Chapter Twenty-Three

Walking into the morgue was a calculated risk and Kate knew it. On one hand, she was hopeful that she'd be able to find some distance between herself and Castle. She was also hopeful that the new insight on the case would be just enough to distract her friend for the time it took for Kate to regain her bearings and feel up to facing the writer again.

As she discussed Castle's insight on the case and Lanie checked through the reports and pulled the drawer out to recheck a couple of things on the body. While the medical examiner did that, Kate flipped through the case file she had brought down, noting that the chainsaw had run out of fuel, looking at the way it had fallen to the ground near the body, noting the lack of spatter. It all added up.

She continued to flip through the file, half listening as Lanie made her own observations concerning the body. There were no wounds to the man's hands or arms that suggested he had tried to defend himself. That was one of the things that had concerned them with what was so obviously a frontal assault.

As she buried her head in the file, nodding in acknowledgement to Lanie's comments, her mind was actually on dealing with a certain writer. She hadn't missed the way he sat a little too straight in his chair or how his eyes were either avoiding her completely or focused on her with a sort of reverence. She wondered what he was thinking in those moments she spotted his expression in her peripheral vision. She wondered if they were the same thoughts that had left her breathless as she woke from a particularly vivid dream just that morning.

She felt the telltale blush threatening to overtake her and stamped down the images and memories. She surreptitiously glanced up at Lanie and noticed she was being watched, which just made her blush threaten to overtake her completely. "I hate that we wasted so much time on this." She grumbled a little too loudly, hoping that Lanie might take the heat in her face, that was certainly manifesting as a pink tinge, as embarrassment for missing what was now obvious.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, we all missed it." Lanie responded easily, turning back to shut the man's body back into his designated cooler. "Though," her friend started again as she turned back to Kate and pulled the gloves off her hands, her tone making Beckett just a little nervous for what was coming. "You weren't just hard on yourself this week."

Kate sighed; she could handle an inquiry into her mood, something she could put off on the perfect timing of Josh leaving again. She didn't really want to pull that out unless she had to, because she already felt like she'd used Josh enough already. "I'll take the guys out for drinks or something to apologize."

Lanie raised an eyebrow at her, "You planning to include Castle with 'the guys' in that statement?" The twinkle in her friend's eyes told Kate exactly what she was thinking about the detective and the writer having drinks together.

Kate let out a disgruntled sound as she closed the file folder and glared at Lanie. She wasn't ready to talk about any of it; it was all too raw and still felt so close to the surface. All she wanted to do was lock it away until she could look at it with less emotional upheaval. "If he wants to come, too, who cares?" she knew her tone was threatening to break into the defensive and in an unconscious attempt to hold to that she was surprised when she added, "Lanie, you really have to let this go. It's getting old."

Lanie just shook her head as she leaned against an autopsy table across from where Kate was standing, "Girl, you know there's something there." Her friend demanded, and Kate's stomach dropped. She had known it was coming, but was hoping for a vague reference or a joke. To have her stand there and speak so seriously was making her wish she had stayed in the bullpen with Castle. It was safer.

Lanie didn't seem to notice her discomfort and continued to rant as if she had been holding it in, "I'm damn tired of hearing all these amazing things he does for you. Then I have to hear 'he's just like that' or, I swear, someone is going to end up more than smacked if I hear the word 'friends' one more time."

"You know that's all there is. What's up with you?" Kate asked in an attempt to deflect.

Lanie's laugh didn't have much in the way of humor, "Girl, you looking for trouble or something?" she asked, but barreled on without a response from Kate, "You asking me what's up with me is really funny after the week of walking around on eggshells that Ryan and Javi had to do because you were so bent out of shape about Castle not being here."

Kate felt herself recoiling from the conversation. With a scoff, she interrupted the tornado of a woman who was actually hitting things pretty squarely on the head, "This week had nothing to do with Castle."

"Bull." Lanie said, "You might have come down here a little flustered today, but you're not as uptight as you've been all week."

"Uptight? Wow, Lanie, why don't you tell me how you really feel?" Kate replied sarcastically.

"Kate, you know I love you, girl, but you've been wound tighter than a flea's rectum."

She couldn't help herself as she laughed. This was the reason she had always been able to talk to Lanie. She hated that she couldn't right now, but the woman didn't pull any punches and Kate knew when the time came she'd listen. She'd hear Kate out, then voice her opinion on the subject with the perfect mix of sincerity and humor that always seemed to make her feel better.

Lanie glared at her, but Kate could see the miniscule tilt of her friend's lips. "So, that's it?" Lanie asked, "Castle's back and you're going to start having a sense of humor again?"

Beckett rolled her eyes, "Why does everything have to tie back to Castle in your brain?"

"I don't know," the medical examiner replied sarcastically, "Perhaps because the timing is suspicious. Castle drops off the face of the earth and you turn into a raging psycho."

Kate rolled her eyes, "It wasn't that bad, you're being a little over the top there."

"Whatever you say." She replied with a knowing smile.

As much as she hated dragging him through the mud, Kate said, "What if it was Josh? Did you even think about the guy that's actually been in my life?"

Lanie shrugged, "Not really." She said easily, "Whenever it's Josh you can't wait to vent with me. Then we get together, have too many drinks, eat pizza at two in the morning and wake up feeling like crap." She pinned Kate down with a powerful glare, "I don't remember waking up with you on my couch and a raging headache in the past week."

Kate didn't have any response to that. The more she thought about it, Lanie was right; there was an established pattern that involved her friend commiserating with her. More than once in the past six months she was certain she interrupted her friend's plans, but Lanie had dropped everything to be there for her. "I have to get back upstairs." She responded instead, attempting for a quick and painless exit.

"Do whatever you have to do, but we're going to have this conversation eventually."

Kate felt a wave of relief as her friend relented. She was almost to the door when she heard Lanie's phone chime. Just as she felt the freedom of that unique combination of the cool metal door pushed from her palm and the warmer air in the hallway outside the morgue, she felt a shiver run down her spine.

"Katherine Beckett!" Lanie called out, stopping her in her tracks. She was afraid to turn around, but stopped her forward momentum. "Girl, if you walk out that door I'll follow you upstairs to smack you and we'll have this conversation in the middle of the bullpen." Kate didn't respond as she waited for whatever it was that Lanie had apparently received. "Josh is in Pakistan?"

Feeling a wave of relief, because that played just fine into her distraction technique from earlier she let the door close and turned back to her friend. "Yeah, you know Josh. Always saving the world."

Lanie clicked her tongue disapprovingly and Kate wasn't a fan of the expression on her friend's face. It was the subtle hint of excitement that made Beckett's stomach drop as if the information or confirmation was enough to inspire some devious thought or another. "Nuh uh." Her friend replied shaking her head and piercing Kate with her gaze. "He left on Sunday?"

Kate could only nod numbly as she tried to figure out where Lanie was coming from here. As soon as she confirmed it, though, she realized there was some mistake in her answer as Lanie's grin grew wider and she moved closer to Kate.

"So," Lanie drew out the word as if Kate needed more suspense in the situation, "If Josh left on Sunday, who left this," she flicked a finger in the collar of Kate's shirt just above where Castle as left his mark on her, "on your skin Monday night?"

She felt the heat in her face almost immediately, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out. She could lie, she could mention an ex, a new guy, say Lanie was mistaken and it was there on Monday from Josh on Sunday, but some part of her was loath to deny who had marked her skin as much as she had been marked where it wasn't visible. She was tired, though. Tired from lack of sleep, tired from overthinking everything, tired of holding everything inside, she sighed.

She didn't exactly answer the question as she replied, "Oh, shut up, Lanie." It wasn't a denial of what the medical examiner was thinking, so without actually coming right out and saying the other woman was right, she had still confirmed it.

With her friend's mouth hanging wide open, Kate took the opportunity to sweep out of the room and head back upstairs hoping that hadn't been just another mistake to add to the list of them that was piling up against her this week.

x.x.x

A/N: Well, that was harder than I thought it would be, and that's saying a lot considering I thought it would be difficult. Still not happy with Lanie's voice here, but I'm not going to spend another whole day tweaking it, so we're moving forward now. I got hit hard on Friday with whatever Chris was sick with a few days ago and have been feeling awful, my daughter is now down sick too, so it may be a few days before anything else is up.

Review that made my day: lisahoo1, because it really is true that TV and fanfic are so much more fun than real life problems.

Thanks to everyone for reading.