A/N: Wow... it's been so long that I had to look up how I formatted this before... Uh, I'm REALLY sorry for the wait. I've been kinda busy with school lately, but really that's not a good enough excuse, so... you can be angry if you want. ' Thanks to all who've reviewed so far, especially to the couple of you who wrote emails to give me a kick in the butt. (You know who you are –winks-) Anyway, this is the fifth chapter. Only one more chapter after this. Hopefully it won't take as long as this one!

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Chapter Five

Babysitting Boot Camp

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There were simply no words to describe Lyn's facial expression. Literally. So I'm not going to bother trying to describe it. Use your own freaking imagination.

"What in Elibe's happened here?" She finally sputtered. She shot a quick glance at the guilty-looking Sain, who had Cocoa Puff/Lucky Charms remains down his front.

The green cavalier wordlessly pointed at the half-conscious Kent, who pointed at Serra, who pointed at Erk, for lack of anyone better to point at, who rolled his eyes and pointed at Roy, who pointed (rather confusedly) at Lilina, who pointed at Florina, who pointed (in a nervous manner, although I can't see how one can point nervously...) at Wil, who pointed at Rath, who shrugged and pointed to Mark. The tactician hastily pointed at Lyn, and then realized his stupidity, slapping a hand to his forehead.

"Aww, man..."

Meanwhile, Sain started singing a chorus of a self-written song titled "LOSER" with Roy and Lilina as backup singers.

Lyn groaned. "Look, I don't care whose fault it is! I just want to know what happened! Why is this place so messy?"

Kent jumped up and came over to Lyn. "Of course, Milady," he said. He then proceeded to try and explain the entire story all in one breath, sounding rather similar to how Roy had ranted during his caffeine high. He speaking far too quickly for anyone to grasp exactly what he said, but it sounded something like this:

(WARNING! DO NOT TRY TO ACTUALLY READ THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE! IF YOU DO, YOUR EYES SHALL FALL OUT AND YOU WILL GET BRAIN CRAMPS!)

(Insert deep breath here) "MasterRoywasrunningaroundbreakingthingsandsettingthingsonfireandtherewasascreechingcatandbolognasongsandSainkepteatingCocoaPuffsandthenMasterRoydrankanentiretwoliterofCokeandSainateLuckyCharmsandthenFlorinacamelookingforLilinaandIwenttogetCocoaPuffswhenIcamebackRathandWilandSerraandthetacticianwerehereandSerraattackedmeandMarkhadtoinventanUBERGENIUSTACTICIANplantostopherandthenyoucame."

Poor Kent was so nervous and out of breath that he nearly passed out. Lyn really did pass out, from the dreaded TMI—too much information. Sain ambled over to the unconscious blade lord and cautiously poked her. She didn't move. "That's not good..."

"Now who will bake more cookies?" Mark said sadly, staring at his final M&M cookie.

Everyone sat/stood in remembrance of the cookies for a moment. After a few seconds passed, Wil shouted, "Let's play UNO!" and everyone cheered (even Kent, who was beginning to go a bit loopy) and headed for the living room.

Suddenly, the door was knocked flat on the ground as a familiar woman with blue hair stepped into the room, causing the former members of Eliwood's Elite to spin around and Lyn to awaken.

She looked rather official as she peered around the room. Lyn noticed the flattened door and her eyes reduced to the size of dots as a fairly visible sweat drop appeared on her forehead. "You know, Fiora," she said, "you could've just used the handle..."

"Oh, sorry about that..."

Before anyone could question further, Sain went into his instant-flirt mode again as he strode over to the Pegasus knight. "Ah, lovely Fiora! What strength you possess! But your power is not nearly as overwhelming as your beauty is tantalizing..."

Wil nudged Kent and whispered, "Where does he get all these cheesy lines?"

The red cavalier went over to a bag of Sain's belongings and produced a book titled The Monster Book of Uberly Super-Duper Cheesy Pick-up Lines! There was a picture of a block of stinky, bleu cheese beneath the title.

"That explains a lot," Wil said, raising an eyebrow. He turned over the guide and read the back:

Proven to lose a date every time! Good for a laugh! If you take this book seriously, the only thing that would be louder than your victim's screaming in horror would be the sound your hollow head would make if a rock were to make contact with your skull... which will likely occur, believe me...

Fiora grew tired of Sain's petty rambling and hit him upside the head with the dull end of her lance. It really did make a hollow sound. Wil struggled to hold back laughter. Fiora picked up the dazed Sain by the collar and yelled, "I will not tolerate any crude behavior! Any more inappropriate remarks will get you a hundred push-ups! Do I make myself clear?"

Sain finally whimpered his response of "Yes, ma'am" and Fiora released him.

Before any questions could be raised, Fiora pulled out a whistle and blew it. Knowing that they didn't want to mess with Fiora, they instinctively lined up. She trudged back and forth in front of them, shooting them all stern glances every now and then.

"She's gone all G.I. Joe on us..." Erk muttered.

"Yeah," Sain said, "it's like Miss Elibe meets Lord Wallace."

"Alright you mangy dogs!" Fiora barked, "Listen up!"

"Excuse me," Kent stuttered in a fast undertone, "but do you really think you should address the Lady Lyn and Lilina and Master Roy in that manner?"

"I'll address them however I like, sir!" she spat, and Kent straightened. "Now, I'm gonna tell you what to do, and you're gonna do it! Clear?" She received but a few subtle, scared nods. "All right, then. Good."

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They spent the rest of the evening cleaning the castle. Eliwood and Hector would be back the next day, and Fiora was going to see to it that everything was perfect when they got back, especially since the rest of the guests would be there by then as well. Everyone was about to collapse in exhaustion when someone knocked on the newly-repaired door. Roy opened it to reveal Rebecca. She came in and observed the room in wonder. "Wow, I've never seen it so clean..."

Something in Kent's mind clicked. "Wait," he said to Rebecca, "you are Master Roy's nanny, correct?" She nodded. "And you've been here the whole time?" Another nod. "Then why, pray tell, weren't you watching him!" I could've avoided all this! The bologna, the cats, the Cocoa Puffs, Sain!

Rebecca tried to tell him that Lord Eliwood hadn't thought it fair that she always had to watch Roy, especially when she had her own son to watch and she was helping to prepare for all the guests they'd be having, but Kent exploded into a yelling spree before she could speak. The word choice grew from mild to severely foul.

"Whoa, Kent!" Wil tried to calm him down, "Careful. Some people in this room have virgin ears." He gestured towards Roy, Lilina, and Rebecca's son, Wolt, who had appeared in the doorway.

"Not anymore," Sain said.

"True."

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While everyone else went to play UNO, Sain went cereal hunting, only to find that there was absolutely none left. Shrugging, he went for the next edible item with a catchy jingle. He emerged from the kitchen with a tub of sour cream, singing a new song. Soon he got everyone signing the Daisy jingle along with him. The singing went well into the night, amidst the cursing of the agitated red cavalier.

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A/N: GAAAAAAAHH! Sorry this took so long, guys. I'm just SOOO lazy that it's not even funny.

Wanna know something sad? There's only gonna be one more chapter after this. (sob) Anyways... if there's some random thing you want to happen, or someone you want to make certain appears, speak now, cuz it's your last chance. I think all the characters are gonna be mentioned, but if you want someone to get some attention of their own, tell me. And as you can see, the events have grown more and more random as time went on, so pretty much ANYTHING can happen now. Hit me with the most random crap you got, so we can end this story in the most insane manner possible. (The next chapter will include a dinner scene, if that sparks any ideas...)

Well, thank you, everyone who's reviewed so far! And my gratitude really extends to those of you who actually kept tabs on this fic to keep up with it. I (heart) you guys! And again, sorry for this one being so late... Please R&R!