Wreck-Gar

Author's Foreword:

It is actually kinda funny how I first came up with the idea. You see, I am learning to become a medical professional (nurse, doctor, whatever) and sometimes I imagine random funny things that can happen during appointments. This whole thing pretty much began with a joke:

Patient crawls into the office:

"Doctor! My legs have been blown off!"

"Walk it off ya sissy."

After telling that to C.M.D. we immediately agreed that TFA Shockwave would be the one to do something like this and so ... (to be continued)

"Next!"

This day was just plain out irritating from the start. First, he had to piece Bumbleebee back together, who just wouldn't get it into his thick little head that using boosters to roller-blade is not a good idea, especially not to go up the buildings from outside. Prowl got himself into a major beat down with Lockdown, again, but nothing Ratchet couldn't fix. Bulkhead's armor plating got bent when he accidentally "tripped over a pebble" and destroyed a whole city block. Fortunately, Optimus' appointment went smoothly without anything getting destroyed.

"I am Wreck-Gar! I am next!"

Taking in a deep breath, Ratchet prayed to the All-Spark not to explode into the junkbot's face like last time with the crazed malfunctioning garbage-consuming nanobots that nearly destroyed the whole town.

"What seems to be the problem, Wreck-Gar?"

"I am Wreck-Gar! I seem to have a problem!"

"So what is it kid?" The temptation to facepalm was growing exponentially greater with every line of conversation they exchanged.

"I am Wreck-Gar! I have joints that are hard to move! And they make screeching noises too!"

"Maybe if you cleaned yourself at least once in a while it wouldn't happen," the docbot thought to himself.

"All right kid, stand over here. I will see how oiled your joints are and whether there are any other problems."

"Ok! Do you need tools? I have lots of tools! I have blowtorches, screwdrivers, power saws, knives, an eggbeater …" Wreck-Gar took out a vibrating cone-shaped object with a thicker mushroom shaped end.

"THIS IS NOT AN EGGBEATER!"

"It-it's not?" Widening his eyes Wreck-Gar looked at the vibrating not-eggbeater in his servo, "Then what is it?"

"Trust me kid, you do NOT want to know," Ratchet used his super-charged magnets to throw the device in the incinerator. "There, now just be quiet. The faster we finish - the faster you can leave and do whatever it is that you usually do."

"I am Wreck-Gar! I will …"

With a sigh, Ratchet altered his sensors to tune out the junkbot's rambling to focus more on the screeching noises coming out of him when any of the joints were moved.

"Kid, imma gonna need you to lie down over here." The docbot glanced at Wreck-Gar's mouth and was content to see that as it moved, his sensors didn't register a single sound coming out of there.

After a few more minutes of close examination, Ratchet was finally able to identify the problem.

"Wreck-Gar," the docbot said as he tuned his sensors back to normal, "there is garbage in your joints."

"I am Wreck-Gar! I have garbage in my joints!"

"Yeap," Ratchet sighed, "There are two things we can do. I could remove the garbage with my magnets but I may miss some bits and pieces. The other thing that can be done is basically me taking you apart servo by servo, boiling you in a water solution with 75% alcohol content mixed with sulfuric acid, and running you through a drier that I had to improvise using the incinerator. That last one will actually save a lot of time but is less … pleasant … to put it lightly. It's up to you kid, not like I got more youngbots with their silly booboos for me to fix."

"Hm, this is an arguable question. I will use this thing to help me decide!"

Ratchet always wondered how the junkbot was able to fit all that garbage in his backpack and was always surprised with the most random of things Wreck-Gar pulled out of it. This time was no exception as well. Now it was the CMO's turn to widen his eyes as his youngbot patient took out a huge Soundwave toy.

"What the …"

"FLY FLY ROUND AND ROUND YOU GO~!" Wreck-Gar randomly pushed a few buttons on it and as it was playing, he took it by the arms, spinning the toy like crazy. Parts and bits of it began breaking off, flying all over the room and destroying lots of the docbot's new equipment "taken" from Sentinel's ship.

"WILL YOU SIT YOUR AFT DOWN!" Ratchet finally exploded after a few astroseconds of major twitching on his face. The CMO activated his magnets, grabbed the Soundwave toy causing Wreck-Gar to lose his balance, meaning to throw it in the incinerator but the junkbot collided with the docbot, knocking both of them to the floor with a loud crash.

"GET OFF ME!"

"All right Bumblebee, is Wreck-Gar in there?"

"Yes, bossbot."

"Who is next?"

"Eh, I think …"

"FLY FLY ROUND AND ROUND YOU GO~!"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"WILL YOU SIT YOUR AFT DOWN!"

"What's going on there?"

"Slag if I kn…"

Upon hearing the loud crashing noises the two bots jumped and ran to the door but immediately stopped once they heard the next 3 words.

"GET OFF ME!"

"Maybe we should leave them alone." Optimus Prime said after an awkward pause.

"Ratchet and Wreck-Gar? Seriously?"

"I am Wreck-Gar! I will get off of you!"

The CMO lost whatever little patience he had.

"Kid, that is it! I am gonna disable your …" Ratchet put his hands up, getting ready to activate his magnets but instead of a pink beam shooting out from the tips, a cloud of puff and smoke coughed out.

It got so quiet; you could hear Starscream's brain coming up with another assassination plan all the way on the moon.

"I am …"

"AAAAAAHHH!"

Scared brickless for his spark, Wreck-Gar tried escaping through a window but Ratchet caught the poor junkbot and with a speed that would have made even Blurr jealous, the medbot took Wreck-Gar apart; threw all the pieces into a huge bucket, filled it with the cleaning solution and set it on an already searing hot stove, quickly boiling Wreck-Gar. Still pumped full of cyberdrenalin, Ratchet didn't bother draining the solution, turning the improvised drier to maximum capacity he put Wreck Gar in there and locked the door.

"Those slagging youngbots!"

Taking a few minutes to calm down, Ratchet grabbed the bucket full of Wreck-Gar out of the machine and opened the door to the hall.

"What are you looking at?" Ratchet asked his soon to be patients as he put the bucket just outside the door, "NEXT!"

Author's Notes:

The second appointment and a whole lot more to go! Do not forget that C.M.D. has the rest. Oh, and don't forget! Steroids on water-melons!

Thanks to C.M.D. for reviewing and editing.