Brittany tells the boys to reduce their slapstick violence around Santana. It works for a while, until they go to the mall with Santana the next day and Moe and Larry decided not to stay with Curly, Santana, and Brittany. Plenty of slapstick chaos is bound to occur in this chapter among various characters.
By the evening, Brittany, Curly, and Santana were finished making out for a while. They headed downstairs to eat dinner with the rest of the Pierce family. The Pierce's ate in the kitchen, while, the trio, Brittany, Santana, and Lord Tubbington were in the dining room.
"So what did you guys do?" asked Brittany.
"The day was just humiliating. I stupidly used the wrong bottle of shampoo, which made my hair grow and I got a pink eye from Santana," replied Larry.
"Your hair's cute," said Brittany. Larry blushed.
"I want my short curly hair back," said Larry.
"The effects will wear off after 24 hours," said Santana. She smiled slightly at Larry, then rolled her eyes.
"I just sat around petting Charity and Lord Tubbington," said Moe.
"Oh please, that's like the most boring thing to do around here, pet a pair of cats," said Santana. She rolled her eyes at Moe.
"And Curly pie was in my room being loved up by the lovely Santana and I," said Brittany.
"Oh, that's where you were at," said Larry.
"Quiet imbecile," said Moe. He slapped Larry. Lord Tubbington hissed at him.
"Don't you spit at me."
Lord Tubbington hissed at him again.
"Alright I get the message," said Moe. Lord Tubbington glared at him for a moment before continuing to eat his dinner.
Santana was eating her food slowly and seductively, resulting in both Larry and Curly watching her instead of eating their food. She smiled at the pair.
"Hey, snap out of it," said Moe, slapping Larry.
"Who? What? Where? When? How?" said Larry.
"This is no time watching seductive girls eating their food," said Moe. He poked Larry in the eyes. Santana rolled her eyes at Moe.
Larry grabbed his glass and proceeded to drink. However, he accidentally poured his drink all over his left cheek.
"What's wrong Larry?" asked Brittany.
"My drinking problem started again," said Larry. He took a napkin and cleaned his face off.
"I thought Ted Striker was the only man to have a non-alcoholic drinking problem," said Brittany.
"Ah, you've been watching Airplane! again," said Larry.
"I plead guilty for watching Airplane! too many times," said Brittany.
"It's alright Britt, you can never watch a movie too many times," said Santana.
"But my mother told me that it was possible to watch a movie too many times," said Curly.
"But not when I'm around," said Santana flirtatiously.
"Oh," said Curly. He took a sip from his glass and choked.
"You're supposed to swallow your milk, not breathe it," said Moe, slapping Curly.
"I can't help it if it went down the wrong way," said Curly.
"You see this," said Moe. He poked Curly in the eyes.
After dinner, Santana had gone home. Brittany insisted that the trio were not to be separated again. That meant that the trio would be spending the night at Brittany's house.
They sat in Brittany's bedroom conversing with one another. There wasn't much to do.
"We are scheduled to hang out at Santana's house tomorrow," said Moe sadly, showing Brittany and the other two guys the monthly hangout schedule.
"Somebody's doomed," said Larry.
"No, you and I are both doomed," said Moe sadly.
"Cheer up boys," said Brittany. She hugged Moe and Larry, who started to cry.
"I'm afraid that I'll make her mad again," said Larry.
"Me too," said Moe.
"Santana is known for getting revenge and vicious words. But remember that she hangs out with you because deep inside, she loves you," said Brittany.
"She doesn't love me. Everything I do pisses her off," said Moe.
"That's because you've been doing so much of this," said Brittany, slapping Moe and poking him in the eyes.
"Not you too," said Moe.
"I'm just pointing this out to you. Maybe you should cut it out with the slapsies and pokies," said Brittany.
"You're right. I'll try," said Moe.
"Anyway, I love you boys," said Brittany, kissing both Larry and Moe on the cheek.
"Wow," said Moe.
"I agree with you," said Larry. He nearly slapped Larry.
"Remember, no slapping," said Curly.
Soon, all four of them had fallen asleep. The next morning, the trio got into the car to head to Santana's house.
"I'm driving," said Larry.
"No, me," said Curly.
"This is my car, so I'm driving," said Moe.
"You promised me that I could drive today," said Larry.
"I changed my mind," said Moe. He dropped the keys.
"I'll drive," said Brittany.
"But you can't tell the brake pedal from the gas pedal," said Moe.
"I've learned enough to get a driver's license," said Brittany.
"You can drive," said Moe.
Brittany unlocked the driver's door and opened it. Moe and Larry immediately got into the rear seat. Brittany sat in the driver's seat and unlocked the passenger door.
"Thanks sweetheart," said Curly.
Brittany started the car and was confused on where to place the selector.
"What's this selector?" asked Brittany.
"The car has an automatic transmission Brittany," said Moe.
"I learned to drive a stick shift," said Brittany.
"Just put the selector in R," said Larry.
"Got it," said Brittany. She backed the car out and put the car in drive and pushed the gas pedal all the way down. The car revved quickly and accelerated down the street.
"I'm gonna regret this," mumbled Moe.
Brittany drove the car hard. She didn't realize that the car only had a quarter of a tank of gas. But soon, the car started to act up and Brittany was no longer in control of the car.
"What's happening!" screamed Brittany. The car had begun to accelerate faster than the posted speed limits.
"Do you want to get us a speeding ticket?" yelled Moe.
"But I can't control the car!" shouted Brittany.
"What's keeping those boys," said Santana, rolling her eyes. She was in the front yard of her large house, waiting for Brittany and the boys.
Meanwhile, the boys and Brittany were having trouble. The car would not behave for Brittany at all and was driving all over the neighborhood. Brittany knew which direction was the quickest, but was helpless as the car turned onto random streets.
"Slow down Brittany!" yelled Moe.
"I can't! It won't stop either," shouted Brittany. She had her foot on the brake pedal, which would not budge.
The car continued its joyride and drove down the street. Eventually, the car made the turn onto the correct street and zoomed along at full throttle.
"There's Santana!" yelled Moe. He noticed her standing in her front porch four blocks away.
The car slowed down and parked in front of Santana's house. They all got out. Due to the car's sudden motions, they dizzily walked towards Santana.
"Hi boys! Hi Britt!" exclaimed Santana. She gave Curly and Brittany a hug, which accidentally made them even more dizzy
"Hi Santana," said both Brittany and Curly in unison.
"You're dizzy. Let me help that," said Santana. She hugged Curly and Brittany tightly. They became less dizzy.
"Thank you," said Curly.
"Come here Moe and Larry," said Santana.
"Oh no, not again," said Moe.
They thought that she was going to play another dirty trick on them. Both him and Larry were too dizzy and helpless to ward off Santana. She hugged them tightly and the dizziness faded.
"Boy am I dumb," said Moe.
"How can I ever repay you?" asked Larry.
"Just don't slushie me again," said Santana.
"I'll try not to," said Larry.
"Anyway, I think we should go to the mall," said Santana.
"But the car's not behaving," said Brittany.
"That's because you don't know how to drive an automatic," said Santana.
"The boys were fighting over who was to drive, so I decided to drive," said Brittany.
"I'll drive this time Britt," said Santana. She walked over to the car, got in, and started it.
"What is it with that girl?" asked Moe.
The boys and Brittany got in the car. Brittany sat in the rear to help prevent Moe and Larry from slapping Curly. The car was behaving normally with Santana behind the wheel.
About fourteen minutes later, they arrived at the mall. They all got out of the car and went inside. Moe and Larry followed Curly and the girls around with unhappy expressions on their faced
"I knew she was going to do this," mumbled Larry.
"Shut up, we can't do anything about it now," mumbled Moe.
"Are we just going to hang out with them?" asked Larry.
"No, I've got a plan. When they go around the next corner, we'll run to the escalator and head up to the second floor," said Moe quietly.
"Sounds good. Santana likes to explore the mall store by store before going up to the next floor," said Larry.
"After a half-hour, we'll go up to the third floor," mumbled Moe.
"But what will we do when they go up to the third floor?" asked Larry quietly.
"We'll just reverse the process," said Moe quietly.
On the second floor of the mall, Quinn and her mother were in a store named Beauty & Makeup. They were looking at the makeup products.
"I need to find makeup that will make me look more alluring to Moe," said Quinn.
"I thought your smile did the trick," said Judy.
"It does, but only temporarily," said Quinn.
"Maybe you should try a natural look. You need to look seductive," said Judy.
"Sounds like a great idea mom," said Quinn. A sly smile appeared on her face, meaning that she had an idea. A wonderful idea.
Quinn was going to buy the makeup, then escape into the bathroom to put it on. She knew Santana and Brittany had brought the three silly boys with them. The boys knowing that she was at the mall too was a bad idea, at least until she had put on the makeup.
"You've got an idea," said Judy.
"I'm going to get those boys," said Quinn happily.
"I know it won't work with me around, so I'll stay some distance away," said Judy.
"You know what mom? Sometimes I swear you can read my mind," said Quinn.
"That's because you're my daughter," said Judy
Back on the first floor, the group was approaching a turn at Kmart. They knew Santana wouldn't go inside Kmart for at least another hour.
"They're about to turn," said Larry quietly.
"Wait, wait for it...On your mark...get set...Go!" whispered Moe.
Moe and Larry sprinted quietly down the other way until they found a mostly empty escalator and did not stop until they were half-way up.
"That was close," said Larry.
"Too close," said Moe.
A moment later, they stepped off the escalator and roamed about the second floor. They didn't plan on going into any of the stores yet.
Down on the first floor, Brittany looked back and her smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of worry.
"Wait, where's Moe and Larry?" asked Brittany.
"They're probably on another floor of the mall, nyuk nyuk nyuk," said Curly.
"Are they going to be kidnapped by some serial killer, rapist, or child molestor?" asked Brittany. She was scared for the two boys
"The only people who are able to kidnap those two are the rest of the female Cheerios," said Santana.
They started walking again. This time, Brittany and Santana were holding hands with Curly. People were giving them looks of disapproval.
"None of the Cheerios will hurt them, aside from some flirting," said Brittany.
"I've got my vicious words ready in case they are hurt," said Santana.
"You've always got vicious words ready. Why don't you get a phaser too?" asked Curly.
"Oh please, phasers are so 23rd and 24th century," said Santana. She rolled her eyes at Curly.
"But they do make them," said Brittany.
"I think vicious words are enough for me. If that isn't, I've got my Lima Heights attitude and my fists as backup," said Santana.
"Nobody in their right mind could rough you up," said Curly.
"Even Azmio and Karofsky," said Brittany.
"Not even Azmio and Karofsky," said Santana, smiling at the tall blond girl.
They weren't aware that Azmio and Karofsky were in the mall. They were walking down the hallway on the second floor drinking slushies. When they saw Moe and Larry without Santana or Brittany, they took the chance to give them a slushie facial.
"Where's Miss Lima Heights and her stupid blond friend?" asked Karofsky sarcastically.
"I guess they are nowhere to be seen," said Azmio. The two bullies then walked away.
"They can't do this to us," said Larry
"It's all your fault, you had to insist on walking down this side first," said Moe, slapping Larry.
"Hey, remember what Brittany told us?" asked Larry.
"Brittany and Santana aren't here, so that's that," said Moe, slapping Larry again.
"What about Quinny Winny and her wonderful smile?" asked Larry.
"You might get more than a slap in the face and gouged eyes if you keep insulting Quinn like that," said Moe, poking Larry in the eyes.
"Let's continue this after we wash up," said Larry.
"If you say so," said Moe.
They ran to the nearest men's bathroom and went inside.
Two stores down, Quinn had just exited the ladies' room. She was wearing very natural makeup and a short silver dress, revealing most of her legs. Her hair was down and her nails were painted with clear nail polish to complete the look. She was looking stunningly beautiful.
Quinn smirked as she knew that she looked too hot for the boys to resist. She walked slowly and seductively down the mall to find the boys. At the very least, she wanted to get Moe and show him her favorite spots at the mall.
In the mens' bathroom, Moe and Larry had just finished drying each other off.
"Boy, nobody will notice that we have even been slushied," said Moe.
"I wonder what's next?" said Larry.
"What's next is this," said Moe, slapping Larry.
"Aren't you supposed to wait until you're out of the bathroom to slap. That's bad manners you know to slap and eye poke in the bathroom," said Larry.
"Alright, let's leave," said Moe sarcastically.
As soon as they were outside the bathroom, the brawl continued.
"Quinn's there," said Larry, noticing a figure far away that was obviously Quinn.
"If you insult Quinn again, I'm telling Santana. She'll go all Lima Heights on you!" yelled Moe.
"She did yesterday," said Larry.
"Oh she did," said Moe.
"Remember," said Larry.
"Now I do. She got me too," said Moe.
Larry had snuck off somewhere to get away from Moe.
"Where are you Larry?" asked Moe.
"In the trash can," said Larry's voice from a nearby trash can.
To none of the boys' knowledge, Quinn was approaching them. She was less than fifty feet from Moe when he briskly walked towards the nearest trash can. What she knew was that Larry had hidden in there to get away from Moe. That was a perfect opportunity for Quinn to get Moe's mind off of things for a while. She smirked as she knew how she was going to distract Moe from Larry momentarily
"Excuse me, but can you spare me a dollar?" asked Moe in a sweet tone of voice.
"I don't know how to get out of this trash can," said Larry.
"Well get up out of there," said Moe.
"I told you I don't know how to," said Larry.
"Oh , ignorant eh," said Moe. Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He knew that it had to be a girl.
"Who's there?" asked Moe. He turned around and saw that nobody was there.
"I swore that someone tapped me on the shoulder," said Moe. Somebody tapped his other shoulder.
"Is anyone playing games with me?" said Moe angrily.
"That's what you think," said a seductive voice obviously belonging to Quinn. She walked up to Moe and smiled at him.
"Quinn you are here," said Moe.
"I figured if that I came here today and dress up, I can hang out with you guys," said Quinn.
"Oh yes, you can hang out with us anytime," said Moe.
"Where's Larry?" asked Quinn innocently.
"In the trash," said Moe.
"I know you would not throw him away. Well, how about a nice warm hug from me," said Quinn.
Moe hugged the stunningly beautiful girl. He didn't realize that Larry had lifted the trash can up and got up. Larry replaced the trash can and sat down on the bench next to it. He was watching a gorgeous Quinn hug his brother.
"Wow," said Moe.
"I didn't know I could do that," said Quinn flirtatiously.
"Anyway, I've got some unfinished business with that porcupine-haired twerp," said Moe. He walked back to the trash can and noticed Larry sitting on the bench.
"Hi Quinn, hello Moe," said Larry.
"Why you imbecile, you see this," said Moe, showing Larry his fist.
"Don't hit him honey," said Quinn. She took Moe's hands.
"Haha," said Larry.
"Is that meant as an..." He was silenced by Quinn placing her hand over his mouth.
"He wasn't insulting me," said Quinn. Moe tried to mumble something.
"Let's go down to the cafe," said Quinn.
'I guess I'll have to go with him and Quinn. Otherwise, I'll have to find the others,' thought Larry. He got up and tripped on his own feet. He did manage stabilized himself on the bench, but he soon lost his balance and fell behind the bench over the railing. As a result, he fell down to the first floor and landed on the floor with a thud, causing Quinn and some of the teenage girls on the first floor to scream bloody murder.
"Shut up girls, nobody's been murdered," said Larry.
"Oh my god, he's okay," said Quinn.
"He never gets injured in these so-called accidents," said Moe.
"But why did you fall down?" asked a pretty Latina girl with jet black hair. Quinn recognized her as a cheerleader from a rival school.
"I was trying to stabilize myself on the bench after tripping. I lost my balance and fell down here," said Larry. He managed to sit up.
"What's going on?" asked one of the mall security guards. He approached Larry.
"Are you okay?" asked the guard.
"I just fell down from the second floor," said Larry.
"How bad is it?" asked the guard.
"What?" asked Larry.
"Your injury," said the guard.
"I'm fine," said Larry, standing up with the help of the Latina girl. He walked a couple of feet with no problem.
"I heard some screams. I thought somebody had been killed. I guess that's not true," said the guard with a chuckle.
"At least this time," said Larry.
"I hope you have a good day and please be careful," said the guard before he walked away.
"Honestly sweetie, are you okay?" asked the Latina girl.
"I'm fine," said Larry.
"Here's my number. Text me sometime," she said, handing Larry a piece of paper with her cell number on it. She smiled at Larry as he took the piece of paper and pocketed it
"Thanks. I'm Larry," said Larry.
"Amber," said the Latina girl, holding her hand out. Larry shook it.
"So, where are your friends?" asked Amber.
"Two are up on the second floor, and three more may be either on this floor or the second floor," replied Larry.
"Well, let's go find them," said Amber. She was still holding on to Larry's hand.
"At least is wasn 't Berry that was talking to him," said Quinn.
"What is it between you and Rachel?" asked Moe.
"Our personalities are different. I'm the queen bee and Rachel wants to be a star. She doesn't recognize that I'm the star of McKinley High," said Quinn.
"Anyway, what about Larry?" asked Moe.
"We'll just wait in the cafe for them. Come on," said Quinn, taking Moe's hand and leading him down to the cafe where they sat down at a table.
Meanwhile, trouble had found Santana, Brittany and Curly near the escalators on the second floor in the form of Russel Fabray. Neither of them knew his name or the fact that he was Quinn's dad and her mom's ex-husband.
"Can't just one of you hold hands with him and not both of you?" said Russel. He was staring at the three of them in disgust.
"Oh please, you can't tell us what to do. There is no national law against two girls holding hands with one guy," said Santana defensively.
"Well I have a massive problem with it!" shouted Russel.
"I can't tell you what to think, just don't be taking it out on anybody," said Santana.
"Yeah, taking it out on somebody's just mean," said Brittany.
"I always get this attitude from teenagers! It's time you learn to respect a man and his opinions you sinners!" Russel shouted.
"Don't you even dare think to thump the bible at us! You know what, I'll give you two options. Either you walk away from us and leave us alone or I'll go to mall security and have you arrested for harassment of a fellow citizen," said Santana.
"You wouldn't?" Russel said angrily.
"Yeah I would Bible Thumper! You know something else? I've got little bullets in my hair. They lodge into your skin and give you skin irritation and a nasty rash. Not only that, but I've got a fully charged phaser in my pocket. The maximum setting is capable of vaporizing a human being. I'd really hate to do it, so just leave us alone!" shouted Santana.
She smirked as the Russel sprinted away with a look of horror and defeat on his face. She knew the security guards or the police would not take the phaser threat seriously.
"Nice job Santana," said Brittany. She and Curly high-fived Santana.
"Like I said, I've always got something to say no matter what," said Santana, smiling at both of them.
"Moe and Larry might be at the cafe," said Brittany.
"You know what, let's swing by there," said Santana.
"When is it my turn to talk?" asked Curly.
"Why anytime my love," said Brittany.
They walked to the cafe and at first failed to notice Quinn and Moe.
"Where are they?" asked Curly.
"Somewhere in the mall. Oh look, there's Moe," said Brittany.
"And Quinn. What's she doing here and why is she looking so damn charming?" said Santana. She scowled at Quinn's dress.
"Maybe she found an alternative method to get Moe to stop with his slapping," said Brittany.
"You two sit there while I get some food for us," said Santana, pointing to a table four tables away from Quinn and Moe.
Santana walked towards the Burger King. If Breadstix were a fast-food joint, she'd get their food from there. Burger King was Santana's second favorite restaurant.
"I'll take three twelve piece chicken tenders meals with large fries," said Santana.
"That'll be $7.99," said the cashier, ringing the total up.
"Keep the change please," said Santana, handing the cashier eight dollars.
"Your orders are 318, 319, and 320," said the cashier, handing Santana the recipt.
"Thank you," said Santana.
"You're welcome," said the cashier.
In the meantime, Larry and Amber had just gotten off the escalator and were heading towards the cafe to find the others.
"So, does this happen often?" asked Amber.
"Very rarely," said Larry.
"Do you come here often?" asked Amber.
"Sort of," said Larry.
"I come here a lot," said Amber.
"There's so many things you can buy here," said Larry.
"I know right. So, what school do you go to?" said Amber.
"I go to McKinley High," said Larry.
"I've met quite a few people there. I saw two cheerleaders that go there holding hands with one boy," said Amber.
"That's my brother and the two cheerleaders are two of my friends," said Larry.
"Cool, I guess," said Amber.
"So, do you want to meet them," said Larry.
"No thanks. But I'll walk you to the cafe," said Amber.
"Sounds good enough for me," said Larry.
Less than two minutes later, they arrived at the cafe.
"It's been nice meeting you Larry. Maybe we should hang out when it's convenient for both of us," said Amber.
"Nice meeting you too Amber," said Larry. He shook Amber's hand.
"Text me if you want to talk. Oh, and add me on Facebook. Here's my full name," said Amber, giving Larry a piece of paper that had her full name on it.
"Thanks Amber," said Larry.
"See you around I guess," said Amber. She smiled at Larry then walked away. Larry pocketed the piece of paper and walked toward the group. He knew he had made a new friend.
This chapter's very long, so I'm leaving it at a cliffhanger and continuing their day at the mall in the next chapter, which should be up shortly. Don't forget to review.