Chapter Thirty-Five

Her eyes focused intently on the man in front of her down the sight of her gun. Her finger was loosely hovering near the trigger, not on it because her sight only had a small sliver of the man's head behind April's and she didn't want to risk shooting the girl. It also wasn't off the trigger completely, because she wanted to be able to react quickly if she had a shot.

Her focus was so honed in on the sight in front of her that Castle's voice had almost made her jump. Finger sliding off the trigger completely she shifted her eyes to him as anger pooled with a new fear in her gut.

As Castle conversed with Fletcher, she felt her palms begin to sweat against the metal of her weapon. Her focus was back on the man she should be watching as events unfolded.

Somehow, Castle had gotten within close range of the man without causing his agitation to boil over, a surprising outcome considering how nervous he was about Esposito's movements. In reflection, she realized it was likely because Castle was maintaining a level of calm that was almost surreal and was the only person in the room not pointing a gun at him and shouting orders.

Everyone else had fallen silent as Castle got the confession out of the man, and got close enough that she could almost make out his relaxed expression in her unfocused peripheral vision.

She saw the man jump as Esposito shifted to her left, but from there it was as if the moment between two heartbeats moved by so slow and clear that the following moments almost surprised her in their quick pace. That moment between heartbeats, as she watched the knife move made her breath catch in her throat. Blood, she saw it, but instantly her mind dismissed it's severity as the trail was a single slow falling drop from a small knick in the girl's skin.

Then her moment came. She braced herself as she let a slow breath out trying to keep steady. She had a clear shot on the man's hand as he moved to point the knife at Esposito. With a calm that she only maintained through practiced breathing, she slowly pulled back the trigger on her gun, ready to end this with a well-placed bullet through the man's weapon holding hand. Waiting what felt an eternity but was likely a matter of a split second. She anticipated the recoil, prepped herself for the sound and then there was a motion that stole her breath away.

Somehow, at the last possible second she slackened her finger, watching as Castle's closed fist slammed down on Fletcher's wrist. Where the man's hand had been, where her gun was now shakily pointed, had she been unable to stop herself she would have shot him.

The speed Rick moved at surprised even her. His effort to disarm failed, but he managed to clear the knife from being a danger to the girl as he shot forward and brought his forehead into brutal contact with Fletcher's face. She watched the injured man, their killer, stumble back slightly as blood instantly began to fall from his nose and the girl was suddenly not in his arms any more.

It took her only a split second to recognize the whirling motion and see Castle cradling the girl as they fell together, placing himself between her and any harm. The flash of anger and confusion that split Fletcher's face into a grimace intensified as they shouted again for him to drop the knife. She watched the impact as Castle hit hard against the wood floors, but somehow managed to keep the girl cradled in his arms and safe from the impact he took on himself.

Her aim had dropped away slightly as she took in the scene, but she brought it back up when the anger boiled over and she watched Fletcher take a menacing step towards where Castle had fallen with April, knife poised to strike.

She heard the shots before she had readied herself, three loud blasts, one from the right, double tab from the left. She watched them all hit their mark, saw Fletcher's face scrunch in confusion and pain as he fell.

It was over.

Relief washed over her as Esposito and Ryan took to the scene, making sure the man couldn't get his knife, though it was clear he was dead. She watched the movement, rooted to her spot as she relived how close she had been to shooting Castle a few frighteningly short seconds ago. The relief was short lived as the realization that the knife had left a trail of blood along the floor where it had been kicked sent a shiver through her. That was too much blood for the trickle that had escaped April's neck moments before.

Thoughts of the writer had he gaze shifting to find he hadn't moved and her heart began its wild beating once again. She could hear him talking to the girl in a low tone, soothing and comforting, trying to reassure her. The sound left a little relief in its wake, but she had to see him.

"Castle?" she questioned, hoping it didn't sound as desperate and emotional as it did in her own head. Then he began to move and the sense of relief came back.

She took a step forward before he'd shifted enough for light to move into the darkened spaces between the two bodies on the ground. Blood, everywhere, not from the suspect, but across the edges of his white dress shirt, hanging loosely below his vest, and down to stain his jeans a deep purple.

"Castle!" she shouted, her alarm clear. When his eyes moved to meet hers she saw the panic in their depths, worry and fear mingling sickeningly on his normally cheerful face.

She was frozen in place a moment until he moved again. She felt a disgusting clench in her gut as guilt swamped her when he started tugging at the girl's shirt looking for the source of the blood and she realized it wasn't him. The guilt was like a punch to the gut. Her relief that it wasn't his blood, though she would never wish harm on a child, made her suddenly light headed and more than a little nauseous.

His deft fingers lifted the hem of April's shirt, skimming across the girl's flat belly, swiping at the splotchy red from where the blood soaked shirt rested against her skin. Frantic movements as he searched for the source of the bleeding so he could stop it, prevent more from leaking out.

Heart skidding in her chest she was shocked to realize he wasn't going to be finding the injury. She went to him and stilled his hands as he moved to unfasten April's Jeans to check for the injury to be hiding behind that stained garment. The panic was back, the guilt forgotten, the fear weighing on her as the blood stain on Castle's jeans continued to slowly grow as he moved around the girl.

Clarity had hit her as he searched fruitlessly for the child's wound. The anger in his eyes as she stopped him from looking was almost enough, in her current state, to have her recoiling. Instead, in as calm a voice as she could manage she told him, "It's not her blood. She's ok, Castle. She's ok."

He didn't believe her, it was clear in his eyes and he was still trying to pull his hands away to continue his search.

"You have to stop moving. You need to lie down."

He didn't understand, confused and still frustrated, he glared at her. "I need to stop the bleeding."

Deciding that he wasn't going to listen to her she started to push on him. Beckett raised her head to look behind him as he suddenly seemed to realize what was going on and his eyes widened.

Everything had happened so quickly that Ryan and Esposito were still checking over the fallen man and talking about what had just happened. Ryan's voice permeated her fog, "Did you see the way Castle took that guy down? Bam! Right to the nose. I'm surprised it wasn't lights out."

"Ryan," she latched onto the voice and drew the name out of herself with some effort. She had been trying to maintain her calm, but obviously was unsuccessful when both detectives suddenly swiveled to watch as she guided Castle to the floor. "Call it in." she demanded, her voice cracking just slightly as she began to pull at his vest and shirt to get a look at the damage.

He pushed her hands away, confusion and pain warring on his face. "No." he told her, his hands now slick with blood shoving against hers. "Stop. I have to..."

His voice trailed off as she shoved his shoulders and forced him to stay on the ground. They stared at each other, eyes locked, words not passing between them. Ryan's voice was the only sound besides her heart beating in her chest, blood pulsing through her ears with a near deafening rhythm. Tauntingly, as if to remind her that she wasn't the one spilling her blood all over the dirty floor.

She watched Rick's eyes bulge as they heard Ryan's voice rise slightly as if the moment had just hit the other detective and Castle seemed to have fully grasped the situation as pain stole the expression on his face for a moment.

"Officer down." Ryan practically shouted. The phrase had Castle giving her a less powerful version of one of his goofy grins.

"You think the paramedics are going to be mad when they get here and realize he just lied to them?" Castle asked, his voice tight and strained. The humor was an obvious deflection, but it still brought a watery smile to her face.

"You think any of us care what they think as long as they haul ass to get here?" she responded, cursing the waver in her voice as it seemed to put a new level of concern on his face.

She had to stay strong. For him. She couldn't lose it in front of him or he'd think it was worse than it was. Which she really couldn't tell because he still hadn't let her get to the wound.

"I didn't lie." Ryan defended as he hung up the phone and reached for April. The young girl's wide, fearful eyes and limp body indicated she was likely in shock.

Esposito knelt beside her, helping pry Castle's hands away so they could get his vest off as Ryan disappeared out the front entry. He was back, kneeling in the blood smears on the other side of Castle a moment later, "McCain's here." He said to explain his quick return without the child.

She and Esposito worked to clear the vest and the stone faced former marine chucked it to the side as she grabbed the bottom of Castle's shirt and ripped it open. A couple of buttons popped free and the sound of ripping fabric cut their silence.

The action was followed by a chuckle from the man they were all bent over. She brought her eyes up from her task of tugging his undershirt out of his pants to give him a questioning look.

"Is it wrong that I thought that was incredibly hot?" he asked, the question allowing his three friends to release a little tension with some laughter just as the paramedics arrived.

Kate didn't know what to do with herself as she was moved aside to make room for them to work. She scooted across the dirty, blood stained wood on her knees. She couldn't leave his side, but found a spot out of the way where she could lock eyes with him as she ran a finger across his cheek.

"Help is here, Castle. You're going to be fine." she told him, still frustrated at not getting a look at the wound, but unwilling or perhaps unable to look away from his face.

He seemed paler than he had moments before; ashen, almost grey in contrast to the smear of blood from where she had touched him. She reasoned it was probably at least a little better than him being blue. She could tell the pain was really getting to him as his eyes crinkled and his frown deepened.

"Kate," his voice was soft now, almost a whisper, he sounded scared and she didn't want to hear it. She shushed him with a soothing tone, hoping to help him calm down. The more worked up he got, the harder his heart would beat, the faster his blood would leave his body.

She felt the boys on either side of her, silent support, wanting to be close to their friend as well but knowing there was nothing they could do.

He was hoisted hastily onto a gurney and the three detectives stood as the paramedics lifted it, the legs extending until he was a manageable height. His hand found its way above his head and he grasped her shirt in a tight fist. She wasn't given an option but to move with them, not that she would choose to be anywhere else.

"Kate, do you," she heard him falter, shocked that this was the first break in his calm, but the tear that slipped past his tightly clenched eyes had her more worried than the blood a moment before. "Do you remember your promise?"

She was confused, couldn't recall having ever made him one. In the time it took to walk through the short entryway, the narrow hall necessitating his release of her, her mind flashed back to a conversation they'd had what felt a lifetime ago.

"No, Castle." She told him, her tone sharp and angry. His hand firmly gripping her arm as they continued, "Don't be any more stupid than you've already been today."

His eyes opened, deep blue, pupils dilated and swimming in unshed tears. "Please, Kate."

"No, Rick. Damn it, no."

"I just need to know, need to hear that you'll take care of her." He was pleading with his eyes even more than his words, his voice hoarse from fighting the emotions that were obviously warring in him. As they reached the ambulance and he was jostled free of her hold again he let out a frustrated sound. "Please, Kate." He begged, eyes desperately searching around the movements of the paramedics to find hers again.

She couldn't answer him, and instead gave a simple nod. She had lifted her foot to the ledge and braced her hands to pull herself into the back behind him when she felt the weight of the paramedic's hand holding her shoulder in place. She looked at him with a question, but he just shook his head at her.

"Can't, we're already taking two patients, need the space to move." He'd obviously heard the call, knew she was a cop, knew Castle was the 'officer' who was down, and his tone relayed his apology for not being able to bend the rules.

"You can ride up front." He explained when she continued to stand there looking at him with shock and confusion.

She turned away from the open doors, as McCain helped load the traumatized girl in. Ryan and Esposito were waiting close beside her. "Go, we got this." Esposito explained.

"Yeah. Call us, though. We'll be here all day waiting for IA to show up." Ryan responded bitterly and she couldn't even find the will to groan at the amount of paperwork that was going to follow this.

Use of deadly force, especially with the end result they had achieved, required that Ryan and Esposito stay at the scene unless injured until Internal Affairs arrived. Then they'd have the two in interviews half the day and they'd all have a boat load of paperwork. She couldn't even imagine the amount of red tape they were going to face for Castle being hurt on the job, despite the waiver he had signed so long ago.

A civilian injured during a hostage standoff was going to be hell to write up, especially considering the way it had gone down. She wondered if they'd ask for her badge, waiver or not, if he didn't make it. The thought snuck up on her out of nowhere, but as soon as it hit her she felt herself waiver slightly on suddenly weakened legs.

She found herself in a daze, so lost in thought that she didn't even protest the two men who helped her walk to and climb in the passenger seat of the ambulance. She had been like a zombie since the thought that he might not make it struck her. The ride passed by in a blur and before she knew it she was climbing numbly out of the ambulance. She wasn't fast enough to get more than a glimpse of Castle being wheeled into the hospital on his stretcher and the girl being loaded onto a waiting wheel chair to follow behind.

Her feet were heavy, her hand desperately clutching her blood crusted phone, shocked that she had somehow managed to call Alexis in the state of mind she was in. Somehow she had remained a calm level voice as she explained which hospital they were going to and told Alexis that Castle was going to be fine.

She could blame him for forcing the lie from her mouth when she really had no idea if he would be ok or not. She could blame him for so much more than that. Blame him for the sudden spike in her level of fear and apprehension. Blame him for not staying in the car, for getting in the way, for saying what he'd said to put the thoughts of him not pulling through into her head. She could blame him for getting under her skin enough that what she witnessed had sent her into a virtual overload.

She was capable and obviously willing to blame him for that and so much more, but instead she could hardly focus. She knew so much about stomach wounds, but she couldn't seem to recall much. Couldn't focus on the fact that they were painful, but slow to kill. She could only think about sepsis and infection. Damn him and damn her sick negativity.

She didn't know how long she had been in that room waiting for word on Castle, staring at her phone, trying to focus enough to read the clock on the face of her phone through the smears of red on the screen. She finally noticed the dried blood covering her hands and felt shame at her loss of focus. This wasn't like her.

She suddenly realized that Alexis was going to show up, sometime, and she needed to get the blood off her hands before the teen saw it. Beckett informed the nurse she was going to clean up and left her cell phone number if the woman heard anything.

Once she stepped out to the hall, she felt that persistent weight pushing down on her harder. She hated the worry and stress that came with not knowing. She wished her badge was a more effective tool at getting information from hospital staff.

As her wide dazed eyes scanned one side and then the other of the hallway, looking for a sign as to which direction would take her to a bathroom to get cleaned up, she looked right through Alexis. After hearing her name called with a sharp tone, she finally saw the teen making her way towards Beckett.

Kate almost flinched at the determined look in the teen's eyes, the hard as stone expression she was casting towards the blood on Kate's hands. Thinking back to the last time she'd seen the girl and the anger that had been directed at her during that meeting, Kate couldn't blame her for the resentment that was obviously taking hold of the teen. She was right to be angry. Beckett knew she should have been able to keep her father safe.

She stood her ground and waited for the approaching girl, expecting the impact that would come, a slap to the face at least, if not something more befitting the young spitfire. She wondered absently if the teen was a slapper or a puncher, she couldn't picture her as the type to scratch or pull hair. Whatever was headed her way, however, she'd take it. She deserved it. She deserved the fury and frustration, nothing less. This had been her fault and she would take it, whatever it was.

She was braced for the impact, but when it came, she felt her knees practically give out from under her. Alexis grabbed her tightly and buried her face into Kate's neck. The intense wave of emotion that rushed through her was enough to shock her out of the haze she had been in since Castle had said enough to plant the seed in her mind that he wouldn't be coming out of this.

It took her a moment to realize that instead of a physical assault, she was being hugged desperately.

Kate did the only thing she could, and brought her arms up to circle the girl. She leaned back against the wall in an attempt to stay upright, but failed, slowly sliding to the ground with the teen still wrapped in her arms. She felt the tears she had kept at bay this whole time finally break free and fall silently to join the whispers of soothing against Alexis' hair. They clung to each other as she rocked Alexis gently in her lap.

x.x.x

A/N: I'm starting to notice a strange pattern… more people have something to say about the Beckett POV chapters than the Castle ones. I'm wondering if it's a preference thing, if it's the way I write each character, or if perhaps it's a strange coincidence that I just give Kate more exciting/interesting events that people want to talk about.

Review that made my day: killmypatience, Yes, just the right amount of guilt to keep me from leaving you hanging for very long. However, now it will be a couple days.

Good job to everyone who picked up the subtle cues about who was hurt.

Thanks to everyone for reading.