I do NOT own The Big Valley nor any of the original Big Valley characters. Thanks to my Beat Reader, though all mistakes are my own. Yes, this chapter is a bit longer than most.

End of the Rainbow

Chapter Twenty

Patrick headed for the barn. McCall had told him some more fence line had been cut and some horses had gotten loose. He, McCall, and a few of the boys were going after the horses and that he, Patrick, needed to get the fence fixed. He reached the barn only to hear Jimmy and Matthew, another ranch hand, talking. The two men were inside the barn, and the window was opened.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," Jimmy was complaining to Matt. "It's not that I necessarily mind taking orders from McCall, but to stand by and listen to the man order him around." The man's irritation could be heard in his voice. "It ain't natural; it's supposed to be the other way around!"

"I know that!" Matt shot back angrily. "You know that, everyone knows it but him! What are we supposed to do though? The Barkleys have bluntly forbid anyone to say anything."

"Yeah," Jimmy answered, "we get the whole Barkley clan down our backs if we say a word, and then we're toast! Still don't like it!" Stunned beyond measure, it was all Patrick could do to get himself to walk around the corner and open the door. He wasn't surprised when both men quickly made excuses and went back to work. Maybe, they weren't going to stick around to give him some answers, but he knew one man he was going to corner before he did anything else!

He left the barn and went straight for the Barkley home. '"It ain't natural; it's supposed to be the other way around!" The words rang in Patrick's ears as he knocked on the front door. It wasn't long before the door opened. Silas smiled and stepped aside. "May I help you Mister Patrick?" It had never bothered Patrick that the butler called him "Mister" as he figured the man was just being polite, now he wondered about that.

Patrick figured any of the Barkley men could give him the answers to the questions he had and, since Heath was with McCall, and Eugene was in town, it was either ask Jarrod or ride miles to get to Heath or Eugene. "I need to see Jarrod."

"Mister Jarrod is in his study," Silas led Patrick to the room, and then went back to work.

Jarrod looked up, the surprise he felt at seeing Patrick step into the room could be seen in his stiffening back and widened eyes. "I thought McCall said you were mending more fence lines."

"I'm supposed to be," Patrick answered, but stood planted where he was, while his eyes had a look in them that Jarrod had seen many times before. It was a hard look that said 'I'm not leaving here without some answers'. "I have a few questions for you though."

Jarrod found himself holding his breath, and quickly exhaled. "Sit down," Jarrod said and pointed to the chair, "I don't bite." He gave Patrick a smile.

Patrick hesitated only a moment, and then sat down. He started telling about his trip to the barn and what he had overheard. The fact that Jarrod stiffened up, and remained stiff, did not pass the man by. "What are they talking about?" He looked at the eldest Barkley, "DID I give orders to McCall at one time? Did I give orders to the other men?"

"Tell him nothing, unless he asks first and then only give him direct answers." His mother's words rang in Jarrod's ears, along with her words "I will not stand by and watch anyone do or say anything that might hurt him in any way." Jarrod slowly relaxed and nodded. "Yes, you did."

Patrick felt shock waves go through him. A part of him had known the men were talking about him, the other part told himself it was impossible. "How long has that been the case? I mean, how long was I giving the orders instead of McCall."

"Ever since our father died," was what Jarrod wanted to say; only, his brother hadn't asked about relations. "Going on nine years," Jarrod answered honestly.

Going on nine years! Patrick let out a whistle. No wonder he'd had such a sense of belonging and loyalty to the ranch and family. "Cat's going to love hearing this one." He stood up and walked to the window.

Jarrod smiled, curious as to what his brother meant. "And just why is that?"

Patrick turned his head and gave Jarrod a half smile. "She told me again last night, 'The moment I stepped me foot onto that ranch I knew there be 'ealin' 'ere for you. Why you be not talkin' to 'em?' Honest truth is," he confessed, "she's been after me for some time to talk to you."

Jarrod couldn't help but grin wide. He'd liked the woman from day one; he liked her even more now. "I can tell you anything you want to know." Though he was kicking himself. WHY hadn't they thought to talk to Cat in the first place!

Patrick turned back to the window. He had wanted to remember things on his own, to know within himself who he was and all that he had ever done. It wasn't happening though. "Why didn't you say something?" His voice held a tone of annoyance in it. That part, no one saying anything, had bothered Patrick to no end the moment he'd realized the men in the barn were, most likely, talking about him.

Jarrod sighed. "Dr. Merar told us it would be dangerous to your mental health, and that we could actually push you further away than you already were if we did. None of us wanted you hurt worse; that's the honest truth." He prayed his brother would believe; he did.

"I appreciate that," Patrick said as he turned away from the window. It felt good to know the loyalty he felt wasn't one sided. Knowing he needed his past back, and the only way to get it back was to swallow his pride and ask, he looked at Jarrod and started to open his mouth to ask for more information when Audra came barreling into the room, panic in her eyes.

"What is it, Audra?" Jarrod practically jumped to his feet.

The young woman looked at Patrick. Patrick didn't have to ask what the problem was; he knew where Audra had gone that morning, and he remembered the way Cat had held onto him the night before. "Where is she?" he bellowed louder than he meant to. It didn't faze the young girl.

"At your home, Mother sent one of the hands for Eugene or…" She didn't get to finish her sentence as Patrick bolted out of the study and Jarrod and Audra wasted no time in following him.

Victoria and Heath were sitting on the couch when Jarrod, Audra and Patrick came through the front door. Patrick wondered how he, Heath, had found out, but didn't ask. "Eugene is with her," Victoria answered the question that was in Patrick's eyes. He headed for the bedroom door; no one tried to stop him.

Eugene turned his head when he heard the door open. He felt horrible for his brother, but not knowing what to say, he said nothing. Eugene simply picked up his bag and walked out the door, shutting it as he went. Patrick walked over to the bed and sat down. Cat, looking quite pale, smiled up at her husband. "You be rememberin' your promise."

"I remember." Patrick choked back his tears feeling as if being run over by a whole herd of cows would have been less painful than what he was feeling at the moment. "I've got to tell you. You were right about one thing for sure," he said as he laid his hand on her cheek and told her what he'd found out, "don't know that I want to see if McCall wants to hand the reins back to me or not, but I'll be sticking around."

Cat closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them back up. "There be more to it than that, there be. Besides, it be not McCall's place to be ridin' alongside 'eath Barkley; time will 'elp you see that, mark me words, it will. For now, if I were you, I'd be seein' 'bout 'elping' 'eath and the rest of the Barkleys find out who be cuttin' fence lines and why. Do that and you be findin' your own rainbow, and its end, when you do," she told him before she sighed, "maybe, you can be comin' to me final restin' place and tell me your given name. Okay, it doesn't really matter none," she said softly, "still, be nice to be told." She firmly believed loves ones how had passed on could still hear the ones they left behind, if the need was important enough.

She was slipping away; Patrick could tell that as she laid her hand on top of his and closed her eyes; he wanted to scream. She couldn't be dying now; he still needed her. He felt his heart skip a beat when she murmured, "Fresh river water, 'ow did you be getin' the smell of river water in the 'ouse?"

River water? Patrick looked around then turned his gaze back to his wife as he watched, helpless, as Cat passed on. "Cat!" The name filled the air full of pain and anguish. It took a second for Patrick to realize that he, himself, was the one crying out her name. He laid his head on her breast and let the tears flow.

Out in the living room, the Barkleys felt the pain fly out of the bedroom and fill the house as they heard 'Patrick' call out for his now departed wife. None of them moved, not knowing what to say or do. Yes, Jarrod had told them what had taken place in the study just before Audra's arrival but they still feared Cat's death would drive him away from the ranch. When Patrick finally stepped out of the room, he spoke not a word as he picked up his hat and walked out the door.

"He's leaving!" Audra jumped to her feet as she looked out the window and saw her brother mounting his horse.

"Calm down," Jarrod spoke up. "First off, he just lost his wife. Second, stop and think." He gave his sister a look of disbelief. "Do you really think he'll ride away before he's even buried her?"

Audra felt quite foolish as Jarrod pointed out the obvious to her. She looked toward the bedroom door, and felt a twinge of guilt for acting like the young woman's death meant nothing to her; it, the death, upset Audra a great deal. "I can't believe she's gone. She was looking better than she in weeks."

"I know, but she is and," Victoria said as she looked out the window and watched her middle son disappear out of sight, "there is nothing we can do now but to be here for him."

Jarrod picked up his hat and headed out of the house. He had a few things to get done early, what with a funeral to deal with. Heath too grabbed his hat and left, though he had no intention of going back to McCall and the boys. He'd tracked Nick on more than one occasion. His brother may not know him, but he still going to be there for him. That is, if 'Patrick' would let him.

Jarrod was just mounting Jingo when Heath shut the front door behind him. "If McCall makes it back to the stables before I do," Heath mounted Charger and looked at Jarrod, "would you apologize for me? I'm going to go on a ride."

Jarrod knew full well where, and what, his brother intended to do. He couldn't blame him; he wasn't going to try to stop him, but he was going to warn him. "He may not want to see you, Heath. Remember he thinks, thanks to this interruption, is most likely thinking he was no more than our foreman for close to eight years."

Heath knew that, but he wasn't changing his mind. He had to do what he could. "I know that," he replied as he put Charger on a dead run in the direction 'Patrick' had gone.