A/N: WHOOOOOOOOOA! Talk about a blast from your past! It's been nearly 6—count them!—6 years since I last updated this thing! Can you believe I'm actually going to finish this thing? Well, believe it or not, I am. XD
So, I have a confession to make after reading over my story and seeing some of the lame author's notes I made… I actually didn't know who Nino and Jaffar were when I first started this story, 'cause I hadn't made it far enough in the game yet. "I'll never remember if you don't (remind me what they look like)" is possibly the stupidest thing I could come up with to say. By the time I got around to writing chapter five, I had nearly beaten the game, so I'd been far enough by then, but I just had to get that out there. Sorry for being an idiot. Oh, and sorry again for all the confusion about the sword being what caused the fire, not Roy, LOL.
Anyway, this chapter is going to start out somewhat TAME. I know that sounds nuts, but that's how it's gonna be. It's going to build up by the end, though, so just be patient. I am unfortunately not going to be able to mention every single character in the game here, but I'm happy with the line-up of characters I have going. There shall be a short scene in here that references the reviewers and their suggestions, and also a small-and-shameless plug for Vocaloid. I can't help it. (Hey, this fic is random enough for it, don't you think?)
Now, without further ado, let's finish this baby! :D
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Chapter Six
The End of the Horror
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Silence in Castle Pherae. It'd been so rare those past days that Kent thought he was dreaming when he woke. There were no new claw marks from a desperate cat's attempts to climb up the wall, in vain, to fall down and be pulled into Master Roy's arms—no cereal or anything else of the like littering the floors, either. Nothing had been broken—nothing that hadn't already been broken, at least. No screeching, no screaming, no sounds of things shattering—not even talk of cookies could be heard.
Certainly, Kent thought, he was going out of his head, for the tactician had spent most of the prior night trying to find Lady Lyndis's "secret recipe"—which did not exist, as she had told him that she'd found it on the back of an Instant Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies package, that it wasn't even a "recipe" at all. He, however, simply wouldn't have it, and had continued to search. It was hard to believe that Mark, the tactician he was, didn't understand the concept of mere directions. It seemed, though, that he did not.
Kent was pondering this and enjoying the silence as he rounded a corner and nearly bumped into a brown-haired someone.
"Oh, Kent, it's you," said Matthew, looking relieved. "Thought it was that dratted tactician again. He keeps asking to hire me for a mission, something about cookies?"
If Kent were an anime-style character—well, he kind of is an anime-style character, but that's beside the point—he would've sweat-dropped right about then. Maybe this wasn't over. Maybe they'd drive him to an insane asylum yet.
"Anyway, I just got here," he continued. "Man, do you ever look worn out." Then he sighed, looking a bit "worn out" himself. "Well, let's go get this over with. I'm sure she's here…"
The red cavalier knew who he meant and didn't begrudge him the scorn. He'd had enough of the pink-haired cleric, himself. He crossed with Matthew into the main room and was dumbstruck. Fiora played checkers with Mark, Wil and Rath sat and discussed archery, Erk read a book, Lyn talked to Florina as she braided Lilina's hair, Oscar sat in Sain's lap and purred, Roy sat and listened to Rebecca tell a story, and Serra studied herself in a mirror, posing with her staff.
Normal. They were acting absolutely, positively normal.
"What in Elibe's gotten into you people?" He cried before he could stop himself.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up. Matthew took a slow, dragging step away from the cavalier. He was just about to make up an excuse when Nino and Jaffar entered. Silence ensued.
Sain picked up the cat from his lap and stared at it for a moment. "He's right," he said, dropping the cat. "What's wrong with us? We're acting crazy!"
Suddenly the antics of the night before resumed. Roy jumped straight up from his seat and pushed Serra into the mirror, which cracked against the cleric's staff, then made a beeline for Oscar, who ran in terror. Lilina jumped up to chase her cat, pulling her surprised mother out of her chair flat onto her face. Mark, who had apparently made Fiora mad by winning at checkers, did push-ups for the watching pegasus knight while Wil and Rath took turns tossing Sain's cheesy-pick-up-line book into the air for the other to use as target practice, their poorly aimed shots scarcely missing the head of Erk, who somehow continued to read as though nothing had happened. Florina and Rebecca ran to the kitchen for cover as Sain searched for his misplaced book, and Kent just gaped.
"What have I done?" he finally managed, dropping to his knees in agony with his face in his hands. Matthew awkwardly tried to console the knight. Nino and Jaffar crossed over to them.
"You little brat!" was heard over the clamor. "You're gonna get it!" Serra screeched and tore off after the red-headed lordling.
"Kent," Nino said, "what's happening?"
He then proceeded to tell them about everything: the screeching cat, the Cocoa Puffs, the 2-liter bottle of Coke, the fire, the cheesy food jingles, the babysitting bootcamp, everything. "And there are no more cookies!" he ended, collapsing into sobs.
Jaffar looked at Matthew and Nino. They nodded, and Jaffar smacked the cavalier across the face.
Kent cleared his throat, standing up. "Thank you."
The green cavalier began yelling love poems across the room towards the kitchen as he made his way there, book in hand.
Matthew's eyes widened. "Kent," he began slowly, "is Sain on drugs?"
"Not to my knowledge," he answered. "Although he did inhale too much armor polish as a squire…"
Jaffar watched the scene unfold futher behind the knight's back. Wil stole Erk's book, the former "target" having been taken, and Erk scowled and pulled out another book from what he assumed was a giant bag of nothing but magical tomes. Lyn nursed a bleeding nose.
"Well," he said as they all turned to watch the chaos, "now what?"
Lucius entered, looking confused, and they all motioned him to come over before he was sucked into the manic mess.
"Blessed Elimine, what's happened here?"
Matthew waved the question away. "Never mind that. Can you perform an exorcism?"
"On whom?"
"On all of them," Matthew said, gesturing toward the crazy mob of people.
He observed them for a moment, then shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid that they are far beyond my reach now."
They stood in silence. Matthew blinked. "Well, crap."
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Marcus marched down the hall towards the room. Now, he'd respected Lord Eliwood's wishes by staying out of the matter so far, but when the noise erupted again late that morning, he decided he had to see what in the world was going on in there. He paused when he saw the note about the Dark Side and cookies, raised an eyebrow, then slowly opened the door.
A cat in a bandanna flew through the air. An arrow nearly hit the cat, but instead stuck in the door frame right next to the paladin's head. He walked into the room. What in Elimine's name…
As he observed the insanity, Sain spotted him whilst following Florina, who was in flight across the room. He shouted, "CODE RED! CODE RED!"
Everyone suddenly knew what that meant somehow and stopped what they were doing. Kent looked over and swore under his breath.
They thought they'd been in trouble when Lyn came home. They knew that was nothing when Fiora arrived. Now they realized, horror of all horrors, that Marcus was here. They were doomed.
There was silence.
The tactician pulled something out from a hidden pocket in his cloak and offered it meekly to the newcomer, palm open. "Cookie?"
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The next several hours consisted of a mad dash to get dinner prepared and the castle cleaned up—again.
Both cavaliers were among those assigned to help with dinner. (Apparently all the cooks went on strike.) This cooking business bored Sain, but when he spotted a certain vegetable on the counter top, a window of opportunity opened.
Kent looked back to see the green cavalier swinging a leek back and forth and singing in gibberish. "What are you doing?"
"Well, the people said no more jingles, so I decided to go with a catchy polka tune instead."
What people? Kent decided he neither wanted or needed to know, so just turned back to what he was doing.
Matthew snorted. "The people also said I should eat bean paste. I'm allergic to that crap. I've long ago stopped listening to the people."
"What people?" Kent voiced aloud this time, looking back and forth between the bemused Matthew and the humming Sain.
"Our fans, my boon companion! Don't you know?" said the leek-swinging cavalier.
The red knight shook his head. "Are you sure you didn't EAT the armor polish, too?"
He nodded in response. "Quite. Though I think I ate Play-Doh once."
While Matthew and Sain launched into a discussion about the inedible objects they'd ingested, Kent turned back to his work with a sigh.
Dinner was as to be expected—that is, so horrible that Kent made Sain promise never to speak of that night again.
It mostly consisted of the usual malarkey. I won't bore you with the details. But it may be note-worthy that Mark, with his other-wordly knowledge, set up the topic for discussion that night—something called the Casey Anthony trial. The whole crew spent the entire night shouting back and forth about these people they knew nothing about, passionately spitting their words across the table at one another. Only Kent and the kids abstained—Eliwood and Hector, never having caught the insanity virus, were also rather uninvolved with the conversation, wondering what in the world was the matter with their guests. (Hector leaned over to Eliwood at one point and said, "Remind me again why we maintain contact with these people?", to which the marquess of Pherae replied dryly, "We owe them our lives.")
After a long and rather draining evening, Kent found himself shaking hands with Lord Eliwood. It's all over, he realized—and thanks to the help of a certain paladin, they'd gotten everything shaped up and back to normal by the time the two marquesses had arrived at the castle.
"Are you sure you won't stay the night?" Eliwood asked as Kent and Sain picked up their belongings. "It's an awfully long ride back."
"It's quite all right, Lord Eliwood," Kent answered. "I'm sure we'll manage."
Roy joined his father, holding a now-complacent Oscar in his arms, grinning from ear to ear with his blue eyes sparkling. "Come back soon!" he pleaded.
"Sure, little guy!" said Sain, and the red cavalier began to feel sick and pick up his things even faster. The horrors of babysitting had worn him down to the point that he wished never to see the boy again, as awful as it sounded.
"Oh, speaking of that," said Lyndis, "since you two did such a wonderful job looking after Roy, would you two mind watching Lilina next week?"
Oh, no. "Not at all!" said Sain, looking to his red-armored friend.
But then, how could he, a stick-to-the-code knight, refuse? He took a deep breath and said:
"Lady Lyndis, it would be my pleasure."
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A/N: So, that's it! Six years later, and I've come back and finished it! I think it was kind of a lame ending, but meh. At least I finished it! For the first time in my life, I've finished a chaptered story! :D I'm just so glad it's done!
If anyone, by any miracle, is still out there from when I first started writing this fic, thank you for all your reviews and kind words! This story is dedicated to you!
Now, I'm off to ponder Vocaloid fic plots. Hope you've enjoyed!