Blitzwing

Author's Foreword:

... appointment. I mean, you would assume that for his character one would be able to come up with a million funny things. I was stuck for weeks. Finally, I decided to force myself and this came out. C.M.D. reviewed it and edited it. Now, the only thing that had to be done was posting it. Except that it wasn't the only thing we had to do! We had to figure out the sequences, we had to come up with an actual name, we had to write "Author's Foreword" and "Author's Notes" sections for each. It is 11 : 25 and I am writing this last bit! In any case, we met up at the library, figured it all out and there you have it, denizens of ! This is the last part that I wrote for the series, the rest is on C.M.D.'s page, go there and finish reading the series if you still have not done so. DO IT FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT! DO IT! DO IT! OR I WILL ATTEMPT TO COMPLIMENT YOU AGAIN!

"The day is almost over." Shockwave sat at his desk, resting his helm on his cupped servos.

It was hell today. First, Lugnut again tried establishing a church based on Megatron -twice- then Skywarp came crashing through the wall during his terrified fleeing; screeching in fear and crashing through the opposite wall as he finally took notice of Shockwave.

"Unbelievable …"

After that, the Constructicons were dragged in: eyes wide open, twitchy as hell and screaming uncontrollably, paranoid of everyone; claiming that others wanted to sacrifice them to petro rabbit babies. Shockwave wondered what substance Slipstream used to spike their oil with. Cyclonus came during the break, screaming like an Earth fangirl at everything the Acting Medical Officer did.

"… most disturbing …"

Soundwave followed shortly with a "little" problem.

"An Autobot? Really?"

Starscream was taken apart and put back together most crudely. Shockwave was a little ashamed to admit that he enjoyed watching the seeker crawl in with his limbs switched places and his head glued to his aft. Unfortunately, whatever fun there was completely went away when Megatron jumped into the medbay and started acting like an Earth chimp; leaping from one table to another, taking the endoscope and chewing on it.

"… the day is almost over, the day is almost over …"

"Come on everyone! Sing along! Tvinkle tvinkle little star …"

With his lone optic sensor widening, Shockwave looked at the door with a nasty chill crawling up his spine.

"Cease your useless singing! I vill shoot you vith a spar!"

"Hothead! That made no sense! Relax! Medbay is not too far!"

"Oh, dear, Lord Megatron, why him? WHY HIM?" Shockwave was praying that he would be able to survive the day without any more mental scarring.

"… the feeling of Christmas is in the air! Let's break dance! AHAHAHAAHAHA!"

Hectically running around the room, seeing where he could hide, the Acting Medical Officer was getting more desperate by the astrosecond. Shockwave was in no state to take on any more crazy today.

"Stop your blabbering or be obliterated!"

"Ve are here!"

"I am too suave to be put in the mental asylum again!"

Upon hearing the door open, the Decepticon turned around and froze in place, hoping that he would not be noticed.

"Have fear! Blitzving is here!"

The door was blasted off and through the smoke waltzed in, dancing the macarena, the Decepticon triplechanger.

"Glitter for everyone! HAHAHAHA!"

Lowering his other cannon, Blitzwing shot a cloud of sparkling paper scraps, shiny enough to sear out the optic sensors of a blind bot, covering everything in the medbay and both mechs in glitter-y goodness.

"OW! MY EYES! THEY ARE …"

"… THE SOURCE OF YOUR DOOM, SCRAPHEAP!"

Hothead took over and shot a powerful L.A.Z.E.R. beam out of his eyes, igniting the whole room on fire along with all the equipment and Shockwave.

"Since when can you do that? AND HOW CAN THERE BE FIRE IN A VACUUM?" Shockwave finally found the fire extinguisher, dousing himself in foam first before putting out the flames in the room.

"Gentlemen! Stop! We are in medbay!" The triplechanger turned to his fellow Decepticon, grabbing another fire extinguisher and helping him put out the fire, "Shockwave, forgive me for …"

"… bashing your face into …"

"… mine!"

Random dropped the canister, grabbed the Medical Officer's helm and slammed their foreheads together suddenly. Both mechs fell to the floor, processors shaken from the unexpected and violent assault.

"I see stars! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oooooooh," Shockwave was seeing tiny Megatrons with wings floating around his head. Wishing it to be over as fast as possible, and knowing that it was useless to even think of issuing a complaint because it would all be brushed off as 'under affect of a medical condition', he slowly asked, "What seems to be the problem?"

Oh, he knew what the problem was. Blitzwing, having three personalities, was more than enough to have the medcon question the very reason for the triplechanger's existence but as much as Shockwave disliked him, the Decepticon was part of Lord Megatron's forces. He got rowdy at times but never to this extent; normally Blitzwing would be the one wishing to never encounter the spy.

"I don't know! I vas hoping you could tell me …"

"… what are you doing tonight! I vas thinking ve could …"

"… blow up …"

"… Shockblast! TEE HEE HEE!"

"Who the hell is Shockblast? On second thought, never mind."

Ice was the only one he could realistically uphold a conversation without being overwhelmed by the desire to transform and blow him out of the sky.

"… silence! I vill now …"

"… have a little accident! Shockwave! Don't look!"

"Oh, dear …" Shockwave turned around to one of the nearly destroyed cabinets to dig up some of his tools. He just wanted this to be over quickly, so the medcon decided to just power through it or if worst comes to worst – temporarily offline Blitzwing.

"Are you looking?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you looking now?"

"No!"

"Vell, I am looking at you!"

A shiver and a feeling of disgust ran through the mech. It was going to take him long hours of deleting lots of lines of code to get over this "blitzy" experience, as Slipstream put it after meeting the triplechanger for the first time.

"… dare to gaze upon me and I vill …"

"… smother you in marshmallows and love! Oh! You can look now!"

"Oh, marvelous, wait, what is that?" Shockwave looked to where Random was pointing at something on the floor between his feet, "Is that a figurine of Lord Megatron?"

"One and not only! TAKE IT! IT'S FOR YOU!"

"Something is not right here," the medcon thought and after staring at Blitzwing for good five seconds, waiting for a reaction or a change of personality but seeing none, he cautiously reached out and brought it closer to his optic sensor to examine it closer. "Curious, the level of detail is commendable …"

The closer he brought the figurine to his face, the more that sinking feeling in his fuel tanks increased.

"No! Shockvave! Don't!"

"Huh? GHAAAA!"

The figurine in his servo suddenly exploded with some sort of a gaseous substance, quickly spreading through the whole room.

"AAAAACHOOOO!"

"AAACHOOO!"

"Where the – ACHOO – slag did you – CHOO – get …"

"I made it out of …"

"ACHOOO!"

"… DANCE! AHAHAHAHAH-AAAAACHOOOOO!"

Blitzwing sneezed so hard that his hand was not enough to restrain the fluid projectiles, some landing on Shockwave's face.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!"

He lost it -the always calm, calculating Decepticon under Megatron's command just lost it, completely. Screw Blitzwing! WHO THE HELL CARES? THIS HAD TO END!

Shockwave extended his arms, wrapping them around Blitzwing in as many layers as he could, before dangling him from the ceiling like an over-sized, metallic pinata. Not even giving thought to the consequence of his action, he ripped off the other mech's helmet and hit the triplechanger's helm with the closest lying object he could find, making it whirl really fast like a spinning top.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"OH DEAR LORD MEGATRON!"

Shockwave was about to hit his comrade's helm again when Blitzwing began barfing; vomit flying everywhere, covering both mechs and the entire room.

The medcon stopped, finally getting some sort of control back.

"Wow, you two are having so much fun, all the bondage and body fluids! Maybe I want bondage too!"

Shockwave turned to see Slipstream, leaning on the wall.

"And hitting him with an endoscope! That is very hygienic! Don't use the endoscope when we do it …"

"AAAAAAAARRRGGHHH!"

The medcon released Blitzwing from his hold, stretched his arms back and hit the Decepticon as hard as he could on the chest, making him fly across the room, into the hall, and then outside the ship.

"WEEEEEEE!"

"OH DEAR!"

"I VILL DESTROOOOOOY YOOOOOUUUuuuuu…"

"You got issues …" Lugnut peeked through one of the holes in the walls.

He couldn't take it anymore, he needed … he just wanted to fall down on the floor and cry … Being an Acting Chief Medical Officer for Lord Megatron's crew proved to be … impossible. This job was too much.

Leaning on the wall behind him, Shockwave slowly slid down and began bawling like a baby, grabbed Blitzwing's helmet and purged there.

"There, there," Slipstream approached her love interest, unwilling to touch him for obvious reasons, and covered him in a blanket, "Let's go get you cleaned up."

P.S. Blitzwing was fixed … he just needed a good slam on the head a few times …

P.P.S. Megatron was kind enough to give Shockwave time to recuperate …

P.P.P.S. Yup, that's what doctors have to face … not everyday … but a lot …

P.P.P.P.S. Shockwave began drinking after that day …

P.P.P.P.P.S. Blackarachnia watched how Slipstream cleaned up Shockwave … oh she was jealous … and yes … Slipstream enjoys a little bondage here and there … apparently … well, she is not against it …

Author's Notes:

I hope you enjoyed the series, please read the other part on Crescent-Moon-Demon's page and be sure to leave a review here and there too! What will happen if you don't? Easy! Swindle is right behind you, no joke! He is! Did you just turn around? Wow! Yeah, he is still behind you holding Ick-Yak babies eating radioactive cotton candy that ran out of the prison guarded by steroids on water-melons. You know what is coming next? Care to guess?

Hope you enjoyed it!

Thanks to C.M.D. for reviewing, editing, moral support, etc. Couldn't have done it without you!