Chapter 21: Suzanne's crush
Basta was dead at the table for breakfast the next day. He had had a terrible nightmare, where Anna had been accused of being a Jew. She was sent to a concentration camp, where she was forced to stand in a gas chamber. In his dream, the gas chamber had looked just like the cell he had lived in. He screamed at Anna to escape, as she was holding the key to the cell, but she just stood there, until she succumbed to the gasses and collapsed, dead, on the floor.
The young man poked at his breakfast, and ate rather slowly. He couldn't taste the food as he chewed, and no one questioned him on what was wrong. It's like they all understood that the brooding young fellow at their table was dealing with an extreme inner struggle. Not even Martin said anything. Though the young boy and his sister often glanced up from their meal to study Basta's sullen face.
When he was finished, he got up from the table and washed his dishes in a sort of rush. He padded down the stairs, and bit his lip as he got ready for work.
The walk to VanDosen's was cold and lonely. The weather had taken a turn for the worse, and the days were bitter cold. Though there was no snow yet, Basta knew the sky would give into the clouds sooner or later. The VanDosen's restaurant was warm and comfortable. Basta shed his jacket, just as Daniel came out of the office.
"Basta!" He said, holding a hat in his hand. "We have a catering job today."
"Oh" Basta's heart just wasn't into work. He didn't care if he was waiting tables or catering... he just ached for Anna.
"Keep your jacket on, we're headed out." Basta took his jacket from the hook, and followed Daniel to the back room. Daniel shrugged into a black jacket, popped the collar, then instructed Basta to pick up one of the boxes sitting on the floor. Numbly, Basta hauled the box up, and carried it out to the little delivery truck, parked in the cold alley. He slid it into the back, and helped Daniel with his box. Daniel muttered something about strength under his breath before walking over to the driver's seat. Basta closed the back doors of the truck, and made his way to the passenger's seat. He sat in the cold cab, and rubbed his hands together. "Are you OK?" asked Daniel, once he started the vehicle. Basta muttered something completely inaudible and looked out the window.
"Where are we delivering to?" Asked Basta, after about an hour of driving. They have been cruising in silence along the road for about an hour.
"Oh, just a small place East of here." Daniel concentrated on the road.
"I see" Basta just crossed his arms over his chest and stared out the foggy window.
"Is everything alright?" asked Daniel, after another half hour of driving. Basta shrugged miserably and slumped. The delivery struck bumped on the uneven road. "You seem pretty miserable" pushed Daniel.
"Maybe I am" muttered Basta. He felt very uncomfortable in the cab of the truck. One, he bitterly missed Anna. Two, he was afraid of being spotted by the Nazis. He wanted to wait in the little Swiss village for Anna for as long as possible. Not end up in some camp of some sort. He shuddered at the thought of being completely lost and alone. In a place where not even clever Anna could find him!
"Yeah, but why?"
"Because my girlfriend is very mad at me, OK?" Basta didn't see any harm in calling Anna his girlfriend. It made him feel a little better, anyways.
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Daniel. Basta just shrugged.
"Why is she mad?"
"I don't want to talk about it, OK?" Basta huffed impatiently, and looked out the windshield. A small town became visible in the distance. "Is that the place?" he asked, trying to control his temper.
"Yes, that's the town." Daniel sighed, and didn't pester Basta any further. Though at first that's what he thought he wanted, Basta found himself wanted Daniel to continue prodding. It made it better to let out his emotions (he was just too ashamed to do it). So, he just sighed and watched as they approached the buildings. As they pulled up an uneven street, snowflakes started to fall from the big white sky. Basta peered out the windshield in wonder. He had never liked the snow in Lombrica, partly because one would be nearly frozen to death unless they were in front of a fire. But in the cab of Daniel's truck, Basta quite enjoyed watching the snowflakes flutter to the ground.
The two pulled up to a small building with a dirty sign hanging above the door. Daniel stopped the truck, then instructed Basta to help him with the boxes. Basta obeyed, and stepped out onto the fresh dusting of snow. His breath clouded before his lips, and he shivered against the chill. After carrying the boxes into the small building, he realised that he and Daniel were catering to a small party. The room was alive with about thirty people, each talking amongst themselves and holding drinks. Basta nodded to a few people as he followed Daniel towards the back of the room. They put the boxes on the table, in front of a tired looking man, who shelled over some cash and thanked them in a language Basta didn't recognize (though he knew it wasn't German).
"That's it?" Asked Basta as they walked back to the delivery truck. Daniel nodded and climbed into the driver's seat.
"You bet. That's it." He started the vehicle, and Basta resumed his slumped position.
"You know, you really remind me of someone" said Daniel suddenly.
"Oh really?" Basta tried to keep his voice calm, though it rose slightly. He didn't know why, but he felt insanely nervous all of a sudden.
"Yeah, I can't really place it though." Daniel shrugged. "Whatever" he finally said with a chuckle. "Probably met you in a past life or something!"
"Yeah, probably" said Basta with nervous laughter. "What's the date?" he asked suddenly, thinking of Anna. He couldn't remember how many days he had been away from her. All he knew was that he had left Auleau at the end of November.
"It's December 5th. Why?" Daniel yawned.
"No reason, I was just wondering." Basta felt his head beginning to ache- right behind his eyes. He cringed a bit, and figured the headache was coming from the brightness of the snow. He pinched the bridge of his nose, the part right between his eyes, with his index finger and thumb, and gently massaged the tissue.
"Headache?" Asked Daniel.
"Yeah!" Basta grit his teeth.
"Maybe you're car sick" said Daniel with a chuckle. "Feel nauseous?"
"A little" Basta hadn't acknowledged the churning of his stomach until Daniel mentioned it.
"Yes, probably car sick." Daniel smirked. "Look out the windshield and concentrate on the road ahead."
"Kay" Basta obeyed, but the symptoms didn't subside. In fact, they got worse. His stomach churned and his headache worsened as the snow continued to swirl in front of the windshield. By the time the delivery truck had bumped back to their town, Basta had bile sitting in his throat, and his face was as white as the snow outside in the fading light. It was late in the afternoon, and Basta's shift was over.
As he walked home, he felt the nausea subside, though the headache stayed. He was looking forward to a hot meal and to nestle underneath his blankets.
When he stepped into the house, Basta was by the smell of something cooking in the oven. He said hello to both Julie and Adrianna, then walked over to the living room, where Martin was sitting on the floor playing with a wooden train, and where Suzanne was sitting on the couch, knitting something. Basta sat on the floor at Martin's request, and watched as the boy showed him how the train worked. Basta found it quite astonishing, and listened as Martin told him all about trains (the thought baffled Basta, and he wanted to see a full sized working one). In Lombrica, no such locomotives existed. The only things similar to trains were the small mining carts.
Basta glanced up after a while, and looked at Suzanne. The pretty little copper headed girl was knitting quietly, her eyes down. Comforted that she was distracted, Basta took the time to truly look her over. He had only really glanced at her before, and had managed to acknowledge mainly three things about her. One: that she had hair the color of copper. Two: that she must have been about 11 or 12 years old. Three: That she was pretty. Basta's eyes flicked over her frame, and he was able to pick up a number of details. She had fair skin, but no freckles. Despite her age, she had soft feminine lips that would have looked at home on a woman's face. But she had young features and full cheeks, which accompanied her girlish body. All in all, she was quite pretty. Suzanne must have felt Basta's eyes on her, because she suddenly looked up from her knitting, and blushed a rosy color when she noticed he walk looking at her. He looked away suddenly, embarrassed that he had been scrutinizing a child so closely, and returned his attention to Martin's train. But he felt Suzanne casting him glances, so, feeling uncomfortable, he went to the basement to change.
While changing into a different pair of socks, Basta though about Suzanne and wondered if she was developing a bit of a crush on him. The thought made him feel uneasy. He was perfectly aware that the last person he had fucked must have been no more than three years older than Suzanne. The man shuddered at the thought, and at his previous irresponsibility.
How COULD I have done that? He thought as he paced his little room. I slept with a CHILD! After being with Anna, he felt completely stupid for doing the fourteen year old. Completely stupid. That was something Anna would never hear about... Basta shuddered.
Basta made an effort to chew his dinner slower than he usually did. Though he still finished first, he didn't appear to be scarfing his meal like it was his last.
"Oh, I'm so tired" complained Julie, putting a hand to her forehead. "It's been such a long day." She yawned. "I would just love to go to bed" she seemed very strung out, Basta noticed, so he sighed and offered to clean the dishes for her. "Oh, you don't need to do that" she began.
"I would like to" he said (though he really didn't). "It's the least I could do."
"Oh thank you so much" said Julie. She smiled thankfully, and Basta could see that she really did look exhausted. So when he gathered the plates to be washed, Julie kissed her children then went up to bed. Martin disappeared to the living room to play with his toys, and Adriana took Sylvie to bed.
"I'll help" said Suzanne, sitting up suddenly. She helped Basta carry the plates to the kitchen. Basta didn't speak, he just side by side with the girl at the sink, each of them elbow deep in dish water. Neither of them spoke for a while, which made the situation even more awkward, so Basta tentatively asked a question.
"How old are you, Suzanne?" He asked shyly.
"Twelve" she said, smiling a bit. "How old are you?" The question took Basta by surprise, but he found it amusing. He chuckled a bit, then answered.
"Twenty one" he said.
"Oh" Suzanne passed Basta a plate to dry. "Are you from England?"
"Yes" he lied.
"I like your accent" she murmured shyly.
"Thank you" he began. Then Martin interrupted.
"SUZE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!" He called from the living room. Suddenly the girl froze. Basta's heart slowed and he felt very uncomfortable. And the look on the little girl's face made his heart leap out to her. Her face was bright pink and she looked frozen to the ground. Basta knew he had to save her from this humiliation.
"Naw, a pretty girl like Suzanne wouldn't go for a scruff like me. I'm not her type." He was pleased with himself for making such a quick fix. Martin laughed from the living room. Suzanne said nothing. When Basta looked down at her, though, he saw that she still looked flustered. Her big secret was out. "How many more dishes left?" He asked her quietly. The girl stuttered, then replied that they were almost done. The rest of the dishes were put away in silence. As Basta was making his way towards the basement, though, he heard Suzanne call his name. He stopped and turned, and faced the young girl. She was holding the grey thing she had been knitting for the past few days.
"I-I noticed that you didn't have a hat, and its getting very cold outside, so I knitted this for you. I hope you like it." Suzanne spoke quickly, in a hushed tone, with her face down. She was shy and embarrassed. Basta, on the other hand, was so flattered that his heart swelled.
"For me?" He took the knitted toque from the girl's hands, and felt the soft fabric in his hands. Though Anna had bought him some clothes, he didn't consider the garments as gifts. Suzanne's hat, on the other hand, was in fact a gift. The first gift he had ever received. "Suzanne, I love it. Thank you very much." He smiled gratefully, and put it on his head right away. The girl smiled and blushed. "You know this is the first gift I've ever gotten from a pretty girl?" He smiled and watched as the color in her cheeks deepened.
"I'm glad you like it" she said.
"Thank you very much."
Needless to say, Basta went to bed with a smile on his face.