A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi who takes time away from her boys to fix my messes and make this fit to read. I love you. But I think you knew that.

Special thanks and hugs to three ladies: Barburella (I wouldn't write a damn word if you didn't crack your whip. Thank you, mistress.) LauraLoo and Megsly. The comments you three ladies leave make me laugh until I'm incontinent. But as awesome as that is, your friendship means the most. Thank you seems so inadequate. I love you all.

Our Golden Boy seems to have found his balls in this chapter. I did my damnedest to separate him from them, but he's obviously got a tighter hold on them than I thought. Enjoy.

Disclaimer-I don't own them, I just lease. Sure it isn't a sound investment, but who gives a flying flip. Its just so much FUN to play with them, even if I cant keep them forever.

8==D

I was so worked up that I didn't hear Bella calling after me, pleading with me to slow down as I stomped across a rope bridge. I probably wouldn't have even if I had. But I would have if I was psychic and had known what would happen next.

8==D

Chapter Seven- You Gotta Know When to Hold 'em

The bridge was shaky under my feet. It rolled and vibrated as I stormed over it. I could hear the others calling out behind me through my angry haze, but I didn't give a fuck. Months of suffering humiliation after humiliation had finally come to a head, and like a festering zit I was in need of a good pop. I was done with the nice guy shit. This "roll over and play dead" crap I'd been performing ever since arriving in this Godforsaken sweat box of a state had grown old. I was done with it.

"Motherfucking, sonofabitch, cocksucking, assholes," I swore as I brushed at the back of my neck and arms. I could still feel the sticky threads of the spider web clinging to me. My tenuous hold on my sanity was slipping away quickly.

Who the fuck do they think they are, anyway? Just a bunch of stupid Florida swamp fucks, that's who! I'm Edward-fucking-Golden-Boy-Cullen for fuck's sake! They should all be bowing at my feet, begging to suck my dick like everyone else lined up has to. I'm over this shit. Who needs these backwoods shits-for-brains fucktards anyway? NOT ME!

I spun on my heals, and, walking backwards, gave the lot of them the double finger. They could all go fuck themselves for all I cared. The crew stood on the path, yelling for me to stop and wait up. I threw back my head and laughed like a man possessed. I stumbled on the uneven boards as I attempted to walk backwards while telling off the others, nearly falling flat on my ass. My hands gripped the rope railing to steady myself. The group gasped and Emmett yelled at me to watch where the fuck I was going. That's when I shakily pivoted around to look to the other side. I heard a strange, high pitched sound coming from the path in front of me. I looked down to see a huge black and white cat standing on the bridge a few feet away. It made an odd eeping noise like it was unhappy I was on its bridge.

What's a cat doing out here in the woods? I thought to myself.

That's no cat you fucktard! That's a skunk! Get us the hell out of here! NOW! The Shat squealed in my head like a little girl.

Please, it's just a skunk. If I don't bother it then it won't bothe-

Before I could finish my train of thought, the giant rat turned and lifted its furry tail. I was instantly covered in a sticky, god-awful smelling spray. It went everywhere! Who knew such a small creature could make that much stank! It was in my mouth, my nose, all over my clothes. I sputtered and spit, gagging as I tried to clear the spray from every orifice on my face. The smell was overwhelming. My stomach rebelled, retching and purging itself of the breakfast I had eaten earlier. I continued to heave uncontrollably even once the Lucky Charms had been barfed up. Mental note: Lucky Charms are not so lucky. Fucking false advertising. I wondered if I could sue General Mills for that shit. Snot was pouring out of my nose like faucet. I bent over, bracing my hands on my knees while the roller coaster in my gut slowed to a stop. Panting, I wiped the vomit and snot from my face with my hand and then onto my shorts. Somewhere I registered the chorus of appalled voices singing and groaning behind me. They were closer than before, but I as I turned to face them they all backed away, covering their faces with their hands and shirts. When I looked back to the cat-slash-skunk it was gone, leaving only its funk behind.

Bella ran to meet me on the bridge.

"Are you okay, Edward? Oh my word, you fucking reek! That skunk got you really good!" She covered her mouth and nose, trying to block the smell. I was mortified and starting to feel a nauseous again from my own stench.

"Don't come any closer, Bella! It's terrible!" I gagged.

"No, Edward, I want to help. I can handle this. Just let me help you."

"No way! This is fucking gross! I don't want you to get near me like this. Go back!"

"Edward! I can help. Please?"

"Nuh-uh! Just fucking go! Please- just go."

She reluctantly agreed to back off. I hated being a prick and telling her to go when the one thing I wanted most was to be close to her, but I didn't want her to be any part of this. I smelled worse than a locker room full of jockstraps. Kind of a mixture of week old garbage and sweaty ball sacs. This was worse than the flag pole incident, and I hadn't thought anything could be worse than that! I waited until they had walked ahead a few yards before following them. Each of them glanced back at me at some point or another. I could hear Em complaining that he had never smelled something so disgusting in his entire life. Bella reminded him of the potency of his own gas. He laughed and spouted some shit about how his ass smelled like "spring rain that had freshly fallen on a meadow of wild flowers." So not true. He offered to demonstrate this to the group, but they all protested. Apparently one smelly guy was all the group could handle at a time.

We all went back to the parking lot to head back to campus. The afternoon had been ruined by my close encounter of the smelly kind. There was no way we could continue with me rocking eau de muffette. That's French for skunk. I found it ironic that I knew what "skunk" was in French, but not in the wild. I made a mental note to Google "dangerous Floridian wildlife." First gators and mosquitoes, then spiders and skunks? I wanted to be prepared for the next close encounter of the deadly kind. Emmett's booming voice jogged me from my mental "to do" list.

"Man! Now we won't get to eat that fuck awesome lunch the girls made!" That was Emmett for ya, always worried about his stomach first, all else came afterwards. Rose, AKA Little Miss Sunshine, retorted, "Like you couldn't stand to miss a meal, Hoss?"

"I'll have you know this is the body of a lean, mean, fuck machine!" Emmett couldn't have shot himself in the foot any better then if he pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger.

No one would ride with me, except Bella, who I refused to allow to do so. The guys opted to take a cab home rather than be trapped in an enclosed space with me. Even after I reminded them that I had a convertible they refused. I so did not want to have to drive home in my car the way I stunk, but I had no other option. Ranger Dick- uh, BEN- offered the gem of advice to bathe in tomato juice when I got home. Bathe in it? Fuck! I'd need a swimming pool full of the shit to get this rankness off!

I drove back towards campus with the top down. Sadly, it didn't do anything to alleviate the smell. I sear it was visible, like a putrid, green cloud wafting behind me.

I told you that was no cat, Eddiekins. But did you listen, noooooo. "He's just a little ole skunk, Shat! He won't hurt nothin'!" The Shat mocked me in a sing-song voice.

Stupid fucker. Shut up! This is bad enough without you making it worse!

I was just trying to help, Eddiekins. You can't be angry with me for being right. You DID defy Captain's orders.

How did I do that?

I told you to run. You refused. That's blatant disregard for authority. You could be court marshaled if we were on the Enterprise.

You aren't the boss of me!

What are we, three now?

Maybe...

I pulled up to the frat house and I sat out on the porch steps and waited for the rest of the crew to get there. The others offered to stop at the store for the tomato juice so I wouldn't have to suffer that embarrassment. Bella kept arguing about how tomato juice wasn't the best option for de-funking me, but I figured if Ranger Ben-Dover had suggested it then it must be the best remedy. I mean, rangers were wilderness dudes, right? They must get sprayed by smelly things all the time. The guy was a professional. I mean if I'd been bit by a rattle snake on my ass and he told me I had to let him suck on my naked ass to pull out the venom I'd sure as hell follow his advice and tell the fucker to "pucker up." So why wouldn't I take his advice now with something as simple as a tomato bath?

It didn't take the rest of the group long to make it back. They had an entire case of cans that Emmett carried into the house. I looked in the box and realized that he had over a hundred cans of tomato soup, not juice.

"Em! What the fuck? You were supposed to get juice, not soup! What am I gonna do with a case of tomato soup? Make a gross of grilled cheese sandwiches and start a fucking deli?"

"We told him Ben said 'juice,' but boy genius over here insisted that you needed soup," Angela clarified as she and Rose walked into the house.

"I figured soup would be better since its thicker," Emmett shrugged and tried to defend his stupid mistake. "Someone wanna help with this, or are we gonna stand out here and smell skunk boy all afternoon?" That giant of a man could whine like a fucking baby when he wanted to. And I hated kids.

"Here let me help you with that, big guy," Rose purred. I did a double take, wondering what the hell took place in the short time since I'd left them at the park. The blonde vixen pressed her chest against Em, effectively giving his arm a "boobie hug." He groaned as she reached into the box and plucked a can from the top. "There. Is that better?" she asked in a husky voice and strutted into the house. Em stood there in a haze. "Where should I put this down? I don't want to break a nail or anything," she said from inside. Everyone else still stood a safe distance from my offensive odor.

I gave the beast a shove to get him through the door. "Just put it on the counter, Rose," I said. Emmett came in behind her and thumped the box roughly on the kitchen counter next to her can.

"Thanks, babe. You're very helpful," Em teased Rose.

"I can be accommodating when it suits my needs." She leaned into him, touching his arm. No matter what she said, I had a feeling that Rosalie Hale didn't do a damn thing unless she got something out of it as well.

"I bet you can, Momma. How about we head up to my room and you can show me all the ways I can fill your needs and you can accommodate mine?"

"I can tell you my deepest need right here and now, big guy." She motioned him closer with one finger. For a split second I thought they had finally given in and were going to actually make a move toward each other, both figuratively and physically. Emmett bowed his head closer to hers, and her lips moved rapidly near his ear. All I could hear were hushed whispers. I began collecting cans to haul upstairs to my bathroom with a can opener; if they were about to start talking dirty then I was going to get the hell out of there and fast. I did not need to see McCarty getting his groove on. As I walked up the stairs with arm an arm-full of tomato soup I heard Em's voice booming through the house.

"Dammit, Rosalie Hale! You can be so fucking stubborn! Why don't you just get over yourself and go out with me already?" If I had to guess I'd say that Rose's "needs" didn't exactly match up with what Emmett had in mind. She backed away from him and towards the door, calling back to him as she left.

"I'll go out with you when Edward gets that stink off him or when Hell freezes over, you pig! Whichever comes first. So if you really want some 'one on one time' with me, then I suggest you break out your loofa and start scrubbing Golden Boy's back."

"Later, Eddie," she called up the stairs to me. "Good luck with that little problem of yours. I'm sure Em will be more than helpful and willing to fulfill your needs."

"Ugh, thanks for nothing, Rose. Tell the girls that I'm sorry I fucked up the day and thanks for the soup, even though it's supposed to be juice."

"No problem, man, but again, not our fault. Em's the douche who got the soup. I'm just glad it wasn't a rattlesnake bite to your ass. I doubt I could watch McCarty sucking the venom from your cute little bum."

"Whatever, Rosalie. Later." I chuckled to myself remembering my own similar thoughts about Ben earlier. It made me a little nervous that she seemed to know me so well. I turned back up the stairs to the bathroom.

Laughing hysterically, Rose and Ang walked out of the house to head back to sorority row with the girls.

I caught a glimpse of Em piling cans on the counter.

"Don't even fucking think about it, bacon," I cut Emmett off before he could even consider helping me.

"Bacon? Who is bacon?" He asked carrying several more cans behind me.

"You are, you pig. And you won't be helping me, either."

"Whatever, pretty boy, you did promise to help me hook up with Rose. This just might be how you could do that."

"No. It is not." I flat out refused.

There was no way in hell McCarty was getting anywhere near my naked body with a loofa. Promise or no promise.

I had no idea if I needed to heat the soup or just dump it in the tub. I, being the guy I was, said "fuck it" and just went with the dumping method. Twenty minutes of soaking, about a hundred cans of Cambell's tomato soup, and one hell of a ring around the tub later, I showered off the slime and toweled off. I yelled when someone burst through the door of the bathroom without knocking.

"Dammit, Emmett! Do you ever fucking knock?"

"Jeesh, man! I was just checking to see if it worked." His nose wrinkled as he sniffed the air. The sweet smell of the soup still permeated the air. "Shit, Eddikins. It didn't work! Now you smell like a skunk that took a swim in tomato soup. I'm gonna go make a grilled cheese sandwich, want one? Man, sucks to be you."

A defeated groan ripped from my chest. I'd never agreed with Emmett McCarty more.

8==D

The next day I stood outside the Delts' house preparing to de-skunk the Viper. I had no clue how to do it, and considered using the soup on the interior. I changed my mind when I woke up still strongly smelling of skunk and soup. As if that wasn't enough, my skin now had a lovely orange "freshly spray tanned" glow about it. It was very Jersey Shore. I huffed and puffed in exasperation as I stood eying my precious vehicle. I had no clue how to clean it; even with the top down and airing out, the stink wafted from it. As I stood there staring and contemplating how much I could get for a trade-in a scooter pulled into the drive behind me.

Bella.

Just seeing her made me smile and my dick twitch. I mentally chastised the prick. It was going to be hard enough to focus around her with out Mr. Stiffy making an appearance. I couldn't help the sigh that escaped when she climbed off the scooter and removed the little helmet she had on. The girl of my dreams walk over to me and stood beside me, looking in the direction I was looking: my ruined car. After a few moments of silence she spoke.

"What are we looking at?"

"My car."

"Okay." More silence.

"What are we waiting for it to do?" she asked.

"I have no idea."

"Good lord, it still stinks."

"Um, I think that's me."

She leaned over and sniffed my shoulder. "Ugh! Yeah, you still stink, too. Didn't the tomato work?"

"Kinda. Not so much. All it really did was stain me and my tub. Now I look like a walking victim of a drive by tanning." Bella chuckled and I glanced over at her. She was dressed in blue shorts that were rolled at the waist and a Dee Gee t-shirt tied at the back, showing off all her fuck awesome curves.

"Well, you could always try out for Jersey Shore. I hear they're in need of orange-skinned actors. Can you do a convincing Jersey accent?" For a moment I thought she was serious. Then I saw the corner of her mouth turn up the tiniest bit.

"Whatevah, Swan. Did you come all the way across campus to torture me? If you did I could have saved you the trouble and woken up your asshat of a brother. We could have put you on speaker so you could enjoy my pain from the comfort of your bed."

She laughed. It was loud and real. Not a fake, put-on laugh most girls have. It was the sound of a truly happy person. It reminded me, again, of how desperate I was to hear it more. Suddenly I became very aware of how awful I must still smell and I took a few steps away from her. I made it look as though I was sizing up the status of the Viper.

"Naw, Edward! I'd want front row seats for that show." I shot her a look and she winked at me in return. The prick in my pants jerked and twitched like he was having a seizure. The prick in my head chose that moment to voice his opinion.

Uh, Eddikins? Looks like Little Eddie has a bit of a situation going on. OH! Maybe we should call him The Little Situation? Seeing as you look like you're from Jersey now.

Not now, Captain.

Or, we could call him Little Captain!

You'd like that, wouldn't you? We are NOT naming my dick after you.

Aw! Little Captain likes the idea, don't cha lil' buddy?

Are you talking to my penis now, Shat? That's just fucked up.

What? He likes it. We're friends.

No, you're not. Now both of you need to fuck off.

Well, we would if you'd get out of the way and let us bone that-

Go! NOW!

My overachieving, under used dick strained against the usually comfy basketball shorts I'd slipped on that morning. However, with all the activity going on down there, they weren't so very comfortable at the moment. I was sure Bella could see the tent I was pitching. I moved to other side of the car, using the vehicle to block the boner. I tried to will it away, but that was gonna take a fuck ton of will power. Little Captain wasn't so very little.

Bella spoke up, pulling something from the messenger bag at her hip.

"I thought the tomato might not get all the funk out, so I brought you Grandma Swan's secret skunk remedy." I watched with interest as she presented a box and a bottle.

"Baking soda and Dawn dishwashing detergent?"

"Yep. Works every time," she professed. The skeptical look on my face must have clued her in that I thought she was nuts. But who was I to really judge? I was the one with multiple voices in my head. I made a mental note to ask Mom if mental illness ran in the family.

"So what do I do with it?" I asked. "At this point I'll try just about anything short of pissing on my sports car."

"You piss on jelly fish stings, Golden Boy. If you pissed in the Viper it would just smell like an incontinent skunk took up residence in your trunk."

"Fine. What do I do?"

"Just make a paste of the baking soda and the soap, rub it on the seats and it will come right out. Then we'll sprinkle the soda on the carpets, let it sit a while, and then vacuum it up. The smell will be gone. I guarantee it. Grammy Swan guarantees it."

"It won't hurt the leather?"

"You mean any more than skunk stank? No, Edward, it won't hurt the leather. Now, shall we get started? I've got a small group meeting for my psych of personality class later."

"You don't have to stay and help. I can manage." I really, really wanted her to stay, but didn't want her to have to be subjected to the raunchiness.

"Shut it, Cullen. I'm staying. Now go get a couple buckets and sponges and a bowl to mix this stuff. I'll go around and get the hose. Chop! Chop!"

She clapped her hands at me like I was a child who needed added encouragement. And fuck if I didn't do exactly as she told me too.

"And grab some towels while you're in there," she called after me. By the time I came back out she had the radio blaring in the Viper and the hose lay on the ground next to the front tire, water trickling from the spray nozzle. She was leaning over the closed door of the car, ass up in the air, reaching for something inside. I took a moment to admire the view. Little Captain-okay, it seemed like an appropriate nickname for my dick considering how often he saluted Bella- sprung into his upright position at the sight of Bella's lady bits displayed so perfectly. He was a dick, after all. Who could blame him?

"Here you go, mistress."

"Oh! I like that! You may call me mistress the rest of the morning." She slid off the door when she heard my voice.

"Uh, the door does open, you know. This isn't the Dukes of Hazard."

"Yeah, I know. I was just picking this up. I figured you might need it. Eventually." She held a little square packet in between her first to fingers. It took a split second for it to register in my brain that it was a condom. It took me another two point five seconds to sprint the rest of the way over to her and snatch it from her. I wasn't sure where the condom had come from, but it had more than likely fallen out of the glove compartment and I never noticed it.

"Thanks," I croaked out. I was sure things couldn't get any more awkward.

"No problem, just looking out for you and Little Eddie." Annnnnd apparently I could be wrong.

"I can assure you there's nothing 'little' about my dick, Bella. Read the label, that's a magnum," I pointed out that minor detail, defending my manhood.

"Hmm, that remains to be seen." She stood there smirking at me and stealing glances at my crotch.

God, she's hot. Is she flirting with me?

It's been a long time, GB, but not that long. Get your head out of your ass and into the game!

Suddenly, the Shat was my love coach. This was turning out to be one fucker of a confusing day, and the last thing I wanted to think about was Shat. What I wanted to do was rip the packet open with my teeth while shoving my shorts down with my free hand; then roll the fucker on before bending her over the hood and fuck the smirk right off her face. I settled for awkward banter instead.

"Yeah, like I said. Thanks."

"Well, let's get busy. Throw me that bowl and a sponge. I'll show you the perfect technique." I so wanted Bella to show me the perfect technique, but I doubted that we were thinking about the same thing. My thoughts involved her mouth and Little Captain, I was sure she was referring to "wax on wax off" methods. She mixed some baking soda and soap in the bowl. Then, much to my disappointment, she opened the car door before she started rubbing the mixture onto the seat in a circular pattern. It was all very "Karate Kid-esque."

"You gonna help, Cullen, or you just gonna let a lady do all the work?"

"Whatever, Swan. I don't see any lady around here." I teased.

"Hey! That's mistress to you, and you apologize right now, or else."

"Or else what? You'll call your big oaf of a brother to beat my ass? I hate to break it to ya, missy, but I've already survived McCarty's worse. Bring it." I was feeling cocky. Being this close to Bella made me feel strong, like my old self, but better. Besides, I was only teasing her.

Bella stopped cleaning in mid stroke. She looked over the center console at me and said in a chillingly calm voice, "I don't need my brother to fight my battles for me, Edward Cullen. Ask Emmett how many nights he's spent with ice packed in sensitive areas after going a round or two with me. Now, apologize or not only will your car still smell like fucking skunk, but you will be nursing your battered junk."

"Sorry, Bella. I swear I was only kiddi-"

"Save it, Eddiekins. Just slow your roll and remember that when you're with me, you are with a lady. It'd also be in your best interest to treat me accordingly. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Apology accepted. Now stroke."

"Yes, mistress."

We worked in relative silence after that. After we finished the seats she started on the floors. I ran back in to get the wet/dry vac so we could do the carpet. Bella suggested we finish off the job by doing the outside as well. Normally I'd have it professionally done, complete with a hand wax, but if it meant I could spend more time with Bella, even a mildly pissed Bella, then I'd do whatever it took. So I put the top up and we washed the exterior. I started rinsing my side of the car as she finished soaping up the driver's side. I heard a squeal and looked over to see Bella, hair dripping wet and a spray of water across her shirt. From the look on her face she was obviously caught off guard, and from looks the pert peaks of her nipples straining against her t-shirt I guessed the water was kind of cold. She stood there frozen for all of five seconds before she sprang into action. She grabbed the bucket of soapy water on the ground next to her, a look of determination plastered on her gorgeous face.

"Oh, my god, Bella! I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't meat to spray you!"

"Surrrre you didn't, Cullen."

"I swear I didn't!"

"Well, the fact still remains that you did. Ever hear of 'an eye for an eye' Edward?" She started around the front of the car, trying to get close enough to strike.

God I love it when she growls my name.

"Uh, yeah? But isn't there something after that about forgiving seventy times seven?" I backed away as she advanced.

"Believe me, Edward, I've forgiven your sorry ass seventy-one times seven. Now, you pay. Man up and take your punishment."

"Nu-uh. I bruise easily." I maneuvered behind the car, keeping a safe distance between myself and the bucket in Bella's hands.

"Oh, I'm not going to hit you, pretty boy, just gonna get some of that stank off ya. Now hold still, you big baby!" She threw the whole bucket at me, and let me tell you the girl could aim. I was drenched, and the bucket ricocheted off the side of my head, knocking me back to the ground. I tried to aim and really spray her with the hose, but she sprang on me pinned me to the driveway.

"Oh, no you don't, Cullen! Don't even think about spraying me again!" We wrestled for control over the sprayer.

"Get off me you crazy lady!"

No! Don't get off! Ride him like a cowgirl!

Fuck off, Shat! I don't need any help from the peanut gallery!

Apparently you DO! You just told the star of all your wet dreams to remove her thighs from around your hips.

Well, I don't particularly want her mountain of a brother to come out her and see her "riding me like a cowgirl!"

You're a pussy.

You're a dick.

At lest I'm the one who DOES the fucking and not the one who always gets fucked.

Fuck off!

"Did you just tell me to 'fuck off?'" Bella gasped.

Shit! Did I say that out loud?

"Yes, you did! And now you're really gonna pay!" With superhuman strength, Bella won control of the hose and sprayed the shit out of me. By the time she was finished we were both soaking wet and laughing our asses off. We called a truce to catch our breath. She collapsed on my chest in a fit of giggles. Suddenly, I became aware that I could feel the warmth of her skin through her thin, wet cloths. I'd never been this close to Bella before. It was heaven. Her heart pounded against my chest and mine slammed against my rib cage trying to match its rhythm. Every rise and fall of her chest caused her fully erect nipples to brush against my chest. And when she chuckled the heat of her pussy would grind against a very erect, and not so little, Little Captain.

It was obvious when she became acutely aware of the proximity of the Captain, because she gasped as he nudged at her kitty. I tried to stifle a moan, but it was a lost cause when she purposely ground against him. I swear she moaned as well.

"Fuuuuck, Bella!" I grabbed her hips as they started to circle over mine. "You can't just do that to me in the middle of the driveway!" But oh, for the love of god, don't stop! "What if someone sees?" Like your over protective brother. Much to my complete horror and relief she stopped. Using my chest as leverage she pushed herself to a sitting position, effectively trapping my dick between us and causing me to moan much louder this time.

"Shit, Edward! I'm sorry! I'm so embarrassed. Am I crushing you?" she asked and tried to awkwardly climb off me, but I held her in place with my hold on her hips. I moved to sit up underneath her. Again she tried to untangle us.

"Stop, Bella. Stay," I practically begged.

"But I'm too heavy, I'm sorry."

What the fuck? She really thinks she's too big?

For the first time I saw Bella's insecurities. She had always exuded confidence, but suddenly I saw her fragile self esteem and it nearly broke me. She was beautiful and perfect, but for some reason she couldn't see herself as I did.

"Bella," I just wanted her to look at me.

Her hands were clasped in her lap and she studied them as if her GPA depended upon it. She refused to look at me so I took her chin and gently forced her to. I gazed into her eyes, trying to see what it was inside her that kept her from recognizing how fucking amazing she was.

"Edward, please...just let me up." she sounded so small, not at all like the woman who had just an hour earlier demanded my respect and ordered me to call her mistress. This woman was insecure and scared of rejection. She had nothing to be afraid of. I could use a fuck ton of flowery words and say things about how perfect she was, and I'd mean every damn word, but she didn't need words. I didn't want words. I wanted Bella.

Slowly, carefully, I moved my face closer to hers. Her eyes darted to my lips and she licked hers in anticipation. When we were close enough I pressed the softest kiss I could manage against her mouth. I took the whimper she squeaked out as encouragement and kissed her again, just as softly. By the fourth kiss I could feel her relaxing against me. Our bodies took over and the passion that was there before came rushing back. I pulled her to me, needing her to be as close as possible. The kiss deepened and Bella, my Bella, palmed my chest with her soft hands, her nails scratching against my nipples. They made their way into my hair, grabbing and tugging. As we sat there on the wet concrete making out, some part of my brain processed that this is not what I wanted with this woman. Slowing the kiss and gently pulling back I looked into her eyes once again. There was more confidence there now, but she was still unsure. So I said the first thing that came to mind as I sat there underneath the object of my desires, "You have the most beautiful eyes. They're like... liver."

"Liver?" She scoffed.

"Uh, yeah, liver's brown with a hint of red, just like your eyes," I clarified.

"Um, okay. Thanks, I think."

Shit!

I realized then that liver probably wasn't the most romantic thing I could have compared her eyes to. I frantically searched my mental database for something else to compare those eyes to.

"Or Kahlua. That's it! Your eyes remind me of Kahlua!"

She started laughing quietly. "First you compare my orbs to liver, the nastiest meat in the world, now you're comparing them with liquor? Do you have a mental condition I should know about, Cullen?"

"No! Why? What have you heard?" I panicked. For a second I thought she had somehow found out about The Shat. I wasn't too concerned about Pepe. He'd only shown up once, and not yet made a return visit. I stress the yet.

"Nothing. I haven't heard anything, I swear!" she promised.

"Well, I don't have one, no matter what you may or may not hear. Just remember that, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, Edward. I will," she shook her head and smirked at me again. I fucking loved that smirk.

"You really do have beautiful eyes, Bella."

"Thanks, Edward. You eyes are pretty, too." I pulled her close again, just enjoying the feel of her body pressed against mine. I rubbed her back and goose bumps broke out over my skin when the hair of her ponytail came in contact with my arm.

"Edward?" she asked carefully against my shoulder.

"Yeah, Bella?"

"My legs are falling asleep. Can we get up and maybe move this somewhere else? Not to mention that you still really kind of stink."

"Ugh! Of course! Sorry! Here, let me... Well, maybe if...no. Um, you hop up first."

"Sure thing, Edward. Like a fucking bunny." And just like that my Bella was back. She scrambled off me and we stood at the same time. She was brushing off her ass and legs and being the helpful son of a bitch I was I tried to help her.

"I got this, Cullen. Why don't you wipe your own ass off?" she snarked at me.

"Why don't you just do it for me?" I turned and wiggled my fine as fuck ass at her as manly as humanly possible given the circumstances. She smacked my ass with a loud crack and that shit stung! "Damn, mistress! That fucking hurt!"

"Good, don't forget it."

We joked and flirted as we cleaned up our mess. When everything was put away I pulled Bella to me again in a hug.

"Bella? I know this is new for both of us, but I'd like to spend some time with you. See where this goes."

"Me, too, Edward," her voice once again quiet and shy.

"Okay then. I need you to know something first, though." I felt her tense up in anticipation of what I might say. "I think you're beautiful, and smart, and amazing. And I don't want to fuck this up. But I suck at relationships. Think you could be patient with me while we figure out what this is? Can you do that?"

"I've waited this long, haven't I?" I nodded that she had, "Then I'm not going anywhere yet."

"Thank fuck," I breathed a sigh of relief and rested my head against hers. I could smell her hair and feel how soft it was. I was quickly loosing myself in the sensation of her.

"I'd best get back to the house. I still have to shower before my meeting," she said.

"Okay." I sighed and kissed her temple. I tried not to dwell on the mental image of Bella in the shower. Naked. Wet. I cleared my throat, "But will you come back afterwards, though?" She climbed on the scooter and attached her helmet.

"If you promise to wash with Grammy Swan's de-stank before I get here."

"Ouch, that's harsh, Swan!"

"Just speaking the truth."

I gave her the number to my cell and programmed hers into mine.

"I'll call when I'm finished. We can decide then what to do, okay?"

I rubbed her back, just needing to feel the physical connection between us. I guess I'd grown a vagina while dry, er- wet humping Bella.

"Sounds good."

"Oh, and Golden Boy?"

"Uh-Huh?"

"Just so you know, you'll need to come up with something for us to tell my brother."

"What?"

"You heard me. Good Luck."

With a crank of the engine she was puttering back to her sorority. A wave of panic rushed over me as her warning started to register.

What the fuck was I going to do about Emmett? I did have The Plan, but this new development with Bella complicated the diabolicalness of my Plan. I was going to have to regroup for sure.

Pushing the fear and feelings of impending doom to the back of my mind, I decided to focus on more positive things. Like Bella's tits wet and pressed against me. I made a mental note to file today away in the spank bank for later.

I decided to spend the afternoon reevaluating The Plan and looking for my lucky rabbit's foot from eighth grade. I figured if I was going before the firing squad later I was going to need all the luck I could get.

8==D

A/N: Sweet Christmas! GB made a move? Or was it Bella that threw the winning touch down? I feel another BPOV coming up soon.

Anything resembling citrus in this chapter is proffered to DoUTrustMe in hopes she doesn't follow through with her threats to sue for false lemon advertisement. The good stuff's on the way, Me. I promise.

Golden Boy was rec'ed by a very sweet KatHat over on her blog and he's had more attention than is healthy for his engorged ego. Thank you, dear for your kind words and support. Eddiekins has big plans for thanking you in very inappropriate ways.

Ever wonder what a skunk sounds like? Well, wonder no longer:

Skunk sounds on YouTube:

http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=st0Vowq7b4M&feature=fvsr