Wheeljack

Author's Foreword:

... AND SO ... Crescent-Moon-Demon and Randomus Prime embarked on an epic journey of writing fanfiction! Except that we didn't ... you see, we had a hard time deciding who would get whom. You see, both of us called dibs on some characters at practically the same time and others were more suited for just one of us, for example, Starscream and The Clones for C.M.D. and Grimlock for me. We tried talking it out but it just ended up with us coming up with more fanfic ideas ...

"… how many times am I supposed to put you back together from all your slagging, scrap-heap, dumbnut crazy inventions exploding in your face?"

"But I thought it was …"

"YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO PUT WEAPON GRADE PLUTONIUM AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR OIL IN AN EARTH VEHICLE!"

"But …"

"Because of you, I no longer have any more pain killers, antiseptics, cleaning solution, spare plating …"

"Oh come on! It is not like I did it on purpose!"

"YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING ON PURPOSE!" Ratchet slammed the engineer's leg onto the berth, roughly reattaching it to the main body, "SLAGGING STUFF JUST EXPLODES."

"The readings gave me a green light …"

"THEY ALWAYS GIVE YOU A GREEN LIGHT! Like that time you made my magnets into egg-beaters!"

Oh, yes. Wheeljack remembered very well what happened on that day.

"… or like that time your little experimental maidbot "accidentally" switched normal glass with nitroglycerin glass in everybody's quarters …"

Another not-so-pleasant experience and after effects.

"… I am not even gonna mention when you made that wormhole that lead to another dimension and brought in the younger Cybertron that nearly collided with ours!"

"… but each time we manage to solve the problem and make advances in technology!"

"Wheeljack," Ratchet said after screwing the engineer's chest plate back, "you alone have put the whole universe in more danger than a trillion Megatrons would each with their own All-Spark. Like when you completely drained whatever the All-Spark fragments we gathered and put all that energy into Ultra Magnus' hammer."

There goes the beautiful planet Nebulos, 4 adjacent star systems, 6 asteroid fields and 2 black holes.

"… but …"

"Urgh, Wheeljack," the CMO said as he slowly reattached the engineer's arms, "to be honest, I have no slagging idea what you are doing in the engineering department. I am not saying that you are a bad influence or anything. No, you are right. Our science has advanced thanks to you," Wheeljack looked at the medbot, widening his optics, "it is just that I am afraid that you are gonna get yarself killed! You are not a kid anymore! You should, I dunno, be able to foresee some things? It is bad enough that I have to put you together servo by servo, literally," Ratchet welded the engineerbot's leg joint back, "but you can't keep on doing this!"

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE YOU DROPPED A SELF REPLICATING TORPEDO INTO THE SEWAGE SYSTEM THAT'S WHY! For months the whole city was covered in …"

"Stop yelling at me! I feel bad enough as it is!" Wheeljack said covering his face with his one working servo.

"Yeah, you're right; sorry," Ratchet replied with a sigh lowering his head and immediately bringing it back. Was Wheeljack crying?

"Um, Wheeljack?"

"Yea?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No," the sobbing engineer said, "nothing is wro…"

"Just spill it! Doctor-patient confidentiality!"

"Fine," Wheeljack said after a few astroseconds, raising his head and revealing coolant richly leaking through his optic sensors, "no, not everything is all right. Everything is wrong."

"Huh?"

"It was not supposed to be like this! None of it!"

"I-I am sorry."

"… and he just won't budge!"

"Eh, who?"

"Brushing everything off with his apathy and removing parts of his emotional programming! All for science!"

"Wait, wha?"

"We were friends since we were protoforms! And he won't even consider going out for a cup of oil or energon!"

"Eh, I dun think I am following ya."

"I have been trying to woo him and show my affections for millions of stellar cycles now, and for what? I get "Wheeljack, bring me the blueprints please." In a Steven Hawkings voice?"

"Um …"

"You know why I got into engineering?"

"You like seeing things explode?"

"Ha ha. I got into it because I wanted to be closer to him, to be by his side! I am working with him and there is barely anything coming from his end other than orders! This is not fair!"

"Maybe if you …"

"Yes, maybe he does care for me but is just shy or afraid of getting hurt!"

"Errrr…"

"Oh Primus! I know what I have to do! Thanks Ratchet! Bye!"

"Bye?" The CMO finally said after a few seconds of silence in the medbay. Trying to shake off a whole cycle's stress, he sat down, activated a communication link and said, "Optimus? Yes, we should leave. NOW!"

Author's Notes:

There you go, kids! Yet another one! Why are you reading so slow? WHY? READ ... FASTER ... but do mind stretching first ... and take out your spleen ... the funny stuff is only coming, this is just a mere warm up!

More on C.M.D.'s profile, link is in mine, go check them out.

Thanks to C.M.D. for spleen-splittingly reviewing it and editing.