A/N: Thanks a million for the great reviews guys. Enjoy reading them all! This is for Karen, get well soon!
The 6'o'clock traffic was no match for the snake like abilities of the two wheeled monster under Ronnie Mitchell's control. Countless faces from other vehicles watched on in frustration as she sped past in the middle of two lanes. It had taken a little over five minutes to enter the M1. Ronnie let the cold wind deafen her ears, taking satisfaction at the fact that every other thought, regret, anything about the past 20 years was tossed to the back of her head. The beauty of being able to escape with the loss of boundaries was that no one cared where you went. Here no one would ask why you were speeding across countless stretches of road. Your daily responsibilities washed away with every junction that passed, the wind unhooked every sin, every voice telling you that life was passing by ever so slowly. The furious breeze was your best friend at these breathtaking speeds, adrenalin the only substance needed to live on.
Today, Ronnie couldn't permit her bike to achieve such speeds. Danielle was painfully clinging to her waist. Ronnie had brought this on herself, Danielle didn't care how close she was to breaking a bone within the woman directly ahead of her. What the hell was the woman thinking of bringing them onto the motorway anyway? This was defiantly not funny. They must have been going over a hundred miles-per-hour. All Danielle could hear was the deafening rush of air and the occasional roar of this fiendish toy of Ronnie's.
The woman in control had ensured she was in no position to loose control. No faster then 60MPH, Ronnie kept both eyes fixed on the packed road ahead. If they missed the time-frame she so desperately wanted to arrive by, it didn't matter. There was always tomorrow…
They say everything that happens, happens for a reason,
Still it's hard to believe in when you're flat on your face.
And you can get anything that you want if you believe it,
But it's hard to achieve it when you're last in the race.
As Ronnie wandered in and out of lanes, Danielle only now realised how the feeling of freedom had delicately overcome her. All other vehicles around them stood still as Ronnie's skill endorsed them to effortlessly pass. The rush of air didn't dry the passenger's eyes; neither did it make her breathing anymore laboured. Her hair was fiercely pushed back but the physical closeness to the most hunted woman in the world was aspiring, encouraging and all so lifting. Danielle closed her eyes, lightly relaxed her grip and leaned forward just enough to be able her to catch the fragrance being carried within the wind. It was all Ronnie.
If you find you lose your way
Get in a car and just drive away.
Pull the sunroof down.
And the one thing to do hey
Is get out of town and breathe
Danielle took a deep breath, letting her thoughts run away. All she could think of was how different the woman ahead of her was. Over the months, Danielle had tried to look past the intimidating looks thrown at her from Ronnie, to forgive the demoralising stares, to always try again the following day. But the past two weeks, they'd all gone a miss. Ronnie had gone out of her way to at least make her feel wanted, but Danielle had nothing to give back. Surely one day, the novelty would wear off, but what could Ronnie say she felt from Danielle? Why did she need her as much as she said?
If ever, there was the minimal chance I could meet her, to be given the chance to be a mother… If that chance were ever to arise, then all the regret, all the pain would be insignificant.
The words ringed through Danielle's ears. Was this whom Ronnie could be when reunited with her baby? She didn't like uncertainty, not after the turbulent year she'd experienced.
Like you're a star in the night air,
You're at the edge of the mountain, yeah.
And you're ready to dive in the sea.
As much as Danielle was trying to enjoy the ride, regardless of the effort she made to let that feeling of freedom wash over her, nothing could have relieved more then Ronnie gently leaning to the left, ready to exit the infinite channel of M1 madness.
Only with the reduction in speed did Danielle realise how close to nature they were. Everywhere she looked, miles of green and yellow field stretched far and wide, consuming anything in its way to the horizon and gently colliding with the orange sky as the sun prepared to retire for the day. According to a passing green board, they were now travelling along a very narrow 'A421'. Danielle's small hands somehow consumed Ronnie's stomach within them. The rider comforted Danielle, not with her hands as to reduce her control of this powerful engine, nor with a battle with the wind to voice any words. Instead, her body radiated warmth through the bulky leather jacket, the voluminous wrap expanding Ronnie's figure making it the softest cuddly toy any girl could ask for. The drop in temperature wasn't pleasant, but the unpolluted, easy to breathe air was something Danielle never imagined to exist in London. She had no time to bathe within Ronnie's calefaction as the bike skidded to a halt in a dirt patch. The sudden halt caused Danielle to scream, almost punching Ronnie's ribs but for the woman's rescuing arm reaching out for Danielle to hold just as Ronnie placed one foot onto the ground.
And you just have to breathe
Like you're the best of the rated,
You see the good and you take it in
And you're willing to share it all out.
"Sorry! You alright?" Ronnie helped Danielle ground herself by holding her hand as the girl hopped to the ground. She then secured the bike to the ground and removed her keys from the ignition.
Danielle gave a heavy sigh, battling with the strap under her chin to remove her helmet. Sweeping her hair back, she smiled shyly, "Um, for the record, I don't like motorways!" She regretted her words once she saw Ronnie's face drop. Danielle's heart began to pound as she thought on how to correct the ungrateful image she'd just presented to the woman before her. She looked up to her far right where the wind was softly disturbing a field of wheat, it gently swaying left to right. "…but this was defiantly worth it. Wow, it's so beautiful."
Ronnie looked up to her daughter's face, gratified that she'd finally done something right. "I thought you'd like it." She took a deep breathe, appreciating the lack of petrol fumes, or the stale odours of the city.
And sometimes you wish you were
Just on the rebound.
It's like you're kicking and screaming
But you're making no sound.
The sound of speeding traffic was now distant. There was nothing but Ronnie, Danielle and miles of field as the sun dripped an effulgent red and lustrous oranges across the horizon.
Looking at Danielle, Ronnie decided to break the daydreamer's thoughts with the most spontaneous comment she could make. "I'll race ya!"
Danielle turned to face her companion inside the vast land of nothingness they occupied. "What?"
Ronnie raised an eyebrow to confirm Danielle had heard right, causing Danielle to giggle a little.
And you can get anything that you
Want if you believe it,
You seem to think that you need it.
You push and you shove.
It was almost impossible to believe this was the very same cold, bitter and very bitchy Ronnie Mitchell. "You? Race me?" The timid blonde brushed off the suggestion hastily.
"Chicken!" Was the elder's response.
Danielle released a very high pitched sound in disbelief. "I am not a chicken!"
Ronnie jumped into a sprint, leaving Danielle behind to establish her fate within the meaningless competition.
Grab your thoughts and write them down.
Remember the dreams that you're chasing round,
They only run with you.
So kick off your shoes in the grass,
Let yourself go, remember to…
"Cheat!" She accused into the openness, breaking into a pace of her own. Ronnie was heavily weighed down with her massive jacket and it didn't take long for Danielle to be on the verge of overtaking her competitor.
"Cheat eh?" Ronnie snarled. She grabbed Danielle's arm, incidentally causing the blonde to trip. Ronnie tried to pull Danielle up, but to no benefit, so instead she positioned herself to take the greater fall, allowing Danielle to collapse directly on top of her. Ronnie giggled as she propelled the tangled duo into rolling around in the healthy grass. They were miles away from anyone. From here, Ronnie could barely make out the main road and it was a wondrous thought to think Danielle was with her.
Ronnie ended her childish rotations with her on her back and Danielle secured tightly on top of her. The girl tried to break free worried that her bearer was in any discomfort, but Ronnie adamantly held on.
"I love you so much."
A moment of silence followed. It was difficult to be anything else but care-free when faced with such beautiful surroundings, a sunset to cry for and most of all, being securely tied up in Ronnie's arms. The
accompanying sentence which normally would have been uttered by Ronnie's companion was not spoken. She tried to brush it aside, but the truth was, it hurt and she had only herself to blame.
Breathe like you're the best and you're counted,
You're at the edge of a mountain yeah
And you're ready to dive, dive in the sea
Five minutes later, Danielle had just about managed to escape Ronnie's long tugging arms. The ordained pair were now sat crossed-leg, both sharing Ronnie's humongous jacket as a means to conserve as much body-heat as possible.
Danielle felt she needed to say something, but ruining the moment was not a crime she wanted to be responsible for. Oh well… "These weeks have been so unreal, don't ya think?"
Ronnie turned to look into Danielle's large blue eyes. "They've been the best!" She smiled, closing the little gap that remained between the two of them.
Another brief silence followed. It was an amazing scene for April, the sun tortoise-like in it's setting motion. "The whole wedding thing seems like a lifetime away." Danielle admired the sky in all its warm colours.
Ronnie sighed. Her mind was whizzing once again with the many past encounters she and Danielle had shared; very few pleasant. "Would you like to talk about it?"
Danielle answered the question without acknowledging it. "You know what hurt the most? You're dad said you'd pay me to leave Walford. Simple," she shrugged her shoulders causing the jacket to slide down Ronnie's arms, "just another transaction, something for something else.
"Danielle, I never…"
Danielle kept her head sternly perpendicular to Ronnie's gaze. "Do you know how much I loved you?! And to you I meant nothing. Something as material as cash, you were prepared to pay me?"
Ronnie didn't dare stop the tears strolling down her face. It wasn't worth the time. "Danielle!"
The girl finally turned to face her gazer. "I know Ronnie! I know, it wasn't your fault and as much as I love that fact, it's not so easy to process. His description fitted in so well with who you were, you know? It was almost too easy to believe him."
"Danielle!" It was now Ronnie's time to talk and be-damned if she was going to stop anytime soon. "It was never like that. He played everyone, and I wish I could have protected you from him. I failed you at that on more than once occasion and if I could take any of it back…"
"It's not that easy though! You're so different and every bit of me knows its natural but I don't want to be that ignorant! After all these months, you've completely flipped. I wish it seemed more permanent…" Danielle's voice broke. Spilling the beans had unintentionally been the main objective of this week.
Ronnie lifted the jacket to cover more of her daughter. The roaring sun had dropped by a few inches as the temperature was becoming ever more chilling.
"Danielle, look at me baby." Ronnie placed her arm around Danielle's waist, to which she moved in a little more. "I know I can never clear my conscious, but my Amy has always been the most precious part of me." Birds flew in their hundreds, soaring well above the lonely inhabitants of such vast lands. "You were constantly there Danielle, just around the corner. It wasn't nice you know. I mean, all I wanted to do was protect those vital images in my head, but then there you were; a perfect, beautiful, polite nineteen year old." Roaring passion was more than evident in her tears, but Ronnie's voice was what touched a nerve within its recipient. "No one knew what that number meant to me for those set of twelve months." Her face shook with emotion, distressed but willing to continue. "I felt you were rubbing it in my face."
The one thing Danielle had only now got round to considering: Yes the name Ronnie brought images of cold, cruel scenarios, but had she ever shown any emotion? Raw emotion like she'd portrayed so recently? "You loved you're baby so much didn't you?" Daniele spoke calmly, looking on ahead as the greens slowly turned into blacks.
Ronnie heaved a sigh of relief. "Of course Danielle, every single day. I want you so much. For me to say, 'yes, I have a daughter!' It means the world."
"I think before, I was always searching for that perfect moment to tell you. Now sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder if it was all a dream? For a moment it's like before and it's horrible. Then when reality sets in, I'm relieved the truths out there." She let the woman by her side embrace her once again. It was an amazing feeling, taking away all her chills.
You just have to breathe
'Cos you are one of the greatest,
"Ronnie, I used to think of you a lot growing up you know? Its fascinating to know you thought about your baby as well, but…" Danielle looked to the ground and started to pluck the grass from its roots. "I can't help but think if I'll disappoint you and things will go back to before. Nineteen years gives you enough time to have built this image, I dunno if I'll ever be able to live up to that picture in your mind."
The early night sky in its oceanic colours was nothing short of beautiful. Ronnie couldn't help but think how lost Danielle was in that head of hers. "My god Dan, can't you see? You are the picture!" she said, beaming at the girl's tearful but still very beautiful face. She knew the hurt ran much deeper than what she had been led to believe. It was so exasperating to not be able to show how the loveless, spiteful Ronnie could never return.
Danielle smiled, "Why? 'Coz I'm breathing?"
Ronnie's smile dropped as quickly as it had come about, her grip loosened. There was an eerie tension in the silence that followed. "Don't joke about things like that Dan." she replied, obviously hurt.
Danielle shuffled a little, again revealing Ronnie's body to the cold breeze as her jacket dropped to their knees. She watched as the stately woman besides her returned their guard to its hinged position. "Well, I don't think I can be what you want. I mean, calling somebody else ma…mum?" she cringed, "that's… It just feels so weird, even wrong and I'm sorry but that's how I feel." She adamantly rushed her concluding line, almost in a vain attempt to let it be unheard.
Ronnie appreciated Danielle's openness, her trust. She was quick to respond. "Danielle, sweetie you're feeling pressure that's not there! It never will be baby. I'm not trying to replace anyone in that heart of yours Danielle. I'm just fighting for my own little space, ye?" she nudged playfully towards her right.
The girl smiled at Ronnie's choice of words. "I know I need you in my life. I can't imagine it without you anymore. Life seemed like an endless battle with you. Christmas… you literally ripped that card up in my face! That's beyond angry Ronnie, you hated me, and now ironically, you hated me for being me! I've never felt so alone and worthless and I just hope that's over." Danielle's tone; a secret pledge, one which Ronnie couldn't have replied more rapidly to.
"It is baby I promise. I never hated you. I was jealous I guess, I can never tell you how sorry I am." Ronnie pulled Danielle into her chest and inhaled the sweet scent of her baby's shampoo. The bubbly, warm feeling made her feel like she was on top of the world, comfortable in confidence. "You think you've got images to match, what about me eh? I've got alota making up to do if you'll let me?"
"One day at a time?" Danielle quizzed It was specific times like these where Ronnie's vindictive façade was so easy to understand. Underneath it all, she was just a mother desperate for her child, her Amy, her Danielle.
Danielle giggled, that girl was her. Apart from the occasional rustle of leaves, the only other sound Danielle could hear was Ronnie's deep breathing. "Gerrof," said the awkwardly positioned girl whilst smiling. The idea of someone getting high whilst sniffing her hair was a bewildering one.
"No," replied the culprit in a highly adamant, matter-of-fact tone, only causing Danielle to loose control as she fell deeper into the woman's warm, welcoming arms.
You see the good and you take it in.
And you're able to share it all out.
Being away from the city gave a magical view of the star-struck sky. Angelic dots looked down on the long-separated brace, showering magnificent openness all around them, a representation of the space they both longed to fill with long, glorified memories.
"I've never seen so many stars in one night!" Ronnie and Danielle were thoughtfully gazing into the unlimited darkness above them. After brief stillness, Ronnie's soft voice filled the air. "Do you ever wish you could transfer your feelings to another person, just for a minute or two so that they would understand you?" It was an innocent question, Ronnie aimlessly tickling her companion's hand.
Danielle however didn't know what to make of Ronnie voicing the very though she'd had a few hours ago. "Yeah, I guess everyone does once in a while." She tried to hide the assiduity matted in her response.
Ronnie wrapped her arms protectively around Danielle's shoulders. "I love you," she murmured tenderly. She wanted to announce it to the world, the lack of its attention being her only refrain.
Gently rocking Danielle back and forth, Ronnie started humming random songs which popped into her head. Her controlled voice was the most melodic Danielle had ever heard and it only added to the ample amount of qualities which Danielle so jealously admired.
Danielle's heating solution continued to sing to her in soft whispers. "Me and Mrs., Mrs. Jones!" Ronnie Mitchell was now trying to prevent the need to laugh, caused by her daughter's childlike annoyance from breaking her voice.
"Ronnie!" Danielle budged away from the disorderly woman, once again causing the jacket to slip from their torsos. Her giggles soon escaped, still overwhelmed that all her dreams were finally fitting into place.
Danielle was over the moon. She'd revealed everything she could have possibly imagined and there was light at then end of the tunnel. Well metaphorically. "Ronnie? Its pitch black out here."
***
You gotta let go out of the clock,
The Tick tock tick tock,
"Is that it there?" Danielle asked, almost on tip-toes.
"No Dan, it's this way. Here gimmie your hand." It was one of those situations where you'd whisper, even though no one could hear you for miles, but you knew you'd done something naughty.
Danielle tightened her grip, whispering softly. "Ronnie! Are we lost?"
For at least half a minute, the only sounds clearly audible were the soft crunches of grass. "Um… No?" came an unconvincing answer. "Ah there it is," said Ronnie, her voice louder, emphasised with relief.
Once the so-called responsible mother (the one who'd got her daughter lost in a field) was sure Danielle had her helmet on, she started up the beast they'd just mounted. "Dan there's a service station up ahead, fancy a coffee?"
"Sure if we can get some burgers?" She asked, her cheeky tone being overpowered with a shy, questioning one?
The rider revved the engine a few times before setting off. Danielle lifted her feet as instructed.
"Of course we can," Ronnie yelled over her shoulder. "You're way too skinny Dan…"
You've gotta get out of this race,
You need a better pace,
A/N: I do know the drop in light was very sudden, can it be excused? And yes I do seem to have a Miss Blaise obsession at the moment, but I had to get this song in. In fact, all her songs seem to really fit this story. Sorry, but expect more from her soon.
Btw I strongly recommend you listen to this song, Breath by Tara Blaise. The next chapter will most likely have the concluding lyrics as it carries on directly from here. I sure hope Ronnie's careful on that bike of hers, especially since Dan's inexperienced and scared of motorways!