Disclaimer: I don't anything related to Twilight. I'm just having a hell of a lot of fun turning Edward into a pansy.
More at the bottom...
8==D
Chapter 6- Expect the Best, Plan for the Worst, and Prepare to Screw It Up
"How much farther?"
"What are you, like, four?" I asked the giant baby in my back seat. How the fuck Emmett had squashed himself into the back of my sports car was still a mystery. All I knew was that the guy had the attention span of an African sand gnat, and could whine better than a toddler.
"We're almost there, Em. About ten more minutes." Well, at least Jasper had more patience with the brat in the back seat than I did. I'd spent the last five minutes hoping the guy didn't get car sick easily. Granted, it was only a seventeen minute drive from campus to Devil's Millhopper National Park, but I didn't want to risk having to mop puke out of my most prized possession.
I had a plan. The Plan. It was a fool-proof, win/win plan that was going to get me in Emmett McCarty's good graces and closer to Bella Swan. The first I really didn't care two fucks about, but if it meant that I might be able to spend more time in close proximity to Bella, then I was willing to do whatever it took. That's how it came to be on a clear, fall Saturday morning that Emmett, Jasper, and I were in my car speeding toward the national park. Alice, Bella, and Rosalie were riding with Angela and following us.
"Why are we going to look at a giant hole in the ground, anyway?" the large, overfed infant in the backseat cried.
"It's a sink hole, Emmett," Jasper explained, "not to mention it's created a miniature rain forest. Don't you want to see that?"
"Yeah, sure. Dying to. Can't imagine how I've gone the last twenty years of my life without witnessing the majesty of a hole in the ground," Emmett deadpanned.
"Shut it, man. You're just pissy because Rose didn't take you up on your offer to ride with us," I scoffed at him. "Can't say I blame her, though. Who could resist such an eloquent invitation as 'Hey, babe? Why don't you ride with us? If you're real nice I may just let you give me head in the backseat of Golden Boy's hot sex machine.'"
"Yeah, Em, that was pretty pathetic," Jasper backed me up. As little as I knew Jasper, he was growing on me. He told it like it was. You had to admire that in a guy.
"Hey, we all know she would have ended up with her face in my crotch; I was merely letting her know that I was perfectly okay with that development. Don't be a player hater."
"Wow, cocky much, Em?" I asked as I glanced up at the rear view mirror. I could unfortunately see Em rearranging himself and the view made me throw up a little in my mouth. I grabbed the now somewhat warm cup of Starbucks coffee that we'd stopped for before heading over to collect the girls. I didn't normally let food and drinks in my car, but we had wanted to get an early start and there was no way in Hell I was spending any time with McCarty without my morning coffee. I did threaten to castrate them if they so much as spilled a drop of the warm, delicious elixir on my leather interior.
"We all know exactly how cocky I am, Eddiekins. Now, if we could just get Rosie in the know." His eyebrows did a weird dance on his forehead. They looked like two caterpillars doing some sort of mating ritual. It was fucking creepy.
"I thought we discussed this, Em. You gotta play it cool, man." I shook my head as I watched the douche in my backseat. "Don't ignore her, but stop trying so damn hard. The less you push the more interested she'll become."
"How the hell is she supposed to know I want in her shorts if I don't make my intentions known?"
"Well, I thought that's what you've been doing all along, Em. How's that workin' out for ya?" He glared at my cheap shot at him, but let it pass. Lately, it was as if an unspoken truce had been called between us. Other than the occasional wrestling match on the lawn or harmless prank, he'd pretty much morphed into this half decent guy. I hated that I almost liked him. He could be such a prick.
"Not so much," he admitted.
"Exactly, so you think it might be time for a new game plan?"
"Yeah, yeah. I already agreed to this shit. Why are we beating this to death?"
"You were the one who went and fucked things up by putting your foot in your mouth. She'd agreed to ride with us before you offered to let her suck your dick like it was a privilege or some shit."
"Fuck you, Eddiekins. You know any chick would be honored to bring me to a happy ending."
"Apparently not Rose. She's under the assumption that she'll be just fine living out the remainder of her days having never had that privilege."
"But you're gonna change her mind, right?" It wasn't a question, really. More like a threat. I stared back at him in the rear view mirror. His glare was every bit as intimidating as he intended it to be.
"I'm trying, dude. Just stick to the plan, okay? It will make both our lives a lot easier," I pleaded with him.
"Whatever. Are we there yet?" I rolled my eyes at his question. This guy had a thicker skull than I'd imagined.
It hadn't been easy to get Rose to agree to attend this little outing, much less ride with us. She wasn't really the outdoorsy type, preferring air conditioning to muggy, sticky heat and perfume to insect repellent. But eventually I convinced her to go with us to explore the sinkhole not far from campus. I may or may not have had to bribe her with some spa package or some other girly shit, and assure her that Emmett wouldn't grab her ass or tits. I wasn't sure how I was gonna make good on the last part of that promise, short of super gluing his hands in his pockets, but I'd promised anyway. So when Em opened his big mouth and pissed off Rose before we'd even left, I was really worried that The Plan might not be as fool-proof as I had first thought.
We pulled into the parking lot at the park and got out as the girls parked next to us. Emmett wrestled his way out of the backseat, cussing and swearing the whole time. Finally, he flopped out onto the dirt of the lot. He stood up and stretched like a cat waking up from a nap; you'd have thought he'd spent hours back there rather than the few minutes it actually took.
"Jazz's ass is sitting back there on the way back. I'm too big to stuff in such a tiny space." He looked in Rose's direction as he spoke, earning him an eye roll and a mumbled "please" from her. I probably should have tried to smooth things over with those two, but that was when I noticed Bella's shapely, bare legs stepping out of the car. I followed their line from the soles of her tennis shoes up along her calves and thighs to the short, tan shorts that fit her ass perfectly, showing off the round curves of her hips. It was a little cool that morning and she wore a long sleeve shirt that clung to her body. I couldn't help but think about how the light pink color of the shirt complemented her skin. Her hair was up in a ponytail, exposing the long curve of her neck. I couldn't pry my eyes from her. I was forced to stop starting when she noticed me ogling her and waved in the direction of my car. I glanced around to see who she was waving at and assumed it was all three of us. Still, I acknowledged her with a nod.
Rose and I walked over to the map of the park. It clearly marked a large crater with a boardwalk that led to the bottom of the pit through a series of stairs and paths. Then there was a half-mile path that circled the mouth of the hole. A web of trails and paths branched off the main trail, winding and looping back to the sink hole.
"So, you still up to this, Rose?" I was referring to more than the hike and she knew it.
"You know, he wouldn't be half bad if he kept his big mouth shut," she replied, but didn't really answer my question.
"Maybe he just needs the love of a good woman to show him the light. That or a good flogging."
"And you think I'm that woman? Are you well acquainted with the definition of the word? I'm not sure Webster would choose my picture to illustrate the meaning of the word 'good,' Eddie. I think you have me confused with someone else."
"Nah, I think you're the right woman for the job, Rose. You just have to be tough. Besides, I hear he likes it rough." I winked at the leggy blond standing at my side.
"Well, I could definitely handle the flogging bit-"
"Whoa! Who's getting flogged? And why wasn't I invited," Emmett barked from behind us.
We grabbed a few maps and turned to see the group had walked over to where we stood.
"No one's getting flogged- yet, but keep it up and I'm sure I'll be dying to beat the shit out of you before lunchtime," Rose threatened.
"Oh, baby, you know I like a good beating. Make sure it's hard and fast." Emmett's eyebrows moved up and down at a disturbing, creeper worthy pace.
"I think you're the one that needs to be concerned with whether it's hard or not, McSquishy."
I moaned and walked off towards the rest of the group, "Let's go Romeo and Juliet, we have a sink hole to explore."
"Oh, I wanna explore a hole, but I'll be the one 'sinking.'"
"You're a pig, McCarty, and the only hole you'll be exploring is the one you make your fist into when you jack off." Rose stopped and spun around, poking Em in the chest as she blew up at him.
"I'll tell you this much, beautiful," Emmett lowered his voice a bit and got all up in Rose's personal space. "It's your name I cry out when I jack off. How about you quit frontin' and admit that you scream mine when you jill off?"
"First of all, what the fuck is 'Jill off'? Secondly, what is this, the nineties? 'Frontin'?' Really, numb nuts? I'm all kinds of secondhand embarrassed for you right now."
"Aw, you love me, Rosie! Just say it. You'll feel so much better after you do, and jilling off? That's what you call it when a strong, confident woman takes control and gives herself a little attention."
"Ugh! Again, You. Are. A. Pig. Keep dreaming, 'cause you and me are never gonna happen," she poked him again. "Let's get this shitastic day over with already!" Rose stormed off to where the girls stood. A guy stood amongst them in a State Parks uniform, and I felt a rush of jealousy that a stranger was able to be close to Bella and I couldn't. I watched as the girls fawned over the tool in puke green khakis and polyester short sleeved shirt in the same unappetizing color covered in government issued patches. He looked like an overgrown Boy Scout who'd been force-fed growth hormones. And the girls were eating up whatever he was saying to them; they stood in rapt attention as he gestured and pontificated.
What the fuck was so appealing about this turd?
He's not you, GB, that's why the ladies love him!
Dammit, Shat! One day? Could you not stay the hell away for one day?
Nope, I knew you'd miss me. Besides, who would you talk to if I weren't around to keep you company?
I decided to just ignore the voice and pay attention to the issue at hand: Ranger Spanks-a-lot.
Apparently the other two guys felt the same way. I looked to either side of me to see Em and Jazz mirroring my stance with their arms crossed over their chests and scowling at the picture in front of us.
"We gonna just let this fucker waltz in and steal our girls? He's standing entirely too close to my sister and my woman," Emmett growled.
"I for one know that Alice only has eyes for me, but I wanna rip that sad excuse for a man to shreds for some unidentifiable reason. I say we do it just to be on the safe side. There's got to be plenty of places to hide a body around here..." Jazz looked around as if he was actually looking for a good place to dig a shallow grave.
As if she heard us, Alice looked over at us and back at where we were scowling. Then she waved us over and called, "Hey, guys! Come meet Ben, he's a ranger here."
The three of us stalked towards them, only because we knew that in order to knock the guy unconscious we needed to be closer. We mumbled orders back and forth about who was to do what in the course of the killing and dismemberment as we crossed the short distance to where the cozy little group stood. By the time we reached them we had settled into a deadly calm. Ranger Ben would have never seen it coming.
"Guys, this is Ben Chaney. He's a ranger here at the park, and Angela's boyfriend," Alice explained carefully. Instantly the plan changed, the mood shifted, and we were all shaking hands. The guy code had been reestablished, and all was right with the universe. The tool, yeah- he was still a tool (just not a girl stealing tool)- was deemed a non-threat and allowed to live.
After introductions were made, Ben told us a little about the sinkhole. He explained that it was a bowl-shaped cavity that was 120 feet deep with a miniature rain forest at the bottom due to the small streams and waterfalls that flowed through it. "A significant geological formation, Devil's Millhopper is a National Natural Landmark that has been visited by the curious since the early 1880's. Researchers have learned a great deal about Florida's natural history by studying fossil shark teeth, marine shells and the fossilized remains of extinct land animals found in the sink," Ranger Tool, er- Ben explained as we walked to the entrance to the main path. He sounded like a tourist brochure.
"Ang tells me that you guys packed a picnic lunch? Maybe I'll join you when you decide to take a brake." Angela promised to text him when we were ready to eat. Before he went back to do ranger-y things he passed on a bit more advice, "Don't forget to look for the rope bridges, there're three of them on the trails. They're really cool. Oh, and check out the displays right over there. The state just updated them, and they're all interactive now!" Yeah, this guy never had a fucking chance with our girls. I had a hard time remembering why we were worried in the first place.
8==D
We walked as a group around the main path that circled the mouth of the crater, and made our way to the stairs that led to the bottom. The way was heavily shaded by the thick canopy of trees that loomed overhead. Sunlight dappled the pine steps and railings. Somehow Lady Luck hadn't received the memo that she and I still hadn't kissed and made up, 'cause I ended up following Bella down into the sink. Step by step I watched her make way down, her juicy hips swaying with each stair. I was hypnotized. Mesmerized. Bella-ized. Okay, that was corny, but the blood that was normally regulated to oxygenating my brain had been diverted to other more essential body parts at that time. Namely my dick.
If ever there was an ass that deserved the letters J-U-I-C-Y sprawled across it, this was it!
"Ello, beh-be! Oh, la la!"
What the fuck, Shat? When did you acquire a French accent? And why do you sound like Pepe le Pew?
I am not zthis Shat ju speak of, I am ze voice of love, and who bet-ter to voice jour heart zthan ze Pepe, no?
Wait, who said anything about LOVE? Seriously! There's more than one imaginary voice in my head? Isn't one enough? Was the Shat reproducing up in there?
I started to mentally freak out a little worrying that Shat was gettin' busy in my brain and creating an entire army of imaginary voices bent on taking over the grey matter in my skull. It wasn't a pretty picture. I tripped and slid down two stairs, almost slamming into Bella before catching myself by gripping the hand railings. This put my face eye to cheek with her glorious ass.
I could die a happy man right now.
The entire group paused and looked back to see what the commotion was about. I straightened up and gave a shrug. "Carry on. Nothing to see here, people," I joked and cleared my throat.
"You okay, Edward?" the object of my deepest fantasies asked sweetly.
"Oh, I'm fine. Just slipped on a little water, I think." I stood up and brushed off the seat of my shorts.
Could I be any more lame?
"Be careful, I'd hate to have to carry you out of this hole over my shoulder. Not to mention that Coach would kill us all for bringing his Golden Boy back injured." She winked at me before she turned back around and continued down the stairs.
Come back mah leettle pi-geon! I beg of ju, carry meh away!
The image of her throwing me over her shoulder and carrying me anywhere was too much. I felt the rush of blood from all my other extremities to join the blood from my brain. If I kept this up, the only part of me that would be conscious would be my pecker.
Uh, mah little flower pot, ju make-a ze blood run to ze very tip of mah love sword!
I flatly refused to talk to Pepe or acknowledge him in any way. If he wanted to be a chatty Kathy, then that was his dammed business, but I wasn't about to encourage him. Besides, The Shat was more than I could deal with as it was. Maybe Pepe would go away.
Please, please go away!
We continued down to the bottom, Bella's bottom leading me down, down, down into the dark recesses of my twisted mind. I tried to not think about the new voice, Pepe, and that he seemed to think I was in love. I watched as she laughed and joked with Angela as they walked with their arms around each other's waists. I couldn't help but wish it was my arm holding her close to my side.
Uh, muah, muah, muah! It was love, love, love at sight first! Was et not?
I rolled my eyes at the smelly little French dude in my head. Okay, so maybe I really did like this girl. A lot. Hell, I was willing to risk life and limb just for the chance to get close to her.
The dark shade of the tree canopy thinned out and gave way to the bright Florida sun. The stairs ended and the pine boards lined up to make a wide, flat boardwalk that spanned one end of the sinkhole. It was the perfect place to view the bottom. Small waterfalls trickled down the limestone sides, creating tiny streams along the base of the sink. All around us was dense, emerald vegetation. It was almost as if we'd been transported someplace else. We all spread out along the boardwalk, looking at various placards that identified trees and bushes or finding wildlife. Above us the sky was bright blue, and the sun was quickly warming the air to a typical Florida day. I was surprised when I heard Bella call me over to where she stood.
"Look! A bunny," she whispered excitedly. I followed where she was pointing and saw a small brown rabbit hiding in the undergrowth. Then I looked back at her and pure joy on her face nearly knocked me over, again. She was fucking beautiful.
Le sigh! Breathed the French sack of stink in my head. I found myself surprised that I was actually agreeing with him.
I watched her as she watched the stupid bunny. I found her way more interesting and ogle worthy. I desperately wanted to get her alone; that was the entire purpose of this trip, after all. Well, that and trying to get Rose to see Emmett as something other than the asstard he was. The second half of that plan wasn't going exactly the way I'd hoped, but maybe we could salvage the day.
"So, I think I'm gonna head up and explore some of the trails... wanna come?" My voice wasn't nearly as confident as I'd hoped it would be.
Come, dah-ling! Dis zthing es big-gher zthan we are! We must fight et no lon-gher! Muah, muah, muah!
Oh, god, please come. All around my dick, preferably. But for now just come with me.
Le gasp!
Oh, suck it, Pepe! You know you want to stuff her croissant. Annnnd, now I was talking to the French poodle dipped in stank. Nice.
"Sure, let's go! We'll be standing around here all day if we wait for these goombas to be ready to head up to the trails. Besides, Em's such a loud mouth that he'll scare off any wildlife we might have a chance to see. I say we ditch 'em and hit the trails!" She turned back to the rest of the group, "Hey, guys? Edward and I are gonna head up and try to find those rope bridges. We'll meet you all for lunch at 12:30, ok?"
"Hey! What's the hurry, little sis? The bridges aren't going anywhere. Just wait up and we'll all go together." I swore the cockblocking, wanna-be Rose fucker was trying to kill my Plan and my game. I struggled to not growl at him.
"Thanks, but no thanks, Foghorn Leghorn. I'd like to see at least a few animals today. Not counting the present company, of course. Just take your time and maybe we'll meet up on the trails. Besides, maybe you'll get to sniff some of the regional flora." She winked at her hulk of a brother, and I thought my heart would melt.
Ah, lovah boyee, love es ah man-eh splendored zthing.
I wondered where Shat was. I think I liked him more than this pansy ass. And I didn't like the Shat at all. At least he didn't have a ridiculous accent.
We climbed the stairs to the lip of the hole, and just thinking about lips and holes sent my mind straight to the gutter. I wondered what Bella's lips would feel like as they brushed against mine, or wrapped around me. I pictured my head between those thick thighs that were at eye level as she ascended before me, and all the things I could do to that part of her anatomy. Once again I tripped, only this time I was going up. Bella turned to check on me just like before.
"Man, Edward, if you had this much trouble on the field you'd be warming the bench with that hot little ass of yours. How about you pay more attention to where you're walking and less attention to my derrière?"
Ah, she speeks ze French! Le pant! Mah leetle poodle! Ju are ze corn beef to meh, and I es ze cab-bage to ju! Muah, muah, muah!
I was shocked. My mouth hung open, my eyes were as big as fucking saucers.
What the hell are saucers good for, anyway?
Focus, Edward! The girl of your dreams just caught you staring at her ass and is walking away from you while you just stand here like a zombie!
Shat was back and I never thought I'd be so happy to see him.
I shook off my mental haze and started up after her taking the steps two at a time.
STOP! Stop! Ze corn beef does not run a-way from ze cab-bage! The skanky skunk cried out to Bella even though she couldn't hear him.
At the top I sprinted to catch up with her.
"Which path do you want to try first," I asked.
"Hm, let's try the one up ahead and see where it takes us. I'm all about the spontaneity." Okay, I was already sporting a semi after what went down on the stairs, but when she started humming and talking about "head" and being spontaneous? I was rock solid. Woodmeister. Flying the sails at full mast. I thought about all the ways I'd like to sink her battleship...
Ah, dah-ling! I am ze capteen, and ju are my first-mate!
I cleared my throat to help find my voice that had apparently sunk to my balls, because all I could hear was them screaming for release. With a squeaky, pre-pubescent voice I agreed and we veered to the first right, away from the sinkhole. We walked in relative quiet, the air around us thick with the building humidity and my growing discomfort, both physical and emotional. I looked for a topic, any topic, that we could talk about that wouldn't automatically have me thinking with my dick.
Cue the crickets chirping.
Then I remembered Emmett! I could talk about Emmett without getting a hard on! Thank fuck for small favors!
"So, Bella," I started, "How are you and asstar- I mean Emmett related? Is it a step-sibling thing? You two are really close, right?"
"Yeah, we're close, and he's my biological brother. Well, half brother, actually, but I've never thought of him as such. He's always just been my big bro, know what I mean?"
"Not really, I'm an only child," I admitted.
"Oh, well, he's been there for me through everything, and it's not something we make a big deal about. He's my brother and a damn good one, at that. I can remember when we were kids; he'd be so protective of me. He walked me to every single one of my classes the first semester of my freshman year in high school. No one dared mess with me knowing that McCarty was my bodyguard."
"How is it you have different last names, then?" I chose to ignore the ominous image of Em holding the student population at bay from a young, perky Bella.
"We have the same mother. His dad was our mom's first husband, but he died when Em was really young. Mom remarried and she and Dad had me soon after. Dad's always treated Em like his own son. Em even calls him 'Dad.' So it's like, zero weirdness around our house when it comes to this stuff."
"Ah...," I reply in my usual brilliant way, "I understand. It makes perfect sense now. And you're two years apart in age?"
"Yep, but Emmett's always been big, so it felt like he was so much older than that. So you don't have any siblings?"
"Nope. Not only am I an only child but so are both of my parents. No worries about the Cullen Clan overpopulating the planet."
"Yeah, I guess not," she laughed easily at my lame joke. It dawned on me that this is the longest conversation we have ever had. Part of me (my dick) is thrilled that we are walking side by side, accidentally brushing against each other as we hike and talk in hushed tones. Another part of me (okay, no, it's my dick again) is disappointed that I owe this entire conversation to Emmett, because without him my aforementioned dick would be gobbling up all the blood that normally circulates through my body, rendering any non-sexual thought impossible. So, fuck you very much, Emmett. For nothing and for everything.
Things were really starting to heat up, and I'm referring to the temperature, not my dick for once. Bella suddenly stopped in the middle of the path and gripped the hem of her shirt.
Please let her be wearing nothing but a lacy bra under that top! PLEASE! Or nothing at all would be great too!
She pealed the top from her body, and for a moment I thought I was going to get my wish. As the pink of the shirt rose higher, a span of her creamy stomach revealed itself. The higher the shirt got the more skin was exposed. I held my breath...
Yes! Yes! Yes! I chanted in anticipation.
Oui! Oui! Oui! Le pant! Pepe was obviously excited as well.
I was so focused on ogling Bella as she pseudo stripped, that I once again wasn't watching where I was walking. I stumbled on a root that was sticking up out from the sandy path and nearly fell flat on my ass. Thankfully I regained my balance and avoided another embarrassing situation. Only to take three steps right into the biggest motherfucking spider web I have ever come across in my lifetime! It literally engulfed me and I did the only thing any mostly grown ass man would do when the woman whose pants he's trying to get into is standing five feet away: I screamed like a pussy and ran around in circles crying, "Get it off! Get it off! Fucking hell! GET IT OFF!" I was swatting at my face and arms trying to clear the creepy web off my skin, and praying that the owner of the World Biggest Fucking Spider Web hadn't been at home when I walked through the front door. That damn spider must have been the size of a Volkswagen Bug! All thoughts of the possibility of a near naked Bella were forgotten. They were replaced by the terror that I could quite possibly have an arachnid crawling around on me somewhere, looking for the most tender place to sink its fangs into my flesh and turn me into Gooward. I may or may not have overreacted a tad, but spiders are not something I deal with very fucking well.
By this time Bella had freed herself from the soft prison of her pullover and was gaping at my pathetic display. I half expected the cavalry to round the bend, swoop down and confiscate my man card, and then stamp me with a lavender "P"- for "Pussy." But none came. Instead, the entire crew came barreling down the trail yelling for Bella and I, calling out to see if we were okay. When they reached us and saw me flailing around and screeching like a banshee, they all took one look and busted out in a chorus of laughter. Their cackles could probably be heard throughout the park, but all I cared about was whether or not I had a poisonous, man-eating-eight-legged-creepy-thing on my back.
Emmett was able to get close enough to me, despite my spastic movements, to smack me on the back- hard. Really. Fucking. Hard.
"There, got 'em!" Did he think he was funny? 'Cause Drew Carey he was not. Not that Drew Carey was all that funny anymore, but you know what I was trying to say.
"Thanks, asshole," I spit out.
"Don't mention it, pussy." Emmett's smug chuckles only embarrassed me more and pissed me off. I shot them all dirty looks and took off down the trail as fast as I could. I wasn't gonna stick around and be the ass of their jokes any longer.
I was so worked up that I didn't hear Bella calling after me, pleading with me to slow down as I stomped across a rope bridge. I probably wouldn't have stopped even if I had. But I would have if I was psychic and had known what would happen next.
8==D
A/N: Duh, duh, duhnnnn! Okay, don't freak the hell out. Well, maybe freak out a little, cuz I'm not sure exactly what happens next. Sometimes these characters write their own destinies. This is one of those times. Never fear! Golden Boy will live to fuck up another day, I promise.
Yeah, this took FOREVER to write. The whole Pepe le Pew thing intimidated the hell out of me. (Thanks Kat for the awesome idea that made me lose sleep at night!) Sadly, the next update will be in two weeks due to my week long trip to see my pre-readers Barburella and Fangirl78 in New York. Thanks ladies for making sure my words don't suck. Thanks also to Megsly and LauraLoo, your skittles make me wet my pants from laughing. They are seriously funnier than my chapters! One day I swear I'm gonna post those comments with the chapter, I swear it.
To my much loved and appreciated beta, TwilightMundi. No sappy, flowery words this week, my love. Only heartfelt, sincere thanks for continuing to be in my life and polishing my words. You really are loved.
Thanks for your patience and for reading, everyone! Your reviews are wonderful and I adore everyone of them. Big squishy hugs to you all.