Chapter 6 – Saying Goodbye

Bella

I slowly became aware of the fact that I was no longer at the beach. Instead I was nestled on my side in my bed, facing the window. Jasper was curled in tight behind me, his body shadowing my own. I sighed in contentment and his arm tightened around me. I would surely miss this, more than anything else.

I could tell by his breathing that he wasn't asleep yet, so I rolled over to see his face. He smiled gently at me and reached his hand up to smooth my unruly hair back from my face. I smiled back, but quickly became distracted by the sight of my door standing open. My eyes got wide and shot to his face. "The door's open!" I hissed urgently. How could he not notice when he came through the window?

"I know." He was way too calm. "You're not going to believe this." His voice sounded strange, like he couldn't decide if he found whatever it was he was about to tell me hilarious or terrifying. "Charlie knows."

"Knows what?" I asked in dread.

"He knows that I sleep here…all the time."

"What?" I was embarrassed to note that my whisper came out more of a shriek than anything else.

"He told me to just use the front door. He's tired of checking under the window every morning for my carcass." Jasper snorted, but I wasn't sure if it was because of Charlie's admonishment or his lack of faith in Jasper's tree-climbing skills.

"How long has he known?" I cringed, thinking about breakfast in the morning with my father.

"Who knows?" Jasper answered with a shrug. "Knowing Charlie, he's probably known from the beginning."

"How is that possible? Surely he would have put a stop to it long before now, Jasper. There's no way the Chief would be alright with his teenage daughter having a gentleman caller for the night."

"Gentleman caller," Jasper snickered and I jabbed him in the ribs with my finger.

"Shut it. You know what I mean."

"I don't know, Bells. All I know is that the man knows. We've probably been pretty arrogant not to have suspected it before this. I mean, nothing gets past him Bella."

I was silent for a bit, just letting all that sink in. Was it possible that Charlie had been turning a blind eye to my nightly indiscretions? Why? Jasper and I had grown up together, and there had been plenty of sleepovers when we were younger. Usually it was Jasper, Rose and I all together, though Jasper and I always ended up curled around each other while Rose slept separately. Even as a child Jasper would gravitate towards me in the night, calming my distressing nightly dreams with his presence. Eventually though, the parents put a stop to the slumber parties. That decision coincided with our movement from innocent children to pubescent teens. That was also the same time that Jasper and I got pretty adept at climbing my tree. So, about 3 or 4 years. Charlie had been ignoring Jasper in my bed for 3 or 4 years? I couldn't believe it.

Or could I? I thought of the few nights when I had slept in this bed alone for one reason or another. Invariably I awoke in the night, drenched in sweat, the blankets tangled around me, screaming for my mother or some other loved one. And on those nights, Charlie would come bursting through the door in a panic, still clad in his boxers, his hair standing in all directions, ready to fight my demons. Only he couldn't. There was nothing to fight. So, he'd just cradle me and shush me and try to hide the huge sadness in his eyes. I couldn't see Charlie condoning Japer and I sleeping together in normal circumstances, but if it meant me actually getting some peace each night? Oh hell yes. To get me through the night unscathed, Charlie would do much worse things than allow a boy he trusted to hold me in his arms. He might not have been able to verbally give his approval, but he would certainly pretend ignorance.

I was forever underestimating Charlie's love for me. Then he would do something to show his devotion in his quiet way and the realization would slap me upside the head, leaving me reeling with it and feeling undeserving.

"Charlie loves you," Jasper said, once again reading my mind. "There isn't much he wouldn't do for you. We're similar like that. It's why we get along so well. And probably why he's allowed it. I wouldn't try sneaking Mike Newton or Tyler up here, Bella. That could get ugly."

"Ugh, Jasper. Don't make me scream for Charlie. I'm pretty sure he'd put a bullet in your ass first and ask questions later if I cry for help while you're in my bed."

Jasper laughed, but then we just lay quietly for a bit. Jasper and I didn't need to fill the silence. We'd known each other too long for that. I knew there were things we needed to talk about tonight, but I wasn't ready for that yet. I'd seen the way he looked at Alice today. I knew that the relationship Jasper and I had grown accustomed to was ending. I was okay with that even if it did make me a little sad.

But, after tonight I was going to miss a lot of the intimacies that Jasper and I shared, and though the sexual aspect of our relationship wasn't at the top of the list, it was on the list.

I got up from the bed and padded over to my open door. Standing still and quiet, I cocked my head to the side, listening intently. In a moment, I could make out the faint sound of Charlie snoring on the other side of his closed bedroom door. I silently closed my door and moved back to the bed. Pulling off my clothes, I slid back under the covers naked. Watching me, Jasper sat up and pulled his tank over his head, dropping it over the side of the bed. There was some rustling under the covers as he slid out of his shorts and then he was pulling me to him, his hot skin pressed against mine.

I buried my nose in the curve of his neck and breathed him in. There was no describing his scent. Just warm and home and safe and Jasper, mixed tonight with the smell of sun and sand and ocean. He smelled like summertime. I sighed softly before pulling back, and then his mouth was on mine, gentle and warm.

I opened up to him and his tongue slid in and mingled with mine. He wrapped his arms more tightly around my waist and rolled slightly so that he was partially on top of me, his thigh pressed between my legs. I grabbed his upper lip with my own and sucked a little, dragging my teeth across it as I released him, causing him to grip my ass with one hand and push me harder against his thigh. I could feel him hard and hot against my stomach and I grinned a little into his mouth.

I felt his smile in response, before it was replaced with more slow kisses that went on and on. Languorous tongue and soft presses of lips. He slid his tongue down my neck and then used teeth in the junction of my neck and shoulder, just where I liked it. "You taste like summertime," he whispered, echoing my earlier thought. It really was like we were one being sometimes. I pulled the lobe of his ear into my mouth and tugged at it, before flicking my tongue into his ear. And then it was Jasper and me, playful and loving and as comfortable as a favorite pair of sweats.

When his finger slid into me, I hummed in contentment and wrapped my hand around him between our bodies. He grunted quietly, his face pressed against my neck. "I love how wet you always are, hummingbird," he whispered reverently into my skin. He slid out of me and swirled his finger up higher and I arched off the bed. I was close already, but I slid my lower half away from him, not ready to have it end yet.

He looked at me questioningly and I whispered "I want to taste you," as I started sliding down his body.

His hand caught my hip swiftly, halting my progress. "Turn this way. I want to taste you too." I smiled into his chest, because that's what I wanted as well, and Jasper always knew just what I'd want. I sat up and flipped over, turning on my side to face him. He rolled towards me and propped himself up on one elbow to look at me. I watched him from below as he slid his hand down my side, dipping into the curve of my waste and then back up, his hand slowly hiking the hill of my hip, his eyes following the progress of his fingers. When he reached my thigh, he pulled his palm up, now just his fingertips trailing along my skin, gliding behind my knee and up my calf to my foot where it rested on the pillow. My eyes slid closed and a shiver raced down my spine. Jasper's lips turned up at the corners at my response.

Not to be outdone, I flicked my tongue over the tip of his erection, tasting the salt of him. He gasped and gripped my leg hard, pulling my knee towards him. I slid my tongue over him again, slower this time, wetting the length of him as he lifted my leg up and slid his head over to rest on my lower thigh.

This 69 business was something fairly new for me and Jasper. We'd had a few mishaps before we finally got it right. The first time was a near disaster. After some discussion, we'd decided on him being on top. It seemed to be alright until he shifted and his balls hit me in the forehead, which made me laugh out loud. That was a problem, because I already had him in my mouth and laughing made my throat relax and open up, allowing him to slide so deep into my throat that he was in danger of lodging in my vocal cords. I gagged, understandably, but the convulsions of my throat around his cock felt really, really good – to him – and he was really close to prematurely busting his nut before he registered my hands shoving at his hips to get free. He shot off me so fast that he fell out of bed as I rolled to the edge, sputtering and gagging and trying desperately not to upchuck all over him. When I'd finally calmed down and flopped backwards unto my back, he leaned over me in concern. I'd looked at him for a second before accusing, "Dude, you totally T-bagged me!" And then we were both laughing and covering each other's mouths, afraid that Charlie would hear. I was pretty certain he wouldn't find the idea that Jasper had slapped me in the head with his nut sack nearly as funny.

So after some false starts, we realized that lying on our sides like this was the most comfortable. We both had room to maneuver and it just felt like equal ground. And that was us. I realized with a start that it wasn't just the sex that I'd miss. It was the little things, like laughing together over an unsuccessful first 69. Or maybe I'd just miss the closeness that allows us to laugh over something that would leave most kids our age dying from embarrassment.

I felt Jasper's tongue sweep the length of me, and I focused back on the task at hand. And then there wasn't any thinking at all, just the feel of his tongue and lips on me and my mouth on him. I slid over the edge first, holding him in my mouth as I quivered and quaked, trying not to clamp my thighs too tightly around his head. After I came down, I turned my attention to him fully and soon he was shifting his hips back and forth, urging me to go faster and harder until he was gripping my thigh in his hand and gasping my name as I swallowed him down.

We lay quiet for awhile in the afterglow, each of us using the other's thigh as a pillow, before I slid back around and cuddled into his frame. He kissed my forehead and ran his fingertips up and down my back, stopping to trace the slightly elevated lines of my tatt.

I knew the time had come to let him go. I was probably even a bit selfish to have put it off until now, but I wanted to be with him one last time, knowing it was the last time. I wanted a chance to memorize the feel of him on me and around me and in me, before I let him go.

I pulled back enough to look at his face and smiled at him. "So, Alice, huh?" I asked. The smile that lit his face made my heart swell until I felt it might explode with happiness.

"She's amazing, isn't she?" He asked in wonder.

"Yeah, she is. She's pretty perfect for you."

"Do you think so?" He sounded a bit uncertain, which was so unlike him I had to snicker a little.

"I think so. And by the way she was looking at you all day, she thinks so too."

"Yeah?" And he smiled again. "I'm not quite sure what to do, Bella. I've never even asked a girl out on a date before."

"I'm sure you'll do fine, Jazz. Just be yourself. Get to know her a little. I can guarantee she will say yes to whatever you ask her. She'd be a fool not to."

He smiled at me and pecked me on the forehead again. "I'm really nervous. But excited too. It's weird. Like a butterfly convention in my belly whenever she's around. I'm not sure if I'm gonna break into song or puke on her." He laughed.

I laughed too. "Try not to puke on her. Or do. That would make for a pretty good first date story."

We smiled at each other for a moment and then his eyes narrowed at me. "What about you?" He asked.

"What about me?"

"What about you and Cullen?"

My face flamed red. He probably couldn't see it in the dark of my room, but I wouldn't be surprised if he felt the heat radiating off me. "I think you're talking to the wrong girl, Jazz. It's Rose that's got a thing for Cullen."

"I'm not talking about Emmett, Bella, as you know perfectly well."

"I know nothing. I admit nothing."

"Bullshit. I've never seen you look at a guy like that before."

"Like how?"

"Like the way you look at chocolate."

"How the hell do I look at chocolate?"

"Like you'll die a happy woman after one bite."

"I don't look at Edward like I want to bite him, Jasper. And one bite of chocolate is never enough," I huffed.

"Exactly! You look at him like you want to eat him. For dessert. And come back for seconds."

"Pfffshhh." I sputtered, unable to form any type of coherent response to that. Edward was beautiful and all, but so far out of my league it wasn't even fathomable.

"Pfffshhh? That's your response?"

"I don't know how else to respond. You're being ridiculous."

"Alright. If that's the way you're going to play it. I'll enjoy making you eat your words later." He grinned smugly as he trickled his fingers down my side. I gasped and tried to push away from him, but he only held me tighter and dug his fingers in a little deeper. "Quiet, don't want to wake Charlie," he admonished while tickling me mercilessly.

"Jasper, stop! Please!" I choked, trying not to squeal. He finally relaxed his fingers and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged him back before sliding out of bed to pull on a tank top and boxer shorts. I tiptoed over to the door and reopened it. When I slid back into bed, he'd pulled his night clothes back on as well.

I curled against his side and sighed. "I'm going to miss this," I whispered quietly.

He tipped my head up to look him in the face. "Hummingbird, I'm still going to be here for you. Always. I'm not going to be able to slap you in the face with my balls anymore, but are you really going to miss that?" He asked with a smile. I giggled a little, because he must have been thinking about that earlier as well.

"I don't mean all that. I mean, I'm going to miss being with you like that, but that isn't what we're about, you know?" He nodded to me, because he understood. Jasper and I were best friends. He was my savior and my co-conspirator, my playmate and my confidante. He was the one who made me laugh and wiped my tears away when I cried. He was many, many things to me, all of them more important than being my lover. It had never really been like that for me and Jasper. We fooled around and we enjoyed it, but we had gone through puberty together – in the same bed almost every night. Neither of us had ever had a significant other. It was only natural that we would experiment and develop our sexuality together. But in reality, it was much more common for us to curl up in bed together and talk for a bit before falling asleep. What happened tonight was more the exception than the rule.

"Bella, we're still going to be us. You're always going to be my best friend. I'm always going to be here for you and you're always going to be there for me. That part isn't going to change." He repeated firmly.

"I know that. But I will miss this," I said, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing him for emphasis. Then I pulled back and smiled at him. "But, it's high time I learned to sleep alone, anyway. In fact, it's probably way overdue." I gave him a brave face, but inside I was more than a little scared. Sleeping with someone curled around me kept the nightmares away. It didn't actually have to be Jasper, but who else would do it?

Jasper furrowed his eyebrows at me. "What are you talking about? I'm still going to sleep with you. It's just going to have to be PG again."

"Jasper," I admonished, exasperated. "Of course you're not going to sleep here with me anymore. You can't be with Alice and still sleep curled up with me," I told him reasonably

"I'll explain it to her, Bella. She'll understand."

I huffed at him. "She won't understand, Jasper. And even if she did, it wouldn't be fair to ask her to." He opened his mouth to argue, but I covered it gently with my hand. "Even understanding us the way I do. Even knowing that we will never touch each other inappropriately again and that it won't even be hard for us to keep to that rule. Even knowing all that, I wouldn't put up with it from a boyfriend, Jazz. And Alice shouldn't have to either." I told him firmly.

"But how are you going to sleep, hummingbird?" He asked, and his voice had a rawness to it that I couldn't mistake. This was the crux of the issue for Jasper. It wasn't that he didn't want to give this up. It was that he was worried about me. Jasper has been taking care of me since we were seven years old and he takes that job very seriously. It truly goes against his nature to do anything that he thinks will impact me negatively.

"I'll sleep a lot better, knowing that you've found a girl that makes your eyes light up and your belly fill with butterflies." He gave me a disbelieving snort and I rolled my eyes at him. "I might not sleep more peacefully, but I'll be able to look myself in the mirror every morning, and that's a lot more important to me than getting adequate rest."

His eyes softened as he gazed at me. He looked sad and so full of love for me that it stung my eyes a little. He kissed me again on the forehead before resting his own against mine. "I love you, hummingbird," he whispered against my face.

"I love you too, J. I can't tell you how happy I am that you've found Alice. I can't wait to see you in love and shining with it." I meant that completely. Jasper's heart was no small trifle. I'd been waiting patiently for a girl to come along who was worthy of it. Jasper seemed to think Alice was that girl, and I tended to agree with him. Jasper loving someone with his whole self would be an amazing thing to witness, and I'd have a front row seat.

We laid in silence then, and I eventually assumed our sleeping position, rolling over unto my stomach with my leg drawn up and bent at the knee. Jasper shifted to lie partially over me, his body a shadow of my own. Our position kept Jasper's weight from smothering me, but enough of it pressing down on me that I would feel it in my sleep. That's what I needed to keep the dreams away. I lay awake like that until I felt Jasper's breaths on my neck become even and deep, indicating his descent into sleep. I soaked in the feel of him behind me, reveling in this last night of safety until my eyes got heavy and began to close. As I drifted off, I opened my mouth one last time and whispered into the dark.

"Goodbye, Jasper."