A/N: Carries on directly from last chapter. Warning, it gets very cheesy here. Sorry, but I'm a guy so it's really hard to write these kind of things. Let me know if it was any good or where I went wrong. BTW, do people mind having lyrics in between text?
A deafening silence filled the surroundings. Andy was sure his heart could be heard pumping throughout the car.
It took a minute before Danielle came up with an absolute answer. "Then I'd stay…" Her voice was determined but regretful. She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. As much as it pained her to think how much she wanted to return to Walford, her father's wishes would have to come first. There was no question; she owed everything to her parents.
Andy's eyes stung with tears, causing him to brush his hand over them as not to obstruct his view of the road. His heart had skipped a beat as his daughter's love crammed every cell in his body. She was all his. "What do you want Dani?"
That was an easy question to answer…right? "I want you to see me as you did before. You're perfect little girl. I want you to love me…"
"Oh come here you daft thing. Come here…" Andy insisted Danielle lean into him across the central separation between the two seats. "I can never stop loving you silly. Don't think like that."
Danielle burst into tears, but Andy's responsibilities as a driver restricted him in comforting her. He glanced to a white and blue sign informing him of the remaining distance to the services before subtly placing his left hand on to the gearstick.
Danielle noticed his movements, but her hands returned to between her legs. "I'm not trying to replace mum you know. It can't be done."
Andy nodded, carefully listening to Danielle as she poured her heart out.
"I remember feeling like this was the right time you know? I know how bad that sounds but after mum went, I needed something… I wanted to know so much, I just wanted her so much…" Almost forgetting Andy was in the car, Danielle sank back to reality, hoping that she hadn't upset her father. It's not like he hadn't been supportive when Lizzie died, but he couldn't conjure up those answers, there was no magic solution. He just wasn't that specific special person she was looking for, that source of comfort when she needed it the most.
"Dad, I can't even begin to explain how I felt back then. It was so consuming, I had to make her like me. I'm sorry."
Andy positioned both hands back onto the wheel. "And how do you feel now?" He voice regained some emotion. His questions seemed simple.
Danielle struggled to find the right words. "It's only just taken off dad. It was complicated; one minute we were talking, the next… well… there were some downs as well." She defensively raised her voice, willing Andy to understand that things were on the way up, weren't they? "But she only found out two weeks ago and since then…" Dare she say it? Would it make the concept anymore real? "She loves me dad."
Danielle watched her father's cold expression wince.
"The same way we do eh Dani?" Agitated and voice risen, Andy sped into the third lane of the motorway, easily passing the 100 MPH mark.
Why could people not just experience how she felt, even for just a second? Love was such a complicated feeling; So many ways, diverse layers, so many different emotions. "No," the answer blunt but truthful, "I can't just forget my life dad! I'm not leaving you; she'll never be like mum! That loss won't ever go!"
Andy was slightly taken aback by her tone. He tried his best to appreciate how difficult this must have been for her.
"So come on then. What she like?" He felt a little sick, now knowing he didn't want the answer.
Danielle sighed heavily and looked down; her father's demanding tone not helping. "I don't know. Things have changed so much. At first she was quite reserved, cold even. You know what I'm like around people, I got nervous. Anyway, she helped me through some difficult times."
Andy's head snapped around to his daughter. "What difficult times? If you were in trouble you could always have come to me." He now felt as if he was battling for Danielle's heart. If she needed a shoulder to lean on…
"No dad, it was just…stuff… She was there and I wanted to tell her who I was, but she just gave off so many mixed signals. It was like she was a complete fake." Danielle tried to block out the flashbacks. She thought back to the past two weeks.
"And then it all got so twisted."
It was obvious Danielle wanted to keep some parts to herself. Andy didn't like this one bit. He needed to know every last detail; he needed to tell her it would all be okay, to let her know he loved her more than anything in the world, more than anyone else ever could.
"It's just started to come together. It's hard to explain and I know I need to be careful but I truly believe I've found the real side to her. I feel wanted by her and I like it."
Andy laughed satirically. He just carried on grinning and shaking his head. How could he see a funny side to this? "Oh Dani, if only the world was that simple." Smiling at his daughter's naivety, Andy moved back into the left hand side of the motorway. "Do you really think everyone thinks like that eh? How do you even know if she wants you in her life? You think you can walk in their and expect her to race into your arms?" Andy stopped. In that moment, the anger, the neglect, jealousy, it all came gushing out in the worst possible way.
The one thing Danielle could not stand was people treating her like a fragile, expectant child. "Do you think I'm stupid?! You have no idea what its like do you? What I've been through these months, you have no idea!" She'd never yelled at her father like that in all her life. She thought she'd had a bad year, how could she have said that with Andy sat right beside her. Why did Ronnie always bring out the worst of her passionate side? The woman wasn't even here. Danielle buried her head into her hands and defensively curled up into a ball.
The car jerked as Andy spun his whole body around in response to her eruption, somehow forgetting he was travelling at dangerous speeds. "Well tell me then! What was it like, tell me!" Blood rushed to his face, tears streaming down his cheek. It took something big to get Andy this worked up. Did she not care how his year had been?
The calmest person Danielle thought she would ever know was now deafening her ears. "I can't!" Her eyes were filled with blood, her voice giving away the fact she'd been crying. "No one will ever understand it! I don't know why I feel like this dad. I just had to know, I had to find her. The more I got the more I wanted…"
"What did we not give you Dani?! What is it that you're trying to find?" Andy shouted across the partition.
It took a few seconds before Danielle managed to time her sobs between her words. Her father's eyes no longer stirred her emotions, for that split second, his face didn't pressure her mind to act faster than her mouth. The loving, kind and caring qualities were left behind. Putting others before herself was so natural, but today her mouth just didn't allow it. "Answers! You can't give me answers! There's this whole part of my life missing and I need to find it! Why was I given up?! Where was I born?! Whose blood is running through me with every heartbeat?! Can you tell me Dad?!"
Andy barely flinched at Danielle's raised voice. He forced himself to keep his eyes on the road. Nothing was worth having an accident for. "Why didn't you tell me how you felt Dani?" Lowering his own voice was his attempt at cooling the situation. If only he had known… "We could have done this together…"
"I had to do this on my own. All those things I said before I left, I meant them dad." Danielle took her father's hand and placed both on the gear stick, relieved that he hadn't backed away.
"You said you wanted to go to London so you could be independent. I thought you were taking a gap year Dani. You told me you were going to find a job, make new friends. I remember Dani, I remember!" He tried to convince her. "You promised me the reason you wanted to go to London was for the experience of moving away! I thought it was for your own good, I thought I was being a good father! Why didn't you tell me Dani, why?" His cheeks had filled with blood, his anger charged only by love for his daughter.
Danielle cringed at his aggravation. She hadn't lied, her first priority being to reassure her father of this. The sooner he saw she hadn't lied, the sooner she could rid herself of that portion of her guilt. "I did all that. I found a job, found a place to live. You said it yourself, I've grown up dad and it was about time. How long did you expect me to life off your money? You know, I've made so many new friends! Stacey," Danielle huffed, "God Dad she's been the best friend anyone could ask for. She let me into her home; all I do is work a few hours on the stall. Then I used to work at the pub and now Ronnie's offered me a job at her club so that we can…" The moment she wiped her tears away, her Dad interrupted her.
"Club? You're working at a club Dani? I thought you were getting a proper job." The hits just kept on coming. Andy had tried his best to calm down after his little passionate outburst, but this was defiantly not helping. What had become of his little girl?
Danielle's felt her pulse increase. Why was everything so hard to explain? She wasn't in any danger; it wasn't as bigger deal as her dad would make of it. "It's completely safe dad." She explained quietly, knowing he had her best interest at heart. "It's just a bit of bar work, I've not even finished training yet. Half the place is filled with the locals and it's perfect for me and Ronnie to get to know each other. I'm well looked after, I promise." She ended on a sentence her father wouldn't be able to argue with.
Andy kept his eyes fixed on the road. He couldn't seem to face Danielle right now. "Sounds like she's exploiting you Dani." He sighed. It's not like he enjoyed breaking the girl's heart, but Danielle was such naive little thing. She had no idea what people in the real world could be like, how they would spit you out once you were no use to them.
Danielle should have seen this coming. "I get paid the same as everyone else dad. I've been given time off to be here today, and I've not worked a single day yet!" She hadn't meant to raise her voice. Why did her father becloud all the good that had come from the last two weeks? Everything she had been dreaming of was finally falling into place, ridding the hungered relationship from the devious middle man.
Andy didn't like this one bit, but the truth was Danielle needed to learn the way the world worked and she had to do it fast. She wanted to be independent, get around on her own two feet? Fine!
"If you think working at some night club is going to get you somewhere Danielle, if this is you going out and finding yourself, you go ahead!"
"That is exactly what this is dad! I depend on me now! Me finding myself is exactly what I've done and Ronnie has, and never will have anything to do with that!" The great contrast between Danielle's raised voice and the deafening silence now in the confined area only emphasised her cravings, her passion for the life she had been living for the past months. The seconds became minutes as the outside world passed them by with flashes of colour from other cars. Everyone on the same path, but in their own little shells, all moving at various speeds, never to interact with the people around them sharing this corridor, leaving at the desired junctions whilst others joined.
Andy took quick glances to his daughter who still remained curled up, maybe as means to defend, but probably to draw comfort. It was obvious Danielle had been through a lot and however hard he tried to drag up every last detail of the past year, it sure wasn't going to help her. It was never meant to be like this. Danielle should never have felt ashamed; she shouldn't have had to hide what she was doing or ever have to feel she was alone. Andy and Lizzie had always known this topic of conversation would come up and they'd agreed they would fully support their daughter if she ever wanted to find out about her birth parents. How could he have been so hugely insensitive to what Danielle was feeling? This must have been a mountainous step for her to attempt on her own and to top it all, she'd had to move away from home for the first time. He should have been there to hold her hand, if not to answer her questions then to help her find the answers.
"Danielle?"
His voice was so welcoming; everything had to be alright when her father reached out to her like that. He was her night in shining armour. Whatever happened, he would never leave her side. How much more could she put him through before she realised this? Danielle raised her tear-struck face and looked at her father, who by now had returned his gaze to the road ahead.
Andy rotated his head once again to shoot loving and comforting glances to his daughter. Just thinking of how he'd raised his voice to her made his stomach churn. The quicker he neutralised the tension, the better. He wanted nothing more then to move on from all the pain, to find a way forward into an orientation where Danielle would be gratified. "You were meant to be taking driving lessons by now, you remember?"
Danielle gave off the faintest of smiles, her voice barely audible. "Yeah, do you remember I said I'd never take lessons with one of those professionals? I still have nightmares about Gareth's instructor." The smile widened, contaminating Andy's face until both occupants of the hatchback let the memory of an eighteen year old boy, excited about his first driving lesson and the facial expression they saw one hour later wash through them.
Road signs passed them by, towns and cities came and went but father and daughter continued on their goalless journey. It was so hard to take a quick look into a passing car and not let your mind wonder about the lives of its temporary inhabitants, where they were going, who they were meeting, if they led happy and content lives. So many thought s to ponder on, but all pointless as they weren't your concern. These answers you would never find.
"You know me and your mother always wanted to be there for you if you ever wanted to do this Dani. If you'd only have told me…" Andy wanted to emphasise this point, but Danielle interrupted him with something she obviously felt she had to say just then.
"I think I remember what made me finally book that seat. I was on the computer and I remembered cancelling that train ticket so many times dad. I felt terrible wanting to leave you just after mum died. I knew that if I didn't do it at that time, then I never would and I couldn't stand the fact that I'd never find that one person who held the key… all those answers." She looked up to her father, who in return looked to her every so often to show he was listening. "Yes at that time my main reason for moving away was to find Ronnie, but then I realised what it all meant you know. I was going to go into the big wide world. I wouldn't be living out of your back pocket anymore, and it felt good." It hadn't been as easy as she thought, but the greatest feeling in the world was knowing she'd gotten through it.
Andy smiled as pride took over every other thought. This was his girl, his biggest achievement.
The sheer width of her father's genuine smile and the warmth in those watery eyes gave her the strength to continue. "I had to do this on my own dad and I'm a stronger person for it. It's not exactly moving away if I drag you along with me eh?" She nudged Andy a little, who responded by taking her hand in his. "I know leaving you at that time was wrong and I'd do anything to change that, believe me I couldn't feel worse if I tried…
"Eh don't ever have any regrets over me you hear? My life wouldn't be worth living if it weren't for you two. You need to tell me exactly what you want to do now Danielle. Forget about me, forget Ronnie and everyone else. If you can put your hand on your heart and tell me honestly what it's telling you to do, then both of us should have no regrets." Andy signalled left seconds before he entered a slip road which led to a service station.
Danielle sighed. Her body was torn. Her heart saying London and her mind drowning her body in guilt at the mention of the word. "You know, I've done nearly all the things I set out to do. I found a job, I learnt how to budget my money, I made new friends and yet that one need that triggered it all hasn't really been satisfied yet. It's not parental… I just couldn't describe it even if I wanted to."
Andy brought the car to a stop in one of the parking bays and pulled on the handbrake.
"Just looking at her and knowing what she looks like answers so many questions about myself dad, questions I never knew I had. These answers aren't verbal; it's just being with her. I can't tell you what that does to me." Danielle let her mind take her to a day-dream world, one which she'd visited countless times before. She let her body relax and just forget the world for a minute. "I want her to look at me the way she has been since she found out the truth. It's another part of me and just being able to find these little things makes me feel fulfilled. The jigsaw starts to come together dad." Danielle continued to stare into the sky until Andy responded.
"You're putting all your trust into this woman Danielle; I'm just worried you won't find what you set out for." He stroked the girl's hand lovingly, wanting her to be open to all the possible outcomes and not just her fairytale ending.
"I've seen many sides to her dad. I've learnt to want, not need, that's the difference this time." She returned his smile. There was a certain silence pledge hidden deep within her blue eyes, the type a father just couldn't say no to.
"Let's make a deal. You stop worrying about me because Dani I'm telling you, what you've done this past year, I couldn't be prouder if I tried. You've done nothing wrong by me. I'm sorry Dani, I should've seen what you were going through and you going to find your birth mother is only natural. I don't want to ever hear you say you're sorry, you hear me."
Danielle jumped into her father's arms and nestled her head onto his shoulder. After everything she had thrown at him, his love hadn't been moved. He actually understood that he wasn't the only one hurting. She knew how tactless her timing had been, but her father had just brushed it aside.
***
"Right come on, we can't drive all this way and not have one of our mid-motorway-in-car feasts." Andy rubbed his hands and licked his tongue, knowing this would make Danielle laugh. Danielle had never liked motorways, but the services had always been worth the journey. Andy opened his door to exit the vehicle but Danielle abruptly stopped him.
"Uh Dad…" She pointed to her waist and Andy's face dropped.
"Oh… I tell you what, you wait here and I'll go get us some burgers" He walked swiftly to the Whimpy restaurant just ahead of them as the cold breeze ruffled his hair. His little girl had been feeling guilty all this time, how could he have not seen it? How could he have been so blind to what she buried so deep into her heart? It was his job to see past her façade, to tell her it was all okay…
Danielle couldn't believe she had left the house still wrapped up in her fluffy pink night bath robe, how stupid… There was no doubt in her mind at how lucky she was to have the best father in the world. Unconditional love was the greatest gift of all.
***
Over half an hour later, Father and daughter had devoured two veggie burgers and a load of fries. It had been just like the old times. They laughed, enjoying the freedom of being sat in a little box whilst other cars could be heard whooshing past.
Andy wasn't completely as ease with the idea of Danielle leaving him tomorrow, not after the events of the past few hours, but he knew he had to do best by his daughter. "Listen Danielle, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you. Nothing can hurt you; nothing will be the end of the world because I'll always be here for you."
"Oh dad don't…" Danielle could see the tears in his eyes. If he started then there was no hope for her.
"Look, you just remember to have your backside by a phone at least once a week you hear. If ever you want to talk, if ever you want to comeback, you call me. And Danielle…" He looked her directly in the eye, waiting for her to do the same. "As long as you follow this," he patted the left side of his chest, "you won't go wrong, I promise."
Danielle nodded her head reassuringly. "Did your new sat-nav tell you that?" She smiled at him, but he wasn't satisfied with her response. "Want, not need eh dad?"
"That's my girl…"
A/N: Wow, is this too long? Review please; let me know if I went wrong with this chapter. AND YES I'M A GUY, lol. Having Caroline as the start of my name was not such a good idea!
