AN: so I'm at a crossroad with who I want her to end up with, so you guys should totally let me know what you think, so far Hap is winning On another note, I picture my Mac like a version of Chibs and Bobby mixed together, personality wise not looks. He is the voice of reason when everyone else is going crazy! Well I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter, let me know if you have any questions : ) cant wait to hear what you think! Please review! Hap does something huge and sweet and I hope you like it because I know that I loved it when I came up with the idea and even though it could of turned out better but I still like it let me know how it is pretty please

Oh and check out my poll and vote! I want to know what all you people think and who you want T to end up with : )

The trinity enjoyed their vacation. They went out to the bars at night and spent their days on the beach. T seemed better than when they arrived and the girls hoped she stayed that way. They weren't too sure that T was ready to come back, but they needed to get back. It made them feel guilty though because T was always putting everyone's needs before her own. It was something that they all took advantage of and until this recent breakdown, they hadn't noticed.

T was happy on the beach, listening to music with her girls and just relaxing. She knew she wasn't ready to go back but they left the next morning and she knew better than to run. After all running didn't look good on her and it didn't agree with her and this was the second time in a month she had been running. She was tired of running and she was tired of drama, but disappearing just wasn't an option. Not while Ana still needed her at least. T shook her head, she would have plenty of time to deal with that later for now she just wanted to enjoy her last day on the beach.

D had been quiet ever since his phone call with T. He hoped that Ronnie was right but he had a feeling that he majorly fucked up by what he said. D did what the club needed, he worked during the day and at night he would go to his house and work on it. Every night before going back to the clubhouse he would sit on the beach. He imagined T sitting there with him, walking through the house he envisioned T in all the rooms, in the kitchen big and pregnant, laying on the bed beneath him and even swinging on the porch with him while the kids played in the yard. Every time he stepped foot in the house he felt like a stake was being driven through his heart, but he needed to do it. Because if Ronnie was right, T would be back and they would need a place to live. She would be back eventually anyways because she needed to get her car, but D hoped that she would come back to stay.

He had started the repairs on the house, and a lot of work needed to be done. Yesterday when they landed D headed straight to the house to see what all needed to be done, and today he had stood watch while the Plummer did his work. Tomorrow the electrician would come and than he would move on to the other stuff. He would have to call Ronnie and have her call Sarah to figure out if T would like carpet or wood floors better, and what colors to paint the walls. He would leave the house empty, for T to decorate if she did come back.

Ana was excited that T was coming home, but she was bored. It was summer time and she usually spent most of her time with T. T had kept her promise and called her every day. Ana wished that she would of gotten to go with but she understood it was a split second decision and that she needed space. Ana had already decided where she did want to go though and T said as long as Jonny and Sarah said it was okay they would. Ana wanted to go to Florida with T to pick up her car, T said that they could stop anywhere she wanted too. Ana was excited because they would take as much time as they wanted coming back. As long as they were back before school started, Ana figured that they would leave at the beginning of August. Ana knew that the first place T would come would be to her house so she had already packed a bag. T would be home tomorrow and for Ana tomorrow couldn't come quick enough.

Marcy and Lonnie stared at T as they boarded the plane. She had already had her daily call with Ana and since hanging up she hadn't said anything. Marcy and Lonnie were even more worried when T still hadn't talked and they were half way home.

"You straight girl?" Lonnie asked

"I'm good" T responded in a monotone.

That tone made them worry even more. T was cutting off her feelings again, and that upset them. With D around T had been so much more like Tay that they had forgotten how she was when she was in killer mode. She was calm and her face showed nothing. They started to worry than that maybe three days had not been enough. Shit who were they kidding they knew that three days wasn't enough. They had failed her once again. Making them realize that they were no better than everyone else. Marcy and Lonnie shared a look.

"Too late to turn back now." Marcy whispered.

"Guess we will just have to see how this plays out." Lonnie answered.

Marcy nodded, but at that moment she wished she had made different choices.

Jonny paced around his living room nervously. Sarah sat at the couch looking at the door every so often. Jonny glanced at Koz and Hap. They had found out when her flight landed and showed up at Jonny's house twenty minutes before her plane landed. Jonny knew that Ana had already packed a bag and neither he or Sarah had the heart to tell her she couldn't go with T when ever she showed up. He knew that it wouldn't be worth the fight and after all the only real reason T was even coming back was because of Ana.

Jonny stopped pacing when he heard the car pull up. Everyone looked at the door, Jonny noticed Ana come out of her room from the corner of his eye. T didn't even knock she just walked in. They all watched Ana rush to T, giving her a hug while clutching to the bag in her hand. T glanced around the room quickly but looked back down at Ana with a huge smile.

"Baby, I got you something while I was gone. Why don't you go say goodbye to everyone?" T suggested. Ana picked up junior and gave him a kiss, before giving Jonny and Sarah hugs. She walked back towards T. Jonny watched her lean down and whisper something in Ana's ear, before handing her the car keys and heading out of the door. Junior looked up at T.

"Auntie" He screamed before running to her. T picked him up and kissed his head. She handed him a three cars. Junior kissed her before getting down and running to his room to play with his new toys.

"So whats up guys?" T asked once Junior had left the room. Sarah stood up and walked towards her. She reached out and gave her a hug.

"Welcome home." Sarah said.

T nodded in response. While looking straight at Jonny, Hap and Koz took a step forward.

"Look Ana is in the car, I just got off of a long ass flight and I don't really feel like having this fight right now. So can we just deal with this tomorrow or the next day. I will come by the shop after I drop Ana off." T told them all, looking pointedly at Hap and Koz.

Jonny walked forward and gave her a hug."What ever you want little sis. I'll see you soon."

T nodded "Later guys"

Koz watched T leave. She didn't even really acknowledge him or Hap, which pissed him off. Koz and Hap shared a look as she left. "Guess she still hates us" Koz said.

Jonny laughed, causing him and Hap to look towards him.

"That will never change. You guys fucked up way too many times and the shit with D was the last straw. She's only even back for Ana. She's done with the rest of us. We pushed and demanded and never gave anything in return. I don't blame her. We will all talk it out in a couple of days but I wouldn't count out Florida just yet. After all she does have to go back and get her baby." Jonny told them before holding open the door.

"So I will see you guys tomorrow. Have a good night."

Koz looked at him, but walked towards the door anyways. Shit he had thought that they made progress what with her answering Hap's call and all, but guess he thought wrong. Koz mounted his bike and pulled out of the driveway. The drive back to the clubhouse was short but Koz kept replaying everything he had ever been through with T. He realized that he really was a fucked up a person and that T just might not ever forgive him. He figured that in a couple days he would really know how she felt, but for now he would keep his hope. After all she was the fucking perfect match for him. Or Hap or really any SAA.

As Hap and Koz pulled into the clubhouse, Hap looked at Koz.

"At least we got a couple days before we really know how she feels and how much shit will actually change around here. I don't think we got much of a chance though." Hap said.

Koz nodded his head in agreement. Well theres always sweet butts he thought as he walked into the club house and saw Maria sitting at the bar, waiting for what he assumed was him.

T and Ana just hung out listening to music and watching movies, while talking about everything. Ana wondered what was going to change. T told Ana that a lot of shit might change but nothing would ever keep her away from Ana. Ana smiled at that, they went to bed early that night with plans to go to the mall the next day. Shopping movies and makeovers were always a good way to welcome change.

The mall with Ana had been fun. T was relaxed and she figured that now was as good of a time as any to have this talk with the guys. She needed to get it all out of her system and they needed to get it out of theirs before it exploded. Flipping her phone open she called Jonny.

"Hey, I'm going to drop Ana off an a hour. So you want to do this now?" T asked Jonny

"Yeah, I'll get the guys. See you soon little sis" Jonny said before hanging up

Jonny sat at his desk at the shop. His mind was whirling, he knew that they all needed to sit down and talk but he was hoping that by the time they did he would know what he wanted to say. He knew that he needed to apologize but after that he was at a loss. He wasn't sure what T was going to say. He knew that she wouldn't be leaving again anytime soon. Not while Ana was still on summer break at least. Ana was her number one priority and whatever she wanted came first, everyone knew that. Jonny realized that a whole lot of shit was about to change around there and he wasn't too sure if he was going to like it or not. T was a force to be reckoned with though, and no one would ever be going against her wishes again. Jonny typed out a quick text to the guys, this wasn't a whole club matter more like a Jonny, Koz and Happy matter. Jonny decided to text Mac too, after all the VP knew all the drama that had been going down lately. Mac had been telling Jonny for months that he needed to pull his head out of his ass before T flipped out. A broken killer is a danger to everyone, but mostly herself. You need to talk to her and fix this shit before it goes too far and no one can get her back, not even Ana. Jonny let Mac's words spin around his head, and he mentally slapped himself for never listening. Mac was smart and he saw shit no one else did. Jonny regretted not listening to him because he never wanted it to come to this. Jonny hated not knowing what was to come, he didn't want to lose her.

T walked into the clubhouse, stopping at the bar for a couple of shots and a beer. Jonny took the seat next to her.

"Just waiting on Koz and Hap, didn't think it needed to be a whole club meeting." Jonny told her.

T just nodded in response, motioning for two more shots. Jonny tapped her arm and nodded his head toward the chapel. T stood up and followed him in, Koz and Hap trailing behind her.

"So shits going to change around here huh?" Jonny asked.

T didn't say anything at first. She just looked at the men who used to mean the world to her. She was sad that they had broken her heart too many times to count.

"Running has never been my thing, and in the past month I've ran twice. I hate that I am at the point where I need to run away or kill someone. But I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of being used and bossed around and told where to go. I'm not an old lady and I don't wear a patch. On top of that I have more than paid my debt to this club in the past two years. I love being able to help you guys but you have taken it for granted and I have been letting you. I wont anymore. You want or need something, ask me and I mean with a please and a fucking thank you. You all say you love me and care about me and would be lost without me, but look at how you treat me. You wouldn't even treat a dog as bad as me. Shit you don't even treat the sweet butts as bad as me. Ana asked me why I hated this life when everyone respects me. The thing with that though is that no one respects me, they fear me. Sweet butts are afraid that they will end up in a ditch if they fuck with someone that they think I lay claims on. Most of the club members are afraid that I'll kill there ass if they say something wrong. Truthfully, maybe I would but fear doesn't equal respect in any shape way or form. You all want and expect respect from me, but where is mine?" T asked.

Jonny didn't say anything, and neither did the guys. T sat still, killer face in place. Her whole speech had been delivered in a monotone. Jonny was trying to think of the right words to say. He didn't even know how to explain how bad he felt.

"To be honest, I guess until recently I never really noticed that you hated your life. I never really paid attention to how much we took without giving back until Ronnie pointed it out. Maybe I just didn't want to see it. I didn't want to believe that I failed you as much as I have. I'm sorry you know. You're my little sister and I couldn't picture my life without you in it. You needed me and honestly I needed you too, I still do. Not because you're the best killer this club has seen, but because you are my best friend. You and me have always been close that's why when your dad called and asked me to take you in I did. I know how it feels to hate your parents, so I did everything I could to be your brother not your father. I fucked up in some serious ways letting you become a killer but I didn't have the heart to tell you no. I honestly hoped that you would give up or that these two would say no. I should of stopped all this drama way before I did. I let them treat you like that, and it was wrong. I will spend the rest of my life trying to repay you for fucking your life up." Jonny said.

T nodded in response. Jonny knew it would take time but he hoped that they would be able to repair their relationship. Ever since they were younger, T had never been able to stay mad at him for long and he could never stay mad at her. All he ever really wanted was for her to be happy.

"Don't take all the blame on yourself. I chose this life, but I didn't think of all of the consequences. I just wanted to be with Koz or Hap. I thought that becoming like them, giving us something more in common would bring us closer but I was wrong. I didn't get what I wanted, I didn't even get close to it." T told him looking at Hap and Koz.

Jonny glanced at them, both were looking down or away. Jonny could read the guilt in their expressions. They all sat their quietly, waiting for someone else to say something.

Koz looked at T, playing out the words in his head. Even though he thought that they sounded good in his head, they would probably come out fucked up.

"I am sorry. I don't know what else I can say. I cant change the shit I have said and done. I regret some of them. I'm not a mind reader though so I had no clue what you wanted. If you would of came out and said that it wouldn't of went this route. I would of taught you to shot and if you really wanted to be like me I still would of taught you. I would of made you my old lady first though. If I could go back and change shit, I would, we all would. But we cant we just have to make do with what he have left. I get why your mad and it sucks that you feel that way, but no one can change overnight. I will try though."

T stared at him. She didn't blink or change her expression. Even her eyes were dead, something neither he or Hap could do. After what felt like forever, T nodded at him. Sitting quietly for a couple minutes waiting for Hap to say something, T decided that she was wasting her time and stood up. All of the men looked at her.

"You and Sarah need to talk. Ana wants to come with me when I go to get my car in Florida. I told her its fine with me as long as you guys agree. I told her we can stop where ever she wants on the way back. You guys talk about it and let me know. I want to leave the 1st of August." T told Jonny.

T grabbed her purse and walked out of the room. She smiled as Mac approached her. The pair walked outside and sat on the table.

"No more running baby girl." Mac told her, before he lit is cigarette.

"No more running" T agreed, putting her own cigarette to her mouth and accepting a light from Mac.

They smoked quietly for a while, before Mac spoke again

"Zeke and Jonny, they weren't really trying to boss you around with the Florida thing ya know. They all thought you would be going there anyways. Zeke looks at you like a daughter and he just wants whats best for you. And your Jonny's little sister, even though he has a fucked up way of showing it. He is and was trying to do whats going to make you the happiest. D did that, he took away some of your demons. You smiled, you laughed, you looked like you were living life again. Not just the killer life, but like you found a balance finally. We have all been trying to get you to that point and D did it in under a week. Marcy and Lonnie said he had you calmed down in five minutes where it takes them, Sarah and us hours to get you back down." Mac said giving her a side glance.

T turned and looked at him.

"You know it's a good thing that your VP because you see the shit that everyone always misses." T told him.

"So do you, we're a lot alike you know. People take us for granted but we never give up trying. Better to live life trying and learning, than to crawl under a rock and hiding when shit gets tough. You'll figure it out."

T just shot him a smile.

"Oh and Hap will come around, you know how he is. Talking really isn't his thing, and its even harder when there's a shit load of people around. He told Glen and Clay he's going to be sticking around Tacoma for a little bit longer."

"Glen? I thought he patched into Charming?" T asked

"Not yet, soon probably but with all the drama going on down there I think hes waiting for it to calm down a little bit. Besides he still has to fix shit with you. No idea what he's planning but I know that he never leaves shit unfinished." Mac replied.

T just nodded. Mac laughed at the look on her face. He knew she wasn't really that keen on being around Hap or Koz any more than need be but Mac was sure that Hap has something up his sleeve, the crazy fucker always did.

T hopped off the table and gave Mac a hug before heading for her car. T didn't even notice the tablet sitting on her passenger seat until she got home. She grabbed her purse and noticed it was sitting on, what looked like a drawing book. T picked it up and examined it. She decided that she wasn't sure if she was ready to look at it yet. She had a feeling that she knew who it belonged too, and she wasn't sure she wanted to go down that path yet. She climbed out of the car and took the stairs two at a time to the door. Walking into the house Marcy and Lonnie were sitting on the couch, in their pajamas.

"Come on Tay! Girls night in! Go get changed!" Lonnie yelled at her.

T laughed and walked through the kitchen towards her bedroom. She threw the drawing book and her purse on her bed. Before walking to her dresser and pulling out her PJ's. After changing she walked back towards the living room and took the middle spot. A bottle of walker already on the table, T poured a shot and slammed it before leaning back onto the couch.

"What's the occasion?" She asked

"We both got our jobs. Start next week!" Lonnie squealed

T and Marcy both laughed at her. Lonnie always squealed when she was excited.

"You going to start looking for a job now T?" Lonnie asked.

T thought for a moment before shaking her head.

"Got plenty of money saved up, maybe when Ana goes back to school. Besides I still got shit to deal with, whenever I get a job I want to walk into it as drama free as possible." T replied

"Talk didn't go so well huh?" Marcy asked with concern.

"Well it went okay. Jonny feels really shitty and Koz even feels bad. Hap didn't say anything at all but I didn't really expect him to and Mac put some shit in prospective for me."

"Mac is a smart dude. He sees everything. He'll make a good pres someday." Marcy told her.

"Yeah he will." T agreed.

They spent the rest of the rest of the night getting drunk and watching movies. T climbed into bed at four in the morning. She laid there for twenty minutes before curiosity got the best of her and she flipped on the bedside table lamp. She picked up Hap's book and flipped it open to the first page. It was a picture of her, dated a few weeks before she went to juive. The next page, was of her the day she got out sitting in the clubhouse a huge smile on her face. The next page was of the first time she went shooting with Hap. He captured the look of concentration on her face perfectly. She looked so relaxed. Flipping through the book, it was all pictures of her. She stopped at a picture of her that was in the middle of book. It was a picture of her, from what looked like the first time she went to Charming. She looked closely, and Hap had even captured the lack of emotion in her eyes. She stared at that picture for a long time before she went back to flipping through more of pictures. She stopped again at a picture that looked to represent the day she came home from the Bahamas, of her talking to Ana. T really liked that one. She loved how he seemed to capture how she was feeling at that moment. The way she looked at Ana, and it made her wonder if that was how she always looked at her. There was a picture of T in what looked to be a wedding dress, she looked beautiful. T couldn't get over the detail that Hap had drawn. There was a drawing of her with a big round belly, her holding a baby, another one of her pregnant while talking to a little boy who looked like a mix between her and Happy. She kept flipping pages and she realized that Hap had drawn what her life was, is and what he had wanted it to be like. The second to last page was a huge drawn out crow, it was very detailed and it looked like it would take forever to tat. She could tell that it was Hap's crow, the gun with the happy face all screamed Happy. The last page was a letter,

Tay,

I started drawing these a long ass time ago. This is how I see you, this is what I saw when I thought of the future. Now when I look to the future all I see is black wide open space. From the first time I laid eyes on you I saw this, and now you have seen it. No one has ever seen this book except for you. I suck with words and explaining how I feel, shit sometimes I even suck at showing it. I know that this future is gone, but I thought that the only way to explain that I really do love you was to show you this. Take the pictures that you really want from it and when your down with it, I would like to have it back. Its nice to pretend that I had this, instead of facing the reality that my future is now consumed with darkness. This is still your future, with someone.

I love you and I'm sorry that I didn't give you what you wanted.

Happy

T put the book down and let the tears fall down her face. Placing the book gently back on her night stand she turned the lamp off and leaned back into her pillows. Maybe she wasn't as good at reading people as she thought. Hap really did love her, his drawings showed her that. All of them were dated, and most of them were dated before all of this drama went down. Closing her eyes, she realized that love wasn't always as easy to show as she thought. Thinking of the pictures in her mind, one kept popping up. She remembered that day. She was sitting on Happy's bike watching his shoot at the paper targets. The look of love in her eyes was clear as the sun on a bright day. T couldn't help but wonder when life had gotten so fucked up. She kept trying to pin point a day, a week, or a month but she couldn't. She knew that she had changed while everyone else had stayed the same. Maybe it wasn't that they didn't love her, but that she had quit loving them. Searching around she looked for the love she had for him, it was still there but it had faded and was mixed with a whole hell of a lot of hate. T realized that after seeing what he really did, and doing that shit with him it changed her feelings. She didn't worship him, she pitied him because she hated herself and she figured that if she hated herself so much after one kill, that Hap had to really hate himself. It took her a really long time and a lot of kills to see that Hap didn't hate himself, that just like her in some sick, twisted and horribly disgusting way, she enjoyed it. She liked knowing that she could keep the people that she loved safe, that if something ever happened she would be able to protect them and herself. T closed her eyes, and let sleep take her over all of the pictures Hap had drawn showed up in her dreams. She saw them as a movie with colors and everything, the future she had never even dreamed of but now wanted more than anything.

Happy still hadn't said anything, and T had been gone for hours. Mac took a seat next to him. Mac watched the killer, and he could tell that even though he hadn't spoken up in the room with the guys when they had their talk with T, he had already made his move.

"Give it some time killer, she'll come around." he said

Hap looked at him for a long time before speaking

"I have no clue if I did the right thing or not. I guess I just have to wait it out and see." Hap replied.

Mac nodded. He didn't know what Hap had done, and he didn't need to. He could see the stress written all over him. Happy was a calm man, who did what he needed for the club and the people he loved. That was why he went nomad in the first place. So he could be closer to his mom, Glen and Clay let him spend a lot of time in Charming which was way closer to his mom's nursing home than Tacoma. Mac had watched Hap agonize over that decision for a long time, leaving Tacoma meant leaving T. That was when Hap and Koz had pulled that tat stunt. Hap had told Mac that he wanted to make sure that everyone knew she was spoken for even if he wasn't around. Mac had been shocked that Hap called him drunk from Charming after reading the letter T left him when she went to Florida. Hap was never really one for talking but that night he said a whole lot, and Mac was good at reading between the lines. Mac was just as confused about what T should do as she was. Too many people loved her, at one point even he had but the drama that went down with Hap and Koz had changed his prospective. It changed his love to a platonic love instead. She didn't need anyone else fighting over her, T had been stressed and at the edge of breaking for so long. Mac was surprised that it took as long as it had. His only hope was that everyone would come out of this as whole as possible. Koz seemed to be spending more time with that sweet butt Maria who only ever hooked up with Koz himself. Mac had talked to Jay, they had became close while he was here, and had learned that D was still fixing up the house he owned in Florida in hopes of T coming back to him. And Happy, Mac didn't even know what would happen with Hap. He knew for sure that Hap would eventually get patched into Charming, but he didn't think that Hap would ever love again if T didn't find it in her to forgive him. Mac wasn't to sure who would get her, if any of them. Mac figured that within the next couple days he would have to call her and get her to go out to lunch with him. He needed to figure out where her head was at on everything, and she probably needed help figuring shit out herself. Mac just hoped that T would survive all of this, because she was too good of a woman to end up single for the rest of her life.

T hadn't been to the clubhouse or even contacted any of the sons in a couple days. She couldn't wrap her head around anything. She had talked to Ronnie and learned that D was fixing up his house and leaving it empty in hopes that T would move there. Happy's book was still sitting on her bedside table. She had learned that Koz had been spending a lot of time with Maria. T was happy for them, Maria had been in love with Koz for a long ass time. She knew that she was for sure through with Koz, but Hap and D were different. Each of them loved her so much, and she didn't know if she could break either of their hearts. She knew that it didn't matter though because someone was going to get hurt, shit they all might. She tried to analyze her options but they all lead to someone getting hurt. T threw herself back onto her bed. Why could her life ever be easy? All she wanted to do was find a man, settle down, get married and start a family. Why did it have to be so hard? Being completely honest with herself wasn't any easier. She kept trying to weigh D and Hap on the same scale but the two were as different as two people could possibly be. Both had good and bad qualities, both had hurt her, and honestly neither of them deserved her. Either way she wouldn't have to see the other one all that often, because if she chose D she would be moving to Florida, and if she chose Hap… well who knows what that man's plans are. Speaking of Hap, it had been a long time since she had went to visit his mom. She knew that she would have to go soon. She had already called and asked when she was coming to visit and she felt shitty for not having the balls to do it sooner. T groaned as her phone rang.

"What?" She bit out.

"Damn girl, I was just going to see if you wanted to get lunch." Mac replied.

T let out a huge sigh.

"Sorry Mac, yeah I would love lunch I've been spending way too much time in my head." She replied.

"Okay you wanna meet there or you want me to pick you up?" He asked

"How about we meet in thirty?" She asked.

"Sure thing baby girl, see you than." He said before hanging up.

T reluctantly climbed out of bed. She got dressed, as she went to grab her bag, she glanced at Hap's sketch book. She wanted to show it to someone, she needed someone to help her gain some perspective and no one was better for the job than Mac. No she decided and shook her head. She turned around to walk out of the door, but changed her mind at the last minute and grabbed the book. She stuffed it in her bag and walked out of her room. She didn't have to show him, but if she ended up wanting to, it would be good to have just in case.

T pulled up to the diner and walked in. She took her usual booth in the back and looked out at the lot. Mac would be here soon, and she knew that he was going to help her figure this out or at least figure out where her head is at. She watched Mac's bike pull into the lot, and she relaxed slightly. Hopefully he could help her, because right now she could hardly tell her ass from her head.

Mac slid into the booth seat across from T, and he could tell just from looking at her that she was dead serious about being stuck in her head. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun, and he could see the bags under her eyes from her lack of sleep. Mac smiled at the waitress as she came over to take their order. Once she was gone Mac looked straight at her

"Alright, spill."

T just looked at him, while trying not to smile

"What are you a spy now?" She asked "I thought you missed me and that's why you wanted to get lunch"

"No I'm not no freaking spy, you know whatever we talk about stays between us and I did miss you but when its been two days since anyone has seen you, Ana included I knew that you needed to talk. So here I am to get you out of your head and back into the real world. Besides you only have two more weeks before you and Ana go on your road trip and you need to clear your head so you can enjoy your trip." He told her.

T didn't say anything again until the waitress had brought them their food. T let out a huge sigh, before taking a bite.

"I talked to Ronnie and she said that D is fixing up his house down there in hopes that I will come back, I learned that Koz has been spending lots of time with Maria which is a good thing, and than well there is Hap…." She trailed off looking down at her food, before taking another bite. Mac let her words hang there for a little while. He figured that it would come down between D and Hap, but he really wondered what Hap had did that even put him back into the mix. She still hadn't finished that thought by the time he was finished with his food so he looked at her.

"Hap what?" He asked gently.

T's head shot up and she looked at him. He could tell that she had forgotten that he was even there because she looked confused for a moment before sighing heavily again.

"Promise me, that you will not tell anyone about this and that you will never mention this to Hap?" She asked him.

"I promise" Mac replied

He watched as T opened her bag and pulled out a sketch book. Mac didn't say anything, but he figured that it was one of Hap's books. So that's what he did. Mac thought to himself. Well it had to be good to have her as shaken up as she was. Mac took the book from T's out stretched hand.

Opening the book, Mac was shocked. He examined each picture carefully before he looked back at her. Mac was amazed that almost the whole book was filled, and all with pictures of T. Some of the pictures confused him until he looked at the letter on the last page. No wonder she was so shaken up, the life she had always wanted was drawn out for her. In black and white all sketched by one of the men she loved. Most of the drawings were drawn even before everything bad went down. Shit Hap been drawing these for almost five years. His favorite one was of T standing with her back to the drawer, you could only see part of her face, but she looked so at peace. He left it open to that page and showed it to her.

"Where was this?" He asked her.

Mac watched as T studied the picture.

"It was at this place me and Hap always stopped at when we went to visit his mom. It was tradition. I had to pee one time and there wasn't a rest stop around so we stopped there. It was beautiful and ever since that one time we always stopped there. That is from the last time I went to visit with him, over a year ago. Right before the tat stunt, it was the day that I found out he was going Nomad." T told him

Mac nodded, he knew from the date that it was a couple days after he said he wanted to go Nomad, it was the day before the club voted. Mac could tell from looking closer at the picture that he had just told her that he was leaving. Her eyes held a heavy sadness mixed with understanding but she still stood strong and except for the eyes she still looked peaceful. T took the book from him and flipped to a different page.

"Do I always look at her like this?" She asked turning the book back to him.

Mac noticed it was the picture of her looking down on Ana, the day she came home from the Bahamas. Mac had looked closely at that picture for a long time as well.

"Always" he nodded.

T closed the book than and put it back in her bag. Mac watched her for awhile longer. He looked at her food. She hadn't eaten much, he noticed that mostly she just played with it. Mac waved the waitress over for the bill. T didnt even look up as he paid. He tapped her gently as the waitress brought back his change. Her number written on the receipt, he just shoved it in his pocket. He had bigger things to worry about at the moment than pussy.

T looked up at him,

"Lets go for a ride. We got some shit to discuss." Mac told her.

T nodded and stood up, walking out of the diner and towards her car. Mac waited by her bike as she popped the trunk and pulled out her riding jacket and helmet. Mac climbed up on his bike and T climbed behind him. Once her arms were wrapped around his waist he took off. They rode for a long time, going nowhere and everywhere all at once. He could feel her relaxing, a couple times she even let go of him and threw her arms out. Mac pulled up to a spot that he liked to think at, and cut the engine.

T climbed off of the bike and looked out at the water. Mac lead her to a spot to sit down.

'So whats going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He asked her

"No matter what I choose someone is going to get hurt. Koz is basically moved on so it will hurt him a little bit but mostly it will hurt his pride. D is getting a house ready in hopes that I will come back and Hap doesn't see shit in his future but a long ass black road. I don't want to move around with Hap if he stays Nomad, and I really don't want to move to Charming. I don't want to move to Florida either, I cant leave Ana. If I choose no one, we will all be hurt. I thought that Hap didn't love me but what I realized is that I had turned my love for him into hate because I needed someone to blame for the fact that I chose a life I hate. Once I actually sat down and thought about it I realized that I still love him just as much as I always have, I just didn't want to. D changed me, he helped me find a balance. The only reason Hap and Koz could never help me was because I didn't want them too, I didn't want to love them anymore, I wanted to hate them. If I don't go to Florida D will be broken and who the hell knows what he will do and he will be hurt. If I choose Hap, D will be hurt and I don't even know what the hell Hap's plans are and where the hell I would fit in with them. If I choose no one, we will all be hurt. No matter what I do I am going to get hurt. I will feel shitty for choosing one over the other but if I don't choose anyone maybe we could form some type of a friendship. I don't really know Mac. The best plan I have come up with is that I choose no one and who ever moves on first, I take the other person. But that's a shitty plan and who even knows if they will move on. I really don't think Hap will but I have no clue about D. All I know is that they are both trying to give me the life I want and I feel like an ungrateful bitch." T explained

Mac nodded. She really was that lost. She wasn't leaning more towards one than the other. Sarah had told Mac that Ronnie said that D and T had a love like Ronnie and Zeke or Sarah and Jonny. Mac though, he wasn't so sure.

"Well you know your options, so I guess the best thing for you to do would be to sit down and talk to both of them. You need to talk to Hap and see what his plans are and when you go to Florida your going to have to talk to D. I cant tell you who to choose, no one can decided that but you. I will tell you that you need to quit over thinking it and just let shit happen. It will be easier on you and them. If in the end you don't choose either than you know it wasn't meant to be. They both hurt you, and they know that so they are not expecting you to make up your mind at all. I don't know D well so I cant really speak for him, but there is some shit that went down with Hap that you need to hear, and when you go down to Florida talk to Jay about D and how he has been." Mac said giving her a pointed look.

T nodded and sat quietly waiting for Mac to continue.

"Hap called me very fucking drunk after he read your letter and talked to you. I have never heard him talk that much. He was outraged that you thought he didn't love you, and that shit actually hurt his feelings and aside from his mom, in the 15 years I have known Hap I have never seen him act like that except for when his mom got sick and he had to put her in the home. I don't know for sure but I would even bet that he cried that night. Hap has never once loved anyone and he loves you, a whole hell of a lot. That book shows that, some of the pictures are drawn with Hap's eye. That is how he sees you, I never once heard him talk about wanting kids, in fact I thought that he hated them. I was wrong, he wants them with you. He wants the whole thing with you marriage, kids, settle down in a house, shit he would probably even let you have a dog. That man doesn't show a lot of good emotions but when he does they are fucking strong. I know that Hap can be your rock, that if you let him he will help you find a balance and keep you anchored to the earth. However you choose, take your time and make sure that its what you really want and that you know what you are giving up. No one is in a hurry and you don't need to be. Let shit fall where it is for awhile and see how it turns out and go from there." Mac told her sincerely.

T nodded and hugged him.

"Now come on lets get back, and you should talk to Hap soon. Plus Ana really misses you, we all do." Mac told her as they walked back towards his bike. T gave him a big smile as she climbed on.

Mac was just happy to see her smile again, she didn't look so lost anymore.

T climbed in her car once Mac let her off his bike. She pulled her phone out of her bag. Holding Hap's book in one hand and her phone in the other, she hit the talk button.

Hap answered on the third ring.

'Hello" he said in his gruff tone.

"Hey, umm I think we need to talk." She told him

"Okay. When?" Hap asked.

"Well, your mom called me and asked me to come and visit. So if you don't mind I thought maybe we could go down one day this week and see her and than talk?" She asked

"Okay, I planned on going on Wednesday, that work for you?"

"Yeah, that's good. So the usual time than?"

"You riding with me?" he sounded surprised

"If that's okay I would like too."

"Aight, I'll see you at the usual time than. Later T."

"Bye Hap."

T closed her phone and looked down at the book. She had opened it to the page of her talking to the little boy, his hand was on her belly. She wasn't sure why she kept stopping at that picture but she knew that it would be one of the ones she would kept whenever she decided to give him his book back.

T pulled out of the lot and headed towards Jonny's. She had plans to make with Ana, after all like Mac reminded her, only two weeks until they went on their cross country trip. She started to get excited than. T was happy that Mac snapped her back into reality, after all the world wouldn't stop just because she wanted it too. She thought as she pulled into the drive way and Ana and Junior came running out of the house. She had the biggest smile on her face as she climbed out of the car. Life could hold out for a little while longer, she wanted to just spend time with two of the people who she loved. Jonny and Sarah walked out of the house than too.

"I think a family day is way over do." T called out to them.

Jonny and Sarah both nodded as they all headed into the house.