Chapter Nine

Castle looked into the amber liquid nestled in the ice cubes at the bottom of his glass. There was still a drink in there, maybe two. He knew he should have turned down that refill, but he had just started to feel a pleasant warmth when she tipped the bottle towards him in a silent offer for another. The tumbler was well over a double shot, even with the ice and the alcohol burned deliciously all the way down.

It was the bottle he had given her a few months ago for Christmas, a 1973 Auchentoshan that he got after noticing her fondness for scotch when they had all christened his bar. It was nowhere near the quality that bottle had been, but also nowhere near the price.

He was surprised to see her pull it out of the cupboard unopened. He figured she and Josh would have cracked into it after all this time. Thoughts of Josh had him kicking himself again as he sipped through the ice. He couldn't believe that he had stood outside her bedroom door and word-vomited all over her. This was beyond disgraceful. The fact that she was even still talking to him was a relief, but then he almost laughed.

Once they reached the kitchen, they had taken up opposite sides of her counter as if she were the bartender and he was a patron in her establishment. The only words that had been spoken were her explaining he should call his daughter and his subsequent phone call reassuring the teen that everything was fine.

Since he had gotten off the phone with Alexis they had been in a sort of silence that would probably be construed as awkward but he knew they were both puzzling through something. It was like the times they had sat at the precinct staring at the murder board, silence hanging over them, but never really repressive. Except here and now, each had their gaze was focused on the liquid reaching the bottom of their glasses again.

Castle knew this was it; he had to decline if she offered again, because he had done enough stupid things for one night. Leaving her while he was only feeling that pleasant warmth without screwing things up any further. The thought of walking out had him glancing across the edge of his glass as he finished the last sip.

His eyes fell on the clock over her shoulder. It was after eleven, but he probably wouldn't be sleeping tonight. The thing that struck him suddenly was that it wasn't that late.

Castle shifted his gaze to watch her face as she reached to the bottle again and went to tip some more in his glass. His hand covered hers on the bottle and the contact brought her questioning gaze up to meet his. He guided her to set the bottle back down and then released her hand, feeling the ghost of her skin against his.

Slowly, not sure who he was more worried about scaring off, Castle rounded the small counter and approached her. "Kate, look at the time." He suggested casually. He knew she would probably assume he was making idle chat, suggesting that he should be going, which he knew that he should because how much torture could a guy be asked to live through.

"It's late." She interpreted and he bit back a grin at the predictability of her response.

Castle took another cautious step towards her, "It's not too late." He responded, watching her eyes widen slightly at the implication before he continued, "Still almost an hour until midnight."

He watched her plant her feet, confidence that didn't reflect in her eyes playing out through her body language as she physically stood her ground, "Do you have a point to all this, Castle or are you just making an observation."

"Yes." He responded and watched her eyebrow and lip both quirk up as if they were connected. A questioning eyebrow, a hint of humor, and tied together so nicely, he wondered if he had ever seen that expression before.

The eyebrow relaxed and the quirk of a smile turned more full as if she had finally realized he meant yes to both and she leaned seemingly casually back against the counter as she waited. He was certain she wasn't drunk, she had less than he did and he was barely feeling a buzz that he wasn't entirely sure was from the alcohol.

"Were you going to get to your point or just stand there thinking about it?" she inquired the humor of his extended silence clear in her eyes if not in the actual tone of her words.

"Today will be over in less than an hour." He started, hoping she would take the hint, but feeling the need to explain anyway to make sure. He was sick and tired of half statements and misunderstandings. With another small step he closed off her exit on three sides between the wall the counter and himself. She could still step around him on his right side. "I was just thinking that if we're going to forget that today ever happened. . ." he let the statement trail off and realized the moment she understood his train of thought.

"I don't think that's a very smart decision on your part, Castle." She warned, but her tone was softened by a subtle breathiness.

"Do you want to know what will help me forget?" He asked, carefully reaching a hand up to brush his fingers across her cheek. He watched her flinch at the contact but she didn't pull away and her expression stayed curiously blank. "I need to hear you say it."

Her eyes shot from gazing somewhere over his shoulder to meet his eyes, "Say what?" that breathlessness hadn't left, but it was hinted with uncertainty and he could tell from the way she shifted slightly away from him that she was getting very uncomfortable with his proximity.

He knew it was time to back away, he shouldn't push her, but he was running out of time and perhaps under the cloak of never speaking of something again he had found the courage to ask the questions.

Instead of stepping back he shifted his fingers further until they were carefully brushing the soft edge of her hair as his palm tenderly cupped her cheek, keeping her face from turning away and her eyes locked with his. "Tell me that you don't feel anything for me. Tell me that I'm just your friend and everything I thought about us really is just a fantasy." He heard the quiet desperation in his own voice. As much as he didn't want her to say any of those things, he found himself continuing. "Tell me I'm crazy, there's nothing here, there's no us and there never will be. Please, Kate." He pleaded, "Tell me this energy, this heat, is all in my head, that it's a product of my overactive imagination."

She was regarding him with a slightly softened expression, but her eyes averted from his as her mouth opened and then closed again as if the words she wanted to say weren't available.

He watched her draw her lip between her teeth, biting gently and he wondered if she had the slightest idea what that did to him, how much he wanted to lean in and let his tongue caress the abused lip, sooth it. Her silence was too much so he leaned just a little close, "Remember, option one. Tomorrow we're forgetting this day ever happened. Whatever you say, I won't push, I won't mope I won't ever mention it again. It won't become a joke or even something I tease you about. I just need to hear you say it."

Her mouth opened again, releasing that lip and he wanted to move forward, sooth it with his tongue, but he fought the urge. "I don't." she finally said, almost a whisper.

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, as his thumb traced slowly back and forth across her cheek, waiting, but she never finished the thought. "You don't, what?"

Kate shook her head slightly, a loose lock of her hair that had escaped the ponytail brushed against the back of his hand. "You're not going to stop coming into work if I say it?" she finally managed and he heard the subtle pleading in her voice.

Castle didn't like the sound of this, but he knew he needed to hear it. He knew it would hurt, but something in him made him push forward for the sake of one day possibly being able to move on. "I'll be there Monday morning with a coffee and this will be a figment of both our imaginations." He didn't move away as she took a long breath. They had somehow gotten so close that he was surprised they weren't already touching, but that intake of breath had caused cool air from around them to pass over his lips and her exhale was warm against them.

"I don't feel it." She finally said. He was shocked for just a moment as he took in her expression, but it wasn't the words, it was the look in her eyes. She had that same look when she was teasing him with half-truths and he wondered if she was lying.

"Really?" he asked, but his tone was quiet and his resolve firmly in place. He leaned just that little further and let his lips gently brush across hers, the briefest of touches. So softly he wasn't sure if they had actually touched. "You didn't feel that?"

"Castle," his name whispered from her lips as their breath mingled and his body hummed, "We're supposed to be forgetting this, not making it worse."

"Tomorrow we forget." He reminded her, letting his lips brush across hers again, a little more pressure this time and then he pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. "Today you're supposed to be telling me you don't feel this." Her lids were half closed and her breathing had changed. He knew she wasn't going to say it again, but he didn't expect that she would relax against him. "Tonight you have to tell me to stop." He finally whispered and then closed the space again to press another gentle kiss to her lips.

He wasn't going to push this time, but he was interested to see how far she would let him take this, how far the promise of no consequences and never mentioning tonight would allow them to go, knowing that the further that line was pushed the harder it was going to be for him to honor that promise. He didn't pull away, but he kept the pressure on her, breathing through his nose as he waited for her to push him away.

He was surprised when she tipped her head slightly and gave him greater access, thrilled when he let his tongue snake out to sooth her lower lip as he had wanted to earlier and hers met his tentatively before she pulled it back from the contact.

Kate's lips parted on a sigh and carefully he moved into her mouth, just a simple brush of his tongue against hers and that humming in his body became a physical noise for just a moment. He realized it had been a sound from the back of her throat and he suddenly found that he wanted to hear it again.

He felt the tentative touch of her fingers against his arms and he held back, not wanting a repeat of what had happened in the bathroom. He was willing to let her lead and follow wherever she went so that he didn't scare her away again. Her hands slowly trailed a pattern up to his shoulders, one stopped there while the other continued to his neck, where it brushed through the hair at the base of his skull before settling there to hold him in place as she returned the subtle exploration he had just completed of her mouth.

The hand that he hadn't been resting against her cheek, he let trail behind her head as he gently pulled the band from her hair, allowing her tresses to cascade free around her face. He buried his fingers in the soft locks of hair as he finally pulled back slowly to breathe as he cradled her face tenderly between both of his palms. When she finally opened her eyes, they met his and a wave of intense emotion swept him.

They stayed there, locked in that single moment, eyes held and spoke emotions neither was capable of putting into words. Breaths mingled from close proximity. Fingers brushed gently through hair, across sensitive skin.

"Tell me to go." He finally whispered. It wasn't what he wanted to hear from her, but he couldn't take being in this moment any more. Not when he would have to ignore all that it meant to him when the sun rose on tomorrow.

Kate looked up into his eyes and the hint of a smile pulled her lips up, "No." she responded simply as she pulled him back to her.

As much as it was going to kill him to walk away, he was certain that having her with him, even for this single moment, was worth all the pain that might follow. Castle forced himself to stop thinking about tomorrow and lost himself in the feeling of her mouth on his.

x.x.x

A/N: I'm sick, lame lame lame. Brain fuzzy… Nothing makes sense, can't leave the house because I'm worried I'll crash if I drive. Didn't go to work, but wasn't able to be as productive writing as I thought I might be with a 'free' day off. I'll know when I'm better if I even liked this chapter.

Review that made my day: daphnebeauty, Dancing in your underwear. You seriously cracked me up with your roommate who is a "trooper" and your creepy neighbor. Thanks for the giggles when I'm feeling blue, except that they led to a brutal coughing fit, but how could you have known that.

Thanks to everyone for reading.