Chapter 20: Emotional Rollercoaster

Basta was terribly bored by the end of his shift. He started home, in the dark, with a pit in his stomach. He missed Anna bitterly, and wanted nothing more than to hold her on his lap, to run his hands over her soft skin, and kiss her smooth neck. He could almost feel her skin against his lips... his limbs gave a little shake, and it wasn't entirely from the cold. He yearned for his lover, and he felt his eyes stinging. Gulping hard, Basta shook Anna's face from his mind and padded up the stoop. He pressed the door open, and enjoyed the warm rush that greeted him. Julie had been cooking supper, and the house was fragrant with the smell of a roast. The children were playing in the living room when Basta wiped off his boots.

"Basta?" called Julie from the kitchen. She came out wearing her apron and oven mitts.

"Hi" he said. He felt the children's eyes on him as he walked over to greet their mother.

"How was your day?" asked Julie. The children had fallen quiet. Only Sylvia giggled.

"It was fine." He shrugged a bit. "Boring."

"Supper will be on in twenty minutes" said Julie.

"I'll uh... I'll shower." Basta forced a smile, and padded downstairs to go shower.

Under the warm stream of water, Basta let his mind wander back to Auleau, and the night that he and Anna had slept together. As his mind drifted back to when he had taken the beautiful brunette, he grew so rigid and stiff that his body grew hotter under the water. Suddenly, the memory of Anna's injured and heartbroken expression passed through Basta's mind. He couldn't help but let out one sob. It ripped from his throat without his consent, and echoed in the little bathroom. He wanted to punch the wall, ashamed of himself for getting so damn emotional over a woman. He got out of the shower, grumbling to himself. He dressed, glared at his blonde reflection, and as he trod up the stairs to go eat supper, he thought about Will. Basta could hear the children's voices as he went up the stairs. Is Will OK? Did he die on the gurney? Is he a prisoner now? Is he in the same cell that I was kept in?

"Hello" he heard Adriana say. He smiled a tight little smile, and gave a swift nod. The children watched as he past, and giggled a bit. Basta swept a hand through his blonde hair, sighed, and helped Julie set the table. They were having roast for supper. Basta's stomach growled at the smell. He sat at the table, and began to eat.

In Lombrica, Basta had developed a habit of woofing down his food as fast as he could. But when he did it in Julie's dining room, he finished his meal much before everyone else, and they all just stared at him. Blushing, he bowed his head.

"Very good, thank you" he mumbled at Julie. Suddenly, there was a bubble of laughter and Martin was laughing at Basta's side. Wide eyed, Basta glanced at the boy. He couldn't help but smirk when Suzanne started laughing too, from across the table. Sylvia laughed too, though she wasn't sure why everyone was pink in the cheeks with laughter sputtering from their lips.

"What's so funny?" asked Julie. Her voice hinted that she was suppressing laughter herself. Basta couldn't help himself. Suddenly he too was laughing.

The sound was unfamiliar to him. But, he realised, it was a nice sound. His own laughter was smooth and attractive. It bubbled from his throat and came out of an open, smiling mouth. Adriana was chuckling, and looking at the people seated at the table with a questioning look. Basta didn't understand why Martin had laughed in the first place, but he was happy he did. He hadn't laughed in so long, and the feeling was nice. Basta remembered how Robert had tilted his head back and let out a laugh. Robert, he thought, had a very nice laugh.

"Did you see how fast he ate his meal?" Cried Martin, after his laughing had subsided. Blushing, Basta glanced up and caught Suzanne looking at him. He quickly looked away, feeling embarrassed. But when he peeked back, he noticed she was blushing and looking at her plate. Basta thought that was odd and it made him frown a bit. So he ignored it, and cleared his dishes.

Adriana and Julie washed dishes, and Basta dried. He didn't like doing dishes, not one bit, but he felt he owed it to his hosts. He felt very out of place, and felt he needed to get on (and stay on) Julie's good side. If Hitler really was looking for him, he didn't want Julie to turn him over. As he examined her, humming while scrubbing dishes, he could see her being a rat. She just seemed submissive and weak. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring, which meant she was probably over her dead husband. Whatever the case may be, Basta didn't trust her very much. So his chewed his lip nervously and put the plates away.

"Would you like to join us in a game of cards?" Asked Julie, once the dishes were finished. The children paused and listened, wanting to hear Basta's answer.

"Oh, no thanks" he began, but suddenly Martin whined.

"Pleeaaaase!" he said, his eyes begging. Basta was taken aback. A child? Wanting my attention? Whaaaat? Basta found that absurd! Is this because he doesn't have a father, or a brother? Wondered Basta, as he reconsidered the offer. He didn't have anything better to do...

"Alright, I guess" He murmured and shrugged, and Martin whooped in triumph. Suzanne was smiling shyly at her feet. Basta grimaced a bit, but walked over to the living room. Of course Martin sat right beside Basta. "You can't sit next to me during cards" he said with a chuckle. "You could cheat!" Martin reddened and scooted away, but still kept a certain amount of closeness. Basta wondered what it would be like to be that desperate for a father figure. Then it suddenly hit home... it was all too familiar. Basta himself had found himself in a similar situation, wanting desperately to find a father figure to fill the gap in his life. Of course Capricorn had filled that gap... not that he did a good job, though. Suddenly Basta felt an off surge of affection for the boy, but it died as quickly as it came. Basta wasn't very good at feeling emotional towards people.

Basta won each game of cards by a long shot. If there had been money on the table, he would have had heavier pockets. But it was all in good fun, and Martin seemed to enjoy the competition. After a while, Suzanne left the game, and sat at Basta's side, knitting something with soft grey yarn. Basta excused himself, feeling uncomfortable. He went back to his bedroom, and lay on the bed.

Basta's mind swam as he lay on top of his blankets. He stared up at the ceiling, and thought of Anna. Oh, how his heart ached. He found himself biting his own lip, in hopes to put the pain somewhere else. Basta liked physical pain- it was what he was used to. He couldn't handle the emotional issues all too well. Shortly after the incident with the villagers that he had burned alive, he had attempted suicide.

Basta sat alone in his bedroom, a small room in Capricorn's fortress. He lay on the bed, tears running from his eyes, down his temples and into his soft brown hair. Basta was absolutely drunk, and the terrified screams of the innocent people he had killed echoed in his mind. Grasping a knife in his right hand, Basta debated where he wanted to plunge the blade. In the heart? The thigh? He wasn't sure. He remembered the beautiful blue eyes of the baby... that baby... the screams... the knife suddenly found its way to his wrists. Basta sat up, and carved the blade in one deep gash, on his left wrist. He let out one hard cry, as he dragged he smooth edge through his skin.

Two of Capricorn's men found him an hour or so later. They took hold of his arms, and dragged his legs across the floor as they brought him to Capricorn's room.

Basta had tears in his eyes. Lying on his bed in Julie's basement, he felt his heart ripping in two. He couldn't get Anna out of his mind, and suddenly he was feeling very sorry for himself.

He ground the back of his head into his pillow and groaned aloud, his body craving Anna. He realised, as he felt her absence causing him great pain, that he was addicted to her. It must be an addiction he thought, rubbing his aching forehead with his hand. It hurts too much, far too much to be normal. He felt a hard ache in both his chest and throat, and the ache slowly melted away into a hot lob. He blinked away more tears and hated himself for being so weak. But the emotions came back, taunting him, paining him. Basta dealt with the rollercoaster of emotions for quite some time, before he finally fell asleep.

A/N:

Finally! An update! Sorry it took so long... I've been dealing with the sort of emotions Basta is dealing with currently: A terribly agony when you're trying to forget someone that you love and care for. Sigh. I think it might be time to update my BLOG.

Reviews, thanks. You guys are great.