Chapter Ten

"I don't feel it." She knew it was a lie even as she said it. She didn't sound very convincing in her own head and as she watched Castle's eyes widen, then almost instantly squint slightly as a tiny smile played at the edge of his lips, she was certain that he knew she was lying.

Before tonight she might not have been so easy to read, but hearing him spell out in no uncertain terms that what she had been ignoring for so long was in his head in his heart as well, had broken her defenses. She couldn't stop the knee jerk reaction to deny it, but the gentle kiss that followed threatened to swipe it all away.

Finally gaining control of her senses she spoke again, "Castle, we're supposed to be forgetting this, not making it worse."

"Tomorrow we forget." He said as he leaned back to look into her eyes. "Today you're supposed to be telling me you don't feel this." She couldn't speak, didn't want to lie to him anymore, lie to herself. "Tonight you have to tell me to stop." He whispered as he leaned towards her again and she couldn't speak if she wanted to as his soft lips touched hers.

He was driving her crazy with this tenderness. She would rather have that explosive passion they shared in the bathroom, something that would jolt her to perception and she wouldn't be lulled into this false sense of security. His calm sweetness was breaking down every negative conception she had of him as his words from earlier played through her head.

When their tongues met it was tentative and caused the fluttering in her stomach to increase and she felt the need to touch him. Somehow she ended up with a hand in his hair, holding him against her as she followed the retreat of his tongue from her mouth into his.

When he pulled her hair tie and a finally moved away from the kiss it took her a moment to open her eyes. The way he cradled her face between his hands and the look in his eyes that conveyed everything he'd said earlier and more was enough to make her weak in the knees. She wouldn't have actually thought it possible to feel so much from such little contact if she weren't standing there experiencing it for herself. All the holding back, all the denial, every missed moment had brought them here and it was overwhelming.

She couldn't speak as he looked at her like that and when he spoke she almost didn't hear his whispered statement, "Tell me to go." She saw the nervousness in him, the trepidation.

He didn't want to leave any more than she was willing to let him go after finally getting him here and the thought of it made her smile just a bit, "No." she told him as her fingers caressed his neck and gently guided him back to her.

He was holding back. She could feel it in the tension of the muscles in his neck. She had noticed the way his gaze intensified when she captured her lip between her teeth and thought perhaps that was a good push to get him to stop holding back. They had both held back so long that she couldn't take it anymore.

This moment could mark the first day of the rest of their lives if they stopped running scared. While she knew they were both very good at pulling away from each other, she didn't want to any more. She wanted to tell him all her thoughts and feelings the way he had earlier, but she couldn't find the words. Instead, she tried to show him, she worked to push him over the edge, steal the control he was obviously holding so tenuously.

With that thought in mind, she opened her mouth to gently suck his lower lip into her mouth and carefully compressed her teeth around the soft flesh. His groan at the gesture was dark and primal and she knew as his hand dropped to her lower back to hold her against him that she had succeeded in snapping the reins on his control. She smiled as she licked across his lip, still trapped between her teeth before releasing it and opening her mouth to the insistent prodding of his tongue.

A moment later his mouth was blazing a trail of desperate heat down her neck and all she could do was hold on to him so she didn't sink to the floor as her knees trembled and a moan escaped her lips. She had been playing with fire trying to get him to stop holding back, but despite her tendency to pull away from acting on instinct, tonight she was ready to feel those flames. She wanted to burn with him raging, fierce and hot, like a chemical fire or softly like the last embers glowing in a fireplace.

She wanted to show him everything she felt, everything she had bottled up and kept to herself for so long. She had a momentary flash where she thought this was wrong, she was still with Josh. In her heart she knew that relationship had been over long ago and his proposal had only solidified that thought in her mind. Whether she had told him yet or not, their relationship ended the moment he opened that ring box and everything became as clear as the diamond sparkling up at her.

She almost laughed about how, even now, being with Castle how they had both obviously wanted for too long, they had such horrible timing. Her desire to laugh was quickly replaced with just desire as his teeth grazed the skin on her neck. She let out a startled, "Oh." and felt him grin against her skin before he repeated the motion again, this time much slower and definitely more deliberate, following over that spot a moment later with his talented lips and tongue.

The sudden shiver that raced through had her head swimming as she rocked her body against his slightly, instinct driving her reaction more than conscious thought. She briefly wondered if she should take it out of auto-pilot and start trying to get back in the captains seat, but she suddenly found herself pinned firmly against the kitchen counter, his body boring heavily into hers. Castle stilled completely against her, his breathing ragged in the new found quiet as he rested his head against her shoulder.

Warm breath caressed the skin of her neck as she felt him pulling his control back in. "Castle," she gasped and wondered when she had gotten that husky note in her voice, but she couldn't find the will to care if he thought she sounded like some strumpet, "Don't stop." She whispered harshly in his ear before tracing the rim of his ear with the tip of her tongue.

She felt the tightening of his fingers on her hip as a low growl escaped his lips. The burning passion she was worried would consume her earlier, she embraced now as his mouth crushed against hers. He leaned more heavily against her and somehow it wasn't close enough.

She moaned as he seemed to read her mind and slid a hand to her thigh, guiding it up towards his hip so he could settle more firmly against her. At the contact she gasped as he groaned and it broke their kiss. She was more than a little shocked by her own reaction and as she gazed into his eyes she could see that she wasn't alone. The moment of pause lasted only the span of three breaths before she boosted herself onto the counter and pulled him more firmly against her, squeezing her thighs against his waist as she felt the hard length of him press insistently against her.

She wasn't sure if she should be concerned about how out of control everything spun from there. Her fingers couldn't seem to touch enough of him; his shirt was thrown somewhere before she fully registered that her fingers were working the buttons. Before she could explore the exposed skin he pulled away, and lifted her t-shirt over her head.

She heard him chuckle as he found another layer beneath the first. She rolled eyes at him, but the gesture died mid-roll as he whipped that shirt over her head as well. She found herself leaning back, braced with her hands on the counter and her back arched as his mouth trailed down her neck and he worked his way across the tops of her breasts, licking, kissing, caressing. She was lost to his touch.

Everything became sound, sight and sensation. Breath became sparse as his mouth fell on the peak of a nipple and he sucked gently through the thin lacey fabric of her bra. Need and desire, touch and taste, everything spun around her and she found herself both completely focused and unable to focus.

His hands moved from caressing her sides to rest at her hips a moment before slowly sliding around to cup her ass and pull her tightly against him. She found herself no longer sitting, but supported by her legs around his hips, her arms around his neck and his strong capable hands holding her to him firmly.

Somehow, that kiss and their skin in contact was all she felt until he was shifting and she was lying back against the cushions on her couch. She had a moment to wonder how they had gotten there before he settled over her. He broke from their kiss and his teeth grazed across her neck again, making her forget that she had been thinking about anything. His mouth went to work in earnest on her flushed chest, kissing over her heart and reaching behind her arched back to unclasp her bra.

He didn't move the fabric and she found herself frustrated as he continued to lavish her with kisses everywhere but where she wanted him. He was murmuring to her as he moved across her skin. She didn't catch much of the muffled words against her heated flesh through the beating of her own heart, but she caught the tone. His words were full of unmistakable passion and unmasked affection as he lavished attention on her body.

He slowly made his way up to her mouth again, but hovered over her lips, breathing a moment as he looked at her with an expression she'd never seen. It was somewhere between pleasure and pain, but when he smile that devious grin, she only had a moment's notice before his fingers were dancing along her sides. The giggle burst from her as she wriggled trying to get away from his assault.

They had gone from heated kisses and caresses that made her want to get him closer to being tickled and trying to get him away from her to preserve her heart rate. She succeeded in rolling them off the couch and heard the thud as Castle's breath gushed out of him when they landed with her sprawled over his chest.

"What the hell, Castle?" she asked, chuckling, not sure if she should be angry or just confused as he smiled up at her and she returned the gesture.

He shrugged and grinned at her, "You were being too serious, really started to freak me out a little."

"Are you kidding me?" she laughed.

He smiled up at her, his hands moving in a soft pattern against her skin, one that elicited a shiver instead of a laugh and he gazed up at her, "Maybe I just wanted to see you smile."

She didn't have a response to that, so she sat up, straddling his hips and rocking gently against him. "There are other ways to make me smile." She teased as his eyes slid closed and he groaned. She used his momentary distraction to get her feet under herself as she shrugged out of the bra, tossing it at him as she stood up.

His eyes snapped open in surprise as he was struck across the cheek with the strap of lacy fabric. The surprise faded to an endearing slack-jawed expression as he spotted her and it seemed to take him a moment to register that her hand was outstretched to him.

Once she helped him off the floor, they stood there a moment and she was surprised by how oddly intimate it felt. It wasn't the fact that they were standing topless in the middle of her living room, but the way he had locked eyes with her as he carefully twined his fingers with hers, his eyes full of warmth and wonder.

She watched him swallow heavily and offer a soft smile, "Are you sure about this?" he asked, sounding slightly apprehensive. He didn't take his eyes off hers as he waited for a response.

She couldn't help but smile back at him and give his hand a gentle squeeze before leading him to walk with her as she responded, "There have been a lot of things between us that I'm not entirely sure about, like why you feel the need to sit in my chair," she smiled, lightening the mood he was projecting and watching him visibly relax, "but not this. Today Castle, tonight, I'm sure of." She glanced over her shoulder to give him a smile and could have sworn she saw an inexplicably sad expression pass over his features.

As they crossed into her room and better lighting she was certain it had been a figment of her imagination, because once she turned to face him he had a smile on that dazzled her and the kiss he leveled on her sent her mind spinning.

x.x.x

A/N: So, it's 4am and I have been up since 6 yesterday morning, disclaimer for this author's note, I'm tired.

Since I fully intend on exploring the rest of this scene in the next chapter I thought I'd share a random male anatomy venture into my brain: I really love the word cock, is that odd? Penis has always sounded like a word for guys with pocket protectors. Member makes me think of a club, AA, or the school board. I like the hard K sound inherent in cock, perhaps that's because cock should be hard, but I've never delved into it grammatically or psychologically. The only viable alternative for me personally is shaft, but it's not nearly as. . . um. . . satisfying a word. As a result you will never find a penis or a member in my stories. I don't find many female acquaintances that agree with me on word preference in that resort, but I think they are repressed. If you're offended by cock, I'm sorry, but I like it, so get used to it or skip the next chapter. ;)

Review that made my day: ajksmusic, I'm blushing here. That was, wow. It's crazy to hear that people are chatting about my little story. Carolina17 talked me into revisiting my twitter account for more than just vicariously stalking the daily adventures of others. You guys can find a link in my profile page, I'd love some people to talk season 3 with since everyone around me is crazy and waiting for DVD before they watch and it's KILLING me not being able to gush about what a great season we're having.

Thanks to everyone for reading.