laughing at me? Am I just a joke to her?
I was beginning to get really fucking upset, but then she touched my arm, "I'm kidding Edward. Lighten up. But I really can't go for coffee now. Sorry. Thanks for asking, though. Later!" And as I watched her run off to meet Emmett a few yards away I realized that I'd never have anything she'd want. Not when she had him.
Pussy.
I mentally gave Shat the finger. I didn't have it in me to argue with him right then.
The next two exchanges were Greek related and while monumental moments to me, they were just casual conversation. The common, "Hey, how are ya?" or "Could you help me set these tables up for the party tonight?" I had to face the facts, depressing as they may be: my privileged life as I remembered it was long gone, Bella Swan loved Emmett McCarty, my chances were "none" to "no fucking chance in hell" that I'd ever have a chance with her, and I was just as pussy-whipped over this girl as The Shat said. Oh, and add to that list that I was officially thinking of The Shat as an actual person. Call the men in white coats. I'd lost my mind.
I couldn't help but wonder where my life had gone. I mean, where was the life I had known all through high school? Had things changed that much in a few short months? I used to be this cocky, self-assured guy. Now I couldn't even ask a girl out for coffee without worrying about being shot down. I wondered if some band geek was somewhere out there in the universe living my life, the one I used to know, while I was stuck in this Twilight Zone of noogies, atomic wedgies, and lonely Friday nights.
8==D
A bunch of the Delts had planned to meet on the Green for the first Friday Fright Night of the semester. Every Friday the Student Union would show some cheesy as hell slasher film out on the Green Banana. They'd project the movie onto the side of the Reitz Student Union Center, and you know what they say, "If you slash it, they will come." Hundreds of students would brave the mammoth mosquitoes and pack onto the Green to lounge on blankets and in camp chairs, all for the pleasure of watching fake blood and even faker tits. They were showing the stupidest slasher of all time: "Freddy vs. Jason." It really didn't matter, though. It was really just an excuse for the student body to hang out. So a bunch of us freshmen pledges were sent over to the Green to save room for whoever came out. We were expecting the Dee-Gees to show as well. They didn't trust the cleanliness of our sheets and blankets so they were bringing their own. Like we'd bring shit we'd jizzed on. Give us a little credit.
We sectioned off a plot of prime viewing area where the ground sloped just enough to see over the heads of the people in front of us but not so close that we'd be straining our necks. There wouldn't really be all that much movie watching, though. There'd be more talking and watching of the opposite sex and hopefully more making out than talking. When the girls showed up with armfuls of freshly laundered blankets that smelled like Spring Breeze or some shit, it was like heaven. It didn't take long to cover the grass and everyone quickly dove onto the pallets. Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, and Bella took up prime real estate in the center. I had no hopes of sitting anywhere near Bella, seeing as she was already planted in front of McCarty and leaning against his knobby ass knees. Rose and Alice perched next to her, gabbing and giggling with their heads huddled together like they were out on the field calling plays. I couldn't help but think that if they just turned their heads a little bit to the side, and moved in a tad closer that they'd be locked in a full on, three way make out session. Girl on girl on girl... God that would have been hot! I was rudely interrupted from my fucking amazing daydream by none other than the shit-meister himself, Emmett.
"Hey, Eddiekins, how about you go get us all something cool to drink? Your treat." It wasn't really a request, more like a veiled threat.
"Don't start, Em. Leave the Golden Boy alone. The movie's about to start. Get up and get your own drink if you're so damn thirsty," argued Rose.
"No, Rose. Really, it's cool. I can run and get us some shit. Whattcha guys want?" Em was my "big brother" in the Delts, and it was his job to give me a hard time. I figured I could rack up a few brown noser points by not arguing, but I hadn't expected the entire fucking group of about thirty-five people to shout their beverage orders at me. "Whoa! What the fuck do I look like, a waiter? You lazy ass pussies can go get your own drinks!" I took the requests of those in closest proximity to me and headed off to the front of the Student Union building where there was a concession stand set up for fundraising.
"Need any help, Eddie?" called one of the Dee-Gees. I think her name was Angela. I winced at my now commonplace nickname.
"Thanks, Ang, but I got it."
"Oh, and the seal on my Coke had better not be fucking broken, Golden Boy. You can bet I'll check that shit," boomed McCarty. Apparently Emmett was a tad on the paranoid side and was worried about my seeking retribution for the Pisserade incident. I turned and saluted the asshole sarcastically. Not that it wasn't a great opportunity to get him back, but I'd strike when he least expected it. I did get an idea for a mini payback as I jogged to get the drinks.
Fifteen minutes in a long ass line, eight drinks, and twenty-four dollars later I was back passing out the drinks. I took great pleasure in handing Em his bottle of Coke, factory sealed, of course. Then I leaned over to hand Bella her drink. When her soft fingers brushed against mine I knew exactly what I'd be imagining as I jacked off in the shower later that night: that one touch. That right there was worth the twenty-four bucks to be able to know what it felt like to have her skin pressed to mine. I was hard from the anticipation of what was to come. No pun intended, but that shit's funny. Just as I was about to make a minor adjustment to the major problem that was developing in my jeans I heard the sweet hiss of retaliation. I spun around to get a full on view of my "little plan" in action, but rather than witnessing Emmett McCarty receiving a high pressure Coke shower I saw Bella, Alice, and Rose all squealing and unsuccessfully trying to block the syrupy spray spewing from Bella's drink.
FUUUUUUUK! I must have switched her and Emmett's drinks after I shook the hell out his! Earth, please just open up and swallow me the fuck up now! Dammit.
Golden Boy, prince of the fuck ups strikes again!
I didn't even acknowledge Shatner. I grabbed the bottle that was still sputtering and chucked it away from us, flinching when I heard it thwack against some dude's head. Then I reached for the first thing I could find and started patting and rubbing the sticky drink off Bella and the girls. And by "girls" I mean her tits. Alice and Rose were brushing off the soda from their arms and legs and wringing out their shirts. Bella was doing much the same as I wiped away at the moisture on her top.
"Uh, I can get that, Edward." She laughed. That's when I realized I was pawing her tits. Her very perfect, very round tits. And then I was staring at said tits. I knew I should look away, but the Coke had soaked through the white of the cotton, making the thin knit entirely too see through. She just had to be wearing a white lace bra underneath, and I could barely make out the deeper hue of her nipples through the drenched fabric. Happy to have more content to add to the mental "Bella Folder" to pull out during smexy shower times. I was mesmerized. "And those aren't my eyes you're staring into, Mr Handsy." I shook off the trance her magical boobs had me in and cleared my throat.
"Smooth move, Ex-lax!" Emmett boomed as he stripped of his shirt and handed it to Bella, "Here, hon, put this on. We don't need pervs ogling your goods."
"Aw, thanks, Emmy. You're my knight in shining armor." Her tone was sickly sweet, and a tad sarcastic, "What if I don't mind the occasional ogle?" Whoa, what's this? Trouble in paradise?
Don't get your hopes up, pretty boy, she'll never give you the time of day.
"Hush it, and put on the shirt, Bella. Now."
"Yes, sir!" She saluted him much as I had earlier, then leaned in as she slipped the shirt over her head and whispered to me, "Don't worry about this, Golden Boy. It could have happened to anyone."
"Yeah, but it happened to me. And by default, you. I'm really sorry, Bella. I always seem to be apologizing to you." She pulled her sticky, moist hair back and into a messy ponytail. She was beautiful even in a t-shirt that was seventeen sizes too big for her and all syrupy.
"Why is it that I always end up having to wash my hair after I see you, Cullen?" She teased me good naturally.
I didn't have a response to that one. Except that maybe the universe was conspiring against me to ruin any possibility of getting to know this woman. The movie started then. Defeated and completely embarrassed I moved to the next blanket over and sat with some of the other Delts. Rose was to my left. She elbowed me and nodded in my direction. "Buck up, Midas. It can't be all bad. You may be cursed with the touch, but eventually you'll be surrounded by gold. Just give it time. You'll see."
What the fuck did that mean? To be honest, I didn't really give a rat's ass. I just wanted to go back to the house and crawl under my bed and never come out again. I think I had decent WiFi reception under there, and I was pretty sure I could finish my classes online. I was forming a plan to become a modern day hermit when I chanced a last glance at Bella. I was surprised as hell to see that she was looking back at me. She smiled and gave me a wink.
Shit! I think Bella Swan just winked at me!
Now, why would she do that?
Come on! Don't tell me you didn't see that! She totally winked at me!
Must have been that stellar boob groping you gave her earlier.
Fuck off, Shatner. Can you give me a break? I'm having a moment here.
Just don't get your hopes up. I'd hate to have to say, "I told you so."
Oh, yeah, I'm sure that would kill you.
Well, I'm seldom wrong...
I spent the rest of the movie trying to not read into Bella's change in attitude. I also devoted quite a bit of effort to not remembering how fucking awesome it felt to touch her tits. I was less successful with the latter.
8==D
Things have a funny way of working out. Case in point: Emmett McCarty. Isn't there a saying, "What goes around, comes around"? For the past few months I'd been pinning my every hope on the possibility that the saying held some shred of truth. All my hoping was rewarded the day McCarty came rushing into the empty locker room after practice one day. He stormed past me without even a passing "Eddiekins." He was a mess. Stomping around, slamming his fist into lockers, throwing anything that wasn't bolted to the floor. I looked around wishing someone else was around to witness his display of fuckery. I tried my damnedest to hide the smirk that was tugging at the corners of my mouth.
Karma's a bitch, McCarty.
As much as I was enjoying his temper tantrum, I had a strong enough sense of self-preservation to know that I probably shouldn't stick around 'til the end. There was no need for my face to become an outlet for him to unleash his frustration on. Besides, I happened to like the current arrangement of my facial features. He paced back and forth, mumbling something I didn't quite catch. When he rounded the corner out of sight I decided that was my moment to make a mad dash for the door.
Pussy! Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? The Big Bad Wolf? The Big Bad Wolf? Huh. I didn't know Shatner could sing...
Wolf? He's more like a fucking rabid bear! I'm out of here! You can stick around if you want. I, for one, would like to live to see another fucked up day of my miserable existence.
Whatever, Golden Boy, he's just huffing and puffing. He won't hurt you. Just then a locker door slammed so hard I thought the door had been knocked off. Not permanently, at least. Coach would kill him.
That knob gobbler can blow whatever he wants, but I'm not sticking around for the show.
I started for the door, trying to sneak away without being noticed, and that's when he started yelling. Apparently disassembling the locker room bit by bit wasn't enough to appease the beast within. I may or may not have squealed like a little bitch when that door slammed. And the aforementioned possible squeal is what may have snapped him out of his rampage long enough to acknowledge that he wasn't alone. Either he hadn't noticed my presence before or he'd ignored me. Either way, my shitty, two seconds of luck had obviously run out, 'cause Em rushed around the bank of lockers and glared at me.
"YOU!" He boomed and pointed a meaty finger at me.
Aw, fuck my life! Can't a guy just tuck his dick between his legs and make a hasty retreat around here?
"Eddiekins! Get your ass back in here and sit down!"
Apparently not. FML FML FML FML FML FML FML
RUN, dumb ass! Don't stick around and get us both killed! I'm too pretty to die! Oh, now Shatner had a desire to live. Nice.
Against my own (and Shat's) better judgment, I did as Em commanded. I didn't beg for my life or plead that he not hit my face directly. I didn't say a word. I simply sat back down where I'd been when he came in the room. Yes, I flinched when he slid next to me on the bench and got close enough to me that I could feel his breath on my neck. That shit was just creepy.
"Eddiekins, you know about the ladies, right?" I stared blankly at him. I even contemplated playing dead. Isn't that what you're supposed to do if you come across a bear in the wild? "I mean, you had your share of them before you came here? At least that's what I'm told."
"Uh, sure, I guess so..." I had no idea where he was going with this but I wasn't about to provoke or encourage him. He shot up from the seat like a rocket.
"Fucking chicks! They never know what they want! All 'Ooooh, Emmy! Let me ride your disco stick!' one minute and 'You disgust me!' the next. Stupid bitch! Why do I even try? She's probably had half the male population on campus, and a third of the professors. What do I want with that pootang? Not a DAMN thing, that's what! I can have any piece of ass I want. I don't need all up in her snatch!" It was almost comical when his voice rose three octaves to mimic a chick's. Almost.
It took me a second to register what he was talking about, but then it clicked: he and Bella must have had a fight. Then I realized that he was talking about BELLA.
Whoa! Is he really talking about my Bella like that? This shit's fucked up!
I went from self-preservation mode to I'm-gonna-fuck-this-fucktard-up! I didn't care who this guy was. No one talked about Bella that way. I jumped in front of him, my chest pressed against his, "Hey! Watch your fucking mouth, asshole! Who the hell do you think you are talking about her like that? I don't give a rat's ass what she may or may not have done, but don't you ever talk about her that way again! You don't deserve someone like her." He backed away from me and resumed pacing and I continued ranting, "I'll never understand what she sees in you. You need to get your shit together, McCarty, before Bella wakes up and kicks your sorry ass to the curb!"
He stopped his pacing in mid stride.
"Wait. What? What did you just say to me?"
"I said you need to get your shit together before the best thing that ever happened to you up and walks away."
"Not that part, numb nuts. The part about Bella."
"That was the part about Bella, dumb ass."
"I'm so confused."
"I'm not surprised, McCarty. You're easily confused." Okay, so I was pushing my luck, but I couldn't believe that he'd said those things about her!
"Easy, Eddiekins," he warned.
"Whatever. Just watch what you say about Bella, okay? She doesn't deserve your shit,"
"You think I was talking about BELLA?"
"Who else would you have been talking about?" Now I was confused!
"Uh, Rose!" He laughed like it was some big joke he was getting away with, and that just pissed me off even more. I didn't care who this asshole was, I was gonna kill him.
"So you're doing Rose behind Bella's back? You're one sick mother, Em!" I lunged at him but he stepped out of the way and I slid across the locker room floor.
"EDWARD! What the fuck? You think I'm with Bella?"
"Don't try to act like you aren't together. I've seen you two. I'm not blind!"
"I am NOT doing Bella! Dude! She's my sister! That's just fucked up!"
I sat there panting on the floor, looking up at him like he had three heads.
"You're not dating Bella?"
"No, man. I just told you she's my baby sister. Blech! That's just nasty." His entire body shivered in disgust.
"But I thought..."
"I was talking about Rose. She won't give me the time of day! One minute she's hot, the next she's not. I'm so over her games. A guy can only walk away so many times with blue balls before he can't walk anymore. That's it. I'm done."
He continued to rant as I sat there staring at his feet. I blocked out what he was saying. All I could hear was him saying "she's my baby sister" on repeat.
Then it hit me: She wasn't dating my arch nemesis! Bella Swan was Emmett McCarty's sister? Oh, thank you, GOD!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
8==D
A/N: Musey... You know the routine. If I could quote every cheesy Jerry Maguire quote here and NOT lose readers, I would. XOXO
All my love to the "Golden Girls"- Barburella, Megsly, LauraLoo, and FanGirl78. Thanks isn't enough. You suffer through my docs before they're fit for public viewing. And yet, you still love me. MWAH!
A new name to add to the list of "thanks," but one of my oldest friends: KatBlack24. She talked me off the ledge with this one and gave Emmett his voice in the end. Thanks, Kat, for being my inner dude and my Chosen.
Lastly, I have no idea if they have movie nights on the Green at UF. If they don't then they should. That would rock.