Chapter 6: Reflection of the Past

The afternoon brought Gideon and Hotch back to Reid's apartment. "How is he?" Gideon asked.

"Sleeping right now, but he seems to be okay. The wounds aren't as bad as they first looked, but it's going to take a while for him to heal."

Hotch looked at Reid squarely, "He should be in a hospital."

"He won't go."

"Why not? He said something about 'they'll find me'. What did he mean?" Hotch enquired.

"His family. He ran away when he was 15. It's a long story."

This time Gideon spoke, "Were they abusing him?"

Reid shook his head. "No, nothing like that. He ran away to protect them."

"Protect them from what?" Gideon kept pushing the conversation.

"His stalker. He used to traverse chat rooms and have webcam sex with older men. One man got too involved, somehow found out where he lived, and showed up at his house for more while T was watching his four younger siblings. T was able to get him to leave, getting him to come back later… And while the guy was gone, T put his siblings to bed, waited for his mom to get home from work, and told her he was leaving. So he left. Hoping his stalker would follow him. He didn't. But… T's been afraid to go back ever since. He thinks his family won't accept him, or they'll be mad at him, or something. I've tried to tell him they'll just be happy he's back, but he won't believe me." Reid stopped with a sigh.

Gideon and Hotch both nodded, understanding. "What about his dad?" Gideon asked.

"Out of the picture. As well as both his step dads."

"And he was only 15?" Hotch confirmed.

Reid nodded, "Too young."

Gideon looked at Reid, a certain sadness reflected in his gaze, at the tragic story. "He's been on the streets ever since, then?"

"Until Connors found him, but that's another story in itself."

"We have time." Hotch stated.

"Well, long story short, he killed a man who was trying to rape him. The man turned out to be one of Connors clients… Connors found him, and was going to teach him a lesson, until he realised he could put T to better use. I think T was 18 then. Connors put him through training, essentially brainwashing him. T's been his puppet for the last almost 4 years."

"Well he's free of him now." Gideon said.

"I hope so." Reid replied. "I don't know if T will let go of Connors that easy. The man was horrible to him, but T believes Connors saved his life. I don't know if I'll be able to convince him otherwise."

"We need to talk about what we're going to do about this case." Hotch said, bringing the conversation around to the reason they were there.

"I don't know what else I can do to help. I have T to worry about now."

"You said you wanted to be back on this team. You need to put the case before anything else." Hotch reminded him.

"I know I did, and I still do, but I've also seen what putting work first does to people in law enforcement. I'm not prepared to lose him again." Reid argued.

Silence followed that statement until Hotch cleared his throat. "Well, you need to decide. I can't make that choice for you. Right now though, we need to figure out how to stop Connors for good. We no longer have any leverage."

"I don't know if he can be stopped. He has too many connections. Too much power." Reid shook his head.

"Everyone can be stopped, Spencer. We just need to figure out their weakness." Gideon replied.

"Boss' weakness is well hidden." Tamesis spoke from the hallway.

The group of profilers looked up at the injured and dishevelled man, standing in what appeared to be Reid's bathrobe. Reid stood and walked over to him, steadying him and helping him across the open space to the couch where he sat next to Gideon. "So you're saying he has a weakness?" Reid asked, kneeling in front of him, and T nodded. "What is it T? You have to tell us."

"I can't." T replied. "I'm not allowed. I'm not even supposed to know, but he trusted me."

"And then he tortured you. That trust shouldn't be there anymore." Reid argued. "You can't be his slave forever."

"I'm not a slave, Reid. I was with him because I wanted to be."

Reid shook his head, "That's what he made you believe. Locking you up and torturing you wasn't giving you much of a choice."

"That's different!" Tamesis glanced at Hotch and Gideon before lowering his voice, as if he didn't trust them. "I needed to be punished, I was bad. It wasn't going to be forever."

"It was nine months! How much longer did you expect it to go on?"

Tamesis shrugged, "Until I learned my lesson. And obviously I did, because I'm here now. He gave me to you, so I could heal."

"And what are you going to do once you're healed, T?" Reid asked, almost afraid of the answer.

T shrugged again, "Go back, and tell him I'm sorry."

Reid shook his head in disbelief. Tears of frustration and sadness in his eyes. "Oh T. I wish I knew how to help you. To make you see that this isn't normal."

"You are helping me."

"What, helping you get better so you can go back to him? No, that's not going to happen T. I won't let you leave, and put yourself back in his hands."

T frowned, "You claim he locked me up, and that makes him a bad person. Yet now you say you won't let me leave? How is that any different? You'd be just as bad as he is."

Reid's shoulders slumped as he realised the truth in T's words. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"Why should I stay with you? You don't want me."

"When did I ever say I don't want you?" Reid looked confused. "I don't want a… a… an intimate relationship with you, but that doesn't mean I don't want you here."

"If you don't want to have sex with me, what else is there?" T looked genuinely confused that there could be more to a friendship, a relationship, than just sex.

Reid shook his head, "Let's talk about this later okay? This isn't the time."

T frowned, "Fine…" a pause. "Can we order in a pizza? I'm starving."

This time Reid nodded, "Yeah, we can do that. Do you want me to take you back to bed until it gets here, or do you want to stay here?"

"Here is good. I don't like being alone. It's boring."

Reid stood and moved over to his favourite chair, turning his attention back to Hotch and Gideon. "Sorry, where were we?"

Gideon smiled at him, "We were talking about Connors, but I think we've said all we can for now."

Hotch looked displeased, but nodded. "Work on getting us the information we need." He gave a sideways glance at Tamesis.

Reid nodded back, "I'll do my best."

The two older gentlemen stood, and Reid followed their lead, taking them to the door. "Call us if you get anything." Hotch said, though Reid could hear the order in the words.

"Yes, sir. I promise." Reid said before closing the door after them, and returning to T, sitting down next to him. "So, what do you like to eat?" Meaning, on his pizza, but shortening the sentence.

T grinned, "Meat."

Reid nodded, picking up his phone, and dialling by memory, not getting the innuendo behind T's answer. He ordered a meat lovers, and a classic Hawaiian, before hanging up. He looked at T, studying him, taking in his demeanour, the pain he was trying so hard to hide, but visible in his eyes. "Did the painkiller work last time?"

"A little." T replied.

"Do you want another?"

T nodded, and Reid stood up to get it. T called after him, "So, what do you do for fun around here?"

"I read mostly."

T's eyes fell to the multiple bookcases lining the opposite wall. "Read… Sounds… fun?"

"It can be. Depends on the book."

"Do you have anything good?" T asked.

"Again, that depends on what you like. Were you interested in reading something?"

T shook his head, even though Reid wasn't looking at him. "I'm not a good reader. I mean, I learned, I know how… I'm just not good at it."

"Can't be good at everything." Reid said returning to T with two more pills and a glass of water.

"You are." T replied.

"No I'm not. I know how to do a lot of things, at least in theory, but that doesn't mean I'd be any good at it."

T shrugged, taking the pills and drinking them down. "I guess."

Reid smiled at him and eased him down so his head was in his lap, stroking his hair. "Tell me more about your family, T."

"There's nothing more to tell, I've told you everything."

"What about your dad?"

"What about him? I never knew him. I was just barely one when he left."

"What was his name?" Reid enquired, trying to build a level of trust, so he could work up to harder questions later.

"Erik. That's how I got my middle name."

"Tamesis Erik Loman. That's a good name, you know."

"How's that?" T asked.

"It sounds strong. You are strong, you know."

"I used to be. Not really right now."

Reid smiled, "I don't mean physically strong. You're right; right now you're thinner than I am!" He laughed, to show he was just joking. "I mean, your willpower is strong, when you want it to be. You can overcome anything."

"You think so?"

"I know so. You're not weak, T. I need you to believe me. And believe that, at least about some things, I might be right."

"You mean when it comes to the Boss, you think you're right."

"Connors is a smart man, I won't deny that. To deny that would be to underestimate him. But, I like to think I'm smarter." He gave T a sly smile. "We don't have to talk about Connors right now, though. I want to talk about you. I know you grew up in Arlington, were you born there too?"

T nodded, "Yes."

"And you have four younger siblings."

Another nod, "Colwyn, and Orrin, from my first stepdad. And Araxie and Letha from stepdad number two."

"That was the stepdad that found out you were gay?"

"Yep, walked in on me during one of my chatroom sessions. Gave my mom an ultimatum, either I go or he does. He was gone the next day."

Reid noticed the sadness in T's tone. "You blame yourself for his leaving?"

"Of course I do. Now my sisters don't have a dad because of me. It's bad enough my dad left. Then my brother's dad. Then my sisters'! I'm fucking cursed. I ruin everything."

"No you don't. You didn't ruin me, you saved me."

"Is one accomplishment supposed to make up for a lifetime of mistakes?"

"You don't have a lifetime of mistakes, T. Yes you have a few, but we all do."

"So you don't think that being responsible for my dads leaving, failing nearly every class in school, dropping out of school, being gay, leaving home, becoming a whore, being a sex addict, and killing a man, equal a lifetime of mistakes?"

Ignoring the question, "You think being gay is a mistake?"

T sighed, "Well, no… but it hasn't made things any easier."

"Look, the only mistake I think you made was getting involved with Connors."

"So you would rather I still be a whore on the streets then?" T asked.

"No, of course not. I'm glad Connors took you off the streets and gave you a proper roof over your head, food to eat. That's the only thing I thank him for. But the things he's made you do, deal drugs, kill people in his name…"

"Only bad people." T interjected.

"That's not Connors place to decide who deserves to live or die. He stole whatever innocence you had left, T. But I promise you, I'm going to free you from him. I'll make it right again." When T didn't reply, Reid took it as a good sign. At least he wasn't arguing. "My only wish is that, when the time comes, you'll trust me."

"I want to… trust you. I do for the most part. You just can't understand what the Boss means to me. He's looked out for me, cared for me, been proud of me. He's the dad I never had." T blinked back tears. "I'm not losing another dad, Reid. I'm not!"

"Shh, it's okay. We don't have to discuss it now. I'll give you time to think about-" He was cut off by the sound of the buzzer, signalling the arrival of the pizza. Slowly he slid out from under T. Giving him a small sad smile before going to the intercom to buzz the pizza man in.